Funk

I’ve been in a bit of a post holiday funk. The weeks leading up to the holidays were full, busy, a little stressful and filled with fun events. Then we were traveling and enjoying great visits with each of our families. After arriving home, we celebrated New Year’s Eve with some of our best friends, and then celebrated M’s first birthday. Thanksgiving through early January was one big fun celebration with people who are important to us.

Now we’re home, it’s cold, nothing fun to look forward to, no plans for the upcoming months. I like to have plans, I like seeing our families, I like to have things to look forward to. When there’s nothing “in the works” I get grumpy. The bad thing is, when mommy’s in a funk the whole family is in a funk.

Recognizing it was time to pull myself out of my gloom, I started thinking about school again. I did some research, talked to some schools, and lo and behold I started feeling happy again. Excited. Alive. It’s not so much school that excites me, but the end result of a second degree, which in hindsight should have been my first.

I love my children and I love my life, but in a few years both kids will be in school and then what? I need to prepare now for that time. I struggle with feeling selfish. I don’t want to add bills to our family, I don’t want to miss out on family time, and I don’t want to put more of a burden on my already stressed husband. But, I really want to be an Interior Designer. My heart swells when I think about creating spaces where people will feel warm and happy. My fingers itch to create. My head thinks about global warming and how I could make a small difference through green design. My family is my passion, but so is design. As a mother, I feel guilty about that. As a woman, I feel blessed. I’m lucky to have such a great family and lucky that I’ve figured out, at a relatively young age, what I want to be when I grow up.

Now I just need to make it happen.