It's the Final Countdown...

Yea, I grew up in the 80's...

Doctor's appt this week:
I went in on Tuesday which was 37 weeks 2 days, I've made it to full term! Blood pressure was still elevated 144/88, but Dr. Aboveandbeyond said all my labs from the previous week were fine, which means it's pregnancy induced Hypertension and not yet Pre-Eclampsia. (The longer I'm pregnant the more chance I have of this becoming Pre-Eclampsia.) He did an internal and found me to be 1-2 centimeters dialated, 50% effaced, but my cervix was still high. He then checked for heartbeat and position, based on what he was feeling and where the heartbeat was, he thought it possible she was breech again. So off to Labor and Delivery for another Non-Stress Test and an ultrasound to check fetal lie. Thankfully, ultrasound showed her to be head down and NST was reactive. With good news in hand Dr. Aboveandbeyond came smiling into the triage room and asked if I was ready to schedule an induction. We'd talked about this previously, but I've been worried about inducing if my body isn't ready, don't want to have a c-section if I can help it. Plus, my parents aren't here yet! That said, my BP is elevated and it's best to induce before other complications arise. So...drum roll please...Induction is scheduled for Tuesday, Jan 2! My mom should be arriving tomorrow afternoon and my stepdad should be here no later than Monday afternoon. Less than a week from now we'll be holding baby Makenna! My mom will be here to help me through the delivery and stepdad will be here for Ryan. I'm so thankful for them and all they do for us and so very thankful to be at this place finally. Two years ago at this time, we were contemplating our first IVF. Last year at this time, I was newly pregnant from my second IVF. This year, after our third IVF, I get to have a baby! Modern Science and Miracles all rolled into one precious bundle of sweet baby girl.

36 weeks 2 days and counting!

Two posts in one day, can you believe it?

I can't believe this pregancy is almost over! In some respects it seems like I've been pregnant forever, yet I still remember getting the calls with my betas like they were yesterday. Less than 4 weeks from now, and maybe much sooner, our daughter will be in our arms!!!

A brief update:
I had a doctor's appt today. My blood pressure was quite high for me, 143/88. This caused a bit of concern so Dr. Aboveandbeyond decided to check me. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on circumstance, my cervix is still high. He also called for a blood draw and 24 hour urine collection. After that was done I was sent to Labor and Delivery for a Non Stress Test. Once there and all hooked up my BP was even higher, 153/80, and the swelling in my legs had become even more noticable. Thankfully, when I laid on my left side my BP decreased a bit, 136/78 at the lowest reading. Baby girl was moving all over the place and had hiccups twice while I was hooked up to the monitors and I had a number of contractions, only a couple of which I felt. After about an hour of some serious heartburn and some minor boredom I was released and told to bring my "jug 'o pee" to my doctors office tomorrow afternoon. For some reason my husband finds mass amounts of humor in the fact that I now have a "jug 'o pee" in the fridge...on ice, no less. Biggest reality check of the day...when the nurse asked if I had a car seat and I had to say no. Guess I'd better get one of those!

Outfits and blankets and diaper champs...oh my!

This past weekend was my babyshower. It was such a special day and one I never thought we'd get to celebrate. Three great friends hosted it and everything was beautiful and oh so girly. There were even personalized party favors, Hershey Bars with mine and the baby's name and all sorts of cute little girly things. I felt so blessed to have a number of close family in attendance, they came from Colorado and Illinois to help me celebrate. There were also a number of girls from my Mom's group and some local friends and "family" as well. The time flew by as we chatted and played games and it ended with lots of laughter and tears as a "wish blanket" was passed around. After I got home I showed Wayne all the gifts and both of us sat and stared at the pile in awe. Our baby girl is so loved and she isn't even here yet!

Thank you again to Jenna, Jacy and Barbara for hosting such a special day and thank to all of those that were there in person and spirit. I had a wonderful time and couldn't have asked for a better day!

I'm a Big Brother!!!

A quote we've heard from Ryan constantly since Saturday. Why? We took him to the Big Brother/Big Sister class at a local Hospital. It was fabulous! The kids got a chance to diaper their "babies", learned how to hold them the right way, talked about physical development of newborns and how much they cry. They also got to tour the birthing rooms, view the babies in the nursery, pick out a shirt that says "I'm a Big Brother!", and take a picture of themselves for the new babies bassinet. Ryan loved the class, and we loved how into it he was.

Parents got a handout that talks about adjustment for the older sibling. We had quite the chuckle as we checked off each of the behaviors that Ryan is currently exhibiting and frustrating us with. At least we know he's normal.

Less than five weeks until my due date. Braxton Hicks are picking up in intensity and frequency. Heartburn and Acid Reflux are kicking my butt and making sleeping quite difficult. I currently spend most of each night sleeping sitting up on the couch. Joy! I'm tired, I get nosebleeds constantly, I've got some sweet "cankles" which seem to get bigger by the day, and the pelvic pressure, ouch! But...this has been such an amazing time. We've been through so much to have another child, it's hard to believe we'll be holding her in just a few short weeks. I feel so incredibly blessed and lucky right now.

It's Pink!

Work on the baby's room has finally begun! It's been a room to hold stuff for a few months now and we finally got it all cleaned out, shelves hung in the closet and walls painted. Now we just need to bring in all the baby furniture and we'll be ready for our little girl!

I've been thinking about this room for months and quickly decided I wanted pink and brown to be the main colors. It's been harder than anticipated to find bedding that works with the color scheme I want, so I plan to make the bumper. Crib sheets and skirt have been bought and are just waiting for a crib to be put on! I absolutely love how the stripes turned out on the wall. It's so great to have an idea and see it come to fruition and look good! I hope our little girl loves her room as much as Ryan loved his nursery!

The Cast is Gone!

Ryan got his cast off yesterday! He didn't really seem to care, but the minute it came off he had the biggest smile on his face. He moved his arm all around and kept saying it felt dizzy. The doctor was amazed because he straighted his elbow right away, apparently an adult with a similar break would take weeks to months to be able to move it that well. No physical Therapy and no splint because he's healed so well, just a reminder to take it easy for the next few weeks so that he doesn't break it again. Unfortunately as we walked out to the parking lot Ryan said "I can suck my finger again!!!!!" AHHH! I was hopeful this broke him of the habit but I guess not. He did suck it last night going to sleep, but didn't have his finger in his mouth other than that. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it stays at bedtime. He really enjoyed his first shower in a month too.

I'm off to register for the big brother class, hard to believe Ryan's going to have a little sister in 9 weeks or less!

Insomnia

I'm not a fan. I love my sleep and I need it to function very well, unfortunately, I'm not getting a whole lot of it lately. Between my acid reflux/heartburn, need to pee every few hours and litte Miss Noname kicking, I can't seem to get more than a few hours of sleep each night. Add to the physical the mental masterbation that I tend to do when I wake up in the middle of the night, and once I wake up, that's it, I'm done for...no more sleep. Limited sleep has been an issue for about a year and a half now. When I was on infertility drugs for the 3 IVF's, I almost never got a full night's sleep due to the side effects from the medicine. With Ryan I never had any sleep issues, so I expected this pregnancy to be the same, after weaning off the hormonal drugs at the end of the first trimester. No such luck. While it was a bit better during the second trimester now that I've hit the third, it's back to a few hours of sleep a night. I wish it was going to get better, but once this little girls arrives, it will only get worse. Guess I'd better take advantage of my slow days right now, and take a nap when I can.

*Sigh*

Boo!

I can hardly believe how quickly this pregnancy is going. At 29 weeks, I still have so much to do before Miss Noname makes her appearance. First on the list is a name! There are a few names that have been mentioned, yet we can't seem to agree. I like names that are a bit unique but not hard to pronounce, I prefer an Irish or family name, and I want a name for our baby girl that will fit her now and when she grows into a strong and independant woman. I have a hard time classifying the types of names her dad likes although he does like names with Scottish heritage. I tease him because I think he has an affinity for stripper names. I've shared the Fawn story here, haven't I? Enough said.

Following is a list of possible names:

Makenna - I've liked this name since I was about 6 weeks along with this little girl, Daddy doesn't love it but is trying to be open minded about it.
MacKenzie - Daddy's choice instead of Makenna. I like this name and appreciate it's Irish/Scottish heritage, but it's really popular right now.
Linsey - This one just popped up the other day. First name, middle name?
Grace - Only as a middle name
Emma - My MIL's middle name. I like the family connection, but it's sooooo popular
Brette - My grandmother's maiden name (Brett). Again, I love the family connection. This is a middle name in my book.

Any suggestions? Any thoughts on the names I've mentioned? Any one? We need help!

29 weeks also brought with it another appointment with Dr. Aboveandbeyond. Everything looked good, thankfully. Miss N is still breech, but he said I shouldn't be concerned. There's still plenty of time for her to turn. No weight gain which surprised me. I feel like I'm getting bigger by the second. Braxton Hicks contractions, while irritating and worrisome, don't appear to be thinning my cervix. No real restrictions, he just told me take it easy, rest when I can, and start reducing any unnecessary responsibilities.

In big boy news, Ryan is doing really well with his cast. Fingers crossed, I think this may have broken his finger sucking habit! The cast comes off in two weeks, so time will tell. I'm amazed at how well he has adapted to limited use of his arm and hand, however I'm looking forward to him having a full range of motion again. I do hear "I can't" and "I need help" a lot lately, but it gets better each day. He's going as Superman this evening and is excited about dressing up and trick or treating. We're all hoping that the rain holds off until after we're done.

Happy Halloween!!!

PBS

Test Tube Babies
PBS
Monday, 10/23, at 8 pm

A documentary on PBS about the history of IVF. I'm looking foward to watching it.

I win the Worst Mommy Ever Award

It's broken....and I made him wait until today to go to the doctor.

Ryan and I spent the day at the pediatricians office and the hospital, with numerous trips between the two. This morning he was still complaining that his arm hurt, but was using it and moving it. We decided it was worth missing school and taking him in because it was still swollen. The Ped said she was surprised by his range of motion and that the things she was asking him to do would hurt if it was broken, but with the swelling and warmth in the area, she thought it best to get an x-ray. Well, the x-ray confirmed a fracture of the elbow. We go to the Orthapedist tomorrow to get his cast. The Ped thinks it will be up to his shoulder and will probably be on for 6 weeks, which means no more soccer. :( That bums me out because he was just starting to get into the game.

My poor kid, first the ER and hospital visit and now a broken elbow, all within 6 weeks. I guess he's making up for lost time.

*On the bright side, it's the arm which has the finger he sucks. This may just break him of that habit since he won't be able to get that finger in his mouth once the cast is on.

Miscellaneous

Yes I know, I'm a slacker. It's been a busy few weeks and I've had pretty limited computer time. Oh yeah, and my computer decided to crash. We now have a new pc, let's hope our home owners insurance comes through.

***
Another birthday has come and gone, and I must say I'm really looking forward to the year ahead. I turned 34, and while I don't relish getting older physically, I really do appreciate the mental and emotional growth that each year brings. That said, I still feel like I'm in my mid 20's and remember when 30 something was OLD! I wonder if I'll still get carded when I'm able to drink again? After Ryan arrived I had dark circles and crow's feet, thankfully they went away when I started getting more sleep and found a kick ass eye cream. Hopefully that will be the case after little Miss Noname makes her appearance.

***
I had my 27 week appt on Friday, it went fairly well. My weight gain is pretty text book, about a pound a week now. I was hoping to not be such a perfectionist in this area, but whatever, at least I'm not overachieving. BP was fine and glucose test came back in the normal range. I was a little concerned about it, since I had it the day after my birthday. A day where I consumed cookies, cake, ice cream with chocolate sauce and pasta. Yummm, now I'm hungry. Anyway, back to my appointment, all looked good, until I mentioned the large amount of Braxton Hicks contractions I've been having. Depending on the day, it's between 20 to 50 and I've had up to 10 in an hour. I mentioned this at my appointment two weeks prior and a cervical exam showed that all was fine. Since they've continued, another cervical exam was done at this appt and Dr. Aboveandbeyond found that my cervix has started to rotate. He didn't put me on any restrictions yet, however I go back in two weeks, if there's any change discussions about medication and/or bedrest may occur. My hubby has decided that daddy and husband overrule doctor, so he's been all over my case to slow down. I really don't want to be on bedrest, so that's just what I plan to do.

***
Ryan had his third soccer game yesterday. He was doing really well, until he decided that he was done. In the middle of the game he just stopped playing and went over and told his coach he was tired. There are only three on the field at a time at this age, so losing one was a big deal. I guess the capri sun and snacks on the sidelines were calling his name. Maybe it's time for some conditioning! Ryan's team won by two and all the boys are really improving, it's been fun to watch. After the game we headed to the pumpkin patch with some friends. The kids had a great time in the corn maze and feeding the animals. I've been spoiled and prefer it when there aren't hundreds of people there, but it was still enjoyable. Then everyone converged at our house for an improptu BBQ. My mother's day present finally got some use...for those who don't know, it's a chiminea. We planned to roast some marshmellows but Ryan fell off the swing on his arm and the night kind of went downhill. We don't think it's broken, but I think he may have pulled some muscles. It's still a bit swollen today and he's nursing it. Ever since his hospital visit, every thing is a major deal. So it's hard to know if he's really hurt or playing it up. He's wearing the splint the hospital gave him (it was over his IV), and seems to think that makes it feel better, so we'll watch it today and determine if a doctors visit is in store.

***
Today we may attack Miss Noname's room. It's full of miscellaneous stuff, and will need to be cleaned out before we can start putting things in it. I think the double bed will be moved to Ryan's room and I already got my drafting board and treadmill out of there. That leaves an armoir and an old desk from my Grandmother's house. I think the armoir will stay, no idea what to do with the desk. Now that I think about it, Ryan's room will need a dresser, if he's changing beds, since his current bed has drawers. His closet needs some work too. Sigh, I'm not sure we'll finish all this before our baby girl makes her appearance.

***
In the words of Porky Pig "That's all Folks"

Highs and Lows...

It's been crazy here since my last post. After getting home from the hospital with Ryan, Wayne and I both managed to get sick and are still recovering. Two weeks later and I'm finally feeling almost normal today...woohoo! Ryan is doing really well, and recovered very quickly after returning home, and Wayne is still coughing, but he's on the mend. I'm ready for all of us to be healthy!

I volunteered in Ryan's class for the first time a couple days ago. It was so fun and so exhausting! Fifteen barely 5 year olds can keep you on your toes. His teacher is a saint! I had groups of 5 that I did an activity with and had a hard time keeping track of them, I have no idea how his teacher maintains order all day with 15! Ryan was so sweet while I was there. He was a model student and came over to give me a hug numerous times, telling me he loved me each time. I was enjoying it, but that extra love from him made it even more fun and special. I go back next week, and can't wait.

Ryan also had his first soccer practice on Tuesday. It was hilarious. He did well physically but was really consumed by what was going on every where else on the field. His coach was great and really good at working with the little ones. I got a couple pictures that I'll try to post. We'll see if Blogger is my friend. Looking forward to tonight's practice and his first game on Saturday!

In other exciting news (What am I...a News Anchor now?) a cousin of mine got engaged over the weekend. We've all been waiting for it and I'm so happy for them. I'm already looking forward to the wedding, she'll be a GORGEOUS bride. Also, a close friend got two lines on a pregnancy test! (Congratulations again, if you're reading this!!) I can't believe the baby boom I've witnesssed over the last 18 months. Of my friends and family, she's the 24th pregnancy in that time period. Unbelievable, but so wonderful! Our little girl is going to have lots of playmates.

This post is titled highs and lows, so it's time to share the low. There's only one but it's such a big one it's overwhelmed almost everything else over the past couple weeks. My friend Jenna was diagnosed with Leukemia a week ago and is already in the hospital for treatment. It's been a whirlwind of doctors, diagnosis, emotions, stolen moments with her kids and family before heading to the hospital for treatment, and amazingly, strength and faith. Thankfully she has a huge network of support to help her through this, but ultimately she is the one who has to fight this battle. She's done it once before, when she was 14 she had Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. I know she has the strength and spirit to do it again but I hate that she has too. Her first night in the hospital was really rough, but since then things have been better, and her spirits are really high. I'm so thankful that the chemo hasn't been as bad as anticipated and that her Mom and Dad are here to help her and her family right now. She's amazing me with how matter of factly she is approaching each day and how she's able to look towards December with hope and faith. Please add her to your prayer list.

Since this blog is labeled Fertilely Challenged, of course Infertility has to make an appearance. Many studies say that the depression felt by infertility patients is similar to that experienced by those facing major illnesses. During my months of treatment and loss I completely agreed with that statement. Fortunately, a positive pregnancy test, a heartbeat on an ultrasound and monthly OB/GYN appt's confirming that things are going well reduce that depression in leaps and bounds. The fact that I had to seek therapy to get through it, however, was a testiment of how rough it was for me. I lost my desire to do anything other than provide Ryan's basic needs. I became a shell of myself. I lost interest in life, I forgot how to laugh, and I barely remembered how to love my husband, family and friends....oh, and I had no love for myself. Jenna helped pull me through that. She made sure I got out of the house. She called to check in on me. She offered to watch Ryan numerous times. She helped me remember to live during a time where I just wanted to sleep. She didn't know exactly how I was feeling, because how can you if you haven't experienced something, but she did her best to let me know she cared. I only hope I can be that good of a friend to her over the next few months.

Don't forget your prayers.

Dates

July 20, 2001, May 19, 2006, Sept 1, 2006, January 13, 2007...due dates for all of my babies and dates I don't think I'll ever forget. Ryan arrived on July 24th, but the 20th still holds a place in my heart. I remember going to the movie that day and hoping my water didn't break in the middle of it. Four days and 31 hours of labor later, he arrived...healthy and handsome and the sweetest baby I had ever seen.

May 19 came and went just like any other day, except that it was my EDD for my chemical pregnancy. Even though I was only pregnant for about a minute the day still holds a firm place in my heart. There was so much hope going into our first IVF, and May 19th reminded me of hope lost. It reminded me of the dispair I felt when I got the phone call, I had a positive beta but barely. It reminded me of the severe cramps I felt that night, which I thought meant an impending miscarriage, but were signs of OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome). It reminded me of the day I passed tissue that I knew had been our baby and how I stared at it and didn't know what to do with it and cried. It reminded me of the hurt between my best friend and I. She got pregnant without even trying or really being ready to, the month we did our first IVF. I wanted to be happy for her, but was just so damn jealous and hurt that a huge rift developed between us. BUT...moving forward May 19 will be a reminder of the birth of my best friends baby, and how thrilled I was to be there and witness her husband bringing the baby into the nursery after the c-section. How I was able to support my friend's mom, while she waited and was worried about her daughter and grand daughter. How I was able to share in the joy of a beautiful new life entering the world. May 19th was a difficult day but the healing has begun.

September 1st, another day, another due date. Our second IVF/ICSI brought even more hope. We were much happier with the new clinic and doctor and really felt like it would work this time. Much to our delight, it did, betas were high and tripling so we thought maybe twins! Our seven week ultrasound proved otherwise. We had one sac with nothing in it...probably a blighted ovum, but we'd go back in another week to confirm the diagnosis. One week later, a genetic abnormality had caused the baby to stop growing yet my body wasn't miscarrying on it's own. I had surgery a few days later, and woke up from the anesthesia crying from the emotional pain. A recovery room nurse callously asked why I was crying, like I had done something wrong. I didn't have the energy or the words to tell her that I'd been pregnant and full of the hopes and dreams of a baby before going into surgery and now all that was gone. I was empty. I thought all those memories would be relived on Sept 1, but instead I spent the day with my son in a doctor's office, ambulance, and emergency room. He'd had what appeared to be a minor cold the day before, and developed a fever that evening. He woke me up about 3:30 am saying he wasn't feeling well, and the next 24 hours were spent only thinking about him and his welfare. His breathing was fast and shallow, and although he was drinking fluids, I was concerned about dehydration because he'd thrown up a couple times. A visit to the pediatrician's office, two breathing treatments, a shot of steroids, and oxygen level of 92 that didn't get better with treatment meant Ryan and I got our first ride in an ambulance. After arriving at the emergency room, it took 4 tries to get his IV in, but once that was in more steriods, fluids and antibiotics were given. He was also breathing in albuterol continuously for around 2 hours or so and then every two hours thereafter. We spent about 10 hours in the ER and then moved to a room. Ryan spent the next two days in bed with IV, oxygen, and pulse/oxygen/blood pressure monitors, but he improved very quickly. Cause of all this appeared to be Viral and Bacterial Pneumonia plus Reactive Airway Disease. Ryan was such a trooper and never once complained, however, when he was finally home he mentioned a number of times how happy he was to be out of bed and "unplugged" from all the tubes and monitors. I cannot imagine how difficult it would have been to experience that while also being in labor, about to have a baby, or at home with a new baby. I would have felt torn about where to spend my time, if I'd even had the choice and it would have been incredibly difficult for daddy. I hated hearing that God had a plan, while I was going through infertility and experiencing loss after loss...but God had a plan. September 1 was a difficult day, but the healing has begun.

January 13th, 2007, 18 weeks and 5 days away. IVF/ICSI number 3 was done without much enthusiasm on my part. I was tired of all the hormones, tired of all the shots, tired of feeling like crap all the time. Just plain tired of life. We had gotten so close with the second IVF that Wayne, who had been ambivilent about IVF/ICSI #2, couldn't wait to start the third. My body and mind had no desire to do it all again so quickly, but my heart wanted to share Wayne's optimism. My love for him and desire for another child finally won out and we proceeded. Shots and pills had begun when I went in for a baseline ultrasound, which unfortunately showed a new development, a growth of some sort. Surgery quickly scheduled, another hysteroscopy and D&C, and I could continue with the planned IVF. Fast forward about a month and betas are positive, very high and doubling again! NO WAY! I was sure it hadn't worked this time and had already bought the bottle of wine I would be drinking upon hearing the news. Instead of a Wine-O, I turned into a pee stick junky. Talk of twins again and we anxiously awaited an ultrasound. Baby A was right on track, with a beautiful little beating heart. Baby B was a bit smaller and no heartbeat. It was still early so we'd go back in a week to check progress. The second ultrasound confirmed that Baby A was still right on track and that Baby B would not make it, another ultrasound in a week and another a week after, and so on. At eleven weeks the ultrasound showed that Baby B had finally been absorbed, Vanishing Twin Syndrome is what the doctors called it. I called it an incredible mix of happiness, excitement, anxiety and pain. In the long run, I had one baby that was doing well, and that is what we had to focus on. January 13, 2007, 18 weeks 5 days away. Somewhere around that day our beautiful baby girl will arrive, it will be incredibly exciting and wonderful and yet a little bittersweet as I remember her twin.

The healing has begun.

Second Verse, Same as the First...

Today was Ryan's second day of school. It was just as hard to drop him off this morning as it was on Tuesday. In fact, almost harder, because he seemed a little more anxious. I left him at the cafeteria to walk back to his classroom with his teacher. After I walked away I realized a few of the parents were walking back to the class with the kids. I wanted to run back over and join the group, but we'd already said our goodbyes. The teacher mentioned that we should just be dropping them off by tomorrow and not getting out of the car with them, but I don't think either of us are ready for that. I'll be getting out and walking him in until he's ready to just be dropped off. I'm trying not to be overprotective, but my mama bear is coming out! I had no idea this would be so hard. Now I anxiously await picking him up at 2:30 and hearing how great his day was.

One other note, Ryan was adamant that he wasn't ready for bed last night. We're trying to move his bedtime up at least half an hour because he has to get up earlier. Anyway, last night he kept coming out of his room. Wayne finally took him back in and told him to count sheep. Apparently they counted together and Wayne told him to imagine the sheep in his head. Well, when I woke Ryan up this morning the first words out of his mouth were "Mom, Dad told me about sheep in my head last night, but I didn't get it". He even included an eye roll in his little tale. Five year old eye rolls are hilarious.

School Days!

Yesterday was Ryan's first day of big boy school. He's in the Kindergarten Readiness program at the elementary school. By the time he starts Kindergarten next year, he'll be a pro at this school thing! He loved everything about it. There are two kids from his preschool class in the program, he has his own LOCKER!, he gets to walk into the school by himself (as soon as mom is willing to let him do so), he gets a choice for type of milk...chocolate or regular. This whole school thing is pretty cool, if you ask him. Not a tear was shed yesterday, well...not by Ryan. I cried like a baby, but at least I held it together until I got to my car. When I picked him up a few hours later, he was full of excitement about what they did and couldn't wait to go back. Tomorrow starts full days, 7:30 to 2:30! Seems like a long day to me but I think he's up for the challenge. Times...they are a changin'.

Sugar and Spice

No, I'm not talking about one of "those" parties.

The rumors are correct! It's a GIRL!!! Wayne didn't seem very excited as we were at the ultrasound, come to find out, he was already thinking 16 years into the future. Karma! We didn't find out what Ryan was and had a lot of fun trying to guess. At about this time in his pregnancy I had a dream where I wrote in big black letters "IT'S A BOY!" This time around, I've thought it was a girl from the beginning. Early heart rates and thinking I saw girly bits at the 12 week ultrasound helped. Ryan wanted a brother, but is coming around to the idea of having a sister, I'm thrilled, and Wayne is trying hard not to think about the teenage years and just enjoy the moment. Now the name talks begin in earnest, I might have to buy a flak jacket. Life is good.

Numbers of interest, etc.

Now that we're home, here's a little bit more about our trip...

Number of states we travelled through - 11
Number of times we hit road construction on I40 during the trip home - 15
Number of Happy Meals Ryan ate - 4
Number of family members we saw - 38
Number of times I peed outside - 2
Number of the anniversary we celebrated while on the road - 13
Number of miles put on the car - 3873
Number of times Wayne asked Ryan to stop pushing on the seat - countless
Number of times Ryan watched Alladin - 4
Number of times we had to listen to Ryan's 3 favorite songs - also countless
Number of outlet malls we stopped at - 2
Number of rounds of golf played - 3 for Wayne, 1 for Ryan and I. The one we played was mini golf and Uncle Pete got the only hole in one.
Number of motels we stopped at our first night on the road, trying to find a vacancy - 8
Number of motels we left because of cleanliness - 1
Number of pillows left in said motel - 2
Number of miles typically driven over the speed limit - depended on who was driving but somewhere between 5 and 10
Number of speeding tickets - ZERO!

Other interesting tidbits...
Most expensive gas - $3.29 - Cline Corner, New Mexico
Cheapest gas - $2.89 - Somewhere in Arkansas
Favorite Game at Rest Areas - Phlat Ball Soccer
Strangest accident siting - A semi crushed a sports car between it and the concrete dividing wall in Oklahoma City. Looked like everyone was ok.
Darwin Award - A group of young guys went flying by us on motorcycles, one of whom was on one wheel for at least 150 yards, which means no brakes. Colfax street often offers a view of some of Denver's "finest".
Nicest Rest area - Just East of Shamrock Texas. There was a playground for Ryan, walking path for adults, computer terminals with internet access, and a whole lot of historical tidbits about Route 66. We spent some time at that one.

All in all, it was a great trip! We really enjoyed all our time with family, and our time driving too. Ryan did really well in the car and didn't get irritated with it until the last day somewhere around Memphis. That said, we're glad to be home and settling back in.

I'll play

Snippits from Colorado

We're in Colorado and I finally have a few minutes on the internet! I can't believe we decided to make this drive, having done it before and knowing how long it takes. That being said, we've had a nice trip so far. We drove to somewhere in Missouri on Friday night, and then into Denver Saturday night about 8 pm. While in Denver we saw two friends from college, spent some time with my Grandmother, and stayed with my stepbrother. It was a busy couple days. Yesterday we made the drive to the southwest part of the state. While we were driving through the mountains enjoying the view and 70 degree weather with no humidity, I was talking to a friend in TN who was telling me with the heat index it was 106! It made me enjoy our drive even more. Last night we had dinner with my mom, stepdad and sister in law and today we're headed to Mesa Verde so Ryan can get his first view of Cliff palace and Balcony House. Look for pictures when we get home. Speaking of pictures, anyone use photobucket or flickr and know of any other photo sharing sites that are compatible with blogger?

Thanks for all the comments on the last post. It's great to know that so many are cheering us on from the wings :) Julie E, how'd you find me?! Glad you stopped in to say hello!

Well, the family is waiting for me to get off the computer so we can start our day of fun.

The Ghosts of Infertility

I had my 16 week appointment this morning. Even though things have gone pretty well with this pregnancy, I'm always nervous going into the doctor. As I was showering and getting ready, I couldn't help but think about the "what ifs". What if the baby's heart has stopped? What if I have to have another D&C? We leave for our trip tomorrow, when could I get in for the surgery? It's so sad that those were my thoughts. I wish I could go into an appointment and not think worst case scenario, but after all we've been through I guess that isn't possible.

On the brightside, my appointment went well. My BP was great and I gained a pound. I was able to see Dr. Helpful instead of The Rookie which made me happy. We talked about his delivery practices, the triple screen test and amnio, scheduled my Level II Ultrasound, and got to hear the baby's heartbeat...with a few kicks thrown in for good measure! Ryan went with me and was disappointed that we only got to hear the baby and not see it. Truth be told, that was disappointing for me too. Hard to believe we'll find out the gender of this little one in a few weeks!

Walk down memory lane...

Ryan Patrick ~ About 24 Hours Old
First Birthday! I love Cake!
I'm TWO!
I'm three and can blow out my candles all by myself!

I'm FOUR and I got $4. Woohoo!
Fifth Birthday photos soon to come.

FIVE!

Ryan turns 5 today at 1:48 pm. Since yesterday I've been thinking about where I was 5 years ago. My labor with Ryan was about 31 hours long, and I can still remember the feelings of anticipation and excitement mixed with anxiety and fear. I thought I'd cry when he finally arrived, but instead I just looked at him in awe. Ryan's daddy, on the other hand, cried his eyes out. Ryan was 7 lbs 3 oz and 20 inches long when he was born. He had the sweetest little cry, was so alert and he appeared to be thinking and processing everything as much as we were. I remember watching the sun rise through the hospital window the following morning, Ryan was awake in my arms and his daddy was asleep a few feet away. As Ryan and I shared his first sunrise, the tears of joy finally came for me. Instantly our lives had changed and now I knew what everyone meant when they told me things would never be the same.

Ryan got up this morning and said "Mom, I'm bigger! Look at my arms, they're all muscled up. Look at my legs, they're even longer and better for running. I'm FIVE now, today is the best day of my life!!!" What Ryan doesn't know is that he makes every day the best day of my life.

I can hardly believe how quickly the years have passed. I can't wait to see what lies ahead, but also want to slow things down. I've been so lucky to be able to stay home with Ryan since his birth. I hope he's enjoyed the time with me as much as I've enjoyed every day with him.

Happy birthday little man!

A New Direction

As you can probably infer from my blogs name, I initally planned to focus on infertility, our struggle to reach parenthood, and this pregnancy. However, now that I'm on my way out of the depths of infertility I still feel the need to document the journey, but realize it's only a portion of my life. So even though the name remains, you'll find the rest of our life here as well. I'm looking forward to using this forum to keep family and friends informed about what's happening with us!

Not the World Cup, but...

I signed Ryan up for Soccer today. It will be his first time playing a team sport and I'm so excited for him. I can't wait for the first game on September 9th. I hope he enjoys it. Although, how could he not? He'll be running around with a bunch of other kids and a ball...sounds like his version of Heaven on Earth if you ask me.

We interrupt this life...

This post will contain the saga of our journey to baby number two. However, it's quite a long saga, so it's in draft stage currently. Details will follow but for now the basics...IVF #1 with a chemical pregnancy, IVF/ICSI #2 Blighted Ovum with D&C...and another D&C...lucky me, IVF/ICSI #3 pregnant with twins, lost one but one is healthy and growing as we enter the second trimester!

Primary Infertility

March of 1996...Project Babymaking begins.

We stopped all methods of birth control and anticipated a fairly quick pregnancy. My cycle hadn't been regular, so we knew it may take a few months, but we weren't too concerned. After eight months I headed to my OB/GYN, Dr. Old School, because I'd been spotting for a couple weeks. My mom thought I might be pregnant because that's how she discovered she was, when she had me. Unfortunately, that was not the case. Dr. Old School started me on Clomid which I took for more cycles than I care to discuss. Each month he'd have me come in for a blood test on the 21st day of my cycle to see if I'd ovulated, and according to him, each month I had. No pregnancy, however, to show for it. We continued with that almost a year and then I switched to a new OB/GYN.

The new doctor, Dr. Realist, was great and at least started some infertility testing and moved on to medicated IUI's. With him, it appears I ovulated every other cycle, and we discovered a few strange hormonal things. We tried 4 IUI's with him, before he told us it was time to move on to a Reproductive Endocrinologist. We'd been in the game about 2.5 years by this point and were still getting an "unexplained infertility" diagnosis.

On to Dr. Big Guns who was with a highly rated infertility clinic, and had a six month wait for an appt. He took one look at my ovaries and diagnosed me with PCOS, even though I didn't appear to have any of the classic symptoms, other than polycystic ovaries. He suggested moving on to IVF and told us that was really our only option. WHAT??? We went from unexplained to PCOS and IVF with very inhibitive costs. We decided to give ourselves some time to think and start saving.

The next year brought lots of tears, saving our penny's, Resolve Meetings, and I took a fertility class. It included lots of meditation, yoga, support, fitness, some counseling and sisterhood with women who were experiencing what I was...FINALLY! It was great to find people who knew how I felt without me even having to say anything. We finally felt ready to make an appointment with another RE.

Dr. Compassionate was wonderful. She listened to our concerns about how we wanted to proceed and felt comfortable with doing one more IUI before going all out with IVF. She planned to do a few more tests and did an ultrasound before we left that day. The night she called to say I was ovulating, crazy since it was only day 12 of my usually 34-36 day cycle. What happened next was nothing short of a miracle...a natural pregnancy!

Nine months later our son was born. He was 4 days overdue, made me go through 31 hours of labor and scared us with a true knot in his umbilical cord, but he was beautiful and perfect and still is!

And so it begins...

Well it really started almost ten years ago.

Ten years ago, my husband and I decided it was time to start a family. We had both finished college and were in our first jobs, we'd been married for almost 3 years and felt like it was the next step. With much anticipation, I finished my last pack of birth control pills...and we moved on to UNPROTECTED SEX! We were young and sure that I would be pregnant quickly. The story that follows proves that unprotected sex doesn't guartantee anything when you're fertilely challenged.