Our 15 seconds of fame

We went to a Fit Kids event at the local hospital today. It was sponsored by Cartoon Network, but it was all activities to get kids moving and was meant to educate about childhood obesity. Ryan had his picture taken by the local newspaper and I was interviewed by a local news station. The interview went something like this:

News Guy: How do you, as a mom, determine how much TVyour child watches?

Me: Well he watches a little when he first wakes up and some during the afternoon to chill out and rest, but other than that the expectation is that he play outside or do other things in the house.

News Guy: What does your son like to do outside?

Me: Ride his bike, ride his scooter, play in the pool, etc.

Some other random stuff and then Ryan has finished playing soccer so he gets in on the interview.

News Guy: Would you rather play on the computer and watch TV, or would you rather play outside.

Ryan: (after some thoughtful consideration) I'd rather play the computer and watch TV.

Awesome. Yes folks, another stellar mommy moment. I had to laugh. The whole point of the event was to get kids off their butts and outside playing.

News Guy: Well, that just shows what parents are up against, kids would rather sit and watch TV.

(I'm so glad we got to be an example of that.)

News Guy: What do you do to get your son outside.

Me: I plan a lot of things to get us out of the house and we attend events just like this.

Apparently it made it to the news and I missed it. Oh well, no need to live my disgrace twice. :)

As a side note, the event was small but really fun and they gave out sweet goodie bags with great water bottles for the kids. Too bad it was about a million degrees today, otherwise we might have stayed all day so Ryan could bowl and run through the obstacle course.

I just found the interview online, here's the link in case you're interested.
http://www.wkrn.com/Global/story.asp?S=8775888

An iPod Meme

Care to play along? Here's what you do: put your ipod on shuffle then answer the following questions with whatever song comes up. Who knows! You may find a song that you want to download to your own music player!


1. How would describe your personality? : Good As Gone (Little Big Town)

2. What do you like in a guy/girl? : All Kinds (Dan Wilson)

3. How do you feel, today?: STaple It Together (Jack Johnson)

4. What’s your life’s purpose?: Alternative Girlfriend (Barenaked Ladies)

5. What is your motto? : Ramblin' Man (The Allman Brothers)

6. What do your friends think of you?: Don't Matter (Akon)

7. What do you think of your parents?: Black Magic Woman (Santana)

8. What do you think about very often?: Wonderful Tonight (Eric Clapton)

9. What do you think of your best friend? : Voice Inside my Head (Dixie Chicks)

10. What do you think of the person you like?: I turn my camera on (Spoon)

11. What is your life story?: Take your Mama (Scissors Sisters)

12. What do you want to be when you grow up?: Tell Her About It (Billy Joel)

13. What do you think when you see the person you like?: Love is Free (Sheryl Crow)

14. What do your parents think of you? : This is your Life (Switchfoot)

15. What will be played at your funeral? : Strawberry Fields (Ben Harper)

16.What is your hobby/interest?: All at Once (Jack Johnson)

17. What is your biggest secret? : Mr. Brightside (The Killers)

18. What do you think of your friends?: Boondocks (Little Big Town)

19. What should you post this as? : Sexy Plexi (Jack Johnson)


Some of those were funny coincidences. Now play along, I'm ready for some new music!

Ryan's Birthday Festival

I've uploaded video of Ryan dancing with friends at Chuck E Cheese in front of the camera. I'm not sure he realized he was on the big screen for the entire place to see. I've also included pictures from his birthday festival...otherwise known as three days of parties.

I tried to add this info to the picture posts but when I added a title or description the slideshow didn't appear. Ahhh, the joys and intricacies of computers.

I'm an Aunt!!!

And not by marriage this time. Well, thinking about it, kind of by marriage.

My Sister-in-Law and Stepbrother had their first child yesterday afternoon! His name is Sebastian Roy. (Roy was our Grandfathers name) I've only seen one picture and I'm already in love, he's so cute! I can't wait to meet the little guy in person and I'm thrilled to finally have some other kids on my side of the family.

The word is my SIL didn't even need an IV. I knew she was amazing as she climbed mountians and traveled through South America during early pregnancy and then proceeded to keep up with my super active stepbrother the whole time. She's a strong woman and I've said many a time that my stepbrother married the right person. They make a great couple and I think will be awesome parents that introduce Sebastion to all the wonders the world has to offer.

The only disappointment is that I'm not sure when we'll get to meet him. These are the times when it's hard to live across the country. Hopefully we'll take a trip to Colorado in the near future. I want to hold their little man!

Congratulations Stefan and Sheryl and welcome to the world Sebastian!!!

Seven! (No it's not a name we're considering)

Sienfeld reference over and now on to the important stuff...


Dear Ryan,

It’s your 7th Birthday! I can’t believe you’re seven and still remember so much about the day you were born. I’ve written about it before, and what a special day it was. This day is special too and will be spent doing things that you enjoy right now. First of all we’re headed to Chuck E Cheese with some friends. You’ve been asking to go all summer, so even though it isn’t your official birthday party, we’ll enjoy playing games and dancing the afternoon away. After DM gets home, you’ve requested dinner at Cracker Barrel, I think you like being able to order pancakes for dinner with no veggies in sight. Before heading out to eat, you’ll open presents from the family.

Tomorrow we’ll be picking up two of your friends from school for a trip the Sounds game and a sleepover and Saturday you’ll be having a combined party with Kele and Adeline. All of your birthdays are close and it’s so nice that they include you in their family birthday party.

With so many birthday events, this year instead of a birth day celebration, as your GG would say, you’ll be having a birthday festival.

Your sixth year was filled with new and exciting things. We started the year with a trip to the beach and Disney world where you had a fabulous time. Then school started soon after we got home and you had two of the best teachers. You really enjoyed school and got a citizenship award during each of the six grading periods. We’re so proud of how well behaved you were at school. You played baseball during fall and spring seasons and your spring team made it all the way through the season undefeated. You lost the championship during the last game of the tournament, by one point, but you didn’t care…you got still got a trophy and a medal. You showed us time and time again what a great big brother you are. You are so proud of your sister and loved that your teachers called her your class mascot. You learned how to ride a bike without training wheels. You started looking older this past year. Your face thinned out, you got a few more freckles across your nose, and you started running and walking like you’re older. We enjoyed watching that transition, but it’s a little bittersweet to watch you growing up so quickly!
Welcome to 7, kiddo, and another year of adventures and fun! We love you!

The Terrible Two's...

...have begun in our house and my dear sweet daughter is only 18 months old. She's started yelling my name over and over when she isn't happy and is practicing throwing herself on the floor and kicking her legs. On top of that she just picked up a plastic yellow chair we have and literally threw it because she was annoyed by it. I always thought this little one would give me a run for my money, now I know it's true.

No Way!

New Kids On the Block had the number 1 song on the count down this morning. There's something wrong when a boy band from 10 years ago has a new song out....that's not any good, I might add...and hits number 1. Whatever!

18 Months

Makenna had her 18 month appt this past week. She is so fun right now, I love seeing her little personality develop. She weighed in at 27.5 lbs and 33 inches which put her in the 84% for weight and 86% for height. I don't remember what her head circumference was but it was 97%. Our girl has a lot of brains in that head of hers.

Makenna is saying lots of words now, with a couple 2 word phrases, and still saying a few in sign language. She climbs on everything and especially loves to climb up and down stairs. She started sleeping through the night at 15 months, after we made her CIO for two nights, thankfully the trend continues. She loves to play with purses and dolls and anything in her brother's bedroom. Peek-A-Boo is still a favorite game and she won't go to bed without kissing us goodnight. She thinks her brother walks on water, but will let us and him know when he's annoying her. She calmly sits in time out when she gets in trouble, swinging her legs and just waiting for me to let her up. Like her brother, she already loves music. She can rock out with the rest of us and has been trying to snap for months. She loves the pool, but gets frustrated that she can't swim by herself. She's so brave she'll jump off the ladder and expect us to catch her. She constantly gets compliments on her little mop of curly hair. I, of course, love it. She's working on singing the ABC's and can count to 3 sometimes 4. She loves going bye-bye, just saying the words will stop any fussing or fit, and she loves to play outside. She thinks it's really funny to grab my glasses, I, however, do not. She screams at her daddy when he gets home at night because she's so excited to see him. She'll eat anything in the dairy, fruit and carb families and is getting better about trying new things. Her favorite dinners are spaghetti and stir fry and she hates eggs with a passion. It doesn't matter how they're cooked, she spits them out. She likes having bows put in her hair and likes ripping them out just as much. She gets a huge kick out of wearing sunglasses and having us call her a "cool chick". She's very ticklish and loves to be tickled. She'll come up and show her belly saying "Tick, Tick".

All ages have their pros and cons, but this is a really fun age with Makenna. She brings so much joy to our lives. She makes us laugh every day. She makes us fall in love with her all over each time she kisses us or interacts with us. I know all parents say this, but she's really smart and very loving. Three IVF's were hard to go through, but I'd go it all again 10 times over to have this sweet girl in our family. Thanks for chosing us to be your parents, Makenna!

Sleeping Babes

I've always wondered how people were able to carry their sleeping kids through the store without that child waking up. Ryan would sleep through stores as a baby in his carseat and at times he slept in his stroller, but I never would have been able to carry him on my shoulder, without him waking up, when he got older.

Today Makenna slept her way through Target. She fell asleep in the car 5 minutes before we got to the store. I thought she'd wake up when we got inside and I'd be able to put her in a cart. Nope. I ended up ditching my idea of doing some grocery shopping and just picked up a gallon of much needed milk. Toddler in one arm, milk in the other and a fussing almost 7 year old tugging on my shirt because he wanted a cookie/gum/yo yo, etc.

I had to giggle a couple times during that short walk through Target, I was doing the thing I'd seen other mom's do and been so impressed by. I felt like Supermom...just for a minute...or until I got home and was reminded of the groceries I'd needed so I could make my kids lunch.

Tagged!

I've been tagged by http://thebeasleyfamily.blogspot.com/ . Thanks Rachel!


Here are the rules:

a. Link to the person who tagged you

b. Post the rules on your blog.

c. Write six random things about yourself.

d. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blog.

e. Let each person know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment at their blog.

f. Let your tagger know when your entry is up..



Hmmm, 6 random things about myself...



1. I really love photography and even took a class when I was younger. I rarely get a good picture though, I blame it on my point and shoot digital camera and my lack of editing skills and software. In reality, it's probably because I usually forget to bring my camera.


2. I never thought I'd be a SAHM, but wanting to be home and take care of my kids won out over all my other desires. I guess I've decided there will be time for me later. I struggle with not contributing to our family financial goals and not feeling like I've accomplished much. But I usually only have to look at my two great kids and I realize we've made the best choice for our family.



3. I am a horrible gardener, but I keep trying. Maybe one day my brown thumb will turn green.



4. If it's not on a list, it doesn't get done. Having kids has made me forgetful or maybe it's just that I focus on other things. I have to make lists for the details or I'd never accomplish anything. It's obvious when I haven't been making lists...bday cards are late, phone calls aren't made, meals aren't planned, ect.



5. I have a list of things to do before I die. (Again with the lists...) Here are a few things that are on it: Learn another language so that I'm somewhat fluent and then travel and use that language, drink a Mint Julip, run a half marathon, go to Italy, start my own business, take a sewing class, take my kids camping. Some are big, some are small, some might be done over and over. It's my own "Bucket List".



6. I really miss our family, but I'm horrible about keeping in touch. Due to differences in time and schedule, it's rarely a good time to call and because we live so far apart our trips home are much less frequent than I'd like. I'd love for my kids to grow up surrounded by family, but I guess when you move across the country you limit the chances of that happening.



There are my 6 things. Now I tag

http://mama2drama.blogspot.com/ , http://tanya-tanyasthoughts.blogspot.com/ , http://babythorny.blogspot.com/ , http://littlemanandriblet.blogspot.com/ , http://bourquepartyoffive.blogspot.com/ , http://www.egankids.blogspot.com/



For some reason Blogger wouldn't let me rename the links. That, or I'm a moron. Anyway, I tag Jacy, Tanya, Tamra, Shannon, Barbara and Tara. Have fun girls!

Boo Boo's

We stopped at a friend's house yesterday after the fire station tour. While there Makenna decided to get up close and personal with their wood floor. Here she is a few hours after her faceplant. Notice the fat lip? At least her nap stopped her tears. And we wonder how she chipped her tooth.

Back to Reality

We had such a nice weekend. The Daddy Man had 4 days off work and I had a friend from college in town. I haven't seen her in so long, it was a short busy trip, but so great to spend time together. She'll be back next year because she an Irish Dancer and the national competition is held here...Yay!

The weekend also included a BBQ on the 4th with some friends, a few fireworks with neighbors, lots of time in the pool, flooring shopping and a fair amount of yardwork. I love our front yard during the summer months. Lots of greenery and pretty flowering things. I wish it stayed that pretty all year and I wish our backyard was as enjoyable. Maybe next summer we'll figure out how to get some shade back there and we'll plant a few more bushes and some flowers and enlarge the patio. I say that, but I've been saying that for a couple years now. Something else always comes up and next year there will be another one in diapers. :)

I was lazy and skipped church. The series that he's been doing since Easter doesn't appeal to me at all, so I've barely been since then. I wish we all could go, I think we're getting closer to that point, M is doing better with new people all the time so I have hopes she'll stay in the childcare before she's 16.

Now it's back to reality and we have a busy week ahead. We're attending a firestation tour with our playgroup today and then I'm going to Staples because they have some school supplies for a penny each. We have lots of options for the rest of the week, but I'm trying to keep expenses and gas consumption down, so we'll see if R's boredom beats my desire to not spend money. One thing I do know is that I'll be hanging out with some girlfriends saturday night. I'm looking forward to it!

Oh, one last thing, we discovered yesterday that M has chipped one of her front teeth. It's a small chip but neither of us know when it happened or how. Bad parents!!! Guess it's time to call the dentist and make sure we don't need to do anything about it.

A Year Later

Today is one of those days for me. One of the days where something terrible happened and you remember everything about it. I only have a few of those times in my life where I remember where I was, what I was doing, who I was with, etc.

Some of them include:
The Challenger exploding – I was in Earth Science class. Sitting at a table next to my friend Cheryl. It was announced over the loud speaker and suddenly you could hear a pin drop in a school filled with kids. I remember the tears in Mr. Whited’s eyes as he tried to explain what had happened.
Princess Diana’s death – We were in Pennsylvania. We’d attended the wedding of friends the evening before and had woken up in our hotel room and turned on the news. Instantly we saw footage of the crash and I was glued to the TV for at least half an hour.
The Death of my Grandmother – She was my first grandparent to pass away. I’d been at an Ashley McIssac concert the night before and stayed with my friend Molly. I’d come home to change before heading to work and there was a message from my mom on our answering machine. I remember dropping to my knees and crying and then finally calling my mom.
On this day a year ago I was preparing spinach lasagna for our dinner that night. Ryan was watching cartoons and Makenna was taking her morning nap. I was wearing pink sweats and a blue mellow mushroom shirt and listening to Dave Matthews Band. The phone rang and it was Janna (Jenna’s mom), telling me Jenna wasn’t doing well and the doctors had called and asked the family to come. Janna wondered if I could come over and watch the kids so she could go to the hospital. I grabbed a bottle for M, threw food in the fridge, pulled Makenna out of her crib, Ryan grabbed the diaper bag and we were on our way. I called Barbara to see if she could watch the kids, so I could drive Janna to the hospital. She got there just in time. By the time I’d made it back to Jenna’s house, Barbara was coming out of the house to tell me that Jenna and William had passed away. I was on the phone with Jacy so the three of us sat there and cried for a few minutes and then Barbara and I had to suck it up, reign in the tears and go inside with all of our kids. I remember waiting for Janna and Mark to come back and I remember the look on Ashlee and Kaity’s faces. We had planned to get happy meals and the girls were upset that they wouldn’t be getting one. I think they knew the minute their dad walked in the door, but didn’t want to face it.

I can’t believe it’s been a year since that day. It’s been a rough year and much harder than I’d anticipated. I think for the first few months my grief was an open wound and every day brought new tears and more sadness. Just as things were starting to get easier, Christmas arrived and I couldn’t help but think about how much Jenna loved that holiday and how sad I was that her kids would be spending their first Christmas without her. The changing seasons’s led to Jake’s birthday, Ashlee’s birthday, Mother’s Day, Jenna’s Birthday, Jenna and Mark’s anniversary and finally today…Jenna’s deathiversary. Each of those days brought new sadness, but the days in between were easier than they’d been months before. Now, a year later, I find that my grief is more personal, like a scar that’s still red and angry but will one day be barely visible and only noticeable to me. I still can’t believe that my friend died and took her spirit, infectious laughter and fun loving attitude with her. I still think about her every day and wish I could spend more time with her kids in a comfortable and fun setting. If I have any regret surrounding Jenna’s death, it’s that I haven’t been able to maintain the contact with her kids that I’d hoped for. I haven’t wanted to impose and haven’t felt like it’s something that’s comfortable for Mark.

Today is a sad day for me, but I’m looking forward to the remembrance. A number of us are getting together tonight at La Siesta. Most will be drinking a margarita, I’ll be eating my fill of queso and salsa with chips. Jenna loved that restaurant and I have lots of good memories of sharing a meal with her there and memories of a few drunk love calls that came after she drank one of their margarita’s. I’m looking forward to a night filled with love and laughter and lots of stories. I know she’ll be with us, not in the way we’d like, but she’ll be there.

Today is just one of those days…one of those days that will live in my memory banks forever.

Baby Steps

Morning sickness and exhaustion is kicking my butt. I have no patience, no motivation, no energy and I spend a fair amount of time feeling hung over and wondering when the party was. When I forget I'm feeling sorry for myself, I feel really sorry for my husband and kids.

That said, today was a good day. I only had two tasks that had to be done. I needed to get a new tire for my car, since we got a flat on Saturday that wasn't patchable, and I needed to find my contractor's calculator so I could accurately figure square footage and how much flooring we need to buy. The first was done with a minimal amount of time and expense, surprising since the tire is apparently an odd size. We have a local place I've gone to a number of times now. It doesn't look like much out front, but they do good, quick, inexpensive work. The second, after a couple hours spent cleaning my closet and looking through all my school stuff this weekend, ended up being quick and easy as well. It occurred to me that I didn't search the backpack I carried, so I stepped into the garage, opened the front pocket and there was my yellow calculator. Done and Done...Yay!

On top of that, I ran across a good deal on shoes and ended up getting Ryan sneakers for the new school year and Makenna got a pair of much needed sandles since she is about to grow out of every other pair of shoes she owns. Both were on sale, and when I got to the register they let me know the shoes were buy one get one half off...SWEET!

M is napping now, R just finished his lesson for camp tonight and I just finished dishes and am getting ready to make Zucchini bread. This day has been filled with smiles and absolutely no fussing or whining from kidlets or mommy! Double Yay!

Week in Review

Wow, what a week.

Ryan had VBS at our church each morning last week and he LOVED it! He can’t wait to go back next year. Most of what he talked about was the music. R loves music as much as DM and I do and he enjoyed all the dance moves too. This week he’s going to another VBS called Mega Sports Camp. He chose basketball and Hip Hop. I’ll be interested to see what he thinks of it.

On top of that, we went to a playdate, 3 birthday parties, a lunch with our playgroup, and M and I hit up kids gym and lunch with a friend. The biggest event of the week was Ryan’s first sleepover! He had a great time and came home exhausted. I think the boys were up most of the night, but that’s what sleepovers are for. Wayne and I took advantage of only having one kid and decided to go out to dinner. I’ve been craving Chinese since this pregnancy began so we went to a new restaurant that opened nearby and then walked down the block for ice cream. Makenna was so good and we all really enjoyed our night out.

Outside of that, I had a difficult week with pregnancy hormones. I normally am pretty level headed and even tempered, but I don’t think that was the case last week. I had a small argument with a man at Mcdonald’s. He later came over and apologized and explained why he’d acted the way he did. I had to apologize too though, because I’d been much more short-tempered than I normally am. I also had something occur with a friend that really upset me. I’m not sure if my response to the situation would have been as intense if not for the raging hormones. I guess we all have our days...or weeks.

What a week!

The birds and the bees at age 6

Ryan: Mom, what are these things under my penis?

Me: What things?

Ryan: The round things.

Me: Your testicles.

Ryan: Oh…what do they do, hold my pee?

Me: Ummm, no. They hold sperm.

Ryan: Sperd, what’s sperd?

Me: No, it’s sperm and it’s used to make a baby.

Ryan: How does it make a baby?

Me: It joins with an egg and then the baby grows.

Ryan: Where does the egg come from and how do they meet?

Me: The egg comes from a mommy and they meet when a mommy and daddy love each other.

Ryan: Hmmmm…ok. That’s kind of hard to understand.

Me: Yep…


Where was his father when this conversation was occurring???

Happy Birthday

Dear Jenna,

Barbara, Jacy all the kids and I went to Toot's for fried pickles today. I'd promised you them on your last birthday and sadly never had a chance to pay up since I was out of town. I wish you and your kids were with us today as we toasted you with pickles and got funny looks from neighboring tables. Even more, I wish we were headed out on a party bus this weekend. Last year we were so sure we'd celebrate your health this year by getting that party bus you'd always talked about and partying our butts off downtown. Instead we had fried pickles and thought about you a lot today. Happy Birthday my friend, I miss you so much and love you.

It's what you think it is!

Sorry the pictures are a little blurry, but that second one shows an ultrasound I had on Tuesday. In it is a little embryo measuring 7weeks2days, having grown exactly as it should have from my ultrasound 2 weeks ago and with a little heart beating at 162 bpm.

Now I'll answer the questions that I know are on the tip of your tongues...

-No, we did not use our frozen embryos. We were still debating what to do when I found out I was pregnant.

-Yes, it was a spontaneous pregnancy and yes God has a sense of humor.

-No, we weren't trying, but we weren't taking any precautions either. With our history, we didn't see any reason too.

In our house the joke is that I take a pregnancy test to make my period start. That's been the case many times over the last 10 years. I'd been cramping for a week or so and was ready for it to start already so I headed to the Dollar Store and bought a test. You can imagine my surprise when two lines popped up.

After 3 weeks, we're still in shock, but also very excited. Thanks for all of your congratulations on my last post. It's the first time I've been able to do something like that and I couldn't resist.

Wordless Wednesday

School's Out For Summer

Yesterday was Ry’s last real day of school. We have to go in Wednesday to pick up his report card, but he won’t be staying. I’d planned to start singing “School’s Out For Summer” the minute he got in the car and suggest we go get ice cream, but one look at his face told me he wouldn’t be interested. Before he’d even buckled, he’d burst into tears, crying harder than I’d seen him cry in a long time. He’d been so excited about the end of the year and approaching summer that I was surprised by the tears. When he was able to talk, I discovered he was crying because he was going to miss his teachers…not his friends. I’d found myself tearing up earlier in the week about the same thing.

Both of Ryan’s teachers were great this year. He learned so much and really developed a love a school. He still had a few days where he didn’t want to go, but I could count those on one hand. Both teachers were kind, enthusiastic, motivating, loving. One of them did Ry’s first Kindergarten test. He passed academically, but she suggested that socially he might benefit from the Kindergarten Readiness program. You may recall, I’d already done research and been thinking along those lines, but I am so thankful she encouraged that. It’s hard to feel like you’re holding your kid back, or like your kid isn’t good enough, so I may have second-guessed that decision a bit more without her encouragement.

As a SAHM, I often feel like R and I are looked down upon because he doesn’t attend the local magnet school. I get the impression people are wondering why he couldn’t get in. After lots of discussion we’d decided public school was best for R, in my heart I think he’d have gotten in though. M arrived just before the application and testing period, so I sometimes wonder if I just didn’t have my act together or if it really was the best decision for R to attend public school.

The two teachers he had this past year, help with that second guessing as well. He learned so much and came away from the year with a positive attitude. He was challenged with new and harder work when he got bored and was doing 1st grade workbook pages and reading at a 1st grade level by the end of the year. Our public school did right by my kid and I really believe his teachers helped start the foundation for a life of success for my sweet boy.

Schools out for summer, but I can’t wait to see what next year brings!

The Others

It’s that time. Time to write the check that keeps our totsicles on ice for another year. Hard to believe two years have passed since they were frozen. Hard to believe we’ve arrived at what we deemed the decision making time. Unfortunately, we’ve reached this time without the decision being obvious. I don’t think I’m ready.

DM is ready. Ready with a capital R. He loves our children, and is content with the two we have. But that’s another post…

Storage isn’t cheap, however, spending another $650 is better than making a decision that I’m not happy with. Currently our options include destroying our embryos, donating them to science, donating them to infertile couples, adopting them out or keeping them frozen for another year.

In theory, we should donate them to an infertile couple. After all we’ve been through, wouldn’t that be the “thing” to do? On the other hand, it took transferring 11 embryos for us to get ONE live baby. I hate the thought of putting another couple through that, especially considering PCOS and inferior egg quality go hand in hand. In the game of IVF and FET there are no guarantees.

Another option is to destroy our embryos. I.Just.Can’t. M is here because other people donated their embryos to science. She’s here because of the generosity of people I’ll never be able to thank. She’s here because scientists were given the ability to test their theories. She’s here and I can’t fathom life without her. I can’t destroy those embryos.

Finally, we come to embryo adoption. This sounds pretty appealing, since embryo adoption follows the same laws and guidelines as domestic adoption. There are even home studies prior to placement and ongoing updates following the birth. Sounds good right? Absolutely…until I think about the possibility of a child showing up on my doorstep in 20 years. A child who wants to know why their father and I gave them up for adoption, a child who wants to know their brother and sister, a child who could have issue with our decisions. To my knowledge, there is only one organization doing embryo adoption right now and they encourage open adoptions. We would know when a child was born. We’d see pictures and hear about the child’s development. I’m not sure, but I think the knowledge of my biological child growing up with other parents might destroy me from the inside. It’s selfish, I know.

Some would say we should have thought about these issues before doing IVF. Some might be right, but some haven’t experienced the desire to have another child. Some haven’t experienced the desire to provide their child with a sibling, the desire to experience the joy of adding to their family. Some haven’t had to face that a desired pregnancy isn’t a given just because you want it.

Having to make this decision sucks, but having M in our life is so amazing we’d do it all again. But…what do we with our embryos?

Recent Photo

Ry-guy and Little Miss at the aquarium, thus the blue tint.

Spontaneity

Girls, you may think you have the best husband, but you can't possibly, because I do. Want to know why? Because last week he came home and said "Honey, pack your bags, we're going to IKEA!" Ok, maybe that wasn't exactly what he said. I think it was more like "Pack your bags we're leaving for a fun family weekend after I get off work tomorrow. We'll hit the aquarium and you can go to IKEA". Whatever, what I heard was IKEA!!!! I love that store for so many reasons, inexpensive, reasonable quality furniture, storage solutions, decorative items, free childcare, the cafe...and the list goes on and on.

We packed up and were on our way. The drive took a couple hours and was a nice time for DM and I to chat about our plans for the weekend, while R was entertained by a movie and M slept. We arrived at our hotel, to find that it was better than we'd hoped and M slept in her pack-n-play...miracle of miracles. The next day we got up and headed to IKEA for breakfast and some shopping. I spent the entire day there and enjoyed every minute. DM and the kids took off for a bit to play mini golf and enjoy the pretty spring weather. After a quick stop for dinner we went back to the hotel and spent the evening in the pool. Saturday was spent at the aquarium. We started the day in a 3D movie where puffs of air shot out from under seats and water sprinkled from the ceiling. I was surprised at how well M did and R loved it! Then onto the whale shark exhibit which was the size of a football field. We were able to walk around and through it and the last stop was a huge glass wall. We stayed there long enough to catch a docents speech. In another exhibit sea lions were playing "King of the Hill", that was R's favorite. I was intrigued by the sea dragons, they looked like something out of a Dr. Seuss book and were really fun to watch. DM's favorite were the beluga whales. We all enjoyed their grace and beauty, M even waved and babbled at them. After leaving we ended the day with another stop at IKEA and some take out from PF Changs...yum! Sunday was spent at IKEA again, we finally purchased a few things and then spent time trying to figure out how to get it home. Thankfully they have twine in the parking lot so we were able to tie a big box to the roof. We had a wonderful, relaxing weekend and it was nice to get away.

That being said, there was still plenty of fun to be had the following weekend when we redid our bedroom, and put together our furniture purchases. The room still needs some finishing touches, but I LOVE how it turned out. I've included a few before and after pictures for the curious.

100!

This is my 100th post! Hard to believe I've had that much to write about and yet that doesn't seem like much when I think about how much my kids are changing on a daily basis. On that note...

Baby M is officially walking! She started a couple days ago and hasn't stopped since. She's even run across the room a couple times! All of this is amazing, since she's been sick since Tuesday. Time to get the video camera out. Now that she's walking more than a few steps at a time, I should be able to get some good footage. On Wednesday, at the pediatrician's office, M weighed in at 25lbs 12 oz, fully clothed with jacket and sneakers. No wonder my biceps are starting to look cut.

In other news, the plague has descended upon our house. M started running a fever Tuesday night, it hit DM Wednesday, Ry-guy has a juicy cough and I finally succumbed yesterday. I had plans to hang out with the girls last night, but instead I fell asleep on the couch at 7:30 and slept until 8 this morning when the kids got up. I'm disappointed I missed my girls night, but apparently sleep was neccessary.

Enjoy your Sunday!

And so it begins

Ryan got his first phone call yesterday.

I answered the phone. A sweet little voice asked for Ryan. I passed the phone to Ryan who was grinning like a Cheshire cat. He was thrilled at first, but then his face dropped when he realized it was a GIRL and not his buddy C. Once they worked through who was calling, Ryan couldn't wait to get off the phone. Rather than hang up after he finished talking, he just said bye and continued on about how he didn't like the girl that called because she's the one who chases him at recess. The little girl and possibly her mom heard the whole thing.

As a mom, sometimes we forget that we have to teach things that are second nature to us, like hanging up a phone at the end of a conversation. And sometimes we forget just how exciting the world is in the eyes of our children. Ryan didn't get a call from the person he wanted to, but yesterday was a big day.

He got his first phone call.

One Week

The life span of a luna moth and a fruit fly are about one week. Unfortunately the life span for sleeping through the night in my house is about the same.

Last week there were nights were M went to bed late, woke up before we were in bed, or got up early, but she SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT all week long! Meaning, I never had to get out of bed to get up with her during the night. It was pure bliss. Now she's teething again and has been up for hours...literally hours...during the night.

She has 10 teeth now and two more on the way. She won't teeth forever, right?

Juno

I went to see Juno yesterday. In case you don't know, it's a movie about a teenage girl who gets pregnant and finds an infertile couple to adopt the baby.

It was a cute movie. The main character, Juno, is smart, witty, flippant, cute, but completely unbelievable. It's not her acting that's unbelievable, it's the character. You only see her cry twice. If I'd found out at 16 that I was pregnant, I think I would have done nothing but cry. And then to come to the end of a pregnancy and give a baby away; it's such a selfless act and an incredible gift for a family, but I'd imagine it to be so difficult for the biological mother. That being said, at 35 I wish I could be as self assured as the character is; I wish I could feel as sure of major decisions as she does.

The parents, were funny and likeable, but also unbelievable. They didn't cry, yell or blame when they found out their daughter was pregnant, they just made lists about what needed to be done. The stepmom came to her daughters defense when an ultrasound tech gave her grief and at the end the dad tells Juno that she'll be in the hospital having a baby again but it will be on her terms. I felt like those were the only moments where the relationship felt very "real".

The infertile woman fit the stereotype. A type A personality who's anxious and focusing on paint colors so she doesn't have to constantly stress and fret about whether the adoption will go through. At one point she runs into Juno at the mall, she drops down onto her knees to talk to the baby and try to feel it kick. When it does, her reaction is perfect. Spoiler alert....the couple's divorce fits the stereotype too, unfortunately.

I enjoyed the movie because of the witty dialogue, but found myself crying through parts where others were laughing. Truth be told, I cried through most of it and left feeling drained and out of sorts.

I've had a hard time changing my blogs name. Maybe that's because my emotions about infertility still run deep. My tears yesterday are just another reminder of that.

A little about a lot

I haven’t had much to write about lately. Ryan’s doing well in school, seems content, has a group of friends, is learning a lot, and runs from the girls who try to kiss him at recess. He’s proud to say they haven’t caught him for a kiss even once. Makenna got two new teeth last month, is still walking on her knees with moments of walking on her feet and is starting to exhibit an opinion. Sleeping is still hit or miss, but now that those teeth have popped though the last week has been better. The DM continues to be busy at work. There are lay offs and hiring freezes, so it’s a bit stressful.

It seems that there’s nothing else worth mentioning, yet I remember my friend Jenna’s blog posts were often just a stream of consciousness. At the time, they seemed like nothing important, now they’re final words from her. I’ve enjoyed going back through her blog and reading about how she spent her days and being reminded of things we did together. Through those words she constantly reminds me to live in the moment. To cherish my family and friends and the moments I have with them.

In true Jenna fashion, I’ll conclude with my own stream of consciousness. Today we went to a Valentine’s playdate after school; about a quarter of my moms group attended which meant we had 15 kids and 8 moms. We decorated cookies, exchanged valentines and the kids played while the moms chatted. We had a great time. Prior to that Makenna and I had lunch with a friend and her daughter, ran a few errands and spent some time in Target searching for gifts for my secret valentine. Ryan and DM started the day together; it was Donuts with Dad day at school. Ryan jumped out of bed the minute his light was turned on; he was so excited to bring his daddy to school. If only I could get him to do that every day.

Look at that, nothing to write about turned into three paragraphs.

Super Tuesday

I cast my vote today.

Did you?

Another PSA

I was watching Good Morning America this morning and during one of the segments they said that 40 million water bottles are used every day and only 15% are recycled...the rest sit in landfills. They also said that bottled water is monitored by the FDA and tap water is monitored by the EPA. Guess what, the EPA has stricter standards! So, get yourself a reusable water bottle, and use it! Oh, and don't forget to check the recycle number if you go with a plastic bottle.

On and on and on....

I'm still working on a name for my blog. "Imperfect Perfection" and "Vanilla with a Dash of Sass" tied in my poll. Other thoughts have been "Green is the new Black", "Becoming" and "In the Moment". It's silly that this matters to me, but it does. The name debate continues.

Better Late than Never

Tuesday was the 35th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, not sure how I missed that. Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m Pro-Choice. That doesn’t mean I’m Pro Abortion, it means I’m Pro-Choice. When you think about it, really think about, who in their right mind is pro abortion? No one thinks about their future and jumps up and down with anticipation over the possibility of getting an abortion. No one wants to make that choice. Some people, based on circumstances beyond their control, or within their control, have to make it. You might find this odd, coming from someone who worked so hard to achieve pregnancy and children, but the thing is safe abortions save the lives of a lot of women. Think about the women who are pregnant and experiencing medical issues that could take their lives and the lives of their unborn children. Think about the women who are pregnant and don’t want to be, who in other times would take matters into their own hands and perform a DIY abortion. Because of these reasons and many others, hundreds of blogs took part in Bloggers for Choice day Tuesday, explaining why they vote Pro-Choice.

http://www.prochoiceamerica.org/choice-action-center/bfc08-home.html

* I vote Pro-Choice because I believe each woman should be able to decide what occurs within her body.
* I vote Pro-Choice because I believe there are women who shouldn’t be forced to carry a pregnancy, ie pregnancy due to rape, women who find out their child will have an illness that will cause the child to just live a couple hours or days, women who’s own health is in jepardy because of a pregnancy.
*I vote Pro-Choice because I believe that if abortion is made illegal it opens the door for other things to be made illegal, such as emergency contraception, comprehensive sex education, and certain forms of birth control.
*I vote Pro-Choice because if a woman doesn’t want a baby and is forced to carry one, who knows what she might eat, drink, smoke, inject in hopes of causing harm to the child and therefore causing a miscarriage. Think about the disabilities that child could have if it survived.
*I vote Pro-Choice because I vote for women’s rights in a day when most of our government is still male dominated.

*I vote Pro-Choice….always have, always will. I’m thankful I’ve never had to make that choice, and thankful that the choice is mine.

Funk

I’ve been in a bit of a post holiday funk. The weeks leading up to the holidays were full, busy, a little stressful and filled with fun events. Then we were traveling and enjoying great visits with each of our families. After arriving home, we celebrated New Year’s Eve with some of our best friends, and then celebrated M’s first birthday. Thanksgiving through early January was one big fun celebration with people who are important to us.

Now we’re home, it’s cold, nothing fun to look forward to, no plans for the upcoming months. I like to have plans, I like seeing our families, I like to have things to look forward to. When there’s nothing “in the works” I get grumpy. The bad thing is, when mommy’s in a funk the whole family is in a funk.

Recognizing it was time to pull myself out of my gloom, I started thinking about school again. I did some research, talked to some schools, and lo and behold I started feeling happy again. Excited. Alive. It’s not so much school that excites me, but the end result of a second degree, which in hindsight should have been my first.

I love my children and I love my life, but in a few years both kids will be in school and then what? I need to prepare now for that time. I struggle with feeling selfish. I don’t want to add bills to our family, I don’t want to miss out on family time, and I don’t want to put more of a burden on my already stressed husband. But, I really want to be an Interior Designer. My heart swells when I think about creating spaces where people will feel warm and happy. My fingers itch to create. My head thinks about global warming and how I could make a small difference through green design. My family is my passion, but so is design. As a mother, I feel guilty about that. As a woman, I feel blessed. I’m lucky to have such a great family and lucky that I’ve figured out, at a relatively young age, what I want to be when I grow up.

Now I just need to make it happen.

Saw this on Heather's Blog, thought I'd play along.

Who's Your Sex and the City Match?

My Result: Charlotte

Looking for the perfect Bergdorf Goodman dishes to match your impeccable kitchen? Shopping at Tiffany's for a new string of pearls? Fantasizing about the perfect job as a New York City art gallery owner? Maybe not exactly, but when it comes to a refined taste and a sweetness like no other, you're just like Charlotte!

Of course you aren't all sugar; you've definitely got a tough heart under that pretty cashmere sweater, but you are probably happiest when you are surrounded by supportive relationships and a great romance (you only get two, you know!) So live it up, because you deserve nothing but the best in life, whether it's fine china or true love. Now that's some good taste!

Take this test >

Questions from a 6 year old

A recent conversation between Ry-guy, DM and I.

R: Mom, why did you feed my sister like a cow?

DM & Me: Laughter...and lots of it

R: Why are you laughing at me?

Me: Sorry. I fed M because I'm a mammal and mammals feed their babies with milk their body produces.

R: So...can I do it?

Me: Ummm, No.

R: Why not???

DM: Because you're a boy.

After a few moments of intense thought...

R: Maybe I should try it.

No response because DM and I had dissolved into laughter again.

What's in a name...

The name debate continues. My mom and stepdad read my blog and called to talk about the name change last night. My stepdad wanted to retract his vote because he feels like all the names are static. He said I should consider something that will continue to grow and change along with my life. My mom said I should include something about creativity, because that's what inspires me. Interestingly, I looked creative up in the thesauraus and a related word is fertility. Who knew? All along I thought I was fertilely challenged, but I guess I was just partially fertilely challenged.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Did you know...Using reusable shopping bags can save the average American 300 to 700 plastic shopping bags per year, which will save 3 to 7 gallons of crude oil. A population of 100,000 can save up to 14,000 barrels of oil per year using reusable bags.

~Taken from ChicoBag, a maker of reusable bags.

Another bonus, reusable bags are generally easier to carry and can hold more which makes for fewer trips in from the car when unloading.

~Taken from my experience...:)

Cool Change...

Is The Little River Band song running through your head after that title? Just wait, you'll have a few more songs in your head by the end of this post.

It's time for a change. A new name to be exact. Fertilely challenged, while still fitting, isn't the focus of my world anymore. Thank goodness! The problem is, I've been thinking about this for months and can't seem to come up with a new name. Not that it should matter, not many people read this and the ones that do probably don't care about the title of this blog. It matters to me though.

When I think about my life song titles tend to run through my head, These are the Days" by Van Morrison, "Better Together" by Jack Johnson, "Better Days" by the Goo Goo Dolls. All would be appropriate names but not unique. Remember how I stressed about choosing a unique name for Makenna? Well, here we go again.

So, I've come up with three titles and I'm going to let you guys weigh in, or comment and make suggestions of something better!

Here's what I've come up with:

Imperfect Perfection
Vanilla with a dash of Sass
Girly Granola

Imperfect Perfection. I've always been a people pleaser and a bit of a perfectionist, but no matter how hard I try I'll never be perfect. Infertility taught me that gem. That being said, my life is perfect...for me. I have a husband that loves me, two awesome kids, a great circle of family and friends, and all the material possessions I need. Sure there are things I want, things that bug me, things that I'd change, but that's why it's Imperfect Perfection.

Vanilla with a dash of Sass. For the most part, this blog is pretty vanilla, the language isn't too bad, the content isn't too crazy. But every once in awhile, a little sass comes out. I think that's pretty true for me in life too.

Girly Granola. I'm fairly girly with Granola/Crunchy/Hippie tendencies. 'Nuff said.

If you're so inclined, take the poll and give me your opinion.

They Say It's Your Birthday!!!

Dear Makenna,

Happy Birthday, you’re a year old now!!! Your birthday was spent like most of our days. Ry-guy was back at school, DM was back at work and you and I spent the day playing, grocery shopping and making a cake. We’ve been gone for the majority of the last couple weeks, so it was nice to be home and just hang out. When the boys got home from school and work we had dinner and watched you devour your cake. I can’t even guess at how many times you were sang to during the course of the day and each rendition of “Happy Birthday to You” made you smile and clap. You had a birthday party in Colorado with a number of family members in attendance; you picked at your store bought cake and enjoyed the attention. Ryan was right there when it was time to open your gifts. It’s a good thing he was willing to help, since you were enthralled by a piece of tissue paper. Now that we’re home, we’ll probably have a little gathering with a couple close friends. It’s been an exciting couple of weeks for you!

As for the final month of your first year, we spent much of it traveling. We drove, approximately 27 hours across the country so that we could spend time with lots of our family. The trip included time in Flagstaff, AZ where you met your Gramps and Grammy for the first time, as well as your Great Grandpa Craig and Great Grandma Mimi. You loved the dogs at Gramps and Grammy’s house and felt comfortable enough that G&G were even able to hold you. You also got to see and touch snow for the first time! Ryan was quite proud of this due to his serious fascination with snow. After a couple days in AZ we traveled to CO for the rest of our visit. The first couple days were spent with your Daddy’s family, all of your uncles, aunts and most of your cousins were there, along with Grandma and Grandpa. We counted 31 people! You met most of them for the first time and they all loved you. Separation anxiety still made an appearance but you let your cousin Britnay hold you and had fun playing with her daughter Ivy. Your uncles Gene and Allen tried and tried to pick you up but you stuck close to Mom and Dad the rest of the time. Then on to visit with Nana and Papa, uncle Colin, Andrea and Kenya Dog joining us again. (They were in Flagstaff too) You were a little overwhelmed by the whole present thing, but by the third go round you’d started to figure it out. Which was good because you got A LOT of presents this year. I was concerned you might be attracted to the wood burning stove at their house, but you barely looked its way. Instead you enjoyed lots of attention, plenty of toys and barely had time to find any mischief. The trip home was uneventful and loooooong. We were all so ready to be home that we barely stopped and made it home in 24 hours. I suppose I should mention that your dad and I both like to speed. I’ll deny that fact when you’re learning to drive.

We were home for a day and then packed up again so that we could spend New Year’s Eve with our closest friends. We all enjoyed ringing in the New Year together, you and Gracie enjoyed playing, and she was nice enough to let you sleep in her crib, allowing you to actually sleep while the ball dropped and the fireworks began. You woke up later, but we didn’t mind as we cuddled with you and welcomed another year.

It’s been an incredible month and year baby girl. I’m looking forward to all the things the year ahead will bring, walking, talking, sleeping through the night, maybe, playing, dancing, singing, fighting with your brother. Well, maybe not the fighting with your brother. I feel like I’ll never forget these days but just today I remembered something about your early months I’d already forgotten. When you were tiny, I’d hold you in my arms at night and you’d suck on my arm to fall asleep. I don’t think I’ve ever written that down. At the time it didn’t seem noteworthy, but now it’s a sweet memory. A couple more things, you were an amazing traveler during our cross-country trek, so much better than when we returned from Florida! You slept and played and didn’t fuss very much. You and Ryan made our trip so much better than I’d anticipated. Also, you haven’t started walking yet, but you “walk” on your knees and bounce up and down. I don’t think I’ve ever seen another baby do this. Your hair is coming in quickly now and it’s curly! Much to my delight! I hope I can teach you how to work with it so you don’t hate it as much as I hated mine. As an adult I love my curly hair, I hope you’ll appreciate yours much sooner.

Your one-year appt is Monday; I look forward to finding out how tall you are and how much you weigh. You’re firmly in 18-24 month clothes so I’d guess that you remain at the top of the charts.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl! I love you always!
Mommy

*Picture and measurements to follow after doctor's appt.

11 Months - Only two weeks late...

Dear Makenna,

Month 11 has come and gone and with holiday travel and festivities I’m just now getting to your 11 month post. A small case of mommy guilt comes with my procrastination.

This month had just a couple firsts worth mentioning. In no particular order, you started waving, you had your first near death experience and you met your Great Grandma.

The waving started one day and has yet to stop. You’re so proud of your new skill you wave to everything, whether it waves back or not. We all love it and encourage you to practice, practice, practice.

You met your Great Grandma during the Thanksgiving holiday. We converged upon her house in IL, along with all three of your uncles and their spouses/significant others, your Nana & Papa, and Papa’s sister’s family. GiGi (Great Grandma) was so busy with all the entertaining, cooking, cleaning etc, that you weren’t able to spend much time with each other, but she loved every minute of your time together. You, on the other hand, did well the first day but by the second you were a bit clingy with your daddy and I. While your separation anxiety can sometimes be difficult to deal with, there’s a part of me that cherishes this time because I know the day will come when you won’t want to be with us.

The rest of the month was fairly uneventful, other than the daily cuddles and kisses that always make my heart soar. You are such a cuddle bug and love to be held. You continue to initiate bunny kisses and now we even get the open mouthed kiss on a regular basis. You’re still crawling, however we can see you developing your sense of balance and you’re getting more daring. Amazingly enough, I think you made it through the entire month without teething! You’re at 8 teeth…and holding…however I think your eyeteeth will start causing some issues soon. I can feel your gums starting to swell.

As for your near death experience, well, I can be a little dramatic. You did have a pretty close call though. We’d been at a friend’s house and you managed to get hold of a little star sticker and put it in your mouth without me realizing. As we walked to the car, to pick Ryan up from school, I realized you were gasping and not getting any air. I swept your mouth, did the Heimlich maneuver and then you started throwing up. You probably threw up 20 or 30 times and finally the star came out. By the time it was over, we were both covered in puke and tears. I’m not sure if the tears on me were yours or mine. Either way, I know I hugged you extra tight for quite awhile after it was over.

You have been such a joy over the last month. I love watching you grow and change but I’m enjoying this stage so much that I hate that it’s passing so quickly. It’s hard to believe you’ll be turning ONE in just a few short weeks.

I love you Makenna,
Mama

Thankful

*I'm thankful for my husband. He's such a loving, caring, committed partner and an incredible dad. There are times that he can get through to Ryan after I've thrown up my hands in frustration. Not once has he made me feel unattractive or like I'm not good enough. He makes me feel like I can accomplish anything I set my mind too, and fully supports my career decisions. We kind of grew up together and I am so impressed by the man he's become.
*I'm thankful for my children. I can't imagine life without them and am so glad we had the strength emotionally, physically and financially to work so hard for them.
*I’m thankful for our family and their never ending support, listening ears, and shoulders to cry on during the “Year of the IVF”.
*I’m thankful for the infertility insurance package that my hubby’s employer provided that meant we were able to do 3 IVF’s in a year.
*I'm thankful for my family. Some of my best friends are family members.
*I'm thankful for my health and the health of my family.
*I'm thankful for my friends. I have a lot of really great friends, some I’ve known for 25 years, others for just a couple, but all of them are awesome.
*I'm thankful for my lifestyle and that my hubby works so hard so that I can stay home with our kids right now.
*I'm thankful for my IPOD. Music speaks to me and gets me through tough times, I love that I have so much music on such a little gadget.
*I'm thankful for my mom’s group. It's introduced me to people and things I might not have been exposed to. It encourages me to use my brain occasionally. I enjoy the humor and tears we share and I always appreciate the community for myself and my kids.
*I’m thankful that after literally years of searching, I’ve finally found a church I love. It’s awesome to spend a couple hours Sunday morning thinking of the big picture in a new way.
*I’m thankful to be alive and healthy and able to enjoy this day with my family
*I'm THANKFUL!!!

NaBloPoMo

What’s that you’re wondering? It’s a promise, of sorts, in the Land ‘O Blog, a promise to write a post each day during the month of November for National Blog Posting Month. I briefly considered it. I’ve been a bad bad blogger lately. I thought signing up for NaBloPoMo might kick start my blogging juices and remind me that memories are good, no matter how big or small. I’ve had things on my mind that I wanted to write about and haven’t made the time. The thing is, writing is cathartic. It helps me remember things I don’t want to forget. It helps me feel closer to my family. It helps me think about things objectively. It helps me appreciate the joy in a moment a second time as I write about it. Besides, I enjoy it. So, bear with me as I try to get back into this blogging thing.

http://nablopomo.ning.com/ didn’t get my promise this year…maybe next year.

An Action Figure or a Rock Star

Often during our morning drive to school, Ryan picks a song that we listen to over and over. But we don't just listen, we seat dance, we sing along, we play "air instruments", we jam.

This mornings song was "I Like the Way You Move" by the Bodyrockers. Ryan pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his head, threw on some shades and rocked his air guitar. I sang along in the front seat, sneaking peeks at Ryan in the rearview mirror and grinning from the joy of the moment. When the song was over he said "Mom, when I get big I want to go to a concert with you". Apparently that Wiggles "concert" he went to a couple years ago was quite the experience because he can't wait to go again. I said "You bet. I'm going to hold you to that." So here it is...in writing...when Ryan is big, we're going to a concert together. I can't wait!

We played the song again and at the end of it Ryan said "When I grow up I want to be a Rock Star. A Rock Star or an Action Figure." I wanted to say "You're my Rock Star little man. You put on awesome concerts in the back seat and make my heart swell with adoration." Instead I said "Rock on with your bad self." At six, that's quite a compliment. For the record, I managed to hold the laughter in, about him wanting to be an action figure, until he got out of the car.

Ryan then went on to say that his daddy was a Rock Star before he played in the music band* and he wants to be just like his daddy. The Daddy Man didn't get invited to the concert**, but his son wants to be just like him. In my opinion, Ryan couldn't have picked a better person to be like. Again with the swelling heart.

Life is good.



*The Daddy Man played the trumpet growing up and recently got some videos and tapes of his high school band performing. Ryan has watched them and thinks they rock.

**DM didn't get invited because he likes hair bands, while Ryan and I have a much more distinguished taste in music.

Letters to Baby - 10 Months!

Dear Makenna,

Another month has already passed. As usual, I can't believe how quickly you're growing and changing. I love watching you grow, but it's a little bittersweet watching you go from tiny baby to a 10 month old in what seems like the blink of an eye.

Your favorite pastimes are playing with paper or magazines and tearing them into tiny pieces, which you then try to put in your mouth and chew up. (Have I mentioned that EVERYTHING goes into your mouth?) You also love to blow spit bubbles. It’s so funny to watch you as you open and close your mouth and make bubbles between your lips. Dancing has come naturally to you. We’ve spent numerous evenings dancing in the kitchen as a family. It’s so fun to watch you bounce to the beat while Ryan is next to you trying to breakdance or working on his “moves”.

Your temper is a bit more obvious when you’re upset with your daddy and I. Your cry is louder now and much more demanding and you make a squeaking noise when you disapprove of something that’s occurring. It’s pretty easy to pull you out of that though. You love cuddles and kisses, tickles and laughter and you love interaction with Ryan, your daddy and I.

You got your 8th tooth at the end of this month. I thought it would never pop through your gums and it took over a month to finally make its appearance. Along with that tooth, came a fever of 104 degrees. You felt terrible for a couple days, we were so glad when you started feeling better.

You are very proud of your ability to say mamama and dadadadada. You usually say those words over and over in the morning as your waking up. The time change has not been kind to me, as you now wake up around 5:45 am. Since we leave the house at 7 to take Ryan to school, this isn’t horrible, but it’s not ideal on the weekends. You also began using a little of the sign language I’ve been teaching you. We’re still working on eat, drink and bottle, but more seems to have taken hold. It almost looked like hand flapping so at first I wasn’t sure what you were doing, but you use it at the right times so we figured that’s your interpretation of the sign.

You are happiest when you are outside. You love people watching and seem to really enjoy the fresh air, the feel of the breeze on your face, a butterfly as it floats by, etc. You don’t, however, appreciate grass. Ryan was the same way. It took him awhile before he didn’t mind that grass can sometimes be a little prickly. You had your first ride in a swing this month. You giggled and grinned your way through it and didn’t want to get out when it was time to leave the park. We now have a baby swing in the backyard on the swingset, so you get to swing quite often.

I think it’s possible that your separation anxiety is starting to fade! You’ve spent time with both Barbara and Jacy (friends of mine) and you didn’t cry! The other day at the grocery store you didn’t cry when the bagger wheeled the cart out. I normally pick you up because you instantly start to fuss, but that day you enjoyed the woman who was talking to you and you just sat and smiled at her. I’ve probably jinxed it all now by talking about it, but I’m thrilled to see you smiling at people and not crying the minute someone besides me holds you.

I'm so thankful that your daddy works hard so that I can stay home with you and Ryan. I never thought being a stay at home mom would be my choice, but it has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. As the saying goes, there are but two things you can give a child, one is roots and the other is wings. We're working on your roots right now little one so that your wings will always bring you home.

I love you always Makenna.

Mom

Wordless Wednesday

9 Months! (posted a week late)

Dear Makenna,

You're 9 months old! It's hard to believe you've been out of my tummy as long as you were in it. Even harder to remember what life was like 18 months ago before the promise of you and all that you would bring to our family.

The last month has been a big one for you developmentally. The highlights are that you started crawling, pulling up, standing and even standing for a few seconds without holding onto anything. You'll be walking before we know it! I'm not ready for that, you're only 9 months old!

You starting clapping when you're happy or when you see one of us or you see a toy you like...or....the list goes on and on. You love to clap and we love it when you do! You got three more teeth and have been working on a fourth for a couple weeks now. With 7 teeth (almost 8) you're really enjoying chewing new foods. While you like just about anything we put in your mouth, you particularly enjoy it when you get food off our plates. Favorites include real bananas, tiny apple pieces, plain pancakes, brown rice and wheat pasta, and recently avacado and tomato. Your beginning to pinch when you feed yourself, but even minus the raking motion, you still put your whole fist in your mouth when you're trying to eat. You've figured out the sippy cup with a spout and now I'm trying a sippy cup with straw. The straw has been a bit harder to master, but I think you'll get it soon. Apparently straw cups are better for language development so I'd like you to use a staw cup at least some of the time. Speaking of language development, you've yet to use any of the signs I've been teaching you. Ryan still throws one out periodically, I'm hopeful that you'll start using a few of them too.

Early in the month you fussed a lot as you were trying to figure out how to crawl. Now you're a happy baby, constantly on the move and checking out your surroundings. You go from toy to toy, stopping to look at a piece of lint on the floor which means it usually ends up in your mouth. We realized that you were giving kisses at the beginning of the month. I think you'd been doing it for awhile, we just didn't realize that when you lunged at us with an open mouth that you were giving us a kiss and not trying to eat our face. The other day you spent about twenty minutes kissing your reflection in the mirror and "talking" to yourself. So cute. Unfortunately some of your favorite places to play are the fireplace and some of the floor plants. Thankfully the fireplace just holds candles and you mostly play with the wire mesh. The plants are a different story, apparently saliva makes really good mud pies and your clothes are a good canvas for mud painting.

For reasons I can't figure out, you're still getting up a couple of times a week during the night. This wouldn't bother me too much, except that when you wake, you're then up for hours. I'll get you back to sleep with a bottle, rocking or patting your back, but the minute I try to put you back in your crib, or remove my hand from your back you start crying again. It often takes a couple of hours before you're soundly back to sleep. This is rough on Mommy, could you work on that for me?

You started saying Dada (daddy) with intention this month. Apparently it's a universal term for both your Daddy and I and sometimes Ryan. I keep trying to get you to say Mama but everytime I say Mama you say Dada. Sigh. Actually, it's really cute. You get the biggest smile when we play that game and an even bigger smile when your Daddy gets home at the end of each day.

At your 9 month check up you weighed in at 22 lbs 8 oz, 95% for your age and gender, and you were 29.5 inches which is 97%. We can't believe how tall you are and hope you aren't taller than your brother. I'm not sure he'd like that. Your convertable carseat has been ordered because you are close to growing out of your second infant carseat...crazy! Thankfully we were able to borrow the second infant seat from your friend Gracie.

You are at such a fun age right now. Learning lots of new things, exploring, generally happy and content. I'm looking forward to what the month ahead holds.

I love you Makenna benna benna bear. (Not sure how that nickname developed, but it seems to have stuck for now.)

Love,
Mom

Light The Night - part two

I surpassed my fundraising goal for Light The Night today! I set a pretty hefty goal because it's a cause so close to my heart and am thrilled my family and friends have been so supportive and donated so generously. That said, I hope a few more donations come in before the walk on the 18th.

I wish this fundraising was "In Honor" of Jenna instead of "In Memory" of her but the reality is that it's my honor to walk in her memory. I try to be thankful that I can do something on her behalf and that money raised will make a difference for others.

I love you Jenna and miss you every day.

Me and My Gang

Ryan really enjoys music. When he hears a new song he almost instantly develops an opinion about it. His current song of choice is "Me and My Gang" by Rascal Flatts. It's a good thing I enjoy this song too because we listen to it numerous times during each car ride. Yesterday we were listening to it, singing along while we drove. I was dancing in my seat, Ryan was playing some sweet air guitar, and then Makenna piped in. She started "singing" too. It was awesome! One of those perfect moments you hope to always remember. Man I love my kids!

Parenthood. The cure for Infertility?

There was a time in my life when I thought “If I can just get pregnant I won’t remember or be effected by the pain of infertility”. That was before I had Ryan. We spent 4.5 years working towards bringing him into this world. It was a difficult time filled with Resolve meetings, doctor’s visits, second opinions, ultrasounds, fertility drugs, and a twelve-week wellness class focused on achieving pregnancy. Finally, we were blessed with a little boy. All was right with the world. He was wonderful, beautiful, enchanting, all consuming.

In fact, he was so wonderful that we wanted more just like him. The black beast of infertility reared its head again. I can’t say which was worse. The despair of thinking we’d never have a child or the knowledge of how great my child was and knowing that we might not be able to have another and provide him with a sibling.

The second time around we had better insurance and less time. We focused and attacked. We went straight to IVF and after three tries we were able to bring home a baby girl. All was right with the world. She was wonderful, beautiful, enchanting, all consuming.

We had two children, both of whom were perfect in our eyes. We weren’t sure if we wanted any more, but we had options. We had a few totsicles in storage.

With all that in mind, I wonder why baby showers are still hard for me. Why I still sometimes look at pregnant women and get teary. Why I'm still bitter when I hear of those who got pregnant their first month trying, or weren’t even trying and yet are pregnant. Why I’m jealous when I hear about people who don’t have a care in the world and announce a pregnancy to everyone they know within minutes of taking a test.

I know these thoughts are my issues and have nothing to do with the people they involve. I try to keep the negative thoughts at bay. I try to revel in the joy that surrounds pregnancy. I try to think about how sweet babies are and how blessed the parents will be. I try to focus on the two children I have and be thankful for them each and every day.

But in case you were wondering…Parenthood is not the cure for Infertility. I’m like an alcoholic, in recovery but definitely not cured.

Wordless Wednesday

Two for Tuesday!

Borrowed from Tara...

Two names you go by
1. Momma
2. Raye

Two things you are wearing right now
1. comfy pants
2. March of Dimes T-Shirt

Two things you would want (or have) in a relationship
1. Effective Communication
2. Humor

Two things you like to do
1. Spend time with family and friends
2. Read

Two things you want very badly at the moment
1. A degree in Interior Design
2. Two healthy kids

Two things you did last night
1. Made dinner
2. Gave the kids a bath

Two things you ate today
1. Salad
2. Oatmeal

Two people you last talked to
1. Ryan, while he said good night and told me I was his favorite mom :)
2. Hubby

Two things you're doing tomorrow
1. Taking Ryan to the pediatrician for a follow up appt.
2. Running on my treadmill

Two favorite holidays
1. Christmas Eve...Good memories, Midnight Candlelight Service, Opening one gift, The anticipation, Family.
2. St. Patty's Day, I'm a good Irish girl

Two favorite beverages
1. Diet Coke
2. Wine

Two jobs I have had in my life
1. Resident Assistant in College
2. Teen & Family Program Director at the Y

Two movies I would watch over and over
1. Under the Tuscan Sun
2. Hunt for Red October

Two places I have lived
1. Colorado
2. Germany

Two of my favorite foods
1. Pizza
2. Mexican

Two places I'd rather be right now
1. The Beach
2. Rico, Colorado...hanging out with my Mom and Stepdad

Deja Vu

Friday morning we headed to the pediatrician since Ryan was having some trouble breathing. Three breathing treatments and a dose of steriods later, Ryan was on his way to the local Children's Hospital ER via ambulance. He wasn't really wheezing but his chest was very tight. His pediatrician expected he'd be diagnosed with Pneumonia after a chest xray was completed.

Once we arrived, Ryan was placed on a continuous breathing treatment for two hours, had a chest xray, an IV and another dose of steriods. Thankfully the chest xray came back negative for Pnuemonia, the throat swab was negative for Strep and the IV was nothing compared to last year. He even said after it was done "Wow, that's it? It didn't even hurt." A few more breathing treatments and 9 hours after our arrival, Ryan was admitted to the hospital. Ryan and I spent the night, which he was thrilled about. He remembered the pancakes and bacon he had during his last stay and wanted them again. What?? It's odd the things that kids focus on.

Ryan responded really well to the meds and we were sent home the following afternoon... with an entire pharmacy. Now we'll spend the next couple days trying to lay low and encourage a kid who's bored and wound up from the meds to be mellow and not eat everything in sight. Didn't we just do this a year ago? Seasonal allergies and Reactive Airway Disease can bite me.

He Takes After Me

You know how, when you're having a child, you think about all the traits you wish they'd get, and those you hope they don't.

"I hope she has my hair."

"I hope he gets my musical ear."

"Fingers crossed that he doesn't get my teeth."

You get the point.

Well, I've discovered a new trait that Ryan seems to have gotten from me. As a child, I was often sick for holidays, special events, vacations, etc. It appears that my boy is following in his mother's footsteps. He's already missed numerous fun events and parties at school and he's been sick during a couple vacations. Today is the Eagle Stomp at his school. It's a Fun Run and a big carnival. Inflatable Obstacle Courses, face painting, dunking booths, temporary tattoos, snow cones, serious fun for kids, Ryan has been so excited. He got his pledges, turned in his sheet and was ready to run laps for money for the school. Unfortunately, he's home sick. Yet again, a cold has turned into something more overnight. We're headed to the doctor in a couple minutes. I'm hoping he'll just get a breathing treatment or two and won't have to go to the hospital again. The poor kid feels horrible, but you want to know what he's sad about? You guessed it, not being able to go to school today.

Nuggets of Grace, Part Two

My Nuggets of Grace post stirred up a bit of controversy and brought a few lurkers out of the woodwork...Yay! I love comments.

I replied to the comments in the comment section of that post, but wanted to do so here as well, in case people didn't check the comments section again. Clear as mud?

Anyhow, I wasn't sure if I should leave the post up because I didn't know if people would be offended.

That said, I wanted the post to focus on Grace and instead it seemed to focus on hypocrisy, or at least that's what many of you got from it. In regards to that, many of the people that I know that are very religious, very involved in their churches, etc. are wonderful. They unabashedly stand behind what they believe in through word and action. I guess the hypocrisy statement was meant to be more of a general thought about "organized" religions. Not so much about the Christians that are in my life currently.

Infertility caused me to question God and myself and caused me to feel unworthy. The sermon about Grace helped me to feel a little better about my religious walk as of late. That is what I meant for the post to be about, I guess I didn't quite hit the mark.

Thanks again for the comments. Have I mentioned that I love comments?!

Wordless Wednesday

First Day of Kindergarten

I know Ryan's first day of Kindergarten was weeks ago. I'm Lame!

Ryan was thrilled to start school this year, especially when he found out he'd be in the same class as his best friend, Connor, and would have the teacher's we'd hoped for. His teachers job share, meaning that they work two days a week and then alternate fridays. They are both awesome and really have a love of teaching. I'm so happy he got into this class and I think it's going to be a great year!

Here are a few pictures from his first day. Ryan was very proud of his rolling spiderman backpack and was wearing a heart sticker as a reminder of "The Kissing Hand". His teachers read us that book at parent's night and then gave us stickers for the kids so that when they read the book to the kids on the first day they'd have their heart stickers. It was so sweet and the kids appreciated it as much as the parents. Notice Ryan's huge smiles! He's such a great kid!