Dear Makenna,
Month 11 has come and gone and with holiday travel and festivities I’m just now getting to your 11 month post. A small case of mommy guilt comes with my procrastination.
This month had just a couple firsts worth mentioning. In no particular order, you started waving, you had your first near death experience and you met your Great Grandma.
The waving started one day and has yet to stop. You’re so proud of your new skill you wave to everything, whether it waves back or not. We all love it and encourage you to practice, practice, practice.
You met your Great Grandma during the Thanksgiving holiday. We converged upon her house in IL, along with all three of your uncles and their spouses/significant others, your Nana & Papa, and Papa’s sister’s family. GiGi (Great Grandma) was so busy with all the entertaining, cooking, cleaning etc, that you weren’t able to spend much time with each other, but she loved every minute of your time together. You, on the other hand, did well the first day but by the second you were a bit clingy with your daddy and I. While your separation anxiety can sometimes be difficult to deal with, there’s a part of me that cherishes this time because I know the day will come when you won’t want to be with us.
The rest of the month was fairly uneventful, other than the daily cuddles and kisses that always make my heart soar. You are such a cuddle bug and love to be held. You continue to initiate bunny kisses and now we even get the open mouthed kiss on a regular basis. You’re still crawling, however we can see you developing your sense of balance and you’re getting more daring. Amazingly enough, I think you made it through the entire month without teething! You’re at 8 teeth…and holding…however I think your eyeteeth will start causing some issues soon. I can feel your gums starting to swell.
As for your near death experience, well, I can be a little dramatic. You did have a pretty close call though. We’d been at a friend’s house and you managed to get hold of a little star sticker and put it in your mouth without me realizing. As we walked to the car, to pick Ryan up from school, I realized you were gasping and not getting any air. I swept your mouth, did the Heimlich maneuver and then you started throwing up. You probably threw up 20 or 30 times and finally the star came out. By the time it was over, we were both covered in puke and tears. I’m not sure if the tears on me were yours or mine. Either way, I know I hugged you extra tight for quite awhile after it was over.
You have been such a joy over the last month. I love watching you grow and change but I’m enjoying this stage so much that I hate that it’s passing so quickly. It’s hard to believe you’ll be turning ONE in just a few short weeks.
I love you Makenna,
Mama
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Thankful
*I'm thankful for my husband. He's such a loving, caring, committed partner and an incredible dad. There are times that he can get through to Ryan after I've thrown up my hands in frustration. Not once has he made me feel unattractive or like I'm not good enough. He makes me feel like I can accomplish anything I set my mind too, and fully supports my career decisions. We kind of grew up together and I am so impressed by the man he's become.
*I'm thankful for my children. I can't imagine life without them and am so glad we had the strength emotionally, physically and financially to work so hard for them.
*I’m thankful for our family and their never ending support, listening ears, and shoulders to cry on during the “Year of the IVF”.
*I’m thankful for the infertility insurance package that my hubby’s employer provided that meant we were able to do 3 IVF’s in a year.
*I'm thankful for my family. Some of my best friends are family members.
*I'm thankful for my health and the health of my family.
*I'm thankful for my friends. I have a lot of really great friends, some I’ve known for 25 years, others for just a couple, but all of them are awesome.
*I'm thankful for my lifestyle and that my hubby works so hard so that I can stay home with our kids right now.
*I'm thankful for my IPOD. Music speaks to me and gets me through tough times, I love that I have so much music on such a little gadget.
*I'm thankful for my mom’s group. It's introduced me to people and things I might not have been exposed to. It encourages me to use my brain occasionally. I enjoy the humor and tears we share and I always appreciate the community for myself and my kids.
*I’m thankful that after literally years of searching, I’ve finally found a church I love. It’s awesome to spend a couple hours Sunday morning thinking of the big picture in a new way.
*I’m thankful to be alive and healthy and able to enjoy this day with my family
*I'm THANKFUL!!!
*I'm thankful for my children. I can't imagine life without them and am so glad we had the strength emotionally, physically and financially to work so hard for them.
*I’m thankful for our family and their never ending support, listening ears, and shoulders to cry on during the “Year of the IVF”.
*I’m thankful for the infertility insurance package that my hubby’s employer provided that meant we were able to do 3 IVF’s in a year.
*I'm thankful for my family. Some of my best friends are family members.
*I'm thankful for my health and the health of my family.
*I'm thankful for my friends. I have a lot of really great friends, some I’ve known for 25 years, others for just a couple, but all of them are awesome.
*I'm thankful for my lifestyle and that my hubby works so hard so that I can stay home with our kids right now.
*I'm thankful for my IPOD. Music speaks to me and gets me through tough times, I love that I have so much music on such a little gadget.
*I'm thankful for my mom’s group. It's introduced me to people and things I might not have been exposed to. It encourages me to use my brain occasionally. I enjoy the humor and tears we share and I always appreciate the community for myself and my kids.
*I’m thankful that after literally years of searching, I’ve finally found a church I love. It’s awesome to spend a couple hours Sunday morning thinking of the big picture in a new way.
*I’m thankful to be alive and healthy and able to enjoy this day with my family
*I'm THANKFUL!!!
Monday, November 12, 2007
NaBloPoMo
What’s that you’re wondering? It’s a promise, of sorts, in the Land ‘O Blog, a promise to write a post each day during the month of November for National Blog Posting Month. I briefly considered it. I’ve been a bad bad blogger lately. I thought signing up for NaBloPoMo might kick start my blogging juices and remind me that memories are good, no matter how big or small. I’ve had things on my mind that I wanted to write about and haven’t made the time. The thing is, writing is cathartic. It helps me remember things I don’t want to forget. It helps me feel closer to my family. It helps me think about things objectively. It helps me appreciate the joy in a moment a second time as I write about it. Besides, I enjoy it. So, bear with me as I try to get back into this blogging thing.
http://nablopomo.ning.com/ didn’t get my promise this year…maybe next year.
http://nablopomo.ning.com/ didn’t get my promise this year…maybe next year.
Friday, November 09, 2007
An Action Figure or a Rock Star
Often during our morning drive to school, Ryan picks a song that we listen to over and over. But we don't just listen, we seat dance, we sing along, we play "air instruments", we jam.
This mornings song was "I Like the Way You Move" by the Bodyrockers. Ryan pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his head, threw on some shades and rocked his air guitar. I sang along in the front seat, sneaking peeks at Ryan in the rearview mirror and grinning from the joy of the moment. When the song was over he said "Mom, when I get big I want to go to a concert with you". Apparently that Wiggles "concert" he went to a couple years ago was quite the experience because he can't wait to go again. I said "You bet. I'm going to hold you to that." So here it is...in writing...when Ryan is big, we're going to a concert together. I can't wait!
We played the song again and at the end of it Ryan said "When I grow up I want to be a Rock Star. A Rock Star or an Action Figure." I wanted to say "You're my Rock Star little man. You put on awesome concerts in the back seat and make my heart swell with adoration." Instead I said "Rock on with your bad self." At six, that's quite a compliment. For the record, I managed to hold the laughter in, about him wanting to be an action figure, until he got out of the car.
Ryan then went on to say that his daddy was a Rock Star before he played in the music band* and he wants to be just like his daddy. The Daddy Man didn't get invited to the concert**, but his son wants to be just like him. In my opinion, Ryan couldn't have picked a better person to be like. Again with the swelling heart.
Life is good.
*The Daddy Man played the trumpet growing up and recently got some videos and tapes of his high school band performing. Ryan has watched them and thinks they rock.
**DM didn't get invited because he likes hair bands, while Ryan and I have a much more distinguished taste in music.
This mornings song was "I Like the Way You Move" by the Bodyrockers. Ryan pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his head, threw on some shades and rocked his air guitar. I sang along in the front seat, sneaking peeks at Ryan in the rearview mirror and grinning from the joy of the moment. When the song was over he said "Mom, when I get big I want to go to a concert with you". Apparently that Wiggles "concert" he went to a couple years ago was quite the experience because he can't wait to go again. I said "You bet. I'm going to hold you to that." So here it is...in writing...when Ryan is big, we're going to a concert together. I can't wait!
We played the song again and at the end of it Ryan said "When I grow up I want to be a Rock Star. A Rock Star or an Action Figure." I wanted to say "You're my Rock Star little man. You put on awesome concerts in the back seat and make my heart swell with adoration." Instead I said "Rock on with your bad self." At six, that's quite a compliment. For the record, I managed to hold the laughter in, about him wanting to be an action figure, until he got out of the car.
Ryan then went on to say that his daddy was a Rock Star before he played in the music band* and he wants to be just like his daddy. The Daddy Man didn't get invited to the concert**, but his son wants to be just like him. In my opinion, Ryan couldn't have picked a better person to be like. Again with the swelling heart.
Life is good.
*The Daddy Man played the trumpet growing up and recently got some videos and tapes of his high school band performing. Ryan has watched them and thinks they rock.
**DM didn't get invited because he likes hair bands, while Ryan and I have a much more distinguished taste in music.
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Letters to Baby - 10 Months!
Dear Makenna,
Another month has already passed. As usual, I can't believe how quickly you're growing and changing. I love watching you grow, but it's a little bittersweet watching you go from tiny baby to a 10 month old in what seems like the blink of an eye.
Your favorite pastimes are playing with paper or magazines and tearing them into tiny pieces, which you then try to put in your mouth and chew up. (Have I mentioned that EVERYTHING goes into your mouth?) You also love to blow spit bubbles. It’s so funny to watch you as you open and close your mouth and make bubbles between your lips. Dancing has come naturally to you. We’ve spent numerous evenings dancing in the kitchen as a family. It’s so fun to watch you bounce to the beat while Ryan is next to you trying to breakdance or working on his “moves”.
Your temper is a bit more obvious when you’re upset with your daddy and I. Your cry is louder now and much more demanding and you make a squeaking noise when you disapprove of something that’s occurring. It’s pretty easy to pull you out of that though. You love cuddles and kisses, tickles and laughter and you love interaction with Ryan, your daddy and I.
You got your 8th tooth at the end of this month. I thought it would never pop through your gums and it took over a month to finally make its appearance. Along with that tooth, came a fever of 104 degrees. You felt terrible for a couple days, we were so glad when you started feeling better.
You are very proud of your ability to say mamama and dadadadada. You usually say those words over and over in the morning as your waking up. The time change has not been kind to me, as you now wake up around 5:45 am. Since we leave the house at 7 to take Ryan to school, this isn’t horrible, but it’s not ideal on the weekends. You also began using a little of the sign language I’ve been teaching you. We’re still working on eat, drink and bottle, but more seems to have taken hold. It almost looked like hand flapping so at first I wasn’t sure what you were doing, but you use it at the right times so we figured that’s your interpretation of the sign.
You are happiest when you are outside. You love people watching and seem to really enjoy the fresh air, the feel of the breeze on your face, a butterfly as it floats by, etc. You don’t, however, appreciate grass. Ryan was the same way. It took him awhile before he didn’t mind that grass can sometimes be a little prickly. You had your first ride in a swing this month. You giggled and grinned your way through it and didn’t want to get out when it was time to leave the park. We now have a baby swing in the backyard on the swingset, so you get to swing quite often.
I think it’s possible that your separation anxiety is starting to fade! You’ve spent time with both Barbara and Jacy (friends of mine) and you didn’t cry! The other day at the grocery store you didn’t cry when the bagger wheeled the cart out. I normally pick you up because you instantly start to fuss, but that day you enjoyed the woman who was talking to you and you just sat and smiled at her. I’ve probably jinxed it all now by talking about it, but I’m thrilled to see you smiling at people and not crying the minute someone besides me holds you.
I'm so thankful that your daddy works hard so that I can stay home with you and Ryan. I never thought being a stay at home mom would be my choice, but it has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. As the saying goes, there are but two things you can give a child, one is roots and the other is wings. We're working on your roots right now little one so that your wings will always bring you home.
I love you always Makenna.
Mom
Another month has already passed. As usual, I can't believe how quickly you're growing and changing. I love watching you grow, but it's a little bittersweet watching you go from tiny baby to a 10 month old in what seems like the blink of an eye.
Your favorite pastimes are playing with paper or magazines and tearing them into tiny pieces, which you then try to put in your mouth and chew up. (Have I mentioned that EVERYTHING goes into your mouth?) You also love to blow spit bubbles. It’s so funny to watch you as you open and close your mouth and make bubbles between your lips. Dancing has come naturally to you. We’ve spent numerous evenings dancing in the kitchen as a family. It’s so fun to watch you bounce to the beat while Ryan is next to you trying to breakdance or working on his “moves”.
Your temper is a bit more obvious when you’re upset with your daddy and I. Your cry is louder now and much more demanding and you make a squeaking noise when you disapprove of something that’s occurring. It’s pretty easy to pull you out of that though. You love cuddles and kisses, tickles and laughter and you love interaction with Ryan, your daddy and I.
You got your 8th tooth at the end of this month. I thought it would never pop through your gums and it took over a month to finally make its appearance. Along with that tooth, came a fever of 104 degrees. You felt terrible for a couple days, we were so glad when you started feeling better.
You are very proud of your ability to say mamama and dadadadada. You usually say those words over and over in the morning as your waking up. The time change has not been kind to me, as you now wake up around 5:45 am. Since we leave the house at 7 to take Ryan to school, this isn’t horrible, but it’s not ideal on the weekends. You also began using a little of the sign language I’ve been teaching you. We’re still working on eat, drink and bottle, but more seems to have taken hold. It almost looked like hand flapping so at first I wasn’t sure what you were doing, but you use it at the right times so we figured that’s your interpretation of the sign.
You are happiest when you are outside. You love people watching and seem to really enjoy the fresh air, the feel of the breeze on your face, a butterfly as it floats by, etc. You don’t, however, appreciate grass. Ryan was the same way. It took him awhile before he didn’t mind that grass can sometimes be a little prickly. You had your first ride in a swing this month. You giggled and grinned your way through it and didn’t want to get out when it was time to leave the park. We now have a baby swing in the backyard on the swingset, so you get to swing quite often.
I think it’s possible that your separation anxiety is starting to fade! You’ve spent time with both Barbara and Jacy (friends of mine) and you didn’t cry! The other day at the grocery store you didn’t cry when the bagger wheeled the cart out. I normally pick you up because you instantly start to fuss, but that day you enjoyed the woman who was talking to you and you just sat and smiled at her. I’ve probably jinxed it all now by talking about it, but I’m thrilled to see you smiling at people and not crying the minute someone besides me holds you.
I'm so thankful that your daddy works hard so that I can stay home with you and Ryan. I never thought being a stay at home mom would be my choice, but it has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. As the saying goes, there are but two things you can give a child, one is roots and the other is wings. We're working on your roots right now little one so that your wings will always bring you home.
I love you always Makenna.
Mom
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
9 Months! (posted a week late)
Dear Makenna,
You're 9 months old! It's hard to believe you've been out of my tummy as long as you were in it. Even harder to remember what life was like 18 months ago before the promise of you and all that you would bring to our family.
The last month has been a big one for you developmentally. The highlights are that you started crawling, pulling up, standing and even standing for a few seconds without holding onto anything. You'll be walking before we know it! I'm not ready for that, you're only 9 months old!
You starting clapping when you're happy or when you see one of us or you see a toy you like...or....the list goes on and on. You love to clap and we love it when you do! You got three more teeth and have been working on a fourth for a couple weeks now. With 7 teeth (almost 8) you're really enjoying chewing new foods. While you like just about anything we put in your mouth, you particularly enjoy it when you get food off our plates. Favorites include real bananas, tiny apple pieces, plain pancakes, brown rice and wheat pasta, and recently avacado and tomato. Your beginning to pinch when you feed yourself, but even minus the raking motion, you still put your whole fist in your mouth when you're trying to eat. You've figured out the sippy cup with a spout and now I'm trying a sippy cup with straw. The straw has been a bit harder to master, but I think you'll get it soon. Apparently straw cups are better for language development so I'd like you to use a staw cup at least some of the time. Speaking of language development, you've yet to use any of the signs I've been teaching you. Ryan still throws one out periodically, I'm hopeful that you'll start using a few of them too.
Early in the month you fussed a lot as you were trying to figure out how to crawl. Now you're a happy baby, constantly on the move and checking out your surroundings. You go from toy to toy, stopping to look at a piece of lint on the floor which means it usually ends up in your mouth. We realized that you were giving kisses at the beginning of the month. I think you'd been doing it for awhile, we just didn't realize that when you lunged at us with an open mouth that you were giving us a kiss and not trying to eat our face. The other day you spent about twenty minutes kissing your reflection in the mirror and "talking" to yourself. So cute. Unfortunately some of your favorite places to play are the fireplace and some of the floor plants. Thankfully the fireplace just holds candles and you mostly play with the wire mesh. The plants are a different story, apparently saliva makes really good mud pies and your clothes are a good canvas for mud painting.
For reasons I can't figure out, you're still getting up a couple of times a week during the night. This wouldn't bother me too much, except that when you wake, you're then up for hours. I'll get you back to sleep with a bottle, rocking or patting your back, but the minute I try to put you back in your crib, or remove my hand from your back you start crying again. It often takes a couple of hours before you're soundly back to sleep. This is rough on Mommy, could you work on that for me?
You started saying Dada (daddy) with intention this month. Apparently it's a universal term for both your Daddy and I and sometimes Ryan. I keep trying to get you to say Mama but everytime I say Mama you say Dada. Sigh. Actually, it's really cute. You get the biggest smile when we play that game and an even bigger smile when your Daddy gets home at the end of each day.
At your 9 month check up you weighed in at 22 lbs 8 oz, 95% for your age and gender, and you were 29.5 inches which is 97%. We can't believe how tall you are and hope you aren't taller than your brother. I'm not sure he'd like that. Your convertable carseat has been ordered because you are close to growing out of your second infant carseat...crazy! Thankfully we were able to borrow the second infant seat from your friend Gracie.
You are at such a fun age right now. Learning lots of new things, exploring, generally happy and content. I'm looking forward to what the month ahead holds.
I love you Makenna benna benna bear. (Not sure how that nickname developed, but it seems to have stuck for now.)
Love,
Mom
You're 9 months old! It's hard to believe you've been out of my tummy as long as you were in it. Even harder to remember what life was like 18 months ago before the promise of you and all that you would bring to our family.
The last month has been a big one for you developmentally. The highlights are that you started crawling, pulling up, standing and even standing for a few seconds without holding onto anything. You'll be walking before we know it! I'm not ready for that, you're only 9 months old!
You starting clapping when you're happy or when you see one of us or you see a toy you like...or....the list goes on and on. You love to clap and we love it when you do! You got three more teeth and have been working on a fourth for a couple weeks now. With 7 teeth (almost 8) you're really enjoying chewing new foods. While you like just about anything we put in your mouth, you particularly enjoy it when you get food off our plates. Favorites include real bananas, tiny apple pieces, plain pancakes, brown rice and wheat pasta, and recently avacado and tomato. Your beginning to pinch when you feed yourself, but even minus the raking motion, you still put your whole fist in your mouth when you're trying to eat. You've figured out the sippy cup with a spout and now I'm trying a sippy cup with straw. The straw has been a bit harder to master, but I think you'll get it soon. Apparently straw cups are better for language development so I'd like you to use a staw cup at least some of the time. Speaking of language development, you've yet to use any of the signs I've been teaching you. Ryan still throws one out periodically, I'm hopeful that you'll start using a few of them too.
Early in the month you fussed a lot as you were trying to figure out how to crawl. Now you're a happy baby, constantly on the move and checking out your surroundings. You go from toy to toy, stopping to look at a piece of lint on the floor which means it usually ends up in your mouth. We realized that you were giving kisses at the beginning of the month. I think you'd been doing it for awhile, we just didn't realize that when you lunged at us with an open mouth that you were giving us a kiss and not trying to eat our face. The other day you spent about twenty minutes kissing your reflection in the mirror and "talking" to yourself. So cute. Unfortunately some of your favorite places to play are the fireplace and some of the floor plants. Thankfully the fireplace just holds candles and you mostly play with the wire mesh. The plants are a different story, apparently saliva makes really good mud pies and your clothes are a good canvas for mud painting.
For reasons I can't figure out, you're still getting up a couple of times a week during the night. This wouldn't bother me too much, except that when you wake, you're then up for hours. I'll get you back to sleep with a bottle, rocking or patting your back, but the minute I try to put you back in your crib, or remove my hand from your back you start crying again. It often takes a couple of hours before you're soundly back to sleep. This is rough on Mommy, could you work on that for me?
You started saying Dada (daddy) with intention this month. Apparently it's a universal term for both your Daddy and I and sometimes Ryan. I keep trying to get you to say Mama but everytime I say Mama you say Dada. Sigh. Actually, it's really cute. You get the biggest smile when we play that game and an even bigger smile when your Daddy gets home at the end of each day.
At your 9 month check up you weighed in at 22 lbs 8 oz, 95% for your age and gender, and you were 29.5 inches which is 97%. We can't believe how tall you are and hope you aren't taller than your brother. I'm not sure he'd like that. Your convertable carseat has been ordered because you are close to growing out of your second infant carseat...crazy! Thankfully we were able to borrow the second infant seat from your friend Gracie.
You are at such a fun age right now. Learning lots of new things, exploring, generally happy and content. I'm looking forward to what the month ahead holds.
I love you Makenna benna benna bear. (Not sure how that nickname developed, but it seems to have stuck for now.)
Love,
Mom
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Light The Night - part two
I surpassed my fundraising goal for Light The Night today! I set a pretty hefty goal because it's a cause so close to my heart and am thrilled my family and friends have been so supportive and donated so generously. That said, I hope a few more donations come in before the walk on the 18th.
I wish this fundraising was "In Honor" of Jenna instead of "In Memory" of her but the reality is that it's my honor to walk in her memory. I try to be thankful that I can do something on her behalf and that money raised will make a difference for others.
I love you Jenna and miss you every day.
I wish this fundraising was "In Honor" of Jenna instead of "In Memory" of her but the reality is that it's my honor to walk in her memory. I try to be thankful that I can do something on her behalf and that money raised will make a difference for others.
I love you Jenna and miss you every day.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Me and My Gang
Ryan really enjoys music. When he hears a new song he almost instantly develops an opinion about it. His current song of choice is "Me and My Gang" by Rascal Flatts. It's a good thing I enjoy this song too because we listen to it numerous times during each car ride. Yesterday we were listening to it, singing along while we drove. I was dancing in my seat, Ryan was playing some sweet air guitar, and then Makenna piped in. She started "singing" too. It was awesome! One of those perfect moments you hope to always remember. Man I love my kids!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Parenthood. The cure for Infertility?
There was a time in my life when I thought “If I can just get pregnant I won’t remember or be effected by the pain of infertility”. That was before I had Ryan. We spent 4.5 years working towards bringing him into this world. It was a difficult time filled with Resolve meetings, doctor’s visits, second opinions, ultrasounds, fertility drugs, and a twelve-week wellness class focused on achieving pregnancy. Finally, we were blessed with a little boy. All was right with the world. He was wonderful, beautiful, enchanting, all consuming.
In fact, he was so wonderful that we wanted more just like him. The black beast of infertility reared its head again. I can’t say which was worse. The despair of thinking we’d never have a child or the knowledge of how great my child was and knowing that we might not be able to have another and provide him with a sibling.
The second time around we had better insurance and less time. We focused and attacked. We went straight to IVF and after three tries we were able to bring home a baby girl. All was right with the world. She was wonderful, beautiful, enchanting, all consuming.
We had two children, both of whom were perfect in our eyes. We weren’t sure if we wanted any more, but we had options. We had a few totsicles in storage.
With all that in mind, I wonder why baby showers are still hard for me. Why I still sometimes look at pregnant women and get teary. Why I'm still bitter when I hear of those who got pregnant their first month trying, or weren’t even trying and yet are pregnant. Why I’m jealous when I hear about people who don’t have a care in the world and announce a pregnancy to everyone they know within minutes of taking a test.
I know these thoughts are my issues and have nothing to do with the people they involve. I try to keep the negative thoughts at bay. I try to revel in the joy that surrounds pregnancy. I try to think about how sweet babies are and how blessed the parents will be. I try to focus on the two children I have and be thankful for them each and every day.
But in case you were wondering…Parenthood is not the cure for Infertility. I’m like an alcoholic, in recovery but definitely not cured.
In fact, he was so wonderful that we wanted more just like him. The black beast of infertility reared its head again. I can’t say which was worse. The despair of thinking we’d never have a child or the knowledge of how great my child was and knowing that we might not be able to have another and provide him with a sibling.
The second time around we had better insurance and less time. We focused and attacked. We went straight to IVF and after three tries we were able to bring home a baby girl. All was right with the world. She was wonderful, beautiful, enchanting, all consuming.
We had two children, both of whom were perfect in our eyes. We weren’t sure if we wanted any more, but we had options. We had a few totsicles in storage.
With all that in mind, I wonder why baby showers are still hard for me. Why I still sometimes look at pregnant women and get teary. Why I'm still bitter when I hear of those who got pregnant their first month trying, or weren’t even trying and yet are pregnant. Why I’m jealous when I hear about people who don’t have a care in the world and announce a pregnancy to everyone they know within minutes of taking a test.
I know these thoughts are my issues and have nothing to do with the people they involve. I try to keep the negative thoughts at bay. I try to revel in the joy that surrounds pregnancy. I try to think about how sweet babies are and how blessed the parents will be. I try to focus on the two children I have and be thankful for them each and every day.
But in case you were wondering…Parenthood is not the cure for Infertility. I’m like an alcoholic, in recovery but definitely not cured.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Two for Tuesday!
Borrowed from Tara...
Two names you go by
1. Momma
2. Raye
Two things you are wearing right now
1. comfy pants
2. March of Dimes T-Shirt
Two things you would want (or have) in a relationship
1. Effective Communication
2. Humor
Two things you like to do
1. Spend time with family and friends
2. Read
Two things you want very badly at the moment
1. A degree in Interior Design
2. Two healthy kids
Two things you did last night
1. Made dinner
2. Gave the kids a bath
Two things you ate today
1. Salad
2. Oatmeal
Two people you last talked to
1. Ryan, while he said good night and told me I was his favorite mom :)
2. Hubby
Two things you're doing tomorrow
1. Taking Ryan to the pediatrician for a follow up appt.
2. Running on my treadmill
Two favorite holidays
1. Christmas Eve...Good memories, Midnight Candlelight Service, Opening one gift, The anticipation, Family.
2. St. Patty's Day, I'm a good Irish girl
Two favorite beverages
1. Diet Coke
2. Wine
Two jobs I have had in my life
1. Resident Assistant in College
2. Teen & Family Program Director at the Y
Two movies I would watch over and over
1. Under the Tuscan Sun
2. Hunt for Red October
Two places I have lived
1. Colorado
2. Germany
Two of my favorite foods
1. Pizza
2. Mexican
Two places I'd rather be right now
1. The Beach
2. Rico, Colorado...hanging out with my Mom and Stepdad
Two names you go by
1. Momma
2. Raye
Two things you are wearing right now
1. comfy pants
2. March of Dimes T-Shirt
Two things you would want (or have) in a relationship
1. Effective Communication
2. Humor
Two things you like to do
1. Spend time with family and friends
2. Read
Two things you want very badly at the moment
1. A degree in Interior Design
2. Two healthy kids
Two things you did last night
1. Made dinner
2. Gave the kids a bath
Two things you ate today
1. Salad
2. Oatmeal
Two people you last talked to
1. Ryan, while he said good night and told me I was his favorite mom :)
2. Hubby
Two things you're doing tomorrow
1. Taking Ryan to the pediatrician for a follow up appt.
2. Running on my treadmill
Two favorite holidays
1. Christmas Eve...Good memories, Midnight Candlelight Service, Opening one gift, The anticipation, Family.
2. St. Patty's Day, I'm a good Irish girl
Two favorite beverages
1. Diet Coke
2. Wine
Two jobs I have had in my life
1. Resident Assistant in College
2. Teen & Family Program Director at the Y
Two movies I would watch over and over
1. Under the Tuscan Sun
2. Hunt for Red October
Two places I have lived
1. Colorado
2. Germany
Two of my favorite foods
1. Pizza
2. Mexican
Two places I'd rather be right now
1. The Beach
2. Rico, Colorado...hanging out with my Mom and Stepdad
Monday, September 17, 2007
Deja Vu
Friday morning we headed to the pediatrician since Ryan was having some trouble breathing. Three breathing treatments and a dose of steriods later, Ryan was on his way to the local Children's Hospital ER via ambulance. He wasn't really wheezing but his chest was very tight. His pediatrician expected he'd be diagnosed with Pneumonia after a chest xray was completed.
Once we arrived, Ryan was placed on a continuous breathing treatment for two hours, had a chest xray, an IV and another dose of steriods. Thankfully the chest xray came back negative for Pnuemonia, the throat swab was negative for Strep and the IV was nothing compared to last year. He even said after it was done "Wow, that's it? It didn't even hurt." A few more breathing treatments and 9 hours after our arrival, Ryan was admitted to the hospital. Ryan and I spent the night, which he was thrilled about. He remembered the pancakes and bacon he had during his last stay and wanted them again. What?? It's odd the things that kids focus on.
Ryan responded really well to the meds and we were sent home the following afternoon... with an entire pharmacy. Now we'll spend the next couple days trying to lay low and encourage a kid who's bored and wound up from the meds to be mellow and not eat everything in sight. Didn't we just do this a year ago? Seasonal allergies and Reactive Airway Disease can bite me.
Once we arrived, Ryan was placed on a continuous breathing treatment for two hours, had a chest xray, an IV and another dose of steriods. Thankfully the chest xray came back negative for Pnuemonia, the throat swab was negative for Strep and the IV was nothing compared to last year. He even said after it was done "Wow, that's it? It didn't even hurt." A few more breathing treatments and 9 hours after our arrival, Ryan was admitted to the hospital. Ryan and I spent the night, which he was thrilled about. He remembered the pancakes and bacon he had during his last stay and wanted them again. What?? It's odd the things that kids focus on.
Ryan responded really well to the meds and we were sent home the following afternoon... with an entire pharmacy. Now we'll spend the next couple days trying to lay low and encourage a kid who's bored and wound up from the meds to be mellow and not eat everything in sight. Didn't we just do this a year ago? Seasonal allergies and Reactive Airway Disease can bite me.
Friday, September 14, 2007
He Takes After Me
You know how, when you're having a child, you think about all the traits you wish they'd get, and those you hope they don't.
"I hope she has my hair."
"I hope he gets my musical ear."
"Fingers crossed that he doesn't get my teeth."
You get the point.
Well, I've discovered a new trait that Ryan seems to have gotten from me. As a child, I was often sick for holidays, special events, vacations, etc. It appears that my boy is following in his mother's footsteps. He's already missed numerous fun events and parties at school and he's been sick during a couple vacations. Today is the Eagle Stomp at his school. It's a Fun Run and a big carnival. Inflatable Obstacle Courses, face painting, dunking booths, temporary tattoos, snow cones, serious fun for kids, Ryan has been so excited. He got his pledges, turned in his sheet and was ready to run laps for money for the school. Unfortunately, he's home sick. Yet again, a cold has turned into something more overnight. We're headed to the doctor in a couple minutes. I'm hoping he'll just get a breathing treatment or two and won't have to go to the hospital again. The poor kid feels horrible, but you want to know what he's sad about? You guessed it, not being able to go to school today.
"I hope she has my hair."
"I hope he gets my musical ear."
"Fingers crossed that he doesn't get my teeth."
You get the point.
Well, I've discovered a new trait that Ryan seems to have gotten from me. As a child, I was often sick for holidays, special events, vacations, etc. It appears that my boy is following in his mother's footsteps. He's already missed numerous fun events and parties at school and he's been sick during a couple vacations. Today is the Eagle Stomp at his school. It's a Fun Run and a big carnival. Inflatable Obstacle Courses, face painting, dunking booths, temporary tattoos, snow cones, serious fun for kids, Ryan has been so excited. He got his pledges, turned in his sheet and was ready to run laps for money for the school. Unfortunately, he's home sick. Yet again, a cold has turned into something more overnight. We're headed to the doctor in a couple minutes. I'm hoping he'll just get a breathing treatment or two and won't have to go to the hospital again. The poor kid feels horrible, but you want to know what he's sad about? You guessed it, not being able to go to school today.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Nuggets of Grace, Part Two
My Nuggets of Grace post stirred up a bit of controversy and brought a few lurkers out of the woodwork...Yay! I love comments.
I replied to the comments in the comment section of that post, but wanted to do so here as well, in case people didn't check the comments section again. Clear as mud?
Anyhow, I wasn't sure if I should leave the post up because I didn't know if people would be offended.
That said, I wanted the post to focus on Grace and instead it seemed to focus on hypocrisy, or at least that's what many of you got from it. In regards to that, many of the people that I know that are very religious, very involved in their churches, etc. are wonderful. They unabashedly stand behind what they believe in through word and action. I guess the hypocrisy statement was meant to be more of a general thought about "organized" religions. Not so much about the Christians that are in my life currently.
Infertility caused me to question God and myself and caused me to feel unworthy. The sermon about Grace helped me to feel a little better about my religious walk as of late. That is what I meant for the post to be about, I guess I didn't quite hit the mark.
Thanks again for the comments. Have I mentioned that I love comments?!
I replied to the comments in the comment section of that post, but wanted to do so here as well, in case people didn't check the comments section again. Clear as mud?
Anyhow, I wasn't sure if I should leave the post up because I didn't know if people would be offended.
That said, I wanted the post to focus on Grace and instead it seemed to focus on hypocrisy, or at least that's what many of you got from it. In regards to that, many of the people that I know that are very religious, very involved in their churches, etc. are wonderful. They unabashedly stand behind what they believe in through word and action. I guess the hypocrisy statement was meant to be more of a general thought about "organized" religions. Not so much about the Christians that are in my life currently.
Infertility caused me to question God and myself and caused me to feel unworthy. The sermon about Grace helped me to feel a little better about my religious walk as of late. That is what I meant for the post to be about, I guess I didn't quite hit the mark.
Thanks again for the comments. Have I mentioned that I love comments?!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
First Day of Kindergarten
I know Ryan's first day of Kindergarten was weeks ago. I'm Lame!
Ryan was thrilled to start school this year, especially when he found out he'd be in the same class as his best friend, Connor, and would have the teacher's we'd hoped for. His teachers job share, meaning that they work two days a week and then alternate fridays. They are both awesome and really have a love of teaching. I'm so happy he got into this class and I think it's going to be a great year!
Here are a few pictures from his first day. Ryan was very proud of his rolling spiderman backpack and was wearing a heart sticker as a reminder of "The Kissing Hand". His teachers read us that book at parent's night and then gave us stickers for the kids so that when they read the book to the kids on the first day they'd have their heart stickers. It was so sweet and the kids appreciated it as much as the parents. Notice Ryan's huge smiles! He's such a great kid!
Ryan was thrilled to start school this year, especially when he found out he'd be in the same class as his best friend, Connor, and would have the teacher's we'd hoped for. His teachers job share, meaning that they work two days a week and then alternate fridays. They are both awesome and really have a love of teaching. I'm so happy he got into this class and I think it's going to be a great year!
Here are a few pictures from his first day. Ryan was very proud of his rolling spiderman backpack and was wearing a heart sticker as a reminder of "The Kissing Hand". His teachers read us that book at parent's night and then gave us stickers for the kids so that when they read the book to the kids on the first day they'd have their heart stickers. It was so sweet and the kids appreciated it as much as the parents. Notice Ryan's huge smiles! He's such a great kid!
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Nuggets of Grace
"People shouldn't be good because they want God to grant them Grace. They should be Godly in their actions because they've already received Grace."
Those are words that were spoken by my pastor this morning during a message about Grace. They spoke to me in a way that a sermon hasn't spoken to me in a long time. In theory it's a pretty simple statement. My emotions, upon hearing that statement, were anything but simple.
I've struggled with organized religion lately, for numerous reasons. One of my biggest issues with it is the hypocrites that preach and judge in the name of God.** I'm a true liberal and don't feel like it's my place to judge others behavior or lifestyle. Granted, no one is perfect and I have judged, but I try not to and I try to value the person even though I may not value the behavior. I also am a firm believer in "God is a loving God". I am a sinner, just like everyone else, but my belief system allows me to still feel loved by God. Since leaving high school and the minister who helped me to know God, I haven't found a church where I felt like my beliefs were in line with everyone else’s. I haven't found a minister/pastor/priest who could deliver messages that drew me in, spoke to me, made me question my beliefs and behaviors and also made me feel good about myself. I almost didn't try this church because I held some stereotypes about the religion. I judged. Thanks to messages like the one shared today, this church and its Pastor has reminded me to live my beliefs and let my actions speak for me. It's also reminded me how valuable keeping an open mind is.
No one would ever mistake me for a happy clapper (read religious zealot) however I'm hopeful that people find at least some of my actions to be Godly. I'm a work in progress and I'm thankful to once again know that I've received Grace.
**There are a few women I know who might read this and feel like I'm referring to them. I'm not.
Those are words that were spoken by my pastor this morning during a message about Grace. They spoke to me in a way that a sermon hasn't spoken to me in a long time. In theory it's a pretty simple statement. My emotions, upon hearing that statement, were anything but simple.
I've struggled with organized religion lately, for numerous reasons. One of my biggest issues with it is the hypocrites that preach and judge in the name of God.** I'm a true liberal and don't feel like it's my place to judge others behavior or lifestyle. Granted, no one is perfect and I have judged, but I try not to and I try to value the person even though I may not value the behavior. I also am a firm believer in "God is a loving God". I am a sinner, just like everyone else, but my belief system allows me to still feel loved by God. Since leaving high school and the minister who helped me to know God, I haven't found a church where I felt like my beliefs were in line with everyone else’s. I haven't found a minister/pastor/priest who could deliver messages that drew me in, spoke to me, made me question my beliefs and behaviors and also made me feel good about myself. I almost didn't try this church because I held some stereotypes about the religion. I judged. Thanks to messages like the one shared today, this church and its Pastor has reminded me to live my beliefs and let my actions speak for me. It's also reminded me how valuable keeping an open mind is.
No one would ever mistake me for a happy clapper (read religious zealot) however I'm hopeful that people find at least some of my actions to be Godly. I'm a work in progress and I'm thankful to once again know that I've received Grace.
**There are a few women I know who might read this and feel like I'm referring to them. I'm not.
8 Months...a few days late.
Dear Makenna,
Another month has come and gone. This past month seemed to go a little slower than the previous month, but I'm still in shock at how quickly you are growing and changing.
The beginning of this month found you pushing up from tummy time and starting to rock on all fours. I thought you'd be crawling by months end, but you'd get so frustrated that your progress was a bit slower than I'd anticipated. As the month came to close you were starting to scoot around and you figured out how to change directions. It won't be long before you're keeping up with me while on your hands and knees. You don't like it when I set you down and go to another room to get something so I think you'll be really happy when you're a bit more mobile.
You like being on the go. I'm wondering if that's your personality or if it's been conditioned since we don't spend much time at home. You really enjoy shopping with mom these days, especially if you get to sit in the front of the cart. You like being up high without a stroller or car seat blocking your view. You get a lot of compliments and people talking to you lately which you fully enjoy, as evidenced by the huge smiles and dimple you display. You also enjoy spending time outside at the pool and at your brother's baseball games.
Around the middle of the month you got two more teeth, within a couple days of each other. You've bitten yourself a couple times, and me too, as you've tried to figure out what those things in your mouth are for. You also grind them together which makes my skin crawl but causes you all sorts of enjoyment. You're also enjoying all the new food you can crunch with those teeth. Little bits of grilled cheese sandwiches are a huge favorite right now. In fact, if one of us have one and aren't sharing you scream at the top of your lungs. Speaking of, have I mentioned your temper???
Yes, you're a bit of a diva. I've already had to tell you "No" numerous times because you'll scream for things and continue to scream if I'm not getting them quickly enough. Your daddy and I just hang our heads and feel thankful that you and your brother can't gang up on us yet. Although we realize it's only a matter of time before that happens.
You have the cutest belly laughs and are so ticklish on your tummy and under your arms. I need to get it on camera before your little giggle changes.
You used to love playing in your jumper or exersaucer but lately you prefer hanging out on the floor surrounded by toys. Once you stopped constantly falling backwards I was thrilled to let you do so. You are so interested in how things work, as well as textures and sounds. You'll spend quite a bit of time examining toys and trying to figure out what they do. It's so fun to watch you learn and figure things out.
Just a few tidbits of info:
# of Bottles a day - 4 or 5, depends on if you're up during the night
# of naps a day - 2 or 3, depends how long they are.
Size clothes you're wearing - Anywhere from 6-12 month up to 18 month items. You're wearing some of your brothers old pj's that he was wearing when he turned 2!
Favorite Game - Patty Cake or Who's that Baby
Paci's - only to chew on if you're bored
Blanket - You're starting to look for your blanket when you lay down for a nap. I think it's so cute and love that you and your brother both love the blankets your Nana made for you.
Sippy Cup - You've just begun drinking out of one. You tend to get as much water on your top as in your mouth but you're enjoying holding the cup yourself.
Separation Anxiety - You've got it and bad. It got a bit better for about a week, but then you fell right back into it. You loooove your mommy right now. Can't say that I mind even though it can be a little frustrating when I have something to do or somewhere to go. That said, I love seeing your little eyes light up when I walk into a room. I also appreciate that just picking you up makes everything right with your world. I know that won't always be the case so I'm trying to remember to enjoy that while it lasts.
One final note, you like to be held A LOT. We love that you're such a cuddlebug, but you make it very hard to get things done around the house. You spend time in the backpack almost every day while your dad or I are folding laundry, cooking, doing dishes, etc. Thankfully you really enjoy it, I, however, wish you didn't pull my hair so much while you were up there.
I'm guessing that next months post will include some new skills for you. While I'm looking forward to those, I'd also like to be able to stop time and keep you where you're at for just a little longer. You are so sweet, so loving and so much fun to be with. As corny as this sounds, you and your brother complete the lives of your dad and I. You make us strive to be better people, you make us question our beliefs, you make us think, you make us love more and you make us learn on a daily basis. Thank you for making us better people than we would have been.
I love you Makenna Brette!
Mom
Another month has come and gone. This past month seemed to go a little slower than the previous month, but I'm still in shock at how quickly you are growing and changing.
The beginning of this month found you pushing up from tummy time and starting to rock on all fours. I thought you'd be crawling by months end, but you'd get so frustrated that your progress was a bit slower than I'd anticipated. As the month came to close you were starting to scoot around and you figured out how to change directions. It won't be long before you're keeping up with me while on your hands and knees. You don't like it when I set you down and go to another room to get something so I think you'll be really happy when you're a bit more mobile.
You like being on the go. I'm wondering if that's your personality or if it's been conditioned since we don't spend much time at home. You really enjoy shopping with mom these days, especially if you get to sit in the front of the cart. You like being up high without a stroller or car seat blocking your view. You get a lot of compliments and people talking to you lately which you fully enjoy, as evidenced by the huge smiles and dimple you display. You also enjoy spending time outside at the pool and at your brother's baseball games.
Around the middle of the month you got two more teeth, within a couple days of each other. You've bitten yourself a couple times, and me too, as you've tried to figure out what those things in your mouth are for. You also grind them together which makes my skin crawl but causes you all sorts of enjoyment. You're also enjoying all the new food you can crunch with those teeth. Little bits of grilled cheese sandwiches are a huge favorite right now. In fact, if one of us have one and aren't sharing you scream at the top of your lungs. Speaking of, have I mentioned your temper???
Yes, you're a bit of a diva. I've already had to tell you "No" numerous times because you'll scream for things and continue to scream if I'm not getting them quickly enough. Your daddy and I just hang our heads and feel thankful that you and your brother can't gang up on us yet. Although we realize it's only a matter of time before that happens.
You have the cutest belly laughs and are so ticklish on your tummy and under your arms. I need to get it on camera before your little giggle changes.
You used to love playing in your jumper or exersaucer but lately you prefer hanging out on the floor surrounded by toys. Once you stopped constantly falling backwards I was thrilled to let you do so. You are so interested in how things work, as well as textures and sounds. You'll spend quite a bit of time examining toys and trying to figure out what they do. It's so fun to watch you learn and figure things out.
Just a few tidbits of info:
# of Bottles a day - 4 or 5, depends on if you're up during the night
# of naps a day - 2 or 3, depends how long they are.
Size clothes you're wearing - Anywhere from 6-12 month up to 18 month items. You're wearing some of your brothers old pj's that he was wearing when he turned 2!
Favorite Game - Patty Cake or Who's that Baby
Paci's - only to chew on if you're bored
Blanket - You're starting to look for your blanket when you lay down for a nap. I think it's so cute and love that you and your brother both love the blankets your Nana made for you.
Sippy Cup - You've just begun drinking out of one. You tend to get as much water on your top as in your mouth but you're enjoying holding the cup yourself.
Separation Anxiety - You've got it and bad. It got a bit better for about a week, but then you fell right back into it. You loooove your mommy right now. Can't say that I mind even though it can be a little frustrating when I have something to do or somewhere to go. That said, I love seeing your little eyes light up when I walk into a room. I also appreciate that just picking you up makes everything right with your world. I know that won't always be the case so I'm trying to remember to enjoy that while it lasts.
One final note, you like to be held A LOT. We love that you're such a cuddlebug, but you make it very hard to get things done around the house. You spend time in the backpack almost every day while your dad or I are folding laundry, cooking, doing dishes, etc. Thankfully you really enjoy it, I, however, wish you didn't pull my hair so much while you were up there.
I'm guessing that next months post will include some new skills for you. While I'm looking forward to those, I'd also like to be able to stop time and keep you where you're at for just a little longer. You are so sweet, so loving and so much fun to be with. As corny as this sounds, you and your brother complete the lives of your dad and I. You make us strive to be better people, you make us question our beliefs, you make us think, you make us love more and you make us learn on a daily basis. Thank you for making us better people than we would have been.
I love you Makenna Brette!
Mom
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Anniversaries
July 24th was the anniversary of the birth of my son. July 27th was the one month anniversary of a close friend's death. August 7th was the 14th anniversary of my wedding day.
As those three dates approached, I felt the need to do something to remember and commemorate each of them. An opportunity came our way through a cousin and his "summer" job. A summer job at Disneyworld! A summer job that would allow us to take a quick vacation for a realitively small amount. A summer job that would allow us to fufill a dream for Ryan. A summer job that would allow us to run away from reality and reconnect for a few short days.
So, I shopped for snack food and drinks, filled our cooler, made sandwiches, packed our bags and off we went. Two glorious days at the beach and two very busy and very long days at Disneyworld. It was wonderful! We left after work on Thursday and ended up driving through the night. Wayne took the first shift and drove until 2:30 am! We had planned to stop somewhere along the way, but I'd gotten some sleep so I decided to drive the rest of the way. We hit Clearwater Beach just after the sun came up. After a stop for breakfast it was on to our hotel, which already had our room available much to our surprise. We were suited up, fully covered in sunscreen and on the beach by 10 am. We proceeded to spend the next two days playing in the sand and surf, collecting seashells and fully enjoying two very lazy days. The Mister and I even found our way to the poolside bar where a few fruity drinks were consumed. There's nothing like a fruity umbrella drink to make me think vacation.
After that, we were on our way to Disney. We arrived around 1 and after a quick stop at the hotel to check in, we met my cousin at the gates of Disneyworld's Magic Kingdom! I think I was more excited than Ryan. Our first stops were to see Goofy and get Ryan a visor. Unfortunately, his face got a bit too much sun at the beach so some damage control was in order. We hit a number of rides, saw the show at the castle, and snuck into one of the shops to cool down and have some ice cream. That night we met my cousin at his second job and had a yummy dinner before heading back to the hotel. The next day included much of the same. We started with a character breakfast where we met the Mad Hatter (a friend of my cousin's), Alice in Wonderland, Mary Poppins, Tigger and Winnie the Pooh. Ryan got star treatment and, much to my dismay, spent a few minutes chasing Tigger around the restaurant trying to retrieve his hat. Bad Tigger! Ryan met the Power Rangers and got autographs from two of them, I think that was the highlight of his day. Well, that and his ride on Thunder Mountain. Have I mentioned that Ryan LOVES roller coasters. This made his daddy very happy. We wrapped up the day as the parade made it's way down Main Street. Rather and sit...or stand...and watch it go by, we made our way to the front gates and still saw the entire thing. By the time we feel into bed that night we'd had our fill of Disney and were ready to head home. We only made it to the Magic Kingdom and MGM Studio's so I'm sure another visit will be in our future when Makenna's a bit older.
The trip home was a bit more difficult than the drive to Florida, but only because we dropped Wayne at the airport in Orlando so he could head to NYC. The kids were great and slept through most of Florida, however, Georgia was an entirely different story. Even with stops, Makenna had enough traveling by the time we hit Tennesse so we ended up stopping in Chattanooga for the night. The final two hours were easy and enjoyable.
All in all, it was a successful family vacation. Many memories made. Lots of fun and relaxation. A few souveniers purchased along the way. Good times...good times.
As those three dates approached, I felt the need to do something to remember and commemorate each of them. An opportunity came our way through a cousin and his "summer" job. A summer job at Disneyworld! A summer job that would allow us to take a quick vacation for a realitively small amount. A summer job that would allow us to fufill a dream for Ryan. A summer job that would allow us to run away from reality and reconnect for a few short days.
So, I shopped for snack food and drinks, filled our cooler, made sandwiches, packed our bags and off we went. Two glorious days at the beach and two very busy and very long days at Disneyworld. It was wonderful! We left after work on Thursday and ended up driving through the night. Wayne took the first shift and drove until 2:30 am! We had planned to stop somewhere along the way, but I'd gotten some sleep so I decided to drive the rest of the way. We hit Clearwater Beach just after the sun came up. After a stop for breakfast it was on to our hotel, which already had our room available much to our surprise. We were suited up, fully covered in sunscreen and on the beach by 10 am. We proceeded to spend the next two days playing in the sand and surf, collecting seashells and fully enjoying two very lazy days. The Mister and I even found our way to the poolside bar where a few fruity drinks were consumed. There's nothing like a fruity umbrella drink to make me think vacation.
After that, we were on our way to Disney. We arrived around 1 and after a quick stop at the hotel to check in, we met my cousin at the gates of Disneyworld's Magic Kingdom! I think I was more excited than Ryan. Our first stops were to see Goofy and get Ryan a visor. Unfortunately, his face got a bit too much sun at the beach so some damage control was in order. We hit a number of rides, saw the show at the castle, and snuck into one of the shops to cool down and have some ice cream. That night we met my cousin at his second job and had a yummy dinner before heading back to the hotel. The next day included much of the same. We started with a character breakfast where we met the Mad Hatter (a friend of my cousin's), Alice in Wonderland, Mary Poppins, Tigger and Winnie the Pooh. Ryan got star treatment and, much to my dismay, spent a few minutes chasing Tigger around the restaurant trying to retrieve his hat. Bad Tigger! Ryan met the Power Rangers and got autographs from two of them, I think that was the highlight of his day. Well, that and his ride on Thunder Mountain. Have I mentioned that Ryan LOVES roller coasters. This made his daddy very happy. We wrapped up the day as the parade made it's way down Main Street. Rather and sit...or stand...and watch it go by, we made our way to the front gates and still saw the entire thing. By the time we feel into bed that night we'd had our fill of Disney and were ready to head home. We only made it to the Magic Kingdom and MGM Studio's so I'm sure another visit will be in our future when Makenna's a bit older.
The trip home was a bit more difficult than the drive to Florida, but only because we dropped Wayne at the airport in Orlando so he could head to NYC. The kids were great and slept through most of Florida, however, Georgia was an entirely different story. Even with stops, Makenna had enough traveling by the time we hit Tennesse so we ended up stopping in Chattanooga for the night. The final two hours were easy and enjoyable.
All in all, it was a successful family vacation. Many memories made. Lots of fun and relaxation. A few souveniers purchased along the way. Good times...good times.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Hi
Remember me? I used to write stuff and post it to this web address. Um...yeah.
So I've had a brief blogging hiatus. I've been feeling a bit raw since Jenna passed away. Guarding my emotions and sanity has been a priority and since I tend to lay those on the line when I blog, well I think you get the point. That said, scroll down. You'll find a few posts that I've been composing in snippits over the last month.
So I've had a brief blogging hiatus. I've been feeling a bit raw since Jenna passed away. Guarding my emotions and sanity has been a priority and since I tend to lay those on the line when I blog, well I think you get the point. That said, scroll down. You'll find a few posts that I've been composing in snippits over the last month.
7 months
Dear Makenna,
Your sixth month passed in the blink of an eye. In fact, it passed so quickly that I'm late getting to this months letter.
This month brought another trip to Chicago for my cousin's wedding. The day went off without a hitch, my cousin was a beautiful bride and you danced with your Papa on the dance floor during most of the reception. My cousin's girlfriends told me how cute and sweet you were numerous times, which made me swell with love and pride. You looked so cute in your dress, I wish I had a picture. Unfortunately my camera stopped working so I'm hoping the photographer got a picture of you.
We also took a trip to Disney world and the beach. You were a trooper and took naps on a lounge chair or in your stroller or backpack. You were wonderful during the day, however the nights were a different story...until I put you in bed with your daddy and I. Then you slept for the rest of the night without a peep. I hope you don't expect that to continue. You may have slept well, but we sure didn't.
You've begun eating more and more foods and seem to love everything I put in your mouth. You do really well with texture so you've even gotten a bit of table food already. Summer Veggies and Winter Squash rank as current favorites, as well as the little pieces of wheat noodles I've shared off my plate.
At the end of the month you started to develop a little seperation anxiety. I'm guessing it's going to get worse before it gets better, but I hope it's short lived!
You continue to have your brother wrapped around your little finger. He can't get enough of you and always comes running if he hears you fussing. The two of you play together a lot during the day, I'm not sure what you're going to think when he goes back to school.
You are still teething! I hope those two top teeth pop through soon. Thankfully Highland's Teething tablets help. Although I'm not sure if they really help or if the excitement of eating them distracts you from the pain. Either way, they stop you from fussing for a bit which is good for my sanity.
You are developing all sorts of new skills. You actually stood up, by yourself, in your tub at the end of the month. Your dad called me in to see, but I missed it. I can't believe you were able to do that already! You've begun pulling your knees under you and trying to push up on your hands. You aren't there just yet but I bet you'll be crawling before we know it. You've become much more interested in your toys and world around you. You're constantly checking things out and trying to reach things that are close to you. I guess your dad and I should think about child proofing pretty soon.
It's been a great, albeit busy and quick month. While I'm sad the baby days seems to be going so quickly, I love watching you grow and change. I wonder what next month's letter will hold!
We love you Makenna!
Love,
Mom
Your sixth month passed in the blink of an eye. In fact, it passed so quickly that I'm late getting to this months letter.
This month brought another trip to Chicago for my cousin's wedding. The day went off without a hitch, my cousin was a beautiful bride and you danced with your Papa on the dance floor during most of the reception. My cousin's girlfriends told me how cute and sweet you were numerous times, which made me swell with love and pride. You looked so cute in your dress, I wish I had a picture. Unfortunately my camera stopped working so I'm hoping the photographer got a picture of you.
We also took a trip to Disney world and the beach. You were a trooper and took naps on a lounge chair or in your stroller or backpack. You were wonderful during the day, however the nights were a different story...until I put you in bed with your daddy and I. Then you slept for the rest of the night without a peep. I hope you don't expect that to continue. You may have slept well, but we sure didn't.
You've begun eating more and more foods and seem to love everything I put in your mouth. You do really well with texture so you've even gotten a bit of table food already. Summer Veggies and Winter Squash rank as current favorites, as well as the little pieces of wheat noodles I've shared off my plate.
At the end of the month you started to develop a little seperation anxiety. I'm guessing it's going to get worse before it gets better, but I hope it's short lived!
You continue to have your brother wrapped around your little finger. He can't get enough of you and always comes running if he hears you fussing. The two of you play together a lot during the day, I'm not sure what you're going to think when he goes back to school.
You are still teething! I hope those two top teeth pop through soon. Thankfully Highland's Teething tablets help. Although I'm not sure if they really help or if the excitement of eating them distracts you from the pain. Either way, they stop you from fussing for a bit which is good for my sanity.
You are developing all sorts of new skills. You actually stood up, by yourself, in your tub at the end of the month. Your dad called me in to see, but I missed it. I can't believe you were able to do that already! You've begun pulling your knees under you and trying to push up on your hands. You aren't there just yet but I bet you'll be crawling before we know it. You've become much more interested in your toys and world around you. You're constantly checking things out and trying to reach things that are close to you. I guess your dad and I should think about child proofing pretty soon.
It's been a great, albeit busy and quick month. While I'm sad the baby days seems to be going so quickly, I love watching you grow and change. I wonder what next month's letter will hold!
We love you Makenna!
Love,
Mom
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Light The Night
Light The Night is an annual American Cancer Society event to raise funds for cures. It’s the nation’s night to pay tribute and bring hope to thousands of patients and their families.
Funds raised through Light The Night Walk support the work of hundreds of the world’s best and brightest researchers in their search for better therapies and cures for leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma.
I'll be walking in this years Light The Night walk in Memory of Jenna Jurgens and Brian Wood. If you'd like to donate please follow the link.
http://www.active.com/donate/ltnNashvi/2024_chandraharrison
If you'd prefer to order a magazine instead of sponser me as a walker, you can do so at the following link. Fourty percent of the subscription price will go to our walk team.
http://www.magfundraising.com/walkforjenna
If you'd like to find a chapter near you and walk in memory or honor of someone follow this link.
http://www.lightthenight.org/
The Mother's Group that I'm in will also working on a fundraiser for the family of Jenna over the next few months. We hope to raise enough to establish memorial funds for her three children as well as help with bills that accrued due to Jenna's fight with Leukemia. If you'd like to support that cause please let me know and I can tell you how to do so.
With the recent passing of my friend Jenna, this walk is close to my heart. We knew about the walk last year, we found out about it soon after Jenna was diagnosed. A group of us considered walking, but decided that our money and time would be better spent helping her and her family. With that in mind, we decided we'd all walk this year, Jenna included. Jenna will be with us this year, but not the way we'd planned. She'll be with us in heart and spirit and mind. She'll be with us as we pass the luminario with her name on it. She'll be with us as we look at the flames of the candles that all the walkers will be holding. She'll be with us as we put on our team hats or shirts that let people know we're walking in her memory. She'll be with us in the stories and tears that I'm sure will be shared and shed that night. It won't be nearly enough, but it's what we've got.
Funds raised through Light The Night Walk support the work of hundreds of the world’s best and brightest researchers in their search for better therapies and cures for leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma.
I'll be walking in this years Light The Night walk in Memory of Jenna Jurgens and Brian Wood. If you'd like to donate please follow the link.
http://www.active.com/donate/ltnNashvi/2024_chandraharrison
If you'd prefer to order a magazine instead of sponser me as a walker, you can do so at the following link. Fourty percent of the subscription price will go to our walk team.
http://www.magfundraising.com/walkforjenna
If you'd like to find a chapter near you and walk in memory or honor of someone follow this link.
http://www.lightthenight.org/
The Mother's Group that I'm in will also working on a fundraiser for the family of Jenna over the next few months. We hope to raise enough to establish memorial funds for her three children as well as help with bills that accrued due to Jenna's fight with Leukemia. If you'd like to support that cause please let me know and I can tell you how to do so.
With the recent passing of my friend Jenna, this walk is close to my heart. We knew about the walk last year, we found out about it soon after Jenna was diagnosed. A group of us considered walking, but decided that our money and time would be better spent helping her and her family. With that in mind, we decided we'd all walk this year, Jenna included. Jenna will be with us this year, but not the way we'd planned. She'll be with us in heart and spirit and mind. She'll be with us as we pass the luminario with her name on it. She'll be with us as we look at the flames of the candles that all the walkers will be holding. She'll be with us as we put on our team hats or shirts that let people know we're walking in her memory. She'll be with us in the stories and tears that I'm sure will be shared and shed that night. It won't be nearly enough, but it's what we've got.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
You're s-s-s-six!!!
Dear Ryan,
Happy 6th Birthday!
First, I have to apologize. I've been doing monthly birthday letters for your sister, but am only doing a yearly one for you. Unfortunately I didn't think of doing monthly letters for you when you were a baby, however I'm thrilled to be starting the tradition now.
There are so many things I want to tell you about the 5 year old you that I don't even know where to begin.
This past year has been an amazing one for you. You started kindergarten readiness and really excelled in the program. Your dad and I couldn't have been happier. I spent hours researching K readiness programs vs kindergarten for young 5 yr olds. After talking to child psychologists, elementary, middle school and high school teachers, men who started school early and those who didn't, I felt like K readiness might be the way to go and was thrilled that the school we're zoned for offered a program. You tested well academically but socially were still a bit egocentric so the K teachers agreed with my assessment. You were one of the stars of your class. Your teacher, Mrs. Schott, said you were such a joy to teach and awarded you the citizenship award at the end of the year. Academically you learned in leaps and bounds and by the end of the year you were reading! You also loved talking about letters and patterns and began working on minor addition problems.
You had two "firsts" this past year that we didn't enjoy. They included your first ambulance ride, emergency room visit and hospital stay and your first broken bone. The hospital visit was due to a case of viral and bacterial pneumonia which brought with it a bout of reactive airway disease. The doctors were calling it asthma but you've had limited breathing issues since then. We believe that when you get a cold your allergies sometimes cause it to progress quickly. Your first broken bone came about a month later, and in the middle of your first season of Soccer. You were playing on the swingset in the backyard, hanging upside down, and fell onto your elbow. You fractured the tip of it and wore a cast for about a month.
As I just mentioned, you played an organized sport for the first time this past year. You played both fall and spring Soccer. You loved your coach and enjoyed all the boys on your team, however your dad and I aren't sure Soccer is the sport for you. Your eye/hand coordination is really good and you've been expressing a desire to play baseball, so that will probably be your team sport this fall.
You became a big brother this year! I know I'm biased, but you're the best big brother ever. You are so caring with your sister, constantly checking on her, playing with her, asking to help feed or hold her. She loves you so much and you love her right back. You've now begun asking when we're going to have another baby. We think you should wait to ask that question until your sister starts moving and getting into your stuff. You might not be so thrilled about the idea then.
You learned to ride your bike without training wheels this past spring. You'd tried to do it while Nana was still here, after Makenna was born, but one big hill and your inability to stop changed your mind. Daddy put the training wheels back on, but at a higher level, so you were pretty much riding without them except when you turned. That did the trick and soon you were "4 wheeling" across the front yard minus training wheels.
You still suck your first finger, much to my dismay. It's yet to cause any harm to your teeth or mouth that we know of, however you have a rather large gap between your two front teeth. Speaking of teeth, you are so good at brushing your teeth. No cavities to date. Daddy and I are thrilled!
I'm going to end this with some of your favorites:
Type of Sandwich: Peanut Butter and Jelly, although you enjoy Turkey too
Vegetable: Carrots with Ranch Dressing or Salad
Board Game: Zingo or Hullabaloo
Activity: Riding your bike, playing in the pool or playing video games with your dad
Superhero: Tie between the Power Rangers, Superman and Spiderman
Flavor of Yogurt: French Vanilla
Friend: Connor. He was in your class at school.
Food: Anything sweet. Cereal, Pizza, Salad, Pancakes, Spaghetti and Tuna Bagels rank in the list of foods you'll always eat.
Saying: "too" It's your response when we say "I love you". You started with "I love you too" but it gradually became "too"
Name for your Dad: Dude
Color: Green, Blue, and Yellow usually top the list. You said it was yellow until you were about 4.
Ryan, you are such a great kid! You have your moments where you test your Dad and I, but overall you are such a joy. We are so thankful you're a part of our family and so excited to watch you grow and mature. We are so proud of you and I know we'll continue to be able to say that as you get older. We love you!
Love,
Mom
Happy 6th Birthday!
First, I have to apologize. I've been doing monthly birthday letters for your sister, but am only doing a yearly one for you. Unfortunately I didn't think of doing monthly letters for you when you were a baby, however I'm thrilled to be starting the tradition now.
There are so many things I want to tell you about the 5 year old you that I don't even know where to begin.
This past year has been an amazing one for you. You started kindergarten readiness and really excelled in the program. Your dad and I couldn't have been happier. I spent hours researching K readiness programs vs kindergarten for young 5 yr olds. After talking to child psychologists, elementary, middle school and high school teachers, men who started school early and those who didn't, I felt like K readiness might be the way to go and was thrilled that the school we're zoned for offered a program. You tested well academically but socially were still a bit egocentric so the K teachers agreed with my assessment. You were one of the stars of your class. Your teacher, Mrs. Schott, said you were such a joy to teach and awarded you the citizenship award at the end of the year. Academically you learned in leaps and bounds and by the end of the year you were reading! You also loved talking about letters and patterns and began working on minor addition problems.
You had two "firsts" this past year that we didn't enjoy. They included your first ambulance ride, emergency room visit and hospital stay and your first broken bone. The hospital visit was due to a case of viral and bacterial pneumonia which brought with it a bout of reactive airway disease. The doctors were calling it asthma but you've had limited breathing issues since then. We believe that when you get a cold your allergies sometimes cause it to progress quickly. Your first broken bone came about a month later, and in the middle of your first season of Soccer. You were playing on the swingset in the backyard, hanging upside down, and fell onto your elbow. You fractured the tip of it and wore a cast for about a month.
As I just mentioned, you played an organized sport for the first time this past year. You played both fall and spring Soccer. You loved your coach and enjoyed all the boys on your team, however your dad and I aren't sure Soccer is the sport for you. Your eye/hand coordination is really good and you've been expressing a desire to play baseball, so that will probably be your team sport this fall.
You became a big brother this year! I know I'm biased, but you're the best big brother ever. You are so caring with your sister, constantly checking on her, playing with her, asking to help feed or hold her. She loves you so much and you love her right back. You've now begun asking when we're going to have another baby. We think you should wait to ask that question until your sister starts moving and getting into your stuff. You might not be so thrilled about the idea then.
You learned to ride your bike without training wheels this past spring. You'd tried to do it while Nana was still here, after Makenna was born, but one big hill and your inability to stop changed your mind. Daddy put the training wheels back on, but at a higher level, so you were pretty much riding without them except when you turned. That did the trick and soon you were "4 wheeling" across the front yard minus training wheels.
You still suck your first finger, much to my dismay. It's yet to cause any harm to your teeth or mouth that we know of, however you have a rather large gap between your two front teeth. Speaking of teeth, you are so good at brushing your teeth. No cavities to date. Daddy and I are thrilled!
I'm going to end this with some of your favorites:
Type of Sandwich: Peanut Butter and Jelly, although you enjoy Turkey too
Vegetable: Carrots with Ranch Dressing or Salad
Board Game: Zingo or Hullabaloo
Activity: Riding your bike, playing in the pool or playing video games with your dad
Superhero: Tie between the Power Rangers, Superman and Spiderman
Flavor of Yogurt: French Vanilla
Friend: Connor. He was in your class at school.
Food: Anything sweet. Cereal, Pizza, Salad, Pancakes, Spaghetti and Tuna Bagels rank in the list of foods you'll always eat.
Saying: "too" It's your response when we say "I love you". You started with "I love you too" but it gradually became "too"
Name for your Dad: Dude
Color: Green, Blue, and Yellow usually top the list. You said it was yellow until you were about 4.
Ryan, you are such a great kid! You have your moments where you test your Dad and I, but overall you are such a joy. We are so thankful you're a part of our family and so excited to watch you grow and mature. We are so proud of you and I know we'll continue to be able to say that as you get older. We love you!
Love,
Mom
Friday, July 06, 2007
Grief
I've led a pretty charmed life. My exposure to loss and grief has been fairly minimal. With that in mind I wondered how I would feel as I worked through the emotions of Jenna's passing. I must say I've been knocked over by the intensity of it.
Prior to this, the height of emotion surrounding a death occurred at the funerals I've attended or at the time of the phone call giving me the news that someone I knew and loved had passed away. I certainly experienced lingering periods of sadness and spent plenty of time thinking about memories I shared with that person. I cried off and on over a period of time, but as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. As time passed, it really did get easier to think of my loved one with a smile instead of tears.
My most intense visits with grief have been with people I didn't spend much time with. A friends' 9 year old daughter who, coincidentally, died of Leukemia, a friends’ dad who passed away unexpectedly at a young age, my husbands’ 14 year old nephew who committed suicide.
Each of those funerals was incredibly difficult.
Jenna's funeral was incredibly difficult.
Based on history, I expected her wake and funeral to be the hardest moments of dealing with the loss of such a wonderful friend. I was so naive. I had yet to understand just how difficult life would be without her. I've spent hours in the middle of the night tossing and turning, thinking of Jenna and trying to stay in a dream that she was a part of. (Interestingly enough, she's had long hair in my dreams each night. I can't help but think it's because she's free from cancer now.) I've had moments where I wanted to tell her something and after I hit her number on speed dial or commit it to memory so I can tell her at a later time, I remember...I can't tell her. I break into tears over nothing. Then I start thinking about the fun times we had, about the funny stories we shared, about the beautiful children she left behind and what a legacy she left them with her blog and love of pictures.
There are moments of peace, knowing that Jenna and Will are together in Heaven along with the two babies she miscarried. There are moments of anger because Ashlee, Kait and Jake are much too young to have lost the mother who dedicated her life to them. There is intense sadness for the husband she shared a great love with, the brother who was prepared to save his sister's life, the sister who lost her mentor, the mother who lost not only a daughter but a friend, the dad who spent days next to his daughter's hospital bed in the midst of his own health issues, the mother in law that loved her like a daughter not a daughter in law, the sister in law that lost a friend and a constant cheerleader. The list could go on and on because Jenna touched so many people. She was better than anyone I know at keeping in touch with those she cared about and she really cared about most people she knew.
As I try to wrap my head and my heart around her loss, I feel myself withdrawing. It's hard to talk with people that didn't know Jenna because I feel like my grief radiates from me. It's hard to talk with friends that are as grief stricken as I, because that much grief is painfully intense. It's hard to talk about the daily minutia because it seems so inconsequential. It's hard to think about the monumental loss that Jenna's family and friends are dealing with. To put it bluntly, grief sucks.
I've done this withdrawl thing once before in my life. Our numerous IVF's and miscarriages had me raw, antisocial and physically and emotionally exhausted. Jenna was such a great friend during that time. (Just for the record, she was always a great friend, but especially so during that time.) She constantly called and invited me to things and rarely took no for an answer. She offered to watch Ryan so Wayne and I could have time together. She, and a couple others, listened to my endless talk of shots, embryos, sperm samples, follicles, ICSI, insurance and betas. Between her constant calls and invites, and some much needed time with my mom, I slowly started to live in the moment again.
So here's my question...with Jenna gone, how do I remember to live in the moment?
I guess the answer to that is in the moments of laughter I share with friends as we reminisce about our times with Jenna. It's in the belly laughs my son lets out when he's done something funny. It's in the bunny kisses my daugher initiates numerous times each day. It's in the kisses from my husband and conversations with those I love. I know Jenna wouldn't want people to be sad, well at least not for long, but I also know it's human nature to mourn. Living in the moment will be back, but for now I grieve the loss of my friend and try to remember to appreciate the little things.
Prior to this, the height of emotion surrounding a death occurred at the funerals I've attended or at the time of the phone call giving me the news that someone I knew and loved had passed away. I certainly experienced lingering periods of sadness and spent plenty of time thinking about memories I shared with that person. I cried off and on over a period of time, but as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. As time passed, it really did get easier to think of my loved one with a smile instead of tears.
My most intense visits with grief have been with people I didn't spend much time with. A friends' 9 year old daughter who, coincidentally, died of Leukemia, a friends’ dad who passed away unexpectedly at a young age, my husbands’ 14 year old nephew who committed suicide.
Each of those funerals was incredibly difficult.
Jenna's funeral was incredibly difficult.
Based on history, I expected her wake and funeral to be the hardest moments of dealing with the loss of such a wonderful friend. I was so naive. I had yet to understand just how difficult life would be without her. I've spent hours in the middle of the night tossing and turning, thinking of Jenna and trying to stay in a dream that she was a part of. (Interestingly enough, she's had long hair in my dreams each night. I can't help but think it's because she's free from cancer now.) I've had moments where I wanted to tell her something and after I hit her number on speed dial or commit it to memory so I can tell her at a later time, I remember...I can't tell her. I break into tears over nothing. Then I start thinking about the fun times we had, about the funny stories we shared, about the beautiful children she left behind and what a legacy she left them with her blog and love of pictures.
There are moments of peace, knowing that Jenna and Will are together in Heaven along with the two babies she miscarried. There are moments of anger because Ashlee, Kait and Jake are much too young to have lost the mother who dedicated her life to them. There is intense sadness for the husband she shared a great love with, the brother who was prepared to save his sister's life, the sister who lost her mentor, the mother who lost not only a daughter but a friend, the dad who spent days next to his daughter's hospital bed in the midst of his own health issues, the mother in law that loved her like a daughter not a daughter in law, the sister in law that lost a friend and a constant cheerleader. The list could go on and on because Jenna touched so many people. She was better than anyone I know at keeping in touch with those she cared about and she really cared about most people she knew.
As I try to wrap my head and my heart around her loss, I feel myself withdrawing. It's hard to talk with people that didn't know Jenna because I feel like my grief radiates from me. It's hard to talk with friends that are as grief stricken as I, because that much grief is painfully intense. It's hard to talk about the daily minutia because it seems so inconsequential. It's hard to think about the monumental loss that Jenna's family and friends are dealing with. To put it bluntly, grief sucks.
I've done this withdrawl thing once before in my life. Our numerous IVF's and miscarriages had me raw, antisocial and physically and emotionally exhausted. Jenna was such a great friend during that time. (Just for the record, she was always a great friend, but especially so during that time.) She constantly called and invited me to things and rarely took no for an answer. She offered to watch Ryan so Wayne and I could have time together. She, and a couple others, listened to my endless talk of shots, embryos, sperm samples, follicles, ICSI, insurance and betas. Between her constant calls and invites, and some much needed time with my mom, I slowly started to live in the moment again.
So here's my question...with Jenna gone, how do I remember to live in the moment?
I guess the answer to that is in the moments of laughter I share with friends as we reminisce about our times with Jenna. It's in the belly laughs my son lets out when he's done something funny. It's in the bunny kisses my daugher initiates numerous times each day. It's in the kisses from my husband and conversations with those I love. I know Jenna wouldn't want people to be sad, well at least not for long, but I also know it's human nature to mourn. Living in the moment will be back, but for now I grieve the loss of my friend and try to remember to appreciate the little things.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
One Week
A week ago, at this time, I was talking to Jenna on the phone. We laughed about how she was slurring her words just a bit due to being morphine drunk and I sent her pictures of me in a dress I'm considering wearing to my cousin's wedding. It's rather low cut, so I wasn't sure about it. Jenna loved a good cleavage shot, so I asked her opinion. She talked about all the things she wanted for her room so that it would be colorful and full of pictures and life. She especially wanted the calendar Jacy made for her during her first "jail" stay. She was so excited for her visit with her girls and mom later in the day and trying to decide what to have for lunch. A friend was coming to visit and Jenna was hoping she'd bring take out. We talked about her trip to the beach and how much she loved that time with her family even though she was in so much pain from her leg.
I was watching a friends kids at the time and Jenna wanted to call her friend that was going to visit, so we cut the conversation short. I said I'd call her later that day or the next morning. I wasn't able to call back that afternoon and when I called the next morning her phone just rang.
That final conversation included lots of things that Jenna and I often chatted about...family, friends, food, fashion. We giggled a number of times. I'm glad I didn't know it would be our last conversation. I would have been too sad to just enjoy the chat and our friendship. On the other hand I wish I knew I wouldn't talk to her again, there's so much more I would have said.
I was watching a friends kids at the time and Jenna wanted to call her friend that was going to visit, so we cut the conversation short. I said I'd call her later that day or the next morning. I wasn't able to call back that afternoon and when I called the next morning her phone just rang.
That final conversation included lots of things that Jenna and I often chatted about...family, friends, food, fashion. We giggled a number of times. I'm glad I didn't know it would be our last conversation. I would have been too sad to just enjoy the chat and our friendship. On the other hand I wish I knew I wouldn't talk to her again, there's so much more I would have said.
6 Months!
Dear Makenna,
Happy six month birthday!
This past month has been an exciting one for you with lots of firsts.
The month kicked off with a trip to Chicago for my cousin Colleen's bridal shower and bachelorette party. You and I traveled by ourselves and the boys stayed home. You did so well on the plane and to my delight slept for most of the flight. You met a lot of my mom's family for the first time and enjoyed being held constantly by your Nana or one of my many aunts. I was so impressed by how flexible you were during the trip. We slept in a couple different places, and you seemed to adapt pretty easily. We toured the home of Frank Lloyd Wright and while you got a little fussy because you were tired, we all managed to enjoy the tour. In true Irish fashion, you went to your first pub...or three. Thankfully, all the pubs were smoke free so you and I could join the rest of the family. You also had your first sips of water. We were window shopping one morning and you seemed really hot in your stroller. You appeared to enjoy the cold water and I'm sure the puddle of it on your chest helped cool you down too. You still spit up all the time and I think you managed to get each of my aunts a couple times during our visit. Thank goodness for the Tide to go pen.
I finally found a Whole Foods that carried the bottles I'd been searching for. I'm so happy to have them because the glass bottles we've been using leak all the time. The new bottles are plastic but BPA free and they also have the colic reduction insert similar to the Dr. Brown's bottles. A sippy cup of the same plastic was also purchased. I can hardly believe you'll be drinking out of one of those before too long.
You love to play with your feet and spend quite a bit of time grabbing at your toes. You've also discovered how to hold things with two hands and check them out. Prior to this, you would bat at things and grab onto them, but you had a difficult time moving them around in a controlled fashion.
You have yet to get any more teeth. It feels as though the teeth on either side of your two bottom teeth will be coming in soon. If the constant gnawing on your fingers and drooling is any indication those teeth will be breaking through your gums any minute!
You're a great sleeper, even though you've been a bit restless the last couple nights. I attribute your wakefullness to teething, a cold and maybe a growth spurt. I really hope that's the case and you start sleeping through the night again soon! In case you aren't aware, your mom and dad really like their sleep.
You still love to play pat-a-cake and peekaboo, and now you initiate bunny kisses and open mouthed, slobbery "kisses" on the side of our faces. It always catches me off guard when you bonk foreheads with me and rub your nose back and forth against mine. We both usually end up with red spot on our foreheads...but it's well worth the red spot for a bunny kiss!
You have a quick and easy smile. All I have to do is glance at you and one of your big grins appears, often accompanied by your frog croak. You make this noise when you're happy and it makes the rest of us laugh, which in turn makes you do it more or if you're really tickled you'll belly laugh. Your smile is still as evident in your eyes as it is on your mouth. I love to watch the twinkle in your eyes when you're happy or think something is funny.
You're ticklish. You can blame me for that, I'm really ticklish too. When your dad and I were dating he used to tickle me all the time. Now I can usually get out of a good tickle match by pulling your brother into the mix. He's really ticklish too and LOVES to be tickled until he screams "mercyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"
You continue to grow like a weed. At your well visit you weighed in at 20 lbs and 26.5 inches. That puts you at 97% in weight and 78% for height. Have I mentioned that the pediatrician guesstimates you'll be about 5'9" as an adult.
Your a bit of a drama queen. If we don't respond quickly enough or in the way you want you get really mad and scream at the top of your lungs. I'm not a fan of these moments now, I can only imagine how trying they'll be when you're two. Thankfully you can be pulled out of a temper tantrum as quickly as you fall into one and the only time you get fussy is if you're tired or hungry.
You can sit up for a few minutes at a time now and are really proud of that skill. You talk and smile the whole time. I think you like it so well because you can reach your toes really easily. Those toes and your doll are your two favorite toys currently.
Your introduction to different foods has been fun. As I give you bites I often make an "Mmmmmmm" sound. Now, as you eat you constanly make that sound. It's amazing to watch you change and develop and start communicating through actions and noises. Along that line of thought, we've started signing with you. So far we're using the signs for drink, eat, all done, more and tired. You seem intrigued by the hand motions, I'll be interested to see when you start doing them yourself.
I love you Makenna, you're my favorite girl!
Love,
Mom
Happy six month birthday!
This past month has been an exciting one for you with lots of firsts.
The month kicked off with a trip to Chicago for my cousin Colleen's bridal shower and bachelorette party. You and I traveled by ourselves and the boys stayed home. You did so well on the plane and to my delight slept for most of the flight. You met a lot of my mom's family for the first time and enjoyed being held constantly by your Nana or one of my many aunts. I was so impressed by how flexible you were during the trip. We slept in a couple different places, and you seemed to adapt pretty easily. We toured the home of Frank Lloyd Wright and while you got a little fussy because you were tired, we all managed to enjoy the tour. In true Irish fashion, you went to your first pub...or three. Thankfully, all the pubs were smoke free so you and I could join the rest of the family. You also had your first sips of water. We were window shopping one morning and you seemed really hot in your stroller. You appeared to enjoy the cold water and I'm sure the puddle of it on your chest helped cool you down too. You still spit up all the time and I think you managed to get each of my aunts a couple times during our visit. Thank goodness for the Tide to go pen.
I finally found a Whole Foods that carried the bottles I'd been searching for. I'm so happy to have them because the glass bottles we've been using leak all the time. The new bottles are plastic but BPA free and they also have the colic reduction insert similar to the Dr. Brown's bottles. A sippy cup of the same plastic was also purchased. I can hardly believe you'll be drinking out of one of those before too long.
You love to play with your feet and spend quite a bit of time grabbing at your toes. You've also discovered how to hold things with two hands and check them out. Prior to this, you would bat at things and grab onto them, but you had a difficult time moving them around in a controlled fashion.
You have yet to get any more teeth. It feels as though the teeth on either side of your two bottom teeth will be coming in soon. If the constant gnawing on your fingers and drooling is any indication those teeth will be breaking through your gums any minute!
You're a great sleeper, even though you've been a bit restless the last couple nights. I attribute your wakefullness to teething, a cold and maybe a growth spurt. I really hope that's the case and you start sleeping through the night again soon! In case you aren't aware, your mom and dad really like their sleep.
You still love to play pat-a-cake and peekaboo, and now you initiate bunny kisses and open mouthed, slobbery "kisses" on the side of our faces. It always catches me off guard when you bonk foreheads with me and rub your nose back and forth against mine. We both usually end up with red spot on our foreheads...but it's well worth the red spot for a bunny kiss!
You have a quick and easy smile. All I have to do is glance at you and one of your big grins appears, often accompanied by your frog croak. You make this noise when you're happy and it makes the rest of us laugh, which in turn makes you do it more or if you're really tickled you'll belly laugh. Your smile is still as evident in your eyes as it is on your mouth. I love to watch the twinkle in your eyes when you're happy or think something is funny.
You're ticklish. You can blame me for that, I'm really ticklish too. When your dad and I were dating he used to tickle me all the time. Now I can usually get out of a good tickle match by pulling your brother into the mix. He's really ticklish too and LOVES to be tickled until he screams "mercyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"
You continue to grow like a weed. At your well visit you weighed in at 20 lbs and 26.5 inches. That puts you at 97% in weight and 78% for height. Have I mentioned that the pediatrician guesstimates you'll be about 5'9" as an adult.
Your a bit of a drama queen. If we don't respond quickly enough or in the way you want you get really mad and scream at the top of your lungs. I'm not a fan of these moments now, I can only imagine how trying they'll be when you're two. Thankfully you can be pulled out of a temper tantrum as quickly as you fall into one and the only time you get fussy is if you're tired or hungry.
You can sit up for a few minutes at a time now and are really proud of that skill. You talk and smile the whole time. I think you like it so well because you can reach your toes really easily. Those toes and your doll are your two favorite toys currently.
Your introduction to different foods has been fun. As I give you bites I often make an "Mmmmmmm" sound. Now, as you eat you constanly make that sound. It's amazing to watch you change and develop and start communicating through actions and noises. Along that line of thought, we've started signing with you. So far we're using the signs for drink, eat, all done, more and tired. You seem intrigued by the hand motions, I'll be interested to see when you start doing them yourself.
I love you Makenna, you're my favorite girl!
Love,
Mom
Friday, June 29, 2007
Reflections
A couple weeks ago I was on my way to Jenna's to watch her kids so she could get a transfusion. I was running late, as usual, and everything was conspiring against me. There was all sorts of traffic in our small town, I hit every red light, there was even a road closure and detour and by the time I made it through that I had to wait for a train to pass. As I was waiting for the train that morning, I called Jenna to say I was on my way but running late and told her about all the crazy delays. She laughed and said don't worry, it'll be OK.
Yesterday I was on my way to Jenna's house to bring her family a meal and groceries. I was running late, yet again, and frazzeled because of it. I was dreading seeing Jenna's family, her girls, her van in the driveway...knowing it would be difficult and trying not to cry. I hit every stoplight. Then road construction in the exact same spot. A detour. Come on! Finally, a train passed through and I had to wait. Ok, I get it. Hi Jenna! Thanks for making me take a second to breath and think of you...and laugh...and remember a conversation we had.
I really miss you my friend.
Yesterday I was on my way to Jenna's house to bring her family a meal and groceries. I was running late, yet again, and frazzeled because of it. I was dreading seeing Jenna's family, her girls, her van in the driveway...knowing it would be difficult and trying not to cry. I hit every stoplight. Then road construction in the exact same spot. A detour. Come on! Finally, a train passed through and I had to wait. Ok, I get it. Hi Jenna! Thanks for making me take a second to breath and think of you...and laugh...and remember a conversation we had.
I really miss you my friend.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Heartache
One of my closest friends passed away today due to complications from Acute Myeloid Leukemia. Along with her, the family lost the baby she was carrying. She left behind 3 young children, her husband of 11 years and a huge network of family and friends.
Jenna was full of life and never let her illness get the best of her. She continued to live every day to it's fullest and was one of the strongest people I've known. She was a very dedicated and loving mom, her children always came first. She loved to dance. Had a facination for reality TV. She loved to shop for her kids. She loved her family. She said what she meant and meant what she said. She was generous with her time and energy. She was an organizer, a planner, a do-er. She was a great wife, daughter, sister and friend. She was a great friend.
Rest In Peace Jenna and Will. You will be long remembered, sorely missed and forever in my heart.
Jenna was full of life and never let her illness get the best of her. She continued to live every day to it's fullest and was one of the strongest people I've known. She was a very dedicated and loving mom, her children always came first. She loved to dance. Had a facination for reality TV. She loved to shop for her kids. She loved her family. She said what she meant and meant what she said. She was generous with her time and energy. She was an organizer, a planner, a do-er. She was a great wife, daughter, sister and friend. She was a great friend.
Rest In Peace Jenna and Will. You will be long remembered, sorely missed and forever in my heart.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Just for you Gerry.
I've gotten some grief recently about the lack of pictures on my blog. Here's a few to tame the masses.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
5 Months!!!
Happy 5 month birthday Makenna!
It's been an exciting month for you, however most of the excitement has occured within the last week. :) You started showing an interest in food and have entered the world of solid food. So far you've had oatmeal, green beans and prunes and appear to enjoy all of them. Your brother is quite impressed that you like green beans already. You figured out the whole spoon feeding thing pretty quickly once you were interested in food, unfortunately you haven't figured out that blowing raspberries while you eat gets food all over mommy....or maybe you have.
You've also entered the world of mobility. Just a couple days ago you rolled over for the first time. I saw it coming and thought I should get the video camera and before I could...you rolled! Since then you've rolled a number of times but it's always from back to front. You haven't figured out front to back yet but I'm sure it's coming!
Most exciting for Mom, you now have TWO teeth! Your two front bottom teeth popped through one day apart. I was thrilled and thought maybe now we'd get our happy baby back, but you're still drolling so I suspect there may be a few more on the way.
You got to see your Nana and Papa this month. They came for a short visit and were amazed at how much you'd grown and changed. You also went on your first road trip during this time. It was the day of your 4 month well doctor's visit. You'd gotten a couple shots so I was a little concerned about how the trip would go, but we decided to chance it. You, Papa and I drove to Atlanta, which is about 3.5 hours each way. We spent a number of hours shopping and then drove home that same night. You were such a trooper and slept through both drives.
My measurments aren't as accurate as the doctor's but you're weighing in at 18 lbs now and are 25 inches long.
I think I've mentioned this before, but you are so happy when you wake up in the morning! I love hearing your coos over the monitor and your frequent laughing noises. Periodically you give us a true belly laugh but the laughing noise you make on your own sounds almost like a frog croaking. It's so funny and always makes us giggle.
Your favorite things include your jumping chair, your brother, your doll, your daddy and I and your fingers. So far you don't really suck them, but you are constantly chewing on at least one of them.
Other than painting one shelf, I've finally finished decorating your bedroom. It's quite girly with lots of pink. Lots of love...and hands...went into those decorations. I spent hours searching for the fabric for your crib bumper and finally found a crib sheet and skirt that included the colors I wanted. By mixing a solid fabric and using fabric from an additional crib skirt your Nana and great aunt Jeannie made your crib bumper. Nana and I also used store bought tab top panel curtains and embellished them with ribbon and additional fabric from the aforementioned crib skirt. I painted letters (your initials) added ribbon and hung them, trimmed a lamp shade with ribbon, made a table cloth for your little table, and hung a chandelier with slipcovered cord. Your dad painted the room and I plotted out the stripes for one of the walls. People thought the wall was wallpaper not paint, your daddy did such a good job! I'm thrilled with the results and hope you love it too as you get older.
Hard to believe another month has passed so quickly. Makenna I'm having so much fun being your mom. You've added so much to our family and I can't remember what it was like without you.
I love you baby girl!
Mom
Here's a slideshow of what Makenna's room looks like!
It's been an exciting month for you, however most of the excitement has occured within the last week. :) You started showing an interest in food and have entered the world of solid food. So far you've had oatmeal, green beans and prunes and appear to enjoy all of them. Your brother is quite impressed that you like green beans already. You figured out the whole spoon feeding thing pretty quickly once you were interested in food, unfortunately you haven't figured out that blowing raspberries while you eat gets food all over mommy....or maybe you have.
You've also entered the world of mobility. Just a couple days ago you rolled over for the first time. I saw it coming and thought I should get the video camera and before I could...you rolled! Since then you've rolled a number of times but it's always from back to front. You haven't figured out front to back yet but I'm sure it's coming!
Most exciting for Mom, you now have TWO teeth! Your two front bottom teeth popped through one day apart. I was thrilled and thought maybe now we'd get our happy baby back, but you're still drolling so I suspect there may be a few more on the way.
You got to see your Nana and Papa this month. They came for a short visit and were amazed at how much you'd grown and changed. You also went on your first road trip during this time. It was the day of your 4 month well doctor's visit. You'd gotten a couple shots so I was a little concerned about how the trip would go, but we decided to chance it. You, Papa and I drove to Atlanta, which is about 3.5 hours each way. We spent a number of hours shopping and then drove home that same night. You were such a trooper and slept through both drives.
My measurments aren't as accurate as the doctor's but you're weighing in at 18 lbs now and are 25 inches long.
I think I've mentioned this before, but you are so happy when you wake up in the morning! I love hearing your coos over the monitor and your frequent laughing noises. Periodically you give us a true belly laugh but the laughing noise you make on your own sounds almost like a frog croaking. It's so funny and always makes us giggle.
Your favorite things include your jumping chair, your brother, your doll, your daddy and I and your fingers. So far you don't really suck them, but you are constantly chewing on at least one of them.
Other than painting one shelf, I've finally finished decorating your bedroom. It's quite girly with lots of pink. Lots of love...and hands...went into those decorations. I spent hours searching for the fabric for your crib bumper and finally found a crib sheet and skirt that included the colors I wanted. By mixing a solid fabric and using fabric from an additional crib skirt your Nana and great aunt Jeannie made your crib bumper. Nana and I also used store bought tab top panel curtains and embellished them with ribbon and additional fabric from the aforementioned crib skirt. I painted letters (your initials) added ribbon and hung them, trimmed a lamp shade with ribbon, made a table cloth for your little table, and hung a chandelier with slipcovered cord. Your dad painted the room and I plotted out the stripes for one of the walls. People thought the wall was wallpaper not paint, your daddy did such a good job! I'm thrilled with the results and hope you love it too as you get older.
Hard to believe another month has passed so quickly. Makenna I'm having so much fun being your mom. You've added so much to our family and I can't remember what it was like without you.
I love you baby girl!
Mom
Here's a slideshow of what Makenna's room looks like!
Monday, May 28, 2007
Honor
I know today is a day of BBQ's and family time. It's also a day to remember and thank those who serve in the military.
Today I honor:
My uncle, Marine CPL Edwin J Falloon, killed in action in Vietnam. He was only 20 and scheduled to return home 10 days after he was killed.
My grandfather, Edward Travis, stationed in North Africa and Italy during WWII. His entire crew was shot down, but as the mechanic for the B-52 Bombers he was on the ground and survived.
Grandfather In Law Chandler Harrison, Aircraft Carrier Pilot during WWII, stationed in the Pacific.
I also thank all those family members that served and are still living:
My dad, Scott Travis, served as a medic in the Army during Vietnam
My father in law, Wayne Harrison Sr., an NCO in the Army/tank division
Brother in Law's Allen Harrison and Jessie Harrison, Infantry in the Army
Brother In Law Gene Harrison, 1st Sergeant in the Army
Today I honor:
My uncle, Marine CPL Edwin J Falloon, killed in action in Vietnam. He was only 20 and scheduled to return home 10 days after he was killed.
My grandfather, Edward Travis, stationed in North Africa and Italy during WWII. His entire crew was shot down, but as the mechanic for the B-52 Bombers he was on the ground and survived.
Grandfather In Law Chandler Harrison, Aircraft Carrier Pilot during WWII, stationed in the Pacific.
I also thank all those family members that served and are still living:
My dad, Scott Travis, served as a medic in the Army during Vietnam
My father in law, Wayne Harrison Sr., an NCO in the Army/tank division
Brother in Law's Allen Harrison and Jessie Harrison, Infantry in the Army
Brother In Law Gene Harrison, 1st Sergeant in the Army
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Sucker Punches
A couple boxes arrived at our door yesterday. They’re for a very small very part time business opportunity I’m considering, but that’s a whole different post. The conversation that followed their arrival went something like this…
Ryan: “Are those for me?” (big saucer eyes and barely hidden excitement)
Mom: “No, they’re for me.” (big saucer eyes and barely hidden excitement)
Ryan in a very matter of fact voice: “Oh, is it your medicine?”
Mom: “Thankfully, no.”
IVF medications aren’t readily available at the local pharmacy, so they must be ordered. They arrive in a huge box, sometimes more than one, and often wrapped in dry ice. I remember exactly how I felt when I got that first box. Anticipation, excitement, wonder and so much dread. Multiple bags filled with different sizes of needles. Needles that I would be using on myself, or worse my husband would be using on me! What the hell? After getting over my initial shock at all the needles, I went on to look at just how many different medications I would be pumping into my body over the next two months and more if a pregnancy was achieved. For that first IVF, I ended up with 4 shots and 11 pills each day. It rocked.
It’s been 14 months since I received one of those boxes and yet my 5 year old remembers them. I wonder if he also remembers what a bad mom I was during those months of Lupron induced bitchiness. Just when I think I’ve moved past infertility it sucker punches me.
Oddly enough, even though it’s painful I don’t mind a sucker punch every now and then. It reminds me to be thankful for my children. It reminds me to be thankful I’m not actively trying for more children currently. It reminds me of a very difficult time in my life and therefore it reminds me that we persevered and came through it stronger than we entered. It reminds me that just because we want something that doesn’t mean we’re going to get it. It reminds me to be mindful of the journey even though the arrival is what I want. It reminds me that I have arrived!
Ryan: “Are those for me?” (big saucer eyes and barely hidden excitement)
Mom: “No, they’re for me.” (big saucer eyes and barely hidden excitement)
Ryan in a very matter of fact voice: “Oh, is it your medicine?”
Mom: “Thankfully, no.”
IVF medications aren’t readily available at the local pharmacy, so they must be ordered. They arrive in a huge box, sometimes more than one, and often wrapped in dry ice. I remember exactly how I felt when I got that first box. Anticipation, excitement, wonder and so much dread. Multiple bags filled with different sizes of needles. Needles that I would be using on myself, or worse my husband would be using on me! What the hell? After getting over my initial shock at all the needles, I went on to look at just how many different medications I would be pumping into my body over the next two months and more if a pregnancy was achieved. For that first IVF, I ended up with 4 shots and 11 pills each day. It rocked.
It’s been 14 months since I received one of those boxes and yet my 5 year old remembers them. I wonder if he also remembers what a bad mom I was during those months of Lupron induced bitchiness. Just when I think I’ve moved past infertility it sucker punches me.
Oddly enough, even though it’s painful I don’t mind a sucker punch every now and then. It reminds me to be thankful for my children. It reminds me to be thankful I’m not actively trying for more children currently. It reminds me of a very difficult time in my life and therefore it reminds me that we persevered and came through it stronger than we entered. It reminds me that just because we want something that doesn’t mean we’re going to get it. It reminds me to be mindful of the journey even though the arrival is what I want. It reminds me that I have arrived!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Three
Yep, three. Three periods since I stopped breastfeeding. The first came exactly when I expected, a couple weeks after I stopped breastfeeding. The next came 28 days later. When it began I thought "No freaking way! Twenty Eight days...a normal 28 day cycle??? I am the queen of the messed up menstrals, I NEVER have 28 day cycles. Hmmm, maybe this pregnancy knocked something into place and I'm normal now." Ha ha ha. Are you waiting for the other shoe to drop? You should be, and I should have pushed the thoughts of normalcy out of head. Eleven, that's right 11, days after my second period arrived the third one did. Stellar.
Couch Duty for Ryan
We spent the day at the doctor's office and the hospital today...ugh! Ryan goes from having a minor cold to RAD and Pneumonia overnight. It kills me how quickly it comes on and he's so laid back about it that it's hard to know just how sick he is. After two breathing treatments, multiple does of steroids and a chest x-ray we're home...for now. Poor kid has to miss the last couple days of school, as well as his final soccer game this weekend. I'm hoping that his inhaler keeps him out of the hospital. Last time this happened we both had our first ambulance ride, spent 10 hours in the ER and then enjoyed a pleasant 3 day stay in isolation. Should be fun trying to keep my very active 5 year old on the couch. Poor kid!
Oh, just to make the day perfect, I arrived home to a summons for Jury Duty. While I've always wanted to serve Jury Duty, now isn't the time for numerous reasons. Fabulous.
Oh, just to make the day perfect, I arrived home to a summons for Jury Duty. While I've always wanted to serve Jury Duty, now isn't the time for numerous reasons. Fabulous.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Who Am I?
Who Am I?
· I am Chandra
· I am a Mother
· I am a Wife
· I am an over achieving perfectionist
· I am infertile
· I am trying to lose weight and be more fit
· I am losing so much hair!
· I am afraid of failure
· I am a mini van driving “soccer mom” (according to my brother)
· I am a huge fan of flip flops
· I am pretty trendy (if I do say so myself)
· I am cute in a girl next door kind of way
· I am an Interior Designer at heart, now if I can just get that degree
· I am a good friend, usually
· I am blind as bat…yes, I’m finally admitting it.
· I am fun to go dancing with
· I am procrastinating going to the doctor for a skin cancer check and getting a couple moles removed.
· I am afraid of what they might tell me.
· I am trying to decide what to with our frozen embryos
· I am sad when I think of them
· I am sad when I think of our babies that didn’t make it
· I am way behind on my housework.
· I am freckled
· I am competitive
· I am sometimes funny
· I am emotional lately
· I am finally happy with my naturally curly hair
· I am happy
· I am an optimist, glass half full kind of girl
· I am late…for a walk around the park with a friend…which means…
· I am done with my list
Who are you?
· I am Chandra
· I am a Mother
· I am a Wife
· I am an over achieving perfectionist
· I am infertile
· I am trying to lose weight and be more fit
· I am losing so much hair!
· I am afraid of failure
· I am a mini van driving “soccer mom” (according to my brother)
· I am a huge fan of flip flops
· I am pretty trendy (if I do say so myself)
· I am cute in a girl next door kind of way
· I am an Interior Designer at heart, now if I can just get that degree
· I am a good friend, usually
· I am blind as bat…yes, I’m finally admitting it.
· I am fun to go dancing with
· I am procrastinating going to the doctor for a skin cancer check and getting a couple moles removed.
· I am afraid of what they might tell me.
· I am trying to decide what to with our frozen embryos
· I am sad when I think of them
· I am sad when I think of our babies that didn’t make it
· I am way behind on my housework.
· I am freckled
· I am competitive
· I am sometimes funny
· I am emotional lately
· I am finally happy with my naturally curly hair
· I am happy
· I am an optimist, glass half full kind of girl
· I am late…for a walk around the park with a friend…which means…
· I am done with my list
Who are you?
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Traditions...
When I was growing up we went for ice cream after school programs. Often other families were at the local ice cream shop as well and there were lots of smiling faces and laughter. I usually got a chocolate malt, my mom chose a hot fudge sundae, I believe my step dad often went with a chocolate cherry blizzard and, sadly, I don't remember my brother's choice, although I'm sure it had vanilla ice cream because that's his favorite.
Tonight another generation began the ice cream tradition. The kindergarten and K-Readiness classes had a program at school. They showed off some of their "skillz" and then sang a song. After leaving the school, the 4 of us went to a new ice cream shop that opened today. Ryan saw a classmate walking in, as we were pulling up. He was so excited, yelling out to his friend, opening the car door almost before we'd stopped. Once inside the boys monkeyed around, sat next to each other, shared their ice cream and had a grand time. I chatted with a couple of moms, and even saw our neighbors. It was surreal. I don't feel old enough to be the parent...and yet I am. Tradition has come full circle. It's pretty great to recall things I did as a kid, share that memory with my kids, and do them again.
Tradition.
Tonight another generation began the ice cream tradition. The kindergarten and K-Readiness classes had a program at school. They showed off some of their "skillz" and then sang a song. After leaving the school, the 4 of us went to a new ice cream shop that opened today. Ryan saw a classmate walking in, as we were pulling up. He was so excited, yelling out to his friend, opening the car door almost before we'd stopped. Once inside the boys monkeyed around, sat next to each other, shared their ice cream and had a grand time. I chatted with a couple of moms, and even saw our neighbors. It was surreal. I don't feel old enough to be the parent...and yet I am. Tradition has come full circle. It's pretty great to recall things I did as a kid, share that memory with my kids, and do them again.
Tradition.
Babies in Hats!
Have I mentioned how much I love babies in hats? I love babies in hats! I love my baby in hats! Isn't she cute?!
Friday, May 11, 2007
School Days
This morning as I dropped Ryan off at school he saw a friend who was arriving at the same time. He hopped out of the car as quickly as possible and yelled "Hi Alli Beth!" She yelled "RYAN!!!" ran over to him and linked arms. Another little boy linked with his other arm and the three of them walked into school. I held up the drop off line because I was watching the scene play out. It was so cute and made me happy to see Ryan enjoying his friends.
He's so excited for summer and lots of "stay home days" but I think he's really going to miss seeing his friends every day.
He's so excited for summer and lots of "stay home days" but I think he's really going to miss seeing his friends every day.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
4 months cont...and IKEA!
Just a quick update. Makenna's 4 month appt went well. She weighed in at 16 lbs 6 oz and 24 1/4 inches long. My girl is huge! The pediatrician guesstimated her to be about 5'8" as an adult if she continues on her current growth curve. It's funny to compare her to Ryan, because at Ryan's 4 month appt he was in the 10th percentile for weight, while Makenna is 97th. She's also at 75th percentile for height and Ryan was about 45th percentile. Shots went well, she didn't seem to have much of a reaction at all other than sleeping a bit more than usual. This was a good thing because my stepdad and I decided to go to Atlanta after her appointment. I had mentioned wanting to go to IKEA and we decided to be spontaneous and go. By the way, it was AWESOME! I love IKEA and can't wait to make another trip down there. Maybe next time we'll see more of Atlanta than IKEA and Whole Foods.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
4 months!
Dear Makenna,
Today you are 4 months old! I can hardly believe how quickly your baby months are flying by.
What's new in your world? Let's see, you've begun sleeping through the night! You started just over a week ago and have only had one night since then where you got up. I really like my sleep so I've been pretty excited about this recent development. About that same time you started batting at toys. You mostly use your hands for this task, but I've seen you use your feet when on your playmat. You show no indication of rolling over, probably because you hate tummy time and love to be held or sitting up in your bouncy chair or bumbo. Wait!!! You just rolled onto your side! I'm sitting next to you, while you lay on your playmat, typing this. I guess you wanted to prove me wrong and show that you'd be rolling before we know it.
You go to bed so easily now! I can tell when you're getting tired at night because you rub your eyes, move a lot, get fussy, and suck on your finger/knuckles. Provided you've had enough to eat, when this occurs I can lay you down in your crib without a peep. You then proceed to rub your head back and forth or if I stand there for a minute you'll rub your nose across my hand and try to suck on my palm. When you're in your swing, bouncy chair or car seat you rub the side of your face up and down on the fabric when you want to go to sleep. I'm not sure why this is your chosen method of soothing yourself, but it's cute.
Now comes a big topic....hair! We're both losing it. You've lost all the curls on top of your head, and you've rubbed a big bald spot on the back of your head. What's left is pretty wispy and kind of looks like old man hair. I still can't tell what color it's going to be, but I think the red may be gone. When you had it as a tiny baby, I was hopeful that you'd keep it. As I said before, you aren't alone in the hair loss department. I've developed a nice receeding hairline and my normally very thick head of hair has thinned out a ton. I'm contemplating cutting it all off, but not sure that's the best idea as we head into the humid summer months.
Your eyes are lightening up. Ryan and I both have eyes that change based on what we're wearing. Sometimes they look blue, other times green or gray, I think yours may be the same. So far they seem to fall in the grayish blue range, but there's still time for them to change. You also seem to be blessed with the same long eyelashes your brother has. Lucky girl that you are, they curl up almost to your eyebrows right now.
You have a temper little missy! You want what you want when you want it and if I can't provide it right then, you let me know how frustrated you are with me. The car is the worst for this. Because I can't get to you, you'll scream so long and hard that you turn red and choke, and often you end up with little red spots all over your face. We're often out and about, but you're much happier when we stay home all day. You get really irritated with me if you spend too much time in your car seat.
During this past month you got to meet your Grandma and Grandpa Harrison. You were all so infatuated with each other. I was sick for most of the week they were here, so you spent A LOT of time with your Grandma. They were both so sad when it was time to go home, since I'm not sure when we'll see them again.
You LOVE Ryan, and he LOVES you. One of the reasons it was so important for your Dad and I to add to our family is that we wanted Ryan to have a sibling. We knew he would love having a sister or brother and we wanted him to have someone to grow up with and share his life with. Your dad and I don't live by our siblings, but I think about at least one of them almost every day. I wish we lived closer and know that if I ever needed anything I could call on any of them. We wanted Ryan to have a person like that too. It's so sweet to watch the two of you grow into your relationship and I hope you'll always love each other as much as you do right now. Don't get me wrong, I know you'll fight as you grow up, but I hope those fights are long gone when you reach adulthood and I hope you'll always be there for each other.
I put you down for a nap awhile ago and now you're waking up. I'm off to feed you and play some patty cake. We rock the patty cake game! Oh, one more thing, you belly laugh now! Time can get away from me as I sit and play with you trying to get one of those belly laughs out of you.
I love you baby girl!
Mom
P.S. - Your 4 month checkup is next week, I can't wait to find out how much you've grown
P.P.S.S. - Your Nana and Papa arrive today. Papa hasn't seen you since you were a week old, and Nana hasn't seen you since you were two weeks old. They are gonna love playing with you and watching your eyes twinkle and your dimples pop out when you smile.
Today you are 4 months old! I can hardly believe how quickly your baby months are flying by.
What's new in your world? Let's see, you've begun sleeping through the night! You started just over a week ago and have only had one night since then where you got up. I really like my sleep so I've been pretty excited about this recent development. About that same time you started batting at toys. You mostly use your hands for this task, but I've seen you use your feet when on your playmat. You show no indication of rolling over, probably because you hate tummy time and love to be held or sitting up in your bouncy chair or bumbo. Wait!!! You just rolled onto your side! I'm sitting next to you, while you lay on your playmat, typing this. I guess you wanted to prove me wrong and show that you'd be rolling before we know it.
You go to bed so easily now! I can tell when you're getting tired at night because you rub your eyes, move a lot, get fussy, and suck on your finger/knuckles. Provided you've had enough to eat, when this occurs I can lay you down in your crib without a peep. You then proceed to rub your head back and forth or if I stand there for a minute you'll rub your nose across my hand and try to suck on my palm. When you're in your swing, bouncy chair or car seat you rub the side of your face up and down on the fabric when you want to go to sleep. I'm not sure why this is your chosen method of soothing yourself, but it's cute.
Now comes a big topic....hair! We're both losing it. You've lost all the curls on top of your head, and you've rubbed a big bald spot on the back of your head. What's left is pretty wispy and kind of looks like old man hair. I still can't tell what color it's going to be, but I think the red may be gone. When you had it as a tiny baby, I was hopeful that you'd keep it. As I said before, you aren't alone in the hair loss department. I've developed a nice receeding hairline and my normally very thick head of hair has thinned out a ton. I'm contemplating cutting it all off, but not sure that's the best idea as we head into the humid summer months.
Your eyes are lightening up. Ryan and I both have eyes that change based on what we're wearing. Sometimes they look blue, other times green or gray, I think yours may be the same. So far they seem to fall in the grayish blue range, but there's still time for them to change. You also seem to be blessed with the same long eyelashes your brother has. Lucky girl that you are, they curl up almost to your eyebrows right now.
You have a temper little missy! You want what you want when you want it and if I can't provide it right then, you let me know how frustrated you are with me. The car is the worst for this. Because I can't get to you, you'll scream so long and hard that you turn red and choke, and often you end up with little red spots all over your face. We're often out and about, but you're much happier when we stay home all day. You get really irritated with me if you spend too much time in your car seat.
During this past month you got to meet your Grandma and Grandpa Harrison. You were all so infatuated with each other. I was sick for most of the week they were here, so you spent A LOT of time with your Grandma. They were both so sad when it was time to go home, since I'm not sure when we'll see them again.
You LOVE Ryan, and he LOVES you. One of the reasons it was so important for your Dad and I to add to our family is that we wanted Ryan to have a sibling. We knew he would love having a sister or brother and we wanted him to have someone to grow up with and share his life with. Your dad and I don't live by our siblings, but I think about at least one of them almost every day. I wish we lived closer and know that if I ever needed anything I could call on any of them. We wanted Ryan to have a person like that too. It's so sweet to watch the two of you grow into your relationship and I hope you'll always love each other as much as you do right now. Don't get me wrong, I know you'll fight as you grow up, but I hope those fights are long gone when you reach adulthood and I hope you'll always be there for each other.
I put you down for a nap awhile ago and now you're waking up. I'm off to feed you and play some patty cake. We rock the patty cake game! Oh, one more thing, you belly laugh now! Time can get away from me as I sit and play with you trying to get one of those belly laughs out of you.
I love you baby girl!
Mom
P.S. - Your 4 month checkup is next week, I can't wait to find out how much you've grown
P.P.S.S. - Your Nana and Papa arrive today. Papa hasn't seen you since you were a week old, and Nana hasn't seen you since you were two weeks old. They are gonna love playing with you and watching your eyes twinkle and your dimples pop out when you smile.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
I come by this naturally...
My crunchy tendencies are starting to make themselves known.
I come by them naturally. For goodness sake, my parents live in a house made of tires filled with rammed earth and tin cans. What could be more crunchy than that? Plus, I was born and raised in Colorado, need I say more?
Enough of the rationalizing, let me get to my point. My brother was here for a visit early this year. While here, he saw us heating a "cocoa coffee" for Ryan in the microwave. (Cocoa Coffee is warmed milk with a little ovaltine or nestle quick mixed in.) Ryan has been drinking this most mornings for a couple years now and since he started this at a young age cocoa coffee's were served in a sippy cup. For whatever reason, we never got out of the habit. Moving on, I remember hearing a couple years ago that you shouldn't heat plastic in the microwave, but I guess I'd conveniently forgotten. My brother, made mention of that little fact and also let me know that plastics with the numbers of 3,6 and 7 have been found to leach toxins and shouldn't be used with food at all. At the time Makenna had just been born, it was all I could do to keep my head above water. I heard what he said, but didn't make many changes, other than not heating plastic in the microwave. Fast forward a few months, and I have a bit more time on my hands. I start to research. The more I research, the more concerned I become about exposure to some plastics. Studies are showing that exposure to #7 plastic can cause reproductive, neurological and developmental issues. The more I read the more freaked out I get and more things I begin to throw away! My husband thinks I may have jumped off the deep end, but is trying to be supportive as he watches the plastic plates, bowls and cups hit the box marked good will. Spatulas, air tight containers, and silverware didn't even make it to the box...they hit the trash or were reused for things not food related. My collection of baby bottles will be thrown out, which hurts since I have a bunch. It seems as though each time I turn around, I find something else that needs to go. This morning as I packed Ryan's lunch, I looked at the little container of applesauce I was about to throw in, guess what, it's in #7 plastic. He got a banana instead. For those with baby's that are eating stage 1 baby food, the G.erber stuff is packaged in #7. I could go on, but I'll stop now. If anyone wants some links to studies or plastic info, I'd be happy to send you some or just Goo.gle Bisphenol A or BPA's. I'm trying not to think about the fact that Ryan's exposure has been huge over the last couple years between bottles, dishes and food packaging.
Freak out number one concluded, now on to number two.
This isn't so much of a freak out, just a consideration. While pregnant I researched diapers other than disposable. Knowing myself and my husband, I wasn't sure that cloth diapers would work for us but I found something called the g diaper. It's a cloth outer with a disposable inner panel that you can flush! They are barely more expensive than P.ampers and I loved the fact that you can flush the inner panel and not add to our ever growing landfills. Many eye rolls later, I decided not to pursue this option. Fast forward a few months and I've bought a starter pack of G Diapers and am trying them out as we speak. The liner flushes fine, no toilet clogs so far, and they seem to do a good job at keeping M's skin dry. I don't think we'll use them all the time, but maybe just during the day when we're home. Every little bit helps, right?
Ok, I'm done with my public service announcements for today. Are you rolling your eyes at me or about to run to your kitchen and see how many things you use on a daily basis that are in #7 plastic?
I come by them naturally. For goodness sake, my parents live in a house made of tires filled with rammed earth and tin cans. What could be more crunchy than that? Plus, I was born and raised in Colorado, need I say more?
Enough of the rationalizing, let me get to my point. My brother was here for a visit early this year. While here, he saw us heating a "cocoa coffee" for Ryan in the microwave. (Cocoa Coffee is warmed milk with a little ovaltine or nestle quick mixed in.) Ryan has been drinking this most mornings for a couple years now and since he started this at a young age cocoa coffee's were served in a sippy cup. For whatever reason, we never got out of the habit. Moving on, I remember hearing a couple years ago that you shouldn't heat plastic in the microwave, but I guess I'd conveniently forgotten. My brother, made mention of that little fact and also let me know that plastics with the numbers of 3,6 and 7 have been found to leach toxins and shouldn't be used with food at all. At the time Makenna had just been born, it was all I could do to keep my head above water. I heard what he said, but didn't make many changes, other than not heating plastic in the microwave. Fast forward a few months, and I have a bit more time on my hands. I start to research. The more I research, the more concerned I become about exposure to some plastics. Studies are showing that exposure to #7 plastic can cause reproductive, neurological and developmental issues. The more I read the more freaked out I get and more things I begin to throw away! My husband thinks I may have jumped off the deep end, but is trying to be supportive as he watches the plastic plates, bowls and cups hit the box marked good will. Spatulas, air tight containers, and silverware didn't even make it to the box...they hit the trash or were reused for things not food related. My collection of baby bottles will be thrown out, which hurts since I have a bunch. It seems as though each time I turn around, I find something else that needs to go. This morning as I packed Ryan's lunch, I looked at the little container of applesauce I was about to throw in, guess what, it's in #7 plastic. He got a banana instead. For those with baby's that are eating stage 1 baby food, the G.erber stuff is packaged in #7. I could go on, but I'll stop now. If anyone wants some links to studies or plastic info, I'd be happy to send you some or just Goo.gle Bisphenol A or BPA's. I'm trying not to think about the fact that Ryan's exposure has been huge over the last couple years between bottles, dishes and food packaging.
Freak out number one concluded, now on to number two.
This isn't so much of a freak out, just a consideration. While pregnant I researched diapers other than disposable. Knowing myself and my husband, I wasn't sure that cloth diapers would work for us but I found something called the g diaper. It's a cloth outer with a disposable inner panel that you can flush! They are barely more expensive than P.ampers and I loved the fact that you can flush the inner panel and not add to our ever growing landfills. Many eye rolls later, I decided not to pursue this option. Fast forward a few months and I've bought a starter pack of G Diapers and am trying them out as we speak. The liner flushes fine, no toilet clogs so far, and they seem to do a good job at keeping M's skin dry. I don't think we'll use them all the time, but maybe just during the day when we're home. Every little bit helps, right?
Ok, I'm done with my public service announcements for today. Are you rolling your eyes at me or about to run to your kitchen and see how many things you use on a daily basis that are in #7 plastic?
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
3 Months Old
All bundled up at Ryan's soccer practice
Check out my chub!
Pretty girl. (Thanks for my cute dress Aunt Sheryl)
He called my bluff...
Ryan hates to get up and go to school in the morning. Once he's there he has a good time and he enjoys it, but we often battle in the morning. He tells me he doesn't want to go to school and I tell him that isn't an option, then we spend the next 45 minutes with him throwing a fit and me trying to get him out the door. I've been trying to reason with him and tell him that if he doesn't go to school he has to spend the entire day in him room, only leaving to go potty. No TV, no bike, no soccer, no video games, no CD's, etc. Well yesterday he called my bluff and decided he wanted to do just that.
I figured it's better to learn this lesson now, while in Pre-K, but I wasn't looking forward to the day. He started out the day in bed, gloating, thinking he'd won. He was content to be in his room, smiling, telling me he loved me. Then the reality hit. At 11 the first fit occured and there were lots of tears and talk of being bored. He cried himself to sleep and woke up telling me he wanted to go somewhere, but not school because it's boring. My response was nope, sorry, you made your choice and now you have to live with the consequences. Makenna and I ate lunch with him in his room and then left him alone again, at which point he realized it was sunny out. Another fit ensued, he thought it was a nice day and wanted to be outside riding his bike. More tears and more of me saying "I'm so sorry, it's such a bummer you can't go out and play. Some times it's hard to live with your choices isn't it?" Poor kid, thought he was getting sympathy from me, until he realized I wasn't going to let him go out. About midafternoon I went in again while Makenna was napping. We had a snack, read some books and then talked about the day and how hard it was. Again he thought that meant he was done in his room, so as I was leaving a bunch more tears. I thought there would be a point where he would start throwing things in his room, slamming the door, anything to make me angry. It never happened, just lots of whining and crying. At 5 I finally gave in. We chatted again, at which point he told me school was way more fun. So he was tasked with cleaning his room and then told he could come out and have dinner with the family.
This morning was great. He hopped up and said he was ready for school. Listened to everything the first time, was in a good mood and didn't give me grief about anything. When we were in line waiting to drop off he said "I'm glad I get to go to school today"
So, the battle was won but somehow I think the war has just begun. Time will tell, but for now I'm going to enjoy the stress free mornings!
As a side note, by the end of the day I couldn't decide if I was a really good parent for sticking to my guns, or a really bad parent for even suggesting that such a day could happen. A reminder to me that I have to be willing to follow through with consequences.
I figured it's better to learn this lesson now, while in Pre-K, but I wasn't looking forward to the day. He started out the day in bed, gloating, thinking he'd won. He was content to be in his room, smiling, telling me he loved me. Then the reality hit. At 11 the first fit occured and there were lots of tears and talk of being bored. He cried himself to sleep and woke up telling me he wanted to go somewhere, but not school because it's boring. My response was nope, sorry, you made your choice and now you have to live with the consequences. Makenna and I ate lunch with him in his room and then left him alone again, at which point he realized it was sunny out. Another fit ensued, he thought it was a nice day and wanted to be outside riding his bike. More tears and more of me saying "I'm so sorry, it's such a bummer you can't go out and play. Some times it's hard to live with your choices isn't it?" Poor kid, thought he was getting sympathy from me, until he realized I wasn't going to let him go out. About midafternoon I went in again while Makenna was napping. We had a snack, read some books and then talked about the day and how hard it was. Again he thought that meant he was done in his room, so as I was leaving a bunch more tears. I thought there would be a point where he would start throwing things in his room, slamming the door, anything to make me angry. It never happened, just lots of whining and crying. At 5 I finally gave in. We chatted again, at which point he told me school was way more fun. So he was tasked with cleaning his room and then told he could come out and have dinner with the family.
This morning was great. He hopped up and said he was ready for school. Listened to everything the first time, was in a good mood and didn't give me grief about anything. When we were in line waiting to drop off he said "I'm glad I get to go to school today"
So, the battle was won but somehow I think the war has just begun. Time will tell, but for now I'm going to enjoy the stress free mornings!
As a side note, by the end of the day I couldn't decide if I was a really good parent for sticking to my guns, or a really bad parent for even suggesting that such a day could happen. A reminder to me that I have to be willing to follow through with consequences.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Late again
No, not that kind of late. I'm infertile, remember?
Happy 3 Month Birthday Makenna!
You are growing so fast! Before you arrived I told myself I'd relish each stage and never wish that you were hitting milestones quicker, but I never thought I'd have to wish you'd grow slower...much, much slower! Every day it seems like something changes with you. I love watching you discover the world but I can't believe my little baby is already 3 months old!
This month has been full of exciting changes. The most fun being that you've found your voice and you love to use it! You and I spend a lot of time staring into each others eyes and having intent conversations. Your favorite word is "agooo" and you giggle when I repeat it back to you. Your favorite place to chat is lying on your changing table. Since this is our normal place for conversation you're a little confused when I'm all business in the middle of the night. You, however, always have other ideas. You catch my eye and start to grin and coo and before I know it I'm smiling and talking to you.
You're in such a good mood when you wake up in the morning. Just this past week you've starting hanging out in your crib and chatting until I come and get you so we can take your brother to school. Before this you usually woke up crying, so I have to admit, I really enjoy listening to you stretch your vocal cords when tears aren't part of the deal.
You aren't a big fan of your car seat when you're awake, but it's your favorite place to sleep during the day.
You love to be outside, which is good since your brother Ryan has a new found love for his bike. He also started soccer again a couple weeks ago. You love going to his practices and games, except for this morning because it was about 30 degrees.
When you want to eat, you want to eat! We've all figured out your cries now and even your brother recognizes that "neeeehhhhhh neeeehhhhhh neeeeehhhhhhhh" means you're hungry.
You have the chubbiest cheeks. I love to sqeeze them with an accompanying noise. You think it's hilarious. You also love to play Pattycake. Unless you're really tired or hungry it always makes you grin.
You'll hang out for 15 or 20 minutes by yourself now! Your play mat is starting to hold some interest for you, I've caught you batting at the toys that hang from it or intently watching your brother move them around. You also like to lay on it for tummy time because there are lots of designs to look at.
Your eyes twinkle when you're happy. I love to watch them go from serious or teary to smiling and twinkling. It's an incredible transformation and one that can take place in the blink of an eye.
You're down to just one medication a day, instead of two. The one you're still taking is very minty. You aren't a big fan of the flavor, but you're so good about taking it. Hopefully we'll be able to wean you off that one before to long as well, since your reflux seems to be getting a bit better.
You spit up all the time. Did I already tell you that in an earlier letter? If so, it's worth mentioning again. You and I change our clothes numerous times each day and Ryan has a lot of fun guessing who's going to be spit up on next. We went to your Daddy's office so he could show you off to the people he works with, and he told them before we arrived that you always smell like spit up. You don't, but it sure feels that way some days.
You are really developing a personality and just like Mommy you like to go out and do things. We're going to have some serious fun when you get older!
I love you baby girl!
Mom
Happy 3 Month Birthday Makenna!
You are growing so fast! Before you arrived I told myself I'd relish each stage and never wish that you were hitting milestones quicker, but I never thought I'd have to wish you'd grow slower...much, much slower! Every day it seems like something changes with you. I love watching you discover the world but I can't believe my little baby is already 3 months old!
This month has been full of exciting changes. The most fun being that you've found your voice and you love to use it! You and I spend a lot of time staring into each others eyes and having intent conversations. Your favorite word is "agooo" and you giggle when I repeat it back to you. Your favorite place to chat is lying on your changing table. Since this is our normal place for conversation you're a little confused when I'm all business in the middle of the night. You, however, always have other ideas. You catch my eye and start to grin and coo and before I know it I'm smiling and talking to you.
You're in such a good mood when you wake up in the morning. Just this past week you've starting hanging out in your crib and chatting until I come and get you so we can take your brother to school. Before this you usually woke up crying, so I have to admit, I really enjoy listening to you stretch your vocal cords when tears aren't part of the deal.
You aren't a big fan of your car seat when you're awake, but it's your favorite place to sleep during the day.
You love to be outside, which is good since your brother Ryan has a new found love for his bike. He also started soccer again a couple weeks ago. You love going to his practices and games, except for this morning because it was about 30 degrees.
When you want to eat, you want to eat! We've all figured out your cries now and even your brother recognizes that "neeeehhhhhh neeeehhhhhh neeeeehhhhhhhh" means you're hungry.
You have the chubbiest cheeks. I love to sqeeze them with an accompanying noise. You think it's hilarious. You also love to play Pattycake. Unless you're really tired or hungry it always makes you grin.
You'll hang out for 15 or 20 minutes by yourself now! Your play mat is starting to hold some interest for you, I've caught you batting at the toys that hang from it or intently watching your brother move them around. You also like to lay on it for tummy time because there are lots of designs to look at.
Your eyes twinkle when you're happy. I love to watch them go from serious or teary to smiling and twinkling. It's an incredible transformation and one that can take place in the blink of an eye.
You're down to just one medication a day, instead of two. The one you're still taking is very minty. You aren't a big fan of the flavor, but you're so good about taking it. Hopefully we'll be able to wean you off that one before to long as well, since your reflux seems to be getting a bit better.
You spit up all the time. Did I already tell you that in an earlier letter? If so, it's worth mentioning again. You and I change our clothes numerous times each day and Ryan has a lot of fun guessing who's going to be spit up on next. We went to your Daddy's office so he could show you off to the people he works with, and he told them before we arrived that you always smell like spit up. You don't, but it sure feels that way some days.
You are really developing a personality and just like Mommy you like to go out and do things. We're going to have some serious fun when you get older!
I love you baby girl!
Mom
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Words of Wisdom
Ryan, Makenna and I were at the park yesterday after school, taking advantage of the beautiful day. While there, Ryan found a little boy to play with who was there with his grandmother. Since the boys were playing we started to chat and she said "I just want to tell you to cherish this time. It can be hard and trying to have two small children at home, but the time goes so quickly." It's a sentiment I've heard many times, and one that has gone in one ear and out the other while I think to myself "I know the time goes by quickly and of course I cherish my children and my time with them." Yesterday was different. There was no metal eye roll, no sarcasm, just recognition of the truth in her words.
Growing up I thought I could do it all, be the mother, wife and career woman. My mom did it and did it well. I could too. Then infertility hit and my thoughts about what was important changed. I still thought I could do it all, but did I want to? I decided that my career could wait, I would spend as much time with my kids as I could...if I could just have them. When Ryan arrived I never even considered going back to work, the plan was to evaluate the situation in a year. It was what I wanted, it was what his dad wanted, it was best for Ryan, it was the right thing to do, it was still...hard. Suddenly I felt like I'd lost my identity. I was a go getter, an over achiever, driven. I felt as though I'd walked away from all of that. It took about a year for me to realize that I was using those qualities to do the best and most important job ever and that was to raise a good man. A difficult job for an over achieving perfectionist but well worth the challenge, and so far I think we're on the right track.
Back to the grandma at the park. I wish I could tell her thank you for stating the obvious and reminding me to live in the moment and be mindful. Mindful of just how much I enjoy my children and how lucky I am to spend so much time with them. In leaving my "career" I didn't lose my identity, I found it. I'm a mom! The career that provides financial gain will come later, but for now, I couldn't have a better job...or a better life.
Growing up I thought I could do it all, be the mother, wife and career woman. My mom did it and did it well. I could too. Then infertility hit and my thoughts about what was important changed. I still thought I could do it all, but did I want to? I decided that my career could wait, I would spend as much time with my kids as I could...if I could just have them. When Ryan arrived I never even considered going back to work, the plan was to evaluate the situation in a year. It was what I wanted, it was what his dad wanted, it was best for Ryan, it was the right thing to do, it was still...hard. Suddenly I felt like I'd lost my identity. I was a go getter, an over achiever, driven. I felt as though I'd walked away from all of that. It took about a year for me to realize that I was using those qualities to do the best and most important job ever and that was to raise a good man. A difficult job for an over achieving perfectionist but well worth the challenge, and so far I think we're on the right track.
Back to the grandma at the park. I wish I could tell her thank you for stating the obvious and reminding me to live in the moment and be mindful. Mindful of just how much I enjoy my children and how lucky I am to spend so much time with them. In leaving my "career" I didn't lose my identity, I found it. I'm a mom! The career that provides financial gain will come later, but for now, I couldn't have a better job...or a better life.
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