"People shouldn't be good because they want God to grant them Grace. They should be Godly in their actions because they've already received Grace."
Those are words that were spoken by my pastor this morning during a message about Grace. They spoke to me in a way that a sermon hasn't spoken to me in a long time. In theory it's a pretty simple statement. My emotions, upon hearing that statement, were anything but simple.
I've struggled with organized religion lately, for numerous reasons. One of my biggest issues with it is the hypocrites that preach and judge in the name of God.** I'm a true liberal and don't feel like it's my place to judge others behavior or lifestyle. Granted, no one is perfect and I have judged, but I try not to and I try to value the person even though I may not value the behavior. I also am a firm believer in "God is a loving God". I am a sinner, just like everyone else, but my belief system allows me to still feel loved by God. Since leaving high school and the minister who helped me to know God, I haven't found a church where I felt like my beliefs were in line with everyone else’s. I haven't found a minister/pastor/priest who could deliver messages that drew me in, spoke to me, made me question my beliefs and behaviors and also made me feel good about myself. I almost didn't try this church because I held some stereotypes about the religion. I judged. Thanks to messages like the one shared today, this church and its Pastor has reminded me to live my beliefs and let my actions speak for me. It's also reminded me how valuable keeping an open mind is.
No one would ever mistake me for a happy clapper (read religious zealot) however I'm hopeful that people find at least some of my actions to be Godly. I'm a work in progress and I'm thankful to once again know that I've received Grace.
**There are a few women I know who might read this and feel like I'm referring to them. I'm not.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
8 Months...a few days late.
Dear Makenna,
Another month has come and gone. This past month seemed to go a little slower than the previous month, but I'm still in shock at how quickly you are growing and changing.
The beginning of this month found you pushing up from tummy time and starting to rock on all fours. I thought you'd be crawling by months end, but you'd get so frustrated that your progress was a bit slower than I'd anticipated. As the month came to close you were starting to scoot around and you figured out how to change directions. It won't be long before you're keeping up with me while on your hands and knees. You don't like it when I set you down and go to another room to get something so I think you'll be really happy when you're a bit more mobile.
You like being on the go. I'm wondering if that's your personality or if it's been conditioned since we don't spend much time at home. You really enjoy shopping with mom these days, especially if you get to sit in the front of the cart. You like being up high without a stroller or car seat blocking your view. You get a lot of compliments and people talking to you lately which you fully enjoy, as evidenced by the huge smiles and dimple you display. You also enjoy spending time outside at the pool and at your brother's baseball games.
Around the middle of the month you got two more teeth, within a couple days of each other. You've bitten yourself a couple times, and me too, as you've tried to figure out what those things in your mouth are for. You also grind them together which makes my skin crawl but causes you all sorts of enjoyment. You're also enjoying all the new food you can crunch with those teeth. Little bits of grilled cheese sandwiches are a huge favorite right now. In fact, if one of us have one and aren't sharing you scream at the top of your lungs. Speaking of, have I mentioned your temper???
Yes, you're a bit of a diva. I've already had to tell you "No" numerous times because you'll scream for things and continue to scream if I'm not getting them quickly enough. Your daddy and I just hang our heads and feel thankful that you and your brother can't gang up on us yet. Although we realize it's only a matter of time before that happens.
You have the cutest belly laughs and are so ticklish on your tummy and under your arms. I need to get it on camera before your little giggle changes.
You used to love playing in your jumper or exersaucer but lately you prefer hanging out on the floor surrounded by toys. Once you stopped constantly falling backwards I was thrilled to let you do so. You are so interested in how things work, as well as textures and sounds. You'll spend quite a bit of time examining toys and trying to figure out what they do. It's so fun to watch you learn and figure things out.
Just a few tidbits of info:
# of Bottles a day - 4 or 5, depends on if you're up during the night
# of naps a day - 2 or 3, depends how long they are.
Size clothes you're wearing - Anywhere from 6-12 month up to 18 month items. You're wearing some of your brothers old pj's that he was wearing when he turned 2!
Favorite Game - Patty Cake or Who's that Baby
Paci's - only to chew on if you're bored
Blanket - You're starting to look for your blanket when you lay down for a nap. I think it's so cute and love that you and your brother both love the blankets your Nana made for you.
Sippy Cup - You've just begun drinking out of one. You tend to get as much water on your top as in your mouth but you're enjoying holding the cup yourself.
Separation Anxiety - You've got it and bad. It got a bit better for about a week, but then you fell right back into it. You loooove your mommy right now. Can't say that I mind even though it can be a little frustrating when I have something to do or somewhere to go. That said, I love seeing your little eyes light up when I walk into a room. I also appreciate that just picking you up makes everything right with your world. I know that won't always be the case so I'm trying to remember to enjoy that while it lasts.
One final note, you like to be held A LOT. We love that you're such a cuddlebug, but you make it very hard to get things done around the house. You spend time in the backpack almost every day while your dad or I are folding laundry, cooking, doing dishes, etc. Thankfully you really enjoy it, I, however, wish you didn't pull my hair so much while you were up there.
I'm guessing that next months post will include some new skills for you. While I'm looking forward to those, I'd also like to be able to stop time and keep you where you're at for just a little longer. You are so sweet, so loving and so much fun to be with. As corny as this sounds, you and your brother complete the lives of your dad and I. You make us strive to be better people, you make us question our beliefs, you make us think, you make us love more and you make us learn on a daily basis. Thank you for making us better people than we would have been.
I love you Makenna Brette!
Mom
Another month has come and gone. This past month seemed to go a little slower than the previous month, but I'm still in shock at how quickly you are growing and changing.
The beginning of this month found you pushing up from tummy time and starting to rock on all fours. I thought you'd be crawling by months end, but you'd get so frustrated that your progress was a bit slower than I'd anticipated. As the month came to close you were starting to scoot around and you figured out how to change directions. It won't be long before you're keeping up with me while on your hands and knees. You don't like it when I set you down and go to another room to get something so I think you'll be really happy when you're a bit more mobile.
You like being on the go. I'm wondering if that's your personality or if it's been conditioned since we don't spend much time at home. You really enjoy shopping with mom these days, especially if you get to sit in the front of the cart. You like being up high without a stroller or car seat blocking your view. You get a lot of compliments and people talking to you lately which you fully enjoy, as evidenced by the huge smiles and dimple you display. You also enjoy spending time outside at the pool and at your brother's baseball games.
Around the middle of the month you got two more teeth, within a couple days of each other. You've bitten yourself a couple times, and me too, as you've tried to figure out what those things in your mouth are for. You also grind them together which makes my skin crawl but causes you all sorts of enjoyment. You're also enjoying all the new food you can crunch with those teeth. Little bits of grilled cheese sandwiches are a huge favorite right now. In fact, if one of us have one and aren't sharing you scream at the top of your lungs. Speaking of, have I mentioned your temper???
Yes, you're a bit of a diva. I've already had to tell you "No" numerous times because you'll scream for things and continue to scream if I'm not getting them quickly enough. Your daddy and I just hang our heads and feel thankful that you and your brother can't gang up on us yet. Although we realize it's only a matter of time before that happens.
You have the cutest belly laughs and are so ticklish on your tummy and under your arms. I need to get it on camera before your little giggle changes.
You used to love playing in your jumper or exersaucer but lately you prefer hanging out on the floor surrounded by toys. Once you stopped constantly falling backwards I was thrilled to let you do so. You are so interested in how things work, as well as textures and sounds. You'll spend quite a bit of time examining toys and trying to figure out what they do. It's so fun to watch you learn and figure things out.
Just a few tidbits of info:
# of Bottles a day - 4 or 5, depends on if you're up during the night
# of naps a day - 2 or 3, depends how long they are.
Size clothes you're wearing - Anywhere from 6-12 month up to 18 month items. You're wearing some of your brothers old pj's that he was wearing when he turned 2!
Favorite Game - Patty Cake or Who's that Baby
Paci's - only to chew on if you're bored
Blanket - You're starting to look for your blanket when you lay down for a nap. I think it's so cute and love that you and your brother both love the blankets your Nana made for you.
Sippy Cup - You've just begun drinking out of one. You tend to get as much water on your top as in your mouth but you're enjoying holding the cup yourself.
Separation Anxiety - You've got it and bad. It got a bit better for about a week, but then you fell right back into it. You loooove your mommy right now. Can't say that I mind even though it can be a little frustrating when I have something to do or somewhere to go. That said, I love seeing your little eyes light up when I walk into a room. I also appreciate that just picking you up makes everything right with your world. I know that won't always be the case so I'm trying to remember to enjoy that while it lasts.
One final note, you like to be held A LOT. We love that you're such a cuddlebug, but you make it very hard to get things done around the house. You spend time in the backpack almost every day while your dad or I are folding laundry, cooking, doing dishes, etc. Thankfully you really enjoy it, I, however, wish you didn't pull my hair so much while you were up there.
I'm guessing that next months post will include some new skills for you. While I'm looking forward to those, I'd also like to be able to stop time and keep you where you're at for just a little longer. You are so sweet, so loving and so much fun to be with. As corny as this sounds, you and your brother complete the lives of your dad and I. You make us strive to be better people, you make us question our beliefs, you make us think, you make us love more and you make us learn on a daily basis. Thank you for making us better people than we would have been.
I love you Makenna Brette!
Mom
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Anniversaries
July 24th was the anniversary of the birth of my son. July 27th was the one month anniversary of a close friend's death. August 7th was the 14th anniversary of my wedding day.
As those three dates approached, I felt the need to do something to remember and commemorate each of them. An opportunity came our way through a cousin and his "summer" job. A summer job at Disneyworld! A summer job that would allow us to take a quick vacation for a realitively small amount. A summer job that would allow us to fufill a dream for Ryan. A summer job that would allow us to run away from reality and reconnect for a few short days.
So, I shopped for snack food and drinks, filled our cooler, made sandwiches, packed our bags and off we went. Two glorious days at the beach and two very busy and very long days at Disneyworld. It was wonderful! We left after work on Thursday and ended up driving through the night. Wayne took the first shift and drove until 2:30 am! We had planned to stop somewhere along the way, but I'd gotten some sleep so I decided to drive the rest of the way. We hit Clearwater Beach just after the sun came up. After a stop for breakfast it was on to our hotel, which already had our room available much to our surprise. We were suited up, fully covered in sunscreen and on the beach by 10 am. We proceeded to spend the next two days playing in the sand and surf, collecting seashells and fully enjoying two very lazy days. The Mister and I even found our way to the poolside bar where a few fruity drinks were consumed. There's nothing like a fruity umbrella drink to make me think vacation.
After that, we were on our way to Disney. We arrived around 1 and after a quick stop at the hotel to check in, we met my cousin at the gates of Disneyworld's Magic Kingdom! I think I was more excited than Ryan. Our first stops were to see Goofy and get Ryan a visor. Unfortunately, his face got a bit too much sun at the beach so some damage control was in order. We hit a number of rides, saw the show at the castle, and snuck into one of the shops to cool down and have some ice cream. That night we met my cousin at his second job and had a yummy dinner before heading back to the hotel. The next day included much of the same. We started with a character breakfast where we met the Mad Hatter (a friend of my cousin's), Alice in Wonderland, Mary Poppins, Tigger and Winnie the Pooh. Ryan got star treatment and, much to my dismay, spent a few minutes chasing Tigger around the restaurant trying to retrieve his hat. Bad Tigger! Ryan met the Power Rangers and got autographs from two of them, I think that was the highlight of his day. Well, that and his ride on Thunder Mountain. Have I mentioned that Ryan LOVES roller coasters. This made his daddy very happy. We wrapped up the day as the parade made it's way down Main Street. Rather and sit...or stand...and watch it go by, we made our way to the front gates and still saw the entire thing. By the time we feel into bed that night we'd had our fill of Disney and were ready to head home. We only made it to the Magic Kingdom and MGM Studio's so I'm sure another visit will be in our future when Makenna's a bit older.
The trip home was a bit more difficult than the drive to Florida, but only because we dropped Wayne at the airport in Orlando so he could head to NYC. The kids were great and slept through most of Florida, however, Georgia was an entirely different story. Even with stops, Makenna had enough traveling by the time we hit Tennesse so we ended up stopping in Chattanooga for the night. The final two hours were easy and enjoyable.
All in all, it was a successful family vacation. Many memories made. Lots of fun and relaxation. A few souveniers purchased along the way. Good times...good times.
As those three dates approached, I felt the need to do something to remember and commemorate each of them. An opportunity came our way through a cousin and his "summer" job. A summer job at Disneyworld! A summer job that would allow us to take a quick vacation for a realitively small amount. A summer job that would allow us to fufill a dream for Ryan. A summer job that would allow us to run away from reality and reconnect for a few short days.
So, I shopped for snack food and drinks, filled our cooler, made sandwiches, packed our bags and off we went. Two glorious days at the beach and two very busy and very long days at Disneyworld. It was wonderful! We left after work on Thursday and ended up driving through the night. Wayne took the first shift and drove until 2:30 am! We had planned to stop somewhere along the way, but I'd gotten some sleep so I decided to drive the rest of the way. We hit Clearwater Beach just after the sun came up. After a stop for breakfast it was on to our hotel, which already had our room available much to our surprise. We were suited up, fully covered in sunscreen and on the beach by 10 am. We proceeded to spend the next two days playing in the sand and surf, collecting seashells and fully enjoying two very lazy days. The Mister and I even found our way to the poolside bar where a few fruity drinks were consumed. There's nothing like a fruity umbrella drink to make me think vacation.
After that, we were on our way to Disney. We arrived around 1 and after a quick stop at the hotel to check in, we met my cousin at the gates of Disneyworld's Magic Kingdom! I think I was more excited than Ryan. Our first stops were to see Goofy and get Ryan a visor. Unfortunately, his face got a bit too much sun at the beach so some damage control was in order. We hit a number of rides, saw the show at the castle, and snuck into one of the shops to cool down and have some ice cream. That night we met my cousin at his second job and had a yummy dinner before heading back to the hotel. The next day included much of the same. We started with a character breakfast where we met the Mad Hatter (a friend of my cousin's), Alice in Wonderland, Mary Poppins, Tigger and Winnie the Pooh. Ryan got star treatment and, much to my dismay, spent a few minutes chasing Tigger around the restaurant trying to retrieve his hat. Bad Tigger! Ryan met the Power Rangers and got autographs from two of them, I think that was the highlight of his day. Well, that and his ride on Thunder Mountain. Have I mentioned that Ryan LOVES roller coasters. This made his daddy very happy. We wrapped up the day as the parade made it's way down Main Street. Rather and sit...or stand...and watch it go by, we made our way to the front gates and still saw the entire thing. By the time we feel into bed that night we'd had our fill of Disney and were ready to head home. We only made it to the Magic Kingdom and MGM Studio's so I'm sure another visit will be in our future when Makenna's a bit older.
The trip home was a bit more difficult than the drive to Florida, but only because we dropped Wayne at the airport in Orlando so he could head to NYC. The kids were great and slept through most of Florida, however, Georgia was an entirely different story. Even with stops, Makenna had enough traveling by the time we hit Tennesse so we ended up stopping in Chattanooga for the night. The final two hours were easy and enjoyable.
All in all, it was a successful family vacation. Many memories made. Lots of fun and relaxation. A few souveniers purchased along the way. Good times...good times.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Hi
Remember me? I used to write stuff and post it to this web address. Um...yeah.
So I've had a brief blogging hiatus. I've been feeling a bit raw since Jenna passed away. Guarding my emotions and sanity has been a priority and since I tend to lay those on the line when I blog, well I think you get the point. That said, scroll down. You'll find a few posts that I've been composing in snippits over the last month.
So I've had a brief blogging hiatus. I've been feeling a bit raw since Jenna passed away. Guarding my emotions and sanity has been a priority and since I tend to lay those on the line when I blog, well I think you get the point. That said, scroll down. You'll find a few posts that I've been composing in snippits over the last month.
7 months
Dear Makenna,
Your sixth month passed in the blink of an eye. In fact, it passed so quickly that I'm late getting to this months letter.
This month brought another trip to Chicago for my cousin's wedding. The day went off without a hitch, my cousin was a beautiful bride and you danced with your Papa on the dance floor during most of the reception. My cousin's girlfriends told me how cute and sweet you were numerous times, which made me swell with love and pride. You looked so cute in your dress, I wish I had a picture. Unfortunately my camera stopped working so I'm hoping the photographer got a picture of you.
We also took a trip to Disney world and the beach. You were a trooper and took naps on a lounge chair or in your stroller or backpack. You were wonderful during the day, however the nights were a different story...until I put you in bed with your daddy and I. Then you slept for the rest of the night without a peep. I hope you don't expect that to continue. You may have slept well, but we sure didn't.
You've begun eating more and more foods and seem to love everything I put in your mouth. You do really well with texture so you've even gotten a bit of table food already. Summer Veggies and Winter Squash rank as current favorites, as well as the little pieces of wheat noodles I've shared off my plate.
At the end of the month you started to develop a little seperation anxiety. I'm guessing it's going to get worse before it gets better, but I hope it's short lived!
You continue to have your brother wrapped around your little finger. He can't get enough of you and always comes running if he hears you fussing. The two of you play together a lot during the day, I'm not sure what you're going to think when he goes back to school.
You are still teething! I hope those two top teeth pop through soon. Thankfully Highland's Teething tablets help. Although I'm not sure if they really help or if the excitement of eating them distracts you from the pain. Either way, they stop you from fussing for a bit which is good for my sanity.
You are developing all sorts of new skills. You actually stood up, by yourself, in your tub at the end of the month. Your dad called me in to see, but I missed it. I can't believe you were able to do that already! You've begun pulling your knees under you and trying to push up on your hands. You aren't there just yet but I bet you'll be crawling before we know it. You've become much more interested in your toys and world around you. You're constantly checking things out and trying to reach things that are close to you. I guess your dad and I should think about child proofing pretty soon.
It's been a great, albeit busy and quick month. While I'm sad the baby days seems to be going so quickly, I love watching you grow and change. I wonder what next month's letter will hold!
We love you Makenna!
Love,
Mom
Your sixth month passed in the blink of an eye. In fact, it passed so quickly that I'm late getting to this months letter.
This month brought another trip to Chicago for my cousin's wedding. The day went off without a hitch, my cousin was a beautiful bride and you danced with your Papa on the dance floor during most of the reception. My cousin's girlfriends told me how cute and sweet you were numerous times, which made me swell with love and pride. You looked so cute in your dress, I wish I had a picture. Unfortunately my camera stopped working so I'm hoping the photographer got a picture of you.
We also took a trip to Disney world and the beach. You were a trooper and took naps on a lounge chair or in your stroller or backpack. You were wonderful during the day, however the nights were a different story...until I put you in bed with your daddy and I. Then you slept for the rest of the night without a peep. I hope you don't expect that to continue. You may have slept well, but we sure didn't.
You've begun eating more and more foods and seem to love everything I put in your mouth. You do really well with texture so you've even gotten a bit of table food already. Summer Veggies and Winter Squash rank as current favorites, as well as the little pieces of wheat noodles I've shared off my plate.
At the end of the month you started to develop a little seperation anxiety. I'm guessing it's going to get worse before it gets better, but I hope it's short lived!
You continue to have your brother wrapped around your little finger. He can't get enough of you and always comes running if he hears you fussing. The two of you play together a lot during the day, I'm not sure what you're going to think when he goes back to school.
You are still teething! I hope those two top teeth pop through soon. Thankfully Highland's Teething tablets help. Although I'm not sure if they really help or if the excitement of eating them distracts you from the pain. Either way, they stop you from fussing for a bit which is good for my sanity.
You are developing all sorts of new skills. You actually stood up, by yourself, in your tub at the end of the month. Your dad called me in to see, but I missed it. I can't believe you were able to do that already! You've begun pulling your knees under you and trying to push up on your hands. You aren't there just yet but I bet you'll be crawling before we know it. You've become much more interested in your toys and world around you. You're constantly checking things out and trying to reach things that are close to you. I guess your dad and I should think about child proofing pretty soon.
It's been a great, albeit busy and quick month. While I'm sad the baby days seems to be going so quickly, I love watching you grow and change. I wonder what next month's letter will hold!
We love you Makenna!
Love,
Mom
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Light The Night
Light The Night is an annual American Cancer Society event to raise funds for cures. It’s the nation’s night to pay tribute and bring hope to thousands of patients and their families.
Funds raised through Light The Night Walk support the work of hundreds of the world’s best and brightest researchers in their search for better therapies and cures for leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma.
I'll be walking in this years Light The Night walk in Memory of Jenna Jurgens and Brian Wood. If you'd like to donate please follow the link.
http://www.active.com/donate/ltnNashvi/2024_chandraharrison
If you'd prefer to order a magazine instead of sponser me as a walker, you can do so at the following link. Fourty percent of the subscription price will go to our walk team.
http://www.magfundraising.com/walkforjenna
If you'd like to find a chapter near you and walk in memory or honor of someone follow this link.
http://www.lightthenight.org/
The Mother's Group that I'm in will also working on a fundraiser for the family of Jenna over the next few months. We hope to raise enough to establish memorial funds for her three children as well as help with bills that accrued due to Jenna's fight with Leukemia. If you'd like to support that cause please let me know and I can tell you how to do so.
With the recent passing of my friend Jenna, this walk is close to my heart. We knew about the walk last year, we found out about it soon after Jenna was diagnosed. A group of us considered walking, but decided that our money and time would be better spent helping her and her family. With that in mind, we decided we'd all walk this year, Jenna included. Jenna will be with us this year, but not the way we'd planned. She'll be with us in heart and spirit and mind. She'll be with us as we pass the luminario with her name on it. She'll be with us as we look at the flames of the candles that all the walkers will be holding. She'll be with us as we put on our team hats or shirts that let people know we're walking in her memory. She'll be with us in the stories and tears that I'm sure will be shared and shed that night. It won't be nearly enough, but it's what we've got.
Funds raised through Light The Night Walk support the work of hundreds of the world’s best and brightest researchers in their search for better therapies and cures for leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma.
I'll be walking in this years Light The Night walk in Memory of Jenna Jurgens and Brian Wood. If you'd like to donate please follow the link.
http://www.active.com/donate/ltnNashvi/2024_chandraharrison
If you'd prefer to order a magazine instead of sponser me as a walker, you can do so at the following link. Fourty percent of the subscription price will go to our walk team.
http://www.magfundraising.com/walkforjenna
If you'd like to find a chapter near you and walk in memory or honor of someone follow this link.
http://www.lightthenight.org/
The Mother's Group that I'm in will also working on a fundraiser for the family of Jenna over the next few months. We hope to raise enough to establish memorial funds for her three children as well as help with bills that accrued due to Jenna's fight with Leukemia. If you'd like to support that cause please let me know and I can tell you how to do so.
With the recent passing of my friend Jenna, this walk is close to my heart. We knew about the walk last year, we found out about it soon after Jenna was diagnosed. A group of us considered walking, but decided that our money and time would be better spent helping her and her family. With that in mind, we decided we'd all walk this year, Jenna included. Jenna will be with us this year, but not the way we'd planned. She'll be with us in heart and spirit and mind. She'll be with us as we pass the luminario with her name on it. She'll be with us as we look at the flames of the candles that all the walkers will be holding. She'll be with us as we put on our team hats or shirts that let people know we're walking in her memory. She'll be with us in the stories and tears that I'm sure will be shared and shed that night. It won't be nearly enough, but it's what we've got.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
You're s-s-s-six!!!
Dear Ryan,
Happy 6th Birthday!
First, I have to apologize. I've been doing monthly birthday letters for your sister, but am only doing a yearly one for you. Unfortunately I didn't think of doing monthly letters for you when you were a baby, however I'm thrilled to be starting the tradition now.
There are so many things I want to tell you about the 5 year old you that I don't even know where to begin.
This past year has been an amazing one for you. You started kindergarten readiness and really excelled in the program. Your dad and I couldn't have been happier. I spent hours researching K readiness programs vs kindergarten for young 5 yr olds. After talking to child psychologists, elementary, middle school and high school teachers, men who started school early and those who didn't, I felt like K readiness might be the way to go and was thrilled that the school we're zoned for offered a program. You tested well academically but socially were still a bit egocentric so the K teachers agreed with my assessment. You were one of the stars of your class. Your teacher, Mrs. Schott, said you were such a joy to teach and awarded you the citizenship award at the end of the year. Academically you learned in leaps and bounds and by the end of the year you were reading! You also loved talking about letters and patterns and began working on minor addition problems.
You had two "firsts" this past year that we didn't enjoy. They included your first ambulance ride, emergency room visit and hospital stay and your first broken bone. The hospital visit was due to a case of viral and bacterial pneumonia which brought with it a bout of reactive airway disease. The doctors were calling it asthma but you've had limited breathing issues since then. We believe that when you get a cold your allergies sometimes cause it to progress quickly. Your first broken bone came about a month later, and in the middle of your first season of Soccer. You were playing on the swingset in the backyard, hanging upside down, and fell onto your elbow. You fractured the tip of it and wore a cast for about a month.
As I just mentioned, you played an organized sport for the first time this past year. You played both fall and spring Soccer. You loved your coach and enjoyed all the boys on your team, however your dad and I aren't sure Soccer is the sport for you. Your eye/hand coordination is really good and you've been expressing a desire to play baseball, so that will probably be your team sport this fall.
You became a big brother this year! I know I'm biased, but you're the best big brother ever. You are so caring with your sister, constantly checking on her, playing with her, asking to help feed or hold her. She loves you so much and you love her right back. You've now begun asking when we're going to have another baby. We think you should wait to ask that question until your sister starts moving and getting into your stuff. You might not be so thrilled about the idea then.
You learned to ride your bike without training wheels this past spring. You'd tried to do it while Nana was still here, after Makenna was born, but one big hill and your inability to stop changed your mind. Daddy put the training wheels back on, but at a higher level, so you were pretty much riding without them except when you turned. That did the trick and soon you were "4 wheeling" across the front yard minus training wheels.
You still suck your first finger, much to my dismay. It's yet to cause any harm to your teeth or mouth that we know of, however you have a rather large gap between your two front teeth. Speaking of teeth, you are so good at brushing your teeth. No cavities to date. Daddy and I are thrilled!
I'm going to end this with some of your favorites:
Type of Sandwich: Peanut Butter and Jelly, although you enjoy Turkey too
Vegetable: Carrots with Ranch Dressing or Salad
Board Game: Zingo or Hullabaloo
Activity: Riding your bike, playing in the pool or playing video games with your dad
Superhero: Tie between the Power Rangers, Superman and Spiderman
Flavor of Yogurt: French Vanilla
Friend: Connor. He was in your class at school.
Food: Anything sweet. Cereal, Pizza, Salad, Pancakes, Spaghetti and Tuna Bagels rank in the list of foods you'll always eat.
Saying: "too" It's your response when we say "I love you". You started with "I love you too" but it gradually became "too"
Name for your Dad: Dude
Color: Green, Blue, and Yellow usually top the list. You said it was yellow until you were about 4.
Ryan, you are such a great kid! You have your moments where you test your Dad and I, but overall you are such a joy. We are so thankful you're a part of our family and so excited to watch you grow and mature. We are so proud of you and I know we'll continue to be able to say that as you get older. We love you!
Love,
Mom
Happy 6th Birthday!
First, I have to apologize. I've been doing monthly birthday letters for your sister, but am only doing a yearly one for you. Unfortunately I didn't think of doing monthly letters for you when you were a baby, however I'm thrilled to be starting the tradition now.
There are so many things I want to tell you about the 5 year old you that I don't even know where to begin.
This past year has been an amazing one for you. You started kindergarten readiness and really excelled in the program. Your dad and I couldn't have been happier. I spent hours researching K readiness programs vs kindergarten for young 5 yr olds. After talking to child psychologists, elementary, middle school and high school teachers, men who started school early and those who didn't, I felt like K readiness might be the way to go and was thrilled that the school we're zoned for offered a program. You tested well academically but socially were still a bit egocentric so the K teachers agreed with my assessment. You were one of the stars of your class. Your teacher, Mrs. Schott, said you were such a joy to teach and awarded you the citizenship award at the end of the year. Academically you learned in leaps and bounds and by the end of the year you were reading! You also loved talking about letters and patterns and began working on minor addition problems.
You had two "firsts" this past year that we didn't enjoy. They included your first ambulance ride, emergency room visit and hospital stay and your first broken bone. The hospital visit was due to a case of viral and bacterial pneumonia which brought with it a bout of reactive airway disease. The doctors were calling it asthma but you've had limited breathing issues since then. We believe that when you get a cold your allergies sometimes cause it to progress quickly. Your first broken bone came about a month later, and in the middle of your first season of Soccer. You were playing on the swingset in the backyard, hanging upside down, and fell onto your elbow. You fractured the tip of it and wore a cast for about a month.
As I just mentioned, you played an organized sport for the first time this past year. You played both fall and spring Soccer. You loved your coach and enjoyed all the boys on your team, however your dad and I aren't sure Soccer is the sport for you. Your eye/hand coordination is really good and you've been expressing a desire to play baseball, so that will probably be your team sport this fall.
You became a big brother this year! I know I'm biased, but you're the best big brother ever. You are so caring with your sister, constantly checking on her, playing with her, asking to help feed or hold her. She loves you so much and you love her right back. You've now begun asking when we're going to have another baby. We think you should wait to ask that question until your sister starts moving and getting into your stuff. You might not be so thrilled about the idea then.
You learned to ride your bike without training wheels this past spring. You'd tried to do it while Nana was still here, after Makenna was born, but one big hill and your inability to stop changed your mind. Daddy put the training wheels back on, but at a higher level, so you were pretty much riding without them except when you turned. That did the trick and soon you were "4 wheeling" across the front yard minus training wheels.
You still suck your first finger, much to my dismay. It's yet to cause any harm to your teeth or mouth that we know of, however you have a rather large gap between your two front teeth. Speaking of teeth, you are so good at brushing your teeth. No cavities to date. Daddy and I are thrilled!
I'm going to end this with some of your favorites:
Type of Sandwich: Peanut Butter and Jelly, although you enjoy Turkey too
Vegetable: Carrots with Ranch Dressing or Salad
Board Game: Zingo or Hullabaloo
Activity: Riding your bike, playing in the pool or playing video games with your dad
Superhero: Tie between the Power Rangers, Superman and Spiderman
Flavor of Yogurt: French Vanilla
Friend: Connor. He was in your class at school.
Food: Anything sweet. Cereal, Pizza, Salad, Pancakes, Spaghetti and Tuna Bagels rank in the list of foods you'll always eat.
Saying: "too" It's your response when we say "I love you". You started with "I love you too" but it gradually became "too"
Name for your Dad: Dude
Color: Green, Blue, and Yellow usually top the list. You said it was yellow until you were about 4.
Ryan, you are such a great kid! You have your moments where you test your Dad and I, but overall you are such a joy. We are so thankful you're a part of our family and so excited to watch you grow and mature. We are so proud of you and I know we'll continue to be able to say that as you get older. We love you!
Love,
Mom
Friday, July 06, 2007
Grief
I've led a pretty charmed life. My exposure to loss and grief has been fairly minimal. With that in mind I wondered how I would feel as I worked through the emotions of Jenna's passing. I must say I've been knocked over by the intensity of it.
Prior to this, the height of emotion surrounding a death occurred at the funerals I've attended or at the time of the phone call giving me the news that someone I knew and loved had passed away. I certainly experienced lingering periods of sadness and spent plenty of time thinking about memories I shared with that person. I cried off and on over a period of time, but as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. As time passed, it really did get easier to think of my loved one with a smile instead of tears.
My most intense visits with grief have been with people I didn't spend much time with. A friends' 9 year old daughter who, coincidentally, died of Leukemia, a friends’ dad who passed away unexpectedly at a young age, my husbands’ 14 year old nephew who committed suicide.
Each of those funerals was incredibly difficult.
Jenna's funeral was incredibly difficult.
Based on history, I expected her wake and funeral to be the hardest moments of dealing with the loss of such a wonderful friend. I was so naive. I had yet to understand just how difficult life would be without her. I've spent hours in the middle of the night tossing and turning, thinking of Jenna and trying to stay in a dream that she was a part of. (Interestingly enough, she's had long hair in my dreams each night. I can't help but think it's because she's free from cancer now.) I've had moments where I wanted to tell her something and after I hit her number on speed dial or commit it to memory so I can tell her at a later time, I remember...I can't tell her. I break into tears over nothing. Then I start thinking about the fun times we had, about the funny stories we shared, about the beautiful children she left behind and what a legacy she left them with her blog and love of pictures.
There are moments of peace, knowing that Jenna and Will are together in Heaven along with the two babies she miscarried. There are moments of anger because Ashlee, Kait and Jake are much too young to have lost the mother who dedicated her life to them. There is intense sadness for the husband she shared a great love with, the brother who was prepared to save his sister's life, the sister who lost her mentor, the mother who lost not only a daughter but a friend, the dad who spent days next to his daughter's hospital bed in the midst of his own health issues, the mother in law that loved her like a daughter not a daughter in law, the sister in law that lost a friend and a constant cheerleader. The list could go on and on because Jenna touched so many people. She was better than anyone I know at keeping in touch with those she cared about and she really cared about most people she knew.
As I try to wrap my head and my heart around her loss, I feel myself withdrawing. It's hard to talk with people that didn't know Jenna because I feel like my grief radiates from me. It's hard to talk with friends that are as grief stricken as I, because that much grief is painfully intense. It's hard to talk about the daily minutia because it seems so inconsequential. It's hard to think about the monumental loss that Jenna's family and friends are dealing with. To put it bluntly, grief sucks.
I've done this withdrawl thing once before in my life. Our numerous IVF's and miscarriages had me raw, antisocial and physically and emotionally exhausted. Jenna was such a great friend during that time. (Just for the record, she was always a great friend, but especially so during that time.) She constantly called and invited me to things and rarely took no for an answer. She offered to watch Ryan so Wayne and I could have time together. She, and a couple others, listened to my endless talk of shots, embryos, sperm samples, follicles, ICSI, insurance and betas. Between her constant calls and invites, and some much needed time with my mom, I slowly started to live in the moment again.
So here's my question...with Jenna gone, how do I remember to live in the moment?
I guess the answer to that is in the moments of laughter I share with friends as we reminisce about our times with Jenna. It's in the belly laughs my son lets out when he's done something funny. It's in the bunny kisses my daugher initiates numerous times each day. It's in the kisses from my husband and conversations with those I love. I know Jenna wouldn't want people to be sad, well at least not for long, but I also know it's human nature to mourn. Living in the moment will be back, but for now I grieve the loss of my friend and try to remember to appreciate the little things.
Prior to this, the height of emotion surrounding a death occurred at the funerals I've attended or at the time of the phone call giving me the news that someone I knew and loved had passed away. I certainly experienced lingering periods of sadness and spent plenty of time thinking about memories I shared with that person. I cried off and on over a period of time, but as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. As time passed, it really did get easier to think of my loved one with a smile instead of tears.
My most intense visits with grief have been with people I didn't spend much time with. A friends' 9 year old daughter who, coincidentally, died of Leukemia, a friends’ dad who passed away unexpectedly at a young age, my husbands’ 14 year old nephew who committed suicide.
Each of those funerals was incredibly difficult.
Jenna's funeral was incredibly difficult.
Based on history, I expected her wake and funeral to be the hardest moments of dealing with the loss of such a wonderful friend. I was so naive. I had yet to understand just how difficult life would be without her. I've spent hours in the middle of the night tossing and turning, thinking of Jenna and trying to stay in a dream that she was a part of. (Interestingly enough, she's had long hair in my dreams each night. I can't help but think it's because she's free from cancer now.) I've had moments where I wanted to tell her something and after I hit her number on speed dial or commit it to memory so I can tell her at a later time, I remember...I can't tell her. I break into tears over nothing. Then I start thinking about the fun times we had, about the funny stories we shared, about the beautiful children she left behind and what a legacy she left them with her blog and love of pictures.
There are moments of peace, knowing that Jenna and Will are together in Heaven along with the two babies she miscarried. There are moments of anger because Ashlee, Kait and Jake are much too young to have lost the mother who dedicated her life to them. There is intense sadness for the husband she shared a great love with, the brother who was prepared to save his sister's life, the sister who lost her mentor, the mother who lost not only a daughter but a friend, the dad who spent days next to his daughter's hospital bed in the midst of his own health issues, the mother in law that loved her like a daughter not a daughter in law, the sister in law that lost a friend and a constant cheerleader. The list could go on and on because Jenna touched so many people. She was better than anyone I know at keeping in touch with those she cared about and she really cared about most people she knew.
As I try to wrap my head and my heart around her loss, I feel myself withdrawing. It's hard to talk with people that didn't know Jenna because I feel like my grief radiates from me. It's hard to talk with friends that are as grief stricken as I, because that much grief is painfully intense. It's hard to talk about the daily minutia because it seems so inconsequential. It's hard to think about the monumental loss that Jenna's family and friends are dealing with. To put it bluntly, grief sucks.
I've done this withdrawl thing once before in my life. Our numerous IVF's and miscarriages had me raw, antisocial and physically and emotionally exhausted. Jenna was such a great friend during that time. (Just for the record, she was always a great friend, but especially so during that time.) She constantly called and invited me to things and rarely took no for an answer. She offered to watch Ryan so Wayne and I could have time together. She, and a couple others, listened to my endless talk of shots, embryos, sperm samples, follicles, ICSI, insurance and betas. Between her constant calls and invites, and some much needed time with my mom, I slowly started to live in the moment again.
So here's my question...with Jenna gone, how do I remember to live in the moment?
I guess the answer to that is in the moments of laughter I share with friends as we reminisce about our times with Jenna. It's in the belly laughs my son lets out when he's done something funny. It's in the bunny kisses my daugher initiates numerous times each day. It's in the kisses from my husband and conversations with those I love. I know Jenna wouldn't want people to be sad, well at least not for long, but I also know it's human nature to mourn. Living in the moment will be back, but for now I grieve the loss of my friend and try to remember to appreciate the little things.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
One Week
A week ago, at this time, I was talking to Jenna on the phone. We laughed about how she was slurring her words just a bit due to being morphine drunk and I sent her pictures of me in a dress I'm considering wearing to my cousin's wedding. It's rather low cut, so I wasn't sure about it. Jenna loved a good cleavage shot, so I asked her opinion. She talked about all the things she wanted for her room so that it would be colorful and full of pictures and life. She especially wanted the calendar Jacy made for her during her first "jail" stay. She was so excited for her visit with her girls and mom later in the day and trying to decide what to have for lunch. A friend was coming to visit and Jenna was hoping she'd bring take out. We talked about her trip to the beach and how much she loved that time with her family even though she was in so much pain from her leg.
I was watching a friends kids at the time and Jenna wanted to call her friend that was going to visit, so we cut the conversation short. I said I'd call her later that day or the next morning. I wasn't able to call back that afternoon and when I called the next morning her phone just rang.
That final conversation included lots of things that Jenna and I often chatted about...family, friends, food, fashion. We giggled a number of times. I'm glad I didn't know it would be our last conversation. I would have been too sad to just enjoy the chat and our friendship. On the other hand I wish I knew I wouldn't talk to her again, there's so much more I would have said.
I was watching a friends kids at the time and Jenna wanted to call her friend that was going to visit, so we cut the conversation short. I said I'd call her later that day or the next morning. I wasn't able to call back that afternoon and when I called the next morning her phone just rang.
That final conversation included lots of things that Jenna and I often chatted about...family, friends, food, fashion. We giggled a number of times. I'm glad I didn't know it would be our last conversation. I would have been too sad to just enjoy the chat and our friendship. On the other hand I wish I knew I wouldn't talk to her again, there's so much more I would have said.
6 Months!
Dear Makenna,
Happy six month birthday!
This past month has been an exciting one for you with lots of firsts.
The month kicked off with a trip to Chicago for my cousin Colleen's bridal shower and bachelorette party. You and I traveled by ourselves and the boys stayed home. You did so well on the plane and to my delight slept for most of the flight. You met a lot of my mom's family for the first time and enjoyed being held constantly by your Nana or one of my many aunts. I was so impressed by how flexible you were during the trip. We slept in a couple different places, and you seemed to adapt pretty easily. We toured the home of Frank Lloyd Wright and while you got a little fussy because you were tired, we all managed to enjoy the tour. In true Irish fashion, you went to your first pub...or three. Thankfully, all the pubs were smoke free so you and I could join the rest of the family. You also had your first sips of water. We were window shopping one morning and you seemed really hot in your stroller. You appeared to enjoy the cold water and I'm sure the puddle of it on your chest helped cool you down too. You still spit up all the time and I think you managed to get each of my aunts a couple times during our visit. Thank goodness for the Tide to go pen.
I finally found a Whole Foods that carried the bottles I'd been searching for. I'm so happy to have them because the glass bottles we've been using leak all the time. The new bottles are plastic but BPA free and they also have the colic reduction insert similar to the Dr. Brown's bottles. A sippy cup of the same plastic was also purchased. I can hardly believe you'll be drinking out of one of those before too long.
You love to play with your feet and spend quite a bit of time grabbing at your toes. You've also discovered how to hold things with two hands and check them out. Prior to this, you would bat at things and grab onto them, but you had a difficult time moving them around in a controlled fashion.
You have yet to get any more teeth. It feels as though the teeth on either side of your two bottom teeth will be coming in soon. If the constant gnawing on your fingers and drooling is any indication those teeth will be breaking through your gums any minute!
You're a great sleeper, even though you've been a bit restless the last couple nights. I attribute your wakefullness to teething, a cold and maybe a growth spurt. I really hope that's the case and you start sleeping through the night again soon! In case you aren't aware, your mom and dad really like their sleep.
You still love to play pat-a-cake and peekaboo, and now you initiate bunny kisses and open mouthed, slobbery "kisses" on the side of our faces. It always catches me off guard when you bonk foreheads with me and rub your nose back and forth against mine. We both usually end up with red spot on our foreheads...but it's well worth the red spot for a bunny kiss!
You have a quick and easy smile. All I have to do is glance at you and one of your big grins appears, often accompanied by your frog croak. You make this noise when you're happy and it makes the rest of us laugh, which in turn makes you do it more or if you're really tickled you'll belly laugh. Your smile is still as evident in your eyes as it is on your mouth. I love to watch the twinkle in your eyes when you're happy or think something is funny.
You're ticklish. You can blame me for that, I'm really ticklish too. When your dad and I were dating he used to tickle me all the time. Now I can usually get out of a good tickle match by pulling your brother into the mix. He's really ticklish too and LOVES to be tickled until he screams "mercyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"
You continue to grow like a weed. At your well visit you weighed in at 20 lbs and 26.5 inches. That puts you at 97% in weight and 78% for height. Have I mentioned that the pediatrician guesstimates you'll be about 5'9" as an adult.
Your a bit of a drama queen. If we don't respond quickly enough or in the way you want you get really mad and scream at the top of your lungs. I'm not a fan of these moments now, I can only imagine how trying they'll be when you're two. Thankfully you can be pulled out of a temper tantrum as quickly as you fall into one and the only time you get fussy is if you're tired or hungry.
You can sit up for a few minutes at a time now and are really proud of that skill. You talk and smile the whole time. I think you like it so well because you can reach your toes really easily. Those toes and your doll are your two favorite toys currently.
Your introduction to different foods has been fun. As I give you bites I often make an "Mmmmmmm" sound. Now, as you eat you constanly make that sound. It's amazing to watch you change and develop and start communicating through actions and noises. Along that line of thought, we've started signing with you. So far we're using the signs for drink, eat, all done, more and tired. You seem intrigued by the hand motions, I'll be interested to see when you start doing them yourself.
I love you Makenna, you're my favorite girl!
Love,
Mom
Happy six month birthday!
This past month has been an exciting one for you with lots of firsts.
The month kicked off with a trip to Chicago for my cousin Colleen's bridal shower and bachelorette party. You and I traveled by ourselves and the boys stayed home. You did so well on the plane and to my delight slept for most of the flight. You met a lot of my mom's family for the first time and enjoyed being held constantly by your Nana or one of my many aunts. I was so impressed by how flexible you were during the trip. We slept in a couple different places, and you seemed to adapt pretty easily. We toured the home of Frank Lloyd Wright and while you got a little fussy because you were tired, we all managed to enjoy the tour. In true Irish fashion, you went to your first pub...or three. Thankfully, all the pubs were smoke free so you and I could join the rest of the family. You also had your first sips of water. We were window shopping one morning and you seemed really hot in your stroller. You appeared to enjoy the cold water and I'm sure the puddle of it on your chest helped cool you down too. You still spit up all the time and I think you managed to get each of my aunts a couple times during our visit. Thank goodness for the Tide to go pen.
I finally found a Whole Foods that carried the bottles I'd been searching for. I'm so happy to have them because the glass bottles we've been using leak all the time. The new bottles are plastic but BPA free and they also have the colic reduction insert similar to the Dr. Brown's bottles. A sippy cup of the same plastic was also purchased. I can hardly believe you'll be drinking out of one of those before too long.
You love to play with your feet and spend quite a bit of time grabbing at your toes. You've also discovered how to hold things with two hands and check them out. Prior to this, you would bat at things and grab onto them, but you had a difficult time moving them around in a controlled fashion.
You have yet to get any more teeth. It feels as though the teeth on either side of your two bottom teeth will be coming in soon. If the constant gnawing on your fingers and drooling is any indication those teeth will be breaking through your gums any minute!
You're a great sleeper, even though you've been a bit restless the last couple nights. I attribute your wakefullness to teething, a cold and maybe a growth spurt. I really hope that's the case and you start sleeping through the night again soon! In case you aren't aware, your mom and dad really like their sleep.
You still love to play pat-a-cake and peekaboo, and now you initiate bunny kisses and open mouthed, slobbery "kisses" on the side of our faces. It always catches me off guard when you bonk foreheads with me and rub your nose back and forth against mine. We both usually end up with red spot on our foreheads...but it's well worth the red spot for a bunny kiss!
You have a quick and easy smile. All I have to do is glance at you and one of your big grins appears, often accompanied by your frog croak. You make this noise when you're happy and it makes the rest of us laugh, which in turn makes you do it more or if you're really tickled you'll belly laugh. Your smile is still as evident in your eyes as it is on your mouth. I love to watch the twinkle in your eyes when you're happy or think something is funny.
You're ticklish. You can blame me for that, I'm really ticklish too. When your dad and I were dating he used to tickle me all the time. Now I can usually get out of a good tickle match by pulling your brother into the mix. He's really ticklish too and LOVES to be tickled until he screams "mercyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"
You continue to grow like a weed. At your well visit you weighed in at 20 lbs and 26.5 inches. That puts you at 97% in weight and 78% for height. Have I mentioned that the pediatrician guesstimates you'll be about 5'9" as an adult.
Your a bit of a drama queen. If we don't respond quickly enough or in the way you want you get really mad and scream at the top of your lungs. I'm not a fan of these moments now, I can only imagine how trying they'll be when you're two. Thankfully you can be pulled out of a temper tantrum as quickly as you fall into one and the only time you get fussy is if you're tired or hungry.
You can sit up for a few minutes at a time now and are really proud of that skill. You talk and smile the whole time. I think you like it so well because you can reach your toes really easily. Those toes and your doll are your two favorite toys currently.
Your introduction to different foods has been fun. As I give you bites I often make an "Mmmmmmm" sound. Now, as you eat you constanly make that sound. It's amazing to watch you change and develop and start communicating through actions and noises. Along that line of thought, we've started signing with you. So far we're using the signs for drink, eat, all done, more and tired. You seem intrigued by the hand motions, I'll be interested to see when you start doing them yourself.
I love you Makenna, you're my favorite girl!
Love,
Mom
Friday, June 29, 2007
Reflections
A couple weeks ago I was on my way to Jenna's to watch her kids so she could get a transfusion. I was running late, as usual, and everything was conspiring against me. There was all sorts of traffic in our small town, I hit every red light, there was even a road closure and detour and by the time I made it through that I had to wait for a train to pass. As I was waiting for the train that morning, I called Jenna to say I was on my way but running late and told her about all the crazy delays. She laughed and said don't worry, it'll be OK.
Yesterday I was on my way to Jenna's house to bring her family a meal and groceries. I was running late, yet again, and frazzeled because of it. I was dreading seeing Jenna's family, her girls, her van in the driveway...knowing it would be difficult and trying not to cry. I hit every stoplight. Then road construction in the exact same spot. A detour. Come on! Finally, a train passed through and I had to wait. Ok, I get it. Hi Jenna! Thanks for making me take a second to breath and think of you...and laugh...and remember a conversation we had.
I really miss you my friend.
Yesterday I was on my way to Jenna's house to bring her family a meal and groceries. I was running late, yet again, and frazzeled because of it. I was dreading seeing Jenna's family, her girls, her van in the driveway...knowing it would be difficult and trying not to cry. I hit every stoplight. Then road construction in the exact same spot. A detour. Come on! Finally, a train passed through and I had to wait. Ok, I get it. Hi Jenna! Thanks for making me take a second to breath and think of you...and laugh...and remember a conversation we had.
I really miss you my friend.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Heartache
One of my closest friends passed away today due to complications from Acute Myeloid Leukemia. Along with her, the family lost the baby she was carrying. She left behind 3 young children, her husband of 11 years and a huge network of family and friends.
Jenna was full of life and never let her illness get the best of her. She continued to live every day to it's fullest and was one of the strongest people I've known. She was a very dedicated and loving mom, her children always came first. She loved to dance. Had a facination for reality TV. She loved to shop for her kids. She loved her family. She said what she meant and meant what she said. She was generous with her time and energy. She was an organizer, a planner, a do-er. She was a great wife, daughter, sister and friend. She was a great friend.
Rest In Peace Jenna and Will. You will be long remembered, sorely missed and forever in my heart.
Jenna was full of life and never let her illness get the best of her. She continued to live every day to it's fullest and was one of the strongest people I've known. She was a very dedicated and loving mom, her children always came first. She loved to dance. Had a facination for reality TV. She loved to shop for her kids. She loved her family. She said what she meant and meant what she said. She was generous with her time and energy. She was an organizer, a planner, a do-er. She was a great wife, daughter, sister and friend. She was a great friend.
Rest In Peace Jenna and Will. You will be long remembered, sorely missed and forever in my heart.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Just for you Gerry.
I've gotten some grief recently about the lack of pictures on my blog. Here's a few to tame the masses.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
5 Months!!!
Happy 5 month birthday Makenna!
It's been an exciting month for you, however most of the excitement has occured within the last week. :) You started showing an interest in food and have entered the world of solid food. So far you've had oatmeal, green beans and prunes and appear to enjoy all of them. Your brother is quite impressed that you like green beans already. You figured out the whole spoon feeding thing pretty quickly once you were interested in food, unfortunately you haven't figured out that blowing raspberries while you eat gets food all over mommy....or maybe you have.
You've also entered the world of mobility. Just a couple days ago you rolled over for the first time. I saw it coming and thought I should get the video camera and before I could...you rolled! Since then you've rolled a number of times but it's always from back to front. You haven't figured out front to back yet but I'm sure it's coming!
Most exciting for Mom, you now have TWO teeth! Your two front bottom teeth popped through one day apart. I was thrilled and thought maybe now we'd get our happy baby back, but you're still drolling so I suspect there may be a few more on the way.
You got to see your Nana and Papa this month. They came for a short visit and were amazed at how much you'd grown and changed. You also went on your first road trip during this time. It was the day of your 4 month well doctor's visit. You'd gotten a couple shots so I was a little concerned about how the trip would go, but we decided to chance it. You, Papa and I drove to Atlanta, which is about 3.5 hours each way. We spent a number of hours shopping and then drove home that same night. You were such a trooper and slept through both drives.
My measurments aren't as accurate as the doctor's but you're weighing in at 18 lbs now and are 25 inches long.
I think I've mentioned this before, but you are so happy when you wake up in the morning! I love hearing your coos over the monitor and your frequent laughing noises. Periodically you give us a true belly laugh but the laughing noise you make on your own sounds almost like a frog croaking. It's so funny and always makes us giggle.
Your favorite things include your jumping chair, your brother, your doll, your daddy and I and your fingers. So far you don't really suck them, but you are constantly chewing on at least one of them.
Other than painting one shelf, I've finally finished decorating your bedroom. It's quite girly with lots of pink. Lots of love...and hands...went into those decorations. I spent hours searching for the fabric for your crib bumper and finally found a crib sheet and skirt that included the colors I wanted. By mixing a solid fabric and using fabric from an additional crib skirt your Nana and great aunt Jeannie made your crib bumper. Nana and I also used store bought tab top panel curtains and embellished them with ribbon and additional fabric from the aforementioned crib skirt. I painted letters (your initials) added ribbon and hung them, trimmed a lamp shade with ribbon, made a table cloth for your little table, and hung a chandelier with slipcovered cord. Your dad painted the room and I plotted out the stripes for one of the walls. People thought the wall was wallpaper not paint, your daddy did such a good job! I'm thrilled with the results and hope you love it too as you get older.
Hard to believe another month has passed so quickly. Makenna I'm having so much fun being your mom. You've added so much to our family and I can't remember what it was like without you.
I love you baby girl!
Mom
Here's a slideshow of what Makenna's room looks like!
It's been an exciting month for you, however most of the excitement has occured within the last week. :) You started showing an interest in food and have entered the world of solid food. So far you've had oatmeal, green beans and prunes and appear to enjoy all of them. Your brother is quite impressed that you like green beans already. You figured out the whole spoon feeding thing pretty quickly once you were interested in food, unfortunately you haven't figured out that blowing raspberries while you eat gets food all over mommy....or maybe you have.
You've also entered the world of mobility. Just a couple days ago you rolled over for the first time. I saw it coming and thought I should get the video camera and before I could...you rolled! Since then you've rolled a number of times but it's always from back to front. You haven't figured out front to back yet but I'm sure it's coming!
Most exciting for Mom, you now have TWO teeth! Your two front bottom teeth popped through one day apart. I was thrilled and thought maybe now we'd get our happy baby back, but you're still drolling so I suspect there may be a few more on the way.
You got to see your Nana and Papa this month. They came for a short visit and were amazed at how much you'd grown and changed. You also went on your first road trip during this time. It was the day of your 4 month well doctor's visit. You'd gotten a couple shots so I was a little concerned about how the trip would go, but we decided to chance it. You, Papa and I drove to Atlanta, which is about 3.5 hours each way. We spent a number of hours shopping and then drove home that same night. You were such a trooper and slept through both drives.
My measurments aren't as accurate as the doctor's but you're weighing in at 18 lbs now and are 25 inches long.
I think I've mentioned this before, but you are so happy when you wake up in the morning! I love hearing your coos over the monitor and your frequent laughing noises. Periodically you give us a true belly laugh but the laughing noise you make on your own sounds almost like a frog croaking. It's so funny and always makes us giggle.
Your favorite things include your jumping chair, your brother, your doll, your daddy and I and your fingers. So far you don't really suck them, but you are constantly chewing on at least one of them.
Other than painting one shelf, I've finally finished decorating your bedroom. It's quite girly with lots of pink. Lots of love...and hands...went into those decorations. I spent hours searching for the fabric for your crib bumper and finally found a crib sheet and skirt that included the colors I wanted. By mixing a solid fabric and using fabric from an additional crib skirt your Nana and great aunt Jeannie made your crib bumper. Nana and I also used store bought tab top panel curtains and embellished them with ribbon and additional fabric from the aforementioned crib skirt. I painted letters (your initials) added ribbon and hung them, trimmed a lamp shade with ribbon, made a table cloth for your little table, and hung a chandelier with slipcovered cord. Your dad painted the room and I plotted out the stripes for one of the walls. People thought the wall was wallpaper not paint, your daddy did such a good job! I'm thrilled with the results and hope you love it too as you get older.
Hard to believe another month has passed so quickly. Makenna I'm having so much fun being your mom. You've added so much to our family and I can't remember what it was like without you.
I love you baby girl!
Mom
Here's a slideshow of what Makenna's room looks like!
Monday, May 28, 2007
Honor
I know today is a day of BBQ's and family time. It's also a day to remember and thank those who serve in the military.
Today I honor:
My uncle, Marine CPL Edwin J Falloon, killed in action in Vietnam. He was only 20 and scheduled to return home 10 days after he was killed.
My grandfather, Edward Travis, stationed in North Africa and Italy during WWII. His entire crew was shot down, but as the mechanic for the B-52 Bombers he was on the ground and survived.
Grandfather In Law Chandler Harrison, Aircraft Carrier Pilot during WWII, stationed in the Pacific.
I also thank all those family members that served and are still living:
My dad, Scott Travis, served as a medic in the Army during Vietnam
My father in law, Wayne Harrison Sr., an NCO in the Army/tank division
Brother in Law's Allen Harrison and Jessie Harrison, Infantry in the Army
Brother In Law Gene Harrison, 1st Sergeant in the Army
Today I honor:
My uncle, Marine CPL Edwin J Falloon, killed in action in Vietnam. He was only 20 and scheduled to return home 10 days after he was killed.
My grandfather, Edward Travis, stationed in North Africa and Italy during WWII. His entire crew was shot down, but as the mechanic for the B-52 Bombers he was on the ground and survived.
Grandfather In Law Chandler Harrison, Aircraft Carrier Pilot during WWII, stationed in the Pacific.
I also thank all those family members that served and are still living:
My dad, Scott Travis, served as a medic in the Army during Vietnam
My father in law, Wayne Harrison Sr., an NCO in the Army/tank division
Brother in Law's Allen Harrison and Jessie Harrison, Infantry in the Army
Brother In Law Gene Harrison, 1st Sergeant in the Army
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Sucker Punches
A couple boxes arrived at our door yesterday. They’re for a very small very part time business opportunity I’m considering, but that’s a whole different post. The conversation that followed their arrival went something like this…
Ryan: “Are those for me?” (big saucer eyes and barely hidden excitement)
Mom: “No, they’re for me.” (big saucer eyes and barely hidden excitement)
Ryan in a very matter of fact voice: “Oh, is it your medicine?”
Mom: “Thankfully, no.”
IVF medications aren’t readily available at the local pharmacy, so they must be ordered. They arrive in a huge box, sometimes more than one, and often wrapped in dry ice. I remember exactly how I felt when I got that first box. Anticipation, excitement, wonder and so much dread. Multiple bags filled with different sizes of needles. Needles that I would be using on myself, or worse my husband would be using on me! What the hell? After getting over my initial shock at all the needles, I went on to look at just how many different medications I would be pumping into my body over the next two months and more if a pregnancy was achieved. For that first IVF, I ended up with 4 shots and 11 pills each day. It rocked.
It’s been 14 months since I received one of those boxes and yet my 5 year old remembers them. I wonder if he also remembers what a bad mom I was during those months of Lupron induced bitchiness. Just when I think I’ve moved past infertility it sucker punches me.
Oddly enough, even though it’s painful I don’t mind a sucker punch every now and then. It reminds me to be thankful for my children. It reminds me to be thankful I’m not actively trying for more children currently. It reminds me of a very difficult time in my life and therefore it reminds me that we persevered and came through it stronger than we entered. It reminds me that just because we want something that doesn’t mean we’re going to get it. It reminds me to be mindful of the journey even though the arrival is what I want. It reminds me that I have arrived!
Ryan: “Are those for me?” (big saucer eyes and barely hidden excitement)
Mom: “No, they’re for me.” (big saucer eyes and barely hidden excitement)
Ryan in a very matter of fact voice: “Oh, is it your medicine?”
Mom: “Thankfully, no.”
IVF medications aren’t readily available at the local pharmacy, so they must be ordered. They arrive in a huge box, sometimes more than one, and often wrapped in dry ice. I remember exactly how I felt when I got that first box. Anticipation, excitement, wonder and so much dread. Multiple bags filled with different sizes of needles. Needles that I would be using on myself, or worse my husband would be using on me! What the hell? After getting over my initial shock at all the needles, I went on to look at just how many different medications I would be pumping into my body over the next two months and more if a pregnancy was achieved. For that first IVF, I ended up with 4 shots and 11 pills each day. It rocked.
It’s been 14 months since I received one of those boxes and yet my 5 year old remembers them. I wonder if he also remembers what a bad mom I was during those months of Lupron induced bitchiness. Just when I think I’ve moved past infertility it sucker punches me.
Oddly enough, even though it’s painful I don’t mind a sucker punch every now and then. It reminds me to be thankful for my children. It reminds me to be thankful I’m not actively trying for more children currently. It reminds me of a very difficult time in my life and therefore it reminds me that we persevered and came through it stronger than we entered. It reminds me that just because we want something that doesn’t mean we’re going to get it. It reminds me to be mindful of the journey even though the arrival is what I want. It reminds me that I have arrived!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Three
Yep, three. Three periods since I stopped breastfeeding. The first came exactly when I expected, a couple weeks after I stopped breastfeeding. The next came 28 days later. When it began I thought "No freaking way! Twenty Eight days...a normal 28 day cycle??? I am the queen of the messed up menstrals, I NEVER have 28 day cycles. Hmmm, maybe this pregnancy knocked something into place and I'm normal now." Ha ha ha. Are you waiting for the other shoe to drop? You should be, and I should have pushed the thoughts of normalcy out of head. Eleven, that's right 11, days after my second period arrived the third one did. Stellar.
Couch Duty for Ryan
We spent the day at the doctor's office and the hospital today...ugh! Ryan goes from having a minor cold to RAD and Pneumonia overnight. It kills me how quickly it comes on and he's so laid back about it that it's hard to know just how sick he is. After two breathing treatments, multiple does of steroids and a chest x-ray we're home...for now. Poor kid has to miss the last couple days of school, as well as his final soccer game this weekend. I'm hoping that his inhaler keeps him out of the hospital. Last time this happened we both had our first ambulance ride, spent 10 hours in the ER and then enjoyed a pleasant 3 day stay in isolation. Should be fun trying to keep my very active 5 year old on the couch. Poor kid!
Oh, just to make the day perfect, I arrived home to a summons for Jury Duty. While I've always wanted to serve Jury Duty, now isn't the time for numerous reasons. Fabulous.
Oh, just to make the day perfect, I arrived home to a summons for Jury Duty. While I've always wanted to serve Jury Duty, now isn't the time for numerous reasons. Fabulous.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Who Am I?
Who Am I?
· I am Chandra
· I am a Mother
· I am a Wife
· I am an over achieving perfectionist
· I am infertile
· I am trying to lose weight and be more fit
· I am losing so much hair!
· I am afraid of failure
· I am a mini van driving “soccer mom” (according to my brother)
· I am a huge fan of flip flops
· I am pretty trendy (if I do say so myself)
· I am cute in a girl next door kind of way
· I am an Interior Designer at heart, now if I can just get that degree
· I am a good friend, usually
· I am blind as bat…yes, I’m finally admitting it.
· I am fun to go dancing with
· I am procrastinating going to the doctor for a skin cancer check and getting a couple moles removed.
· I am afraid of what they might tell me.
· I am trying to decide what to with our frozen embryos
· I am sad when I think of them
· I am sad when I think of our babies that didn’t make it
· I am way behind on my housework.
· I am freckled
· I am competitive
· I am sometimes funny
· I am emotional lately
· I am finally happy with my naturally curly hair
· I am happy
· I am an optimist, glass half full kind of girl
· I am late…for a walk around the park with a friend…which means…
· I am done with my list
Who are you?
· I am Chandra
· I am a Mother
· I am a Wife
· I am an over achieving perfectionist
· I am infertile
· I am trying to lose weight and be more fit
· I am losing so much hair!
· I am afraid of failure
· I am a mini van driving “soccer mom” (according to my brother)
· I am a huge fan of flip flops
· I am pretty trendy (if I do say so myself)
· I am cute in a girl next door kind of way
· I am an Interior Designer at heart, now if I can just get that degree
· I am a good friend, usually
· I am blind as bat…yes, I’m finally admitting it.
· I am fun to go dancing with
· I am procrastinating going to the doctor for a skin cancer check and getting a couple moles removed.
· I am afraid of what they might tell me.
· I am trying to decide what to with our frozen embryos
· I am sad when I think of them
· I am sad when I think of our babies that didn’t make it
· I am way behind on my housework.
· I am freckled
· I am competitive
· I am sometimes funny
· I am emotional lately
· I am finally happy with my naturally curly hair
· I am happy
· I am an optimist, glass half full kind of girl
· I am late…for a walk around the park with a friend…which means…
· I am done with my list
Who are you?
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Traditions...
When I was growing up we went for ice cream after school programs. Often other families were at the local ice cream shop as well and there were lots of smiling faces and laughter. I usually got a chocolate malt, my mom chose a hot fudge sundae, I believe my step dad often went with a chocolate cherry blizzard and, sadly, I don't remember my brother's choice, although I'm sure it had vanilla ice cream because that's his favorite.
Tonight another generation began the ice cream tradition. The kindergarten and K-Readiness classes had a program at school. They showed off some of their "skillz" and then sang a song. After leaving the school, the 4 of us went to a new ice cream shop that opened today. Ryan saw a classmate walking in, as we were pulling up. He was so excited, yelling out to his friend, opening the car door almost before we'd stopped. Once inside the boys monkeyed around, sat next to each other, shared their ice cream and had a grand time. I chatted with a couple of moms, and even saw our neighbors. It was surreal. I don't feel old enough to be the parent...and yet I am. Tradition has come full circle. It's pretty great to recall things I did as a kid, share that memory with my kids, and do them again.
Tradition.
Tonight another generation began the ice cream tradition. The kindergarten and K-Readiness classes had a program at school. They showed off some of their "skillz" and then sang a song. After leaving the school, the 4 of us went to a new ice cream shop that opened today. Ryan saw a classmate walking in, as we were pulling up. He was so excited, yelling out to his friend, opening the car door almost before we'd stopped. Once inside the boys monkeyed around, sat next to each other, shared their ice cream and had a grand time. I chatted with a couple of moms, and even saw our neighbors. It was surreal. I don't feel old enough to be the parent...and yet I am. Tradition has come full circle. It's pretty great to recall things I did as a kid, share that memory with my kids, and do them again.
Tradition.
Babies in Hats!
Have I mentioned how much I love babies in hats? I love babies in hats! I love my baby in hats! Isn't she cute?!
Friday, May 11, 2007
School Days
This morning as I dropped Ryan off at school he saw a friend who was arriving at the same time. He hopped out of the car as quickly as possible and yelled "Hi Alli Beth!" She yelled "RYAN!!!" ran over to him and linked arms. Another little boy linked with his other arm and the three of them walked into school. I held up the drop off line because I was watching the scene play out. It was so cute and made me happy to see Ryan enjoying his friends.
He's so excited for summer and lots of "stay home days" but I think he's really going to miss seeing his friends every day.
He's so excited for summer and lots of "stay home days" but I think he's really going to miss seeing his friends every day.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
4 months cont...and IKEA!
Just a quick update. Makenna's 4 month appt went well. She weighed in at 16 lbs 6 oz and 24 1/4 inches long. My girl is huge! The pediatrician guesstimated her to be about 5'8" as an adult if she continues on her current growth curve. It's funny to compare her to Ryan, because at Ryan's 4 month appt he was in the 10th percentile for weight, while Makenna is 97th. She's also at 75th percentile for height and Ryan was about 45th percentile. Shots went well, she didn't seem to have much of a reaction at all other than sleeping a bit more than usual. This was a good thing because my stepdad and I decided to go to Atlanta after her appointment. I had mentioned wanting to go to IKEA and we decided to be spontaneous and go. By the way, it was AWESOME! I love IKEA and can't wait to make another trip down there. Maybe next time we'll see more of Atlanta than IKEA and Whole Foods.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
4 months!
Dear Makenna,
Today you are 4 months old! I can hardly believe how quickly your baby months are flying by.
What's new in your world? Let's see, you've begun sleeping through the night! You started just over a week ago and have only had one night since then where you got up. I really like my sleep so I've been pretty excited about this recent development. About that same time you started batting at toys. You mostly use your hands for this task, but I've seen you use your feet when on your playmat. You show no indication of rolling over, probably because you hate tummy time and love to be held or sitting up in your bouncy chair or bumbo. Wait!!! You just rolled onto your side! I'm sitting next to you, while you lay on your playmat, typing this. I guess you wanted to prove me wrong and show that you'd be rolling before we know it.
You go to bed so easily now! I can tell when you're getting tired at night because you rub your eyes, move a lot, get fussy, and suck on your finger/knuckles. Provided you've had enough to eat, when this occurs I can lay you down in your crib without a peep. You then proceed to rub your head back and forth or if I stand there for a minute you'll rub your nose across my hand and try to suck on my palm. When you're in your swing, bouncy chair or car seat you rub the side of your face up and down on the fabric when you want to go to sleep. I'm not sure why this is your chosen method of soothing yourself, but it's cute.
Now comes a big topic....hair! We're both losing it. You've lost all the curls on top of your head, and you've rubbed a big bald spot on the back of your head. What's left is pretty wispy and kind of looks like old man hair. I still can't tell what color it's going to be, but I think the red may be gone. When you had it as a tiny baby, I was hopeful that you'd keep it. As I said before, you aren't alone in the hair loss department. I've developed a nice receeding hairline and my normally very thick head of hair has thinned out a ton. I'm contemplating cutting it all off, but not sure that's the best idea as we head into the humid summer months.
Your eyes are lightening up. Ryan and I both have eyes that change based on what we're wearing. Sometimes they look blue, other times green or gray, I think yours may be the same. So far they seem to fall in the grayish blue range, but there's still time for them to change. You also seem to be blessed with the same long eyelashes your brother has. Lucky girl that you are, they curl up almost to your eyebrows right now.
You have a temper little missy! You want what you want when you want it and if I can't provide it right then, you let me know how frustrated you are with me. The car is the worst for this. Because I can't get to you, you'll scream so long and hard that you turn red and choke, and often you end up with little red spots all over your face. We're often out and about, but you're much happier when we stay home all day. You get really irritated with me if you spend too much time in your car seat.
During this past month you got to meet your Grandma and Grandpa Harrison. You were all so infatuated with each other. I was sick for most of the week they were here, so you spent A LOT of time with your Grandma. They were both so sad when it was time to go home, since I'm not sure when we'll see them again.
You LOVE Ryan, and he LOVES you. One of the reasons it was so important for your Dad and I to add to our family is that we wanted Ryan to have a sibling. We knew he would love having a sister or brother and we wanted him to have someone to grow up with and share his life with. Your dad and I don't live by our siblings, but I think about at least one of them almost every day. I wish we lived closer and know that if I ever needed anything I could call on any of them. We wanted Ryan to have a person like that too. It's so sweet to watch the two of you grow into your relationship and I hope you'll always love each other as much as you do right now. Don't get me wrong, I know you'll fight as you grow up, but I hope those fights are long gone when you reach adulthood and I hope you'll always be there for each other.
I put you down for a nap awhile ago and now you're waking up. I'm off to feed you and play some patty cake. We rock the patty cake game! Oh, one more thing, you belly laugh now! Time can get away from me as I sit and play with you trying to get one of those belly laughs out of you.
I love you baby girl!
Mom
P.S. - Your 4 month checkup is next week, I can't wait to find out how much you've grown
P.P.S.S. - Your Nana and Papa arrive today. Papa hasn't seen you since you were a week old, and Nana hasn't seen you since you were two weeks old. They are gonna love playing with you and watching your eyes twinkle and your dimples pop out when you smile.
Today you are 4 months old! I can hardly believe how quickly your baby months are flying by.
What's new in your world? Let's see, you've begun sleeping through the night! You started just over a week ago and have only had one night since then where you got up. I really like my sleep so I've been pretty excited about this recent development. About that same time you started batting at toys. You mostly use your hands for this task, but I've seen you use your feet when on your playmat. You show no indication of rolling over, probably because you hate tummy time and love to be held or sitting up in your bouncy chair or bumbo. Wait!!! You just rolled onto your side! I'm sitting next to you, while you lay on your playmat, typing this. I guess you wanted to prove me wrong and show that you'd be rolling before we know it.
You go to bed so easily now! I can tell when you're getting tired at night because you rub your eyes, move a lot, get fussy, and suck on your finger/knuckles. Provided you've had enough to eat, when this occurs I can lay you down in your crib without a peep. You then proceed to rub your head back and forth or if I stand there for a minute you'll rub your nose across my hand and try to suck on my palm. When you're in your swing, bouncy chair or car seat you rub the side of your face up and down on the fabric when you want to go to sleep. I'm not sure why this is your chosen method of soothing yourself, but it's cute.
Now comes a big topic....hair! We're both losing it. You've lost all the curls on top of your head, and you've rubbed a big bald spot on the back of your head. What's left is pretty wispy and kind of looks like old man hair. I still can't tell what color it's going to be, but I think the red may be gone. When you had it as a tiny baby, I was hopeful that you'd keep it. As I said before, you aren't alone in the hair loss department. I've developed a nice receeding hairline and my normally very thick head of hair has thinned out a ton. I'm contemplating cutting it all off, but not sure that's the best idea as we head into the humid summer months.
Your eyes are lightening up. Ryan and I both have eyes that change based on what we're wearing. Sometimes they look blue, other times green or gray, I think yours may be the same. So far they seem to fall in the grayish blue range, but there's still time for them to change. You also seem to be blessed with the same long eyelashes your brother has. Lucky girl that you are, they curl up almost to your eyebrows right now.
You have a temper little missy! You want what you want when you want it and if I can't provide it right then, you let me know how frustrated you are with me. The car is the worst for this. Because I can't get to you, you'll scream so long and hard that you turn red and choke, and often you end up with little red spots all over your face. We're often out and about, but you're much happier when we stay home all day. You get really irritated with me if you spend too much time in your car seat.
During this past month you got to meet your Grandma and Grandpa Harrison. You were all so infatuated with each other. I was sick for most of the week they were here, so you spent A LOT of time with your Grandma. They were both so sad when it was time to go home, since I'm not sure when we'll see them again.
You LOVE Ryan, and he LOVES you. One of the reasons it was so important for your Dad and I to add to our family is that we wanted Ryan to have a sibling. We knew he would love having a sister or brother and we wanted him to have someone to grow up with and share his life with. Your dad and I don't live by our siblings, but I think about at least one of them almost every day. I wish we lived closer and know that if I ever needed anything I could call on any of them. We wanted Ryan to have a person like that too. It's so sweet to watch the two of you grow into your relationship and I hope you'll always love each other as much as you do right now. Don't get me wrong, I know you'll fight as you grow up, but I hope those fights are long gone when you reach adulthood and I hope you'll always be there for each other.
I put you down for a nap awhile ago and now you're waking up. I'm off to feed you and play some patty cake. We rock the patty cake game! Oh, one more thing, you belly laugh now! Time can get away from me as I sit and play with you trying to get one of those belly laughs out of you.
I love you baby girl!
Mom
P.S. - Your 4 month checkup is next week, I can't wait to find out how much you've grown
P.P.S.S. - Your Nana and Papa arrive today. Papa hasn't seen you since you were a week old, and Nana hasn't seen you since you were two weeks old. They are gonna love playing with you and watching your eyes twinkle and your dimples pop out when you smile.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
I come by this naturally...
My crunchy tendencies are starting to make themselves known.
I come by them naturally. For goodness sake, my parents live in a house made of tires filled with rammed earth and tin cans. What could be more crunchy than that? Plus, I was born and raised in Colorado, need I say more?
Enough of the rationalizing, let me get to my point. My brother was here for a visit early this year. While here, he saw us heating a "cocoa coffee" for Ryan in the microwave. (Cocoa Coffee is warmed milk with a little ovaltine or nestle quick mixed in.) Ryan has been drinking this most mornings for a couple years now and since he started this at a young age cocoa coffee's were served in a sippy cup. For whatever reason, we never got out of the habit. Moving on, I remember hearing a couple years ago that you shouldn't heat plastic in the microwave, but I guess I'd conveniently forgotten. My brother, made mention of that little fact and also let me know that plastics with the numbers of 3,6 and 7 have been found to leach toxins and shouldn't be used with food at all. At the time Makenna had just been born, it was all I could do to keep my head above water. I heard what he said, but didn't make many changes, other than not heating plastic in the microwave. Fast forward a few months, and I have a bit more time on my hands. I start to research. The more I research, the more concerned I become about exposure to some plastics. Studies are showing that exposure to #7 plastic can cause reproductive, neurological and developmental issues. The more I read the more freaked out I get and more things I begin to throw away! My husband thinks I may have jumped off the deep end, but is trying to be supportive as he watches the plastic plates, bowls and cups hit the box marked good will. Spatulas, air tight containers, and silverware didn't even make it to the box...they hit the trash or were reused for things not food related. My collection of baby bottles will be thrown out, which hurts since I have a bunch. It seems as though each time I turn around, I find something else that needs to go. This morning as I packed Ryan's lunch, I looked at the little container of applesauce I was about to throw in, guess what, it's in #7 plastic. He got a banana instead. For those with baby's that are eating stage 1 baby food, the G.erber stuff is packaged in #7. I could go on, but I'll stop now. If anyone wants some links to studies or plastic info, I'd be happy to send you some or just Goo.gle Bisphenol A or BPA's. I'm trying not to think about the fact that Ryan's exposure has been huge over the last couple years between bottles, dishes and food packaging.
Freak out number one concluded, now on to number two.
This isn't so much of a freak out, just a consideration. While pregnant I researched diapers other than disposable. Knowing myself and my husband, I wasn't sure that cloth diapers would work for us but I found something called the g diaper. It's a cloth outer with a disposable inner panel that you can flush! They are barely more expensive than P.ampers and I loved the fact that you can flush the inner panel and not add to our ever growing landfills. Many eye rolls later, I decided not to pursue this option. Fast forward a few months and I've bought a starter pack of G Diapers and am trying them out as we speak. The liner flushes fine, no toilet clogs so far, and they seem to do a good job at keeping M's skin dry. I don't think we'll use them all the time, but maybe just during the day when we're home. Every little bit helps, right?
Ok, I'm done with my public service announcements for today. Are you rolling your eyes at me or about to run to your kitchen and see how many things you use on a daily basis that are in #7 plastic?
I come by them naturally. For goodness sake, my parents live in a house made of tires filled with rammed earth and tin cans. What could be more crunchy than that? Plus, I was born and raised in Colorado, need I say more?
Enough of the rationalizing, let me get to my point. My brother was here for a visit early this year. While here, he saw us heating a "cocoa coffee" for Ryan in the microwave. (Cocoa Coffee is warmed milk with a little ovaltine or nestle quick mixed in.) Ryan has been drinking this most mornings for a couple years now and since he started this at a young age cocoa coffee's were served in a sippy cup. For whatever reason, we never got out of the habit. Moving on, I remember hearing a couple years ago that you shouldn't heat plastic in the microwave, but I guess I'd conveniently forgotten. My brother, made mention of that little fact and also let me know that plastics with the numbers of 3,6 and 7 have been found to leach toxins and shouldn't be used with food at all. At the time Makenna had just been born, it was all I could do to keep my head above water. I heard what he said, but didn't make many changes, other than not heating plastic in the microwave. Fast forward a few months, and I have a bit more time on my hands. I start to research. The more I research, the more concerned I become about exposure to some plastics. Studies are showing that exposure to #7 plastic can cause reproductive, neurological and developmental issues. The more I read the more freaked out I get and more things I begin to throw away! My husband thinks I may have jumped off the deep end, but is trying to be supportive as he watches the plastic plates, bowls and cups hit the box marked good will. Spatulas, air tight containers, and silverware didn't even make it to the box...they hit the trash or were reused for things not food related. My collection of baby bottles will be thrown out, which hurts since I have a bunch. It seems as though each time I turn around, I find something else that needs to go. This morning as I packed Ryan's lunch, I looked at the little container of applesauce I was about to throw in, guess what, it's in #7 plastic. He got a banana instead. For those with baby's that are eating stage 1 baby food, the G.erber stuff is packaged in #7. I could go on, but I'll stop now. If anyone wants some links to studies or plastic info, I'd be happy to send you some or just Goo.gle Bisphenol A or BPA's. I'm trying not to think about the fact that Ryan's exposure has been huge over the last couple years between bottles, dishes and food packaging.
Freak out number one concluded, now on to number two.
This isn't so much of a freak out, just a consideration. While pregnant I researched diapers other than disposable. Knowing myself and my husband, I wasn't sure that cloth diapers would work for us but I found something called the g diaper. It's a cloth outer with a disposable inner panel that you can flush! They are barely more expensive than P.ampers and I loved the fact that you can flush the inner panel and not add to our ever growing landfills. Many eye rolls later, I decided not to pursue this option. Fast forward a few months and I've bought a starter pack of G Diapers and am trying them out as we speak. The liner flushes fine, no toilet clogs so far, and they seem to do a good job at keeping M's skin dry. I don't think we'll use them all the time, but maybe just during the day when we're home. Every little bit helps, right?
Ok, I'm done with my public service announcements for today. Are you rolling your eyes at me or about to run to your kitchen and see how many things you use on a daily basis that are in #7 plastic?
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
3 Months Old
All bundled up at Ryan's soccer practice
Check out my chub!
Pretty girl. (Thanks for my cute dress Aunt Sheryl)
He called my bluff...
Ryan hates to get up and go to school in the morning. Once he's there he has a good time and he enjoys it, but we often battle in the morning. He tells me he doesn't want to go to school and I tell him that isn't an option, then we spend the next 45 minutes with him throwing a fit and me trying to get him out the door. I've been trying to reason with him and tell him that if he doesn't go to school he has to spend the entire day in him room, only leaving to go potty. No TV, no bike, no soccer, no video games, no CD's, etc. Well yesterday he called my bluff and decided he wanted to do just that.
I figured it's better to learn this lesson now, while in Pre-K, but I wasn't looking forward to the day. He started out the day in bed, gloating, thinking he'd won. He was content to be in his room, smiling, telling me he loved me. Then the reality hit. At 11 the first fit occured and there were lots of tears and talk of being bored. He cried himself to sleep and woke up telling me he wanted to go somewhere, but not school because it's boring. My response was nope, sorry, you made your choice and now you have to live with the consequences. Makenna and I ate lunch with him in his room and then left him alone again, at which point he realized it was sunny out. Another fit ensued, he thought it was a nice day and wanted to be outside riding his bike. More tears and more of me saying "I'm so sorry, it's such a bummer you can't go out and play. Some times it's hard to live with your choices isn't it?" Poor kid, thought he was getting sympathy from me, until he realized I wasn't going to let him go out. About midafternoon I went in again while Makenna was napping. We had a snack, read some books and then talked about the day and how hard it was. Again he thought that meant he was done in his room, so as I was leaving a bunch more tears. I thought there would be a point where he would start throwing things in his room, slamming the door, anything to make me angry. It never happened, just lots of whining and crying. At 5 I finally gave in. We chatted again, at which point he told me school was way more fun. So he was tasked with cleaning his room and then told he could come out and have dinner with the family.
This morning was great. He hopped up and said he was ready for school. Listened to everything the first time, was in a good mood and didn't give me grief about anything. When we were in line waiting to drop off he said "I'm glad I get to go to school today"
So, the battle was won but somehow I think the war has just begun. Time will tell, but for now I'm going to enjoy the stress free mornings!
As a side note, by the end of the day I couldn't decide if I was a really good parent for sticking to my guns, or a really bad parent for even suggesting that such a day could happen. A reminder to me that I have to be willing to follow through with consequences.
I figured it's better to learn this lesson now, while in Pre-K, but I wasn't looking forward to the day. He started out the day in bed, gloating, thinking he'd won. He was content to be in his room, smiling, telling me he loved me. Then the reality hit. At 11 the first fit occured and there were lots of tears and talk of being bored. He cried himself to sleep and woke up telling me he wanted to go somewhere, but not school because it's boring. My response was nope, sorry, you made your choice and now you have to live with the consequences. Makenna and I ate lunch with him in his room and then left him alone again, at which point he realized it was sunny out. Another fit ensued, he thought it was a nice day and wanted to be outside riding his bike. More tears and more of me saying "I'm so sorry, it's such a bummer you can't go out and play. Some times it's hard to live with your choices isn't it?" Poor kid, thought he was getting sympathy from me, until he realized I wasn't going to let him go out. About midafternoon I went in again while Makenna was napping. We had a snack, read some books and then talked about the day and how hard it was. Again he thought that meant he was done in his room, so as I was leaving a bunch more tears. I thought there would be a point where he would start throwing things in his room, slamming the door, anything to make me angry. It never happened, just lots of whining and crying. At 5 I finally gave in. We chatted again, at which point he told me school was way more fun. So he was tasked with cleaning his room and then told he could come out and have dinner with the family.
This morning was great. He hopped up and said he was ready for school. Listened to everything the first time, was in a good mood and didn't give me grief about anything. When we were in line waiting to drop off he said "I'm glad I get to go to school today"
So, the battle was won but somehow I think the war has just begun. Time will tell, but for now I'm going to enjoy the stress free mornings!
As a side note, by the end of the day I couldn't decide if I was a really good parent for sticking to my guns, or a really bad parent for even suggesting that such a day could happen. A reminder to me that I have to be willing to follow through with consequences.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Late again
No, not that kind of late. I'm infertile, remember?
Happy 3 Month Birthday Makenna!
You are growing so fast! Before you arrived I told myself I'd relish each stage and never wish that you were hitting milestones quicker, but I never thought I'd have to wish you'd grow slower...much, much slower! Every day it seems like something changes with you. I love watching you discover the world but I can't believe my little baby is already 3 months old!
This month has been full of exciting changes. The most fun being that you've found your voice and you love to use it! You and I spend a lot of time staring into each others eyes and having intent conversations. Your favorite word is "agooo" and you giggle when I repeat it back to you. Your favorite place to chat is lying on your changing table. Since this is our normal place for conversation you're a little confused when I'm all business in the middle of the night. You, however, always have other ideas. You catch my eye and start to grin and coo and before I know it I'm smiling and talking to you.
You're in such a good mood when you wake up in the morning. Just this past week you've starting hanging out in your crib and chatting until I come and get you so we can take your brother to school. Before this you usually woke up crying, so I have to admit, I really enjoy listening to you stretch your vocal cords when tears aren't part of the deal.
You aren't a big fan of your car seat when you're awake, but it's your favorite place to sleep during the day.
You love to be outside, which is good since your brother Ryan has a new found love for his bike. He also started soccer again a couple weeks ago. You love going to his practices and games, except for this morning because it was about 30 degrees.
When you want to eat, you want to eat! We've all figured out your cries now and even your brother recognizes that "neeeehhhhhh neeeehhhhhh neeeeehhhhhhhh" means you're hungry.
You have the chubbiest cheeks. I love to sqeeze them with an accompanying noise. You think it's hilarious. You also love to play Pattycake. Unless you're really tired or hungry it always makes you grin.
You'll hang out for 15 or 20 minutes by yourself now! Your play mat is starting to hold some interest for you, I've caught you batting at the toys that hang from it or intently watching your brother move them around. You also like to lay on it for tummy time because there are lots of designs to look at.
Your eyes twinkle when you're happy. I love to watch them go from serious or teary to smiling and twinkling. It's an incredible transformation and one that can take place in the blink of an eye.
You're down to just one medication a day, instead of two. The one you're still taking is very minty. You aren't a big fan of the flavor, but you're so good about taking it. Hopefully we'll be able to wean you off that one before to long as well, since your reflux seems to be getting a bit better.
You spit up all the time. Did I already tell you that in an earlier letter? If so, it's worth mentioning again. You and I change our clothes numerous times each day and Ryan has a lot of fun guessing who's going to be spit up on next. We went to your Daddy's office so he could show you off to the people he works with, and he told them before we arrived that you always smell like spit up. You don't, but it sure feels that way some days.
You are really developing a personality and just like Mommy you like to go out and do things. We're going to have some serious fun when you get older!
I love you baby girl!
Mom
Happy 3 Month Birthday Makenna!
You are growing so fast! Before you arrived I told myself I'd relish each stage and never wish that you were hitting milestones quicker, but I never thought I'd have to wish you'd grow slower...much, much slower! Every day it seems like something changes with you. I love watching you discover the world but I can't believe my little baby is already 3 months old!
This month has been full of exciting changes. The most fun being that you've found your voice and you love to use it! You and I spend a lot of time staring into each others eyes and having intent conversations. Your favorite word is "agooo" and you giggle when I repeat it back to you. Your favorite place to chat is lying on your changing table. Since this is our normal place for conversation you're a little confused when I'm all business in the middle of the night. You, however, always have other ideas. You catch my eye and start to grin and coo and before I know it I'm smiling and talking to you.
You're in such a good mood when you wake up in the morning. Just this past week you've starting hanging out in your crib and chatting until I come and get you so we can take your brother to school. Before this you usually woke up crying, so I have to admit, I really enjoy listening to you stretch your vocal cords when tears aren't part of the deal.
You aren't a big fan of your car seat when you're awake, but it's your favorite place to sleep during the day.
You love to be outside, which is good since your brother Ryan has a new found love for his bike. He also started soccer again a couple weeks ago. You love going to his practices and games, except for this morning because it was about 30 degrees.
When you want to eat, you want to eat! We've all figured out your cries now and even your brother recognizes that "neeeehhhhhh neeeehhhhhh neeeeehhhhhhhh" means you're hungry.
You have the chubbiest cheeks. I love to sqeeze them with an accompanying noise. You think it's hilarious. You also love to play Pattycake. Unless you're really tired or hungry it always makes you grin.
You'll hang out for 15 or 20 minutes by yourself now! Your play mat is starting to hold some interest for you, I've caught you batting at the toys that hang from it or intently watching your brother move them around. You also like to lay on it for tummy time because there are lots of designs to look at.
Your eyes twinkle when you're happy. I love to watch them go from serious or teary to smiling and twinkling. It's an incredible transformation and one that can take place in the blink of an eye.
You're down to just one medication a day, instead of two. The one you're still taking is very minty. You aren't a big fan of the flavor, but you're so good about taking it. Hopefully we'll be able to wean you off that one before to long as well, since your reflux seems to be getting a bit better.
You spit up all the time. Did I already tell you that in an earlier letter? If so, it's worth mentioning again. You and I change our clothes numerous times each day and Ryan has a lot of fun guessing who's going to be spit up on next. We went to your Daddy's office so he could show you off to the people he works with, and he told them before we arrived that you always smell like spit up. You don't, but it sure feels that way some days.
You are really developing a personality and just like Mommy you like to go out and do things. We're going to have some serious fun when you get older!
I love you baby girl!
Mom
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Words of Wisdom
Ryan, Makenna and I were at the park yesterday after school, taking advantage of the beautiful day. While there, Ryan found a little boy to play with who was there with his grandmother. Since the boys were playing we started to chat and she said "I just want to tell you to cherish this time. It can be hard and trying to have two small children at home, but the time goes so quickly." It's a sentiment I've heard many times, and one that has gone in one ear and out the other while I think to myself "I know the time goes by quickly and of course I cherish my children and my time with them." Yesterday was different. There was no metal eye roll, no sarcasm, just recognition of the truth in her words.
Growing up I thought I could do it all, be the mother, wife and career woman. My mom did it and did it well. I could too. Then infertility hit and my thoughts about what was important changed. I still thought I could do it all, but did I want to? I decided that my career could wait, I would spend as much time with my kids as I could...if I could just have them. When Ryan arrived I never even considered going back to work, the plan was to evaluate the situation in a year. It was what I wanted, it was what his dad wanted, it was best for Ryan, it was the right thing to do, it was still...hard. Suddenly I felt like I'd lost my identity. I was a go getter, an over achiever, driven. I felt as though I'd walked away from all of that. It took about a year for me to realize that I was using those qualities to do the best and most important job ever and that was to raise a good man. A difficult job for an over achieving perfectionist but well worth the challenge, and so far I think we're on the right track.
Back to the grandma at the park. I wish I could tell her thank you for stating the obvious and reminding me to live in the moment and be mindful. Mindful of just how much I enjoy my children and how lucky I am to spend so much time with them. In leaving my "career" I didn't lose my identity, I found it. I'm a mom! The career that provides financial gain will come later, but for now, I couldn't have a better job...or a better life.
Growing up I thought I could do it all, be the mother, wife and career woman. My mom did it and did it well. I could too. Then infertility hit and my thoughts about what was important changed. I still thought I could do it all, but did I want to? I decided that my career could wait, I would spend as much time with my kids as I could...if I could just have them. When Ryan arrived I never even considered going back to work, the plan was to evaluate the situation in a year. It was what I wanted, it was what his dad wanted, it was best for Ryan, it was the right thing to do, it was still...hard. Suddenly I felt like I'd lost my identity. I was a go getter, an over achiever, driven. I felt as though I'd walked away from all of that. It took about a year for me to realize that I was using those qualities to do the best and most important job ever and that was to raise a good man. A difficult job for an over achieving perfectionist but well worth the challenge, and so far I think we're on the right track.
Back to the grandma at the park. I wish I could tell her thank you for stating the obvious and reminding me to live in the moment and be mindful. Mindful of just how much I enjoy my children and how lucky I am to spend so much time with them. In leaving my "career" I didn't lose my identity, I found it. I'm a mom! The career that provides financial gain will come later, but for now, I couldn't have a better job...or a better life.
Ryan is R..R...R...Reading!!!
It's official, Ryan is reading! I'm so proud of him and excited. He's been showing signs of reading for a while now, and has read books with us, but yesterday he brought home a new book from school and proceeded to sound out all the words and read it from cover to cover. No help from me and the only mistake was pronouncing O.K. as oak. I can't believe how quickly he is growing right now, not physically (the poor kid is still on the small side) but maturity and mastering of new skills are increasing in leaps and bounds. Go Ryan!
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Two Months!
Dear Makenna,
Today you're two months old! It's amazing how much you've changed over the last month.
Today you're two months old! It's amazing how much you've changed over the last month.
- You're a lot more alert and awake these days and when you look at things you look at them with intention instead of just staring.
- You started smiling at 7 weeks. Well, that was when I knew the smiles were intentional because I was able to get more than one at a time.
- I've caught you sucking your thumb a few times, although it's still really hard for you to get to your hands.
- You really dislike the pacifier, however, you'll take it every once in awhile. You're particular though and will only take the one they gave you in the hospital.
- You absolutely hate getting dressed, but you love to get undressed. In fact you usually send a smile or two my way while laying on your changing table with little on but a diaper.
- You enjoy bath time, but start to cry the minute I take you out of the water and continue to do so until you're fully clothed.
- You have curly hair! It usually lays flat after you're in your carseat but you have a curl on the top of your head that stands up no matter what. You also have the same cowlick on the back of your head that your dad and brother have.
- You have a dimple in your left cheek!
- You have a birthmark on the back of your neck with a smaller storkbite in the center and another faint birthmark between your eyebrows.
- Your feet are huge! Sorry, but it's true. You can thank your dad for that one. At two months they're almost as big as your brothers were when he was 10 months.
- You love sitting in your brothers lap and looking at his face. It's one of the places that you're most content.
- You like to be held...a lot!
- You're a trooper about taking your medicine. You used to spit them out, but usually swallow them without a fit now.
- You're starting to get the hang of that thing called sleep.
- You love to eat and have the cutest cheeks. Well, everything about you is cute and no I'm not biased.
- You like your swing but not your bouncy seat and given the choice the bumbo seat wins every time. These devices are saved for dinner and showers because as I mentioned, you'd rather be held.
- You sleep with your hands near your face and when you wake up you have the biggest stretches and yawns.
- We spend a lot of time dancing in the kitchen at night. You especially love a cd that I made for my Mom for her birthday.
Your two month appointment with the pediatrician is later this week. I can't wait to find out how much you've grown. That said, I almost wish you'd slow down, you're getting too big too fast and this time will be gone before I know it. There will be a photo shoot tomorrow to document your second month, hope you're ready to model.
Love,
MomWhat a difference a day makes
Wow, it's amazing how things turn on a dime when you have a little one. Yesterday and today have been so much better than the couple previous days. It probably helps that I've been more diligent about her meds. It also helps that it's the weekend and Daddy and I split the night shift. A little more sleep for me and my mood suddenly elevates.
Today is Makenna's two month birthday! I can hardly believe how quickly the time has passed, it seems like she should be just a couple weeks old. She must have known today was special because she gave lots of smiles and even a few coos. We spent the day doing things around the house. The biggest job was cleaning Ryan's room and getting rid of some of the toys he doesn't play with anymore and clothes he's grown out of. It felt great to check that off my to do list!
Thanks for the support on my last post, I felt the love!
Today is Makenna's two month birthday! I can hardly believe how quickly the time has passed, it seems like she should be just a couple weeks old. She must have known today was special because she gave lots of smiles and even a few coos. We spent the day doing things around the house. The biggest job was cleaning Ryan's room and getting rid of some of the toys he doesn't play with anymore and clothes he's grown out of. It felt great to check that off my to do list!
Thanks for the support on my last post, I felt the love!
Friday, March 02, 2007
Exhausted and a little blue...
It took so much effort and time to have this baby, that I tend to think I don't have the right to get frustrated. But, wow, am I frustrated....and a little resentful. I feel horrible for saying that, so mommy guilt is rearing it's head as well. Frustration, resentment and guilt...Oh My!
Makenna isn't the easiest baby. Between her GERD and Colic, there's lots of crying and not a whole lot of sleeping going on here. Thankfully, we've recently started getting a few smiles which make things a little easier. However, her daddy and I both like our sleep and don't function well when we don't get it. We also have very different ways of dealing with the crying fits. I firmly believe the longer and harder she cries the more worked up she gets and the longer it will take to calm her. His philosophy is "Get it all out and you'll feel better and calm down". Because we deal with things so differently we tend to get testy with each other and I think both of us get resentful towards each other. With no family in town to watch her, there are no breaks, so both of us are worn out. On top of that, we have a 5 year old that needs attention too. He's been so great with all the changes and has dealt well with the crying, but the honeymoon is ending. He's been a lot more needy and whiney during the past week...maybe he's picking up on my mood?
Mommy guilt reason number two, I stopped breastfeeding two weeks ago. I pumped for a number of days and we tried formula to see if it would help. Makenna seemed so much happier during that time and appeared to feel much better, so we decided to stick with formula. Now, two weeks later, she seems to be regressing. I've been weaning her off one of the meds, so that's probably part of the issue, but it's so disheartening. I stopped breastfeeding for a reason, and now that reason seems nonexistant...blah.
I know that we are so blessed to have two wonderful kids, and I wouldn't have it any other way, but man am I worn out. Keep your fingers crossed that the colic ends soon. I'll leave you with a picture. Isn't she sweet?!
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Happy 1 Month Birthday!
Dear Makenna,
I'm a couple days late getting this posted, but happy One Month Birthday Baby Girl!
Hard to believe it's already been a month as the time has just flown by. We spent the day at the pediatrician where you were diagnosed with Colic and Reflux. Your dad and I have been so worried about you because you spit up all the time and we weren't sure you were getting enough to eat. The visit to the doctor made us feel so much better because you had gained two pounds in two weeks!! I guess that constant eating is working because you were 6lbs 13oz at birth and at one month you're 9lbs 11oz!
This has been a challenging couple weeks because you cry and fuss a lot, but we are thrilled that you're here. I've had so much fun dressing you up in cute little outfits and you've already grown out of the newborn things that your Nana and I bought when you came home. You were so tiny that I barely had anything for you to wear, but you've grown quickly and are into 0-3 month clothes now.
Your brother constantly sings to you and speaks to you in a high pitched voice. He calls you Makenna or Kenna, baby girl and my sister. He's so proud of you and loves to sit and hold you. Amazingly you often calm down when you're sitting with him. You already have a special sibling bond with each other!
Your daddy looks for you the minute he walks in the door after work. He usually gets a quick cuddle in before your brother is asking to play. After Ryan goes to bed, you and your Dad usually spend some time together. Sometimes I go to bed and the two of you stay up watching a movie.
You still take lots of naps most days and some days I try to wake you up so you don't sleep all day. Unfortunately you still have your days and nights mixed up and you want to hang out with mom in the middle of the night for hours at a time. Hopefully the medicine we've begun giving you for Reflux will help you sleep a little better and not need to eat as often.
You are such a good sport in the morning when we take your brother to school. You love your car seat and usually go to sleep soon after being put in it. We don't hear a peep from you on the way to school and you usually sleep for a bit after we get home. Picking him up in the afternoon isn't too bad either. It takes a little longer and we sit in line with the car turned off for a little while so you get fussy periodically, but usually you sleep through it.
You lost your umbilical cord at two weeks and two days of age. I did a little happy dance and you had a bath pretty quickly after the discovery. You love the sound of running water and seemed to really relax in the bath. With your brother I couldn't wait for those little milestones to come, but with you they're bittersweet. I don't think we'll have any more babies so I'm trying to enjoy every minute with you and not wish for milestones until they come.
Other firsts:
1 week of age - your first shopping trip. We went to Lowe's and Home Depot and managed to buy a new light for our kitchen.
2 weeks - your first playdate! Kele and Grace came over and brought lunch.
2 weeks 2 days - your first girls lunch out. You, Nana and I went shopping and then to lunch after. Everyone around us said how sweet and tiny you were. You slept through it all
2 weeks 3 days - your first movie. Your dad, Ryan, you and I went to see Charlotte's Web after we dropped Nana off at the airport. You barely made a peep through the whole movie.
3 weeks of age - your first visit to a hair salon. I went in for a cut and highlight and brought you with me thinking you'd sleep the whole time. You didn't sleep a wink! You were held by me, the girl who washed my hair and the man who cut it before the visit was over.
3 weeks 2 days - Your first visit to Ryan's class. You slept through it but Ryan had lots of fun showing you off to all his friends.
Your Uncle Colin called to wish you a Happy One Month Birthday. I think it's so special that he was here for your birth and then called to wish you a happy day. You're going to love him when you're a little older.
Life is so much fuller and better with you in it, I can't wait to see what lays ahead!
Love,
Mom
I'm a couple days late getting this posted, but happy One Month Birthday Baby Girl!
Hard to believe it's already been a month as the time has just flown by. We spent the day at the pediatrician where you were diagnosed with Colic and Reflux. Your dad and I have been so worried about you because you spit up all the time and we weren't sure you were getting enough to eat. The visit to the doctor made us feel so much better because you had gained two pounds in two weeks!! I guess that constant eating is working because you were 6lbs 13oz at birth and at one month you're 9lbs 11oz!
This has been a challenging couple weeks because you cry and fuss a lot, but we are thrilled that you're here. I've had so much fun dressing you up in cute little outfits and you've already grown out of the newborn things that your Nana and I bought when you came home. You were so tiny that I barely had anything for you to wear, but you've grown quickly and are into 0-3 month clothes now.
Your brother constantly sings to you and speaks to you in a high pitched voice. He calls you Makenna or Kenna, baby girl and my sister. He's so proud of you and loves to sit and hold you. Amazingly you often calm down when you're sitting with him. You already have a special sibling bond with each other!
Your daddy looks for you the minute he walks in the door after work. He usually gets a quick cuddle in before your brother is asking to play. After Ryan goes to bed, you and your Dad usually spend some time together. Sometimes I go to bed and the two of you stay up watching a movie.
You still take lots of naps most days and some days I try to wake you up so you don't sleep all day. Unfortunately you still have your days and nights mixed up and you want to hang out with mom in the middle of the night for hours at a time. Hopefully the medicine we've begun giving you for Reflux will help you sleep a little better and not need to eat as often.
You are such a good sport in the morning when we take your brother to school. You love your car seat and usually go to sleep soon after being put in it. We don't hear a peep from you on the way to school and you usually sleep for a bit after we get home. Picking him up in the afternoon isn't too bad either. It takes a little longer and we sit in line with the car turned off for a little while so you get fussy periodically, but usually you sleep through it.
You lost your umbilical cord at two weeks and two days of age. I did a little happy dance and you had a bath pretty quickly after the discovery. You love the sound of running water and seemed to really relax in the bath. With your brother I couldn't wait for those little milestones to come, but with you they're bittersweet. I don't think we'll have any more babies so I'm trying to enjoy every minute with you and not wish for milestones until they come.
Other firsts:
1 week of age - your first shopping trip. We went to Lowe's and Home Depot and managed to buy a new light for our kitchen.
2 weeks - your first playdate! Kele and Grace came over and brought lunch.
2 weeks 2 days - your first girls lunch out. You, Nana and I went shopping and then to lunch after. Everyone around us said how sweet and tiny you were. You slept through it all
2 weeks 3 days - your first movie. Your dad, Ryan, you and I went to see Charlotte's Web after we dropped Nana off at the airport. You barely made a peep through the whole movie.
3 weeks of age - your first visit to a hair salon. I went in for a cut and highlight and brought you with me thinking you'd sleep the whole time. You didn't sleep a wink! You were held by me, the girl who washed my hair and the man who cut it before the visit was over.
3 weeks 2 days - Your first visit to Ryan's class. You slept through it but Ryan had lots of fun showing you off to all his friends.
Your Uncle Colin called to wish you a Happy One Month Birthday. I think it's so special that he was here for your birth and then called to wish you a happy day. You're going to love him when you're a little older.
Life is so much fuller and better with you in it, I can't wait to see what lays ahead!
Love,
Mom
Monday, January 29, 2007
Birth Story - Part Two - Day Two
If you haven't read the first part yet, scroll down to find it.
After about an hour of sleep my nurse came in to check on me and start the Cytotec again. I barely noticed since the ambien had kicked in full force. I was still having contractions which were irregular but very frequent and seemed to be getting stronger as the night progressed.
My mom got up about 1:15 when she heard my nurse talking with me about decels in the baby's heartrate. My nurse had me trying different positions to see if they'd improve and I was put on oxygen about this time. For awhile the decels seemed better when I was on my right side, but within a couple hours they had gotten longer and more frequent. By 4 am I had gotten very restless and was breathing through contractions. The first two Cytotecs stopped my contractions, but the third seemed to have pushed me into labor! Finally! I was chatting with my mom about how happy I was that labor had finally really begun when suddenly my cervix really hurt. It felt like Makenna was trying to scratch or punch her way out. My mom thought she was probably moving into the birth canal, but I swear I felt fingers scratching. Five minutes later my water broke. I told my mom I thought I was bleeding or had wet the bed, that still makes me shake my head. It's funny how clueless you can be in situations like that. It was just a bit of water and not the gush I'd had with Ryan, so I guess I didn't think that's what it could be. My nurse checked me and I was 2 cm, 75% effaced.
As soon as my water broke the contractions began in earnest. They were 1 1/2 -2 minutes apart and I barely had time to recover from one when the next began. Wayne woke up about this time and got me a cold cloth for my head. For some reason that really helped, until he put his hand on my head over the cloth and that drove me crazy because it warmed up the cloth. I remember pushing his hand away, but I didn't have the energy to tell him why. Poor guy. Dr. Aboveandbeyond was called in and feeling like things were suddenly moving super fast, I wondered if he'd make it. By 5 am there were even more decels and the Epi Guy was called. My nurse had to ask me if I wanted him to come, I was so intent on just getting through each contraction, I'd completely forgotten about an epidural. Fifteen minutes later I finally asked if I could move. I'd been laying on my right side the whole time, and couldn't take it anymore. My mom says I didn't even wait for the nurse to respond before I was up on my hands and knees. Right before I moved the nurse had checked me and I was a 3-4 and the nausea had kicked in. I was waiting for this, since I threw up throughout most of my labor with Ryan. Once I'd moved I went through a couple contractions and then I was pushing involuntarily. My mom and nurse instantly had me on my back again for another check, I was 6-7, and I was given a shot of Terbutaline to slow down my contractions. Decels were still getting worse but variability remained good and the Epi Guy finally arrived.
I was thrilled to see him, and couldn't wait to hunch over that pillow and start feeling better. My mom was asked to leave the room, I'm guessing that was one of the longest hours of her life. My nurse was in front of me continually trying to find the baby's heartrate with a monitor and Wayne was feeding me ice chips. He says I said thank you after each bite and he and the nurse thought that was really funny. As I hunched over the pillow my water fully broke and came pouring out. It was like a waterfall and got all over my nurses feet. Wayne grabbed a couple full size towels to help soak it all up and my poor nurse needed a change of clothes when it was over. I managed to laugh because it was so crazy. The first attempt at the epi went into my spinal column. It made my left leg tingle and numbed that side of my body. The second attempt didn't work at all. Finally the third attempt made it into the right spot and I had some relief. I was told that I'd possibly get a spinal headache but that was the least of my concerns at the time. Instead my thoughts were "Epidurals Rock!", at least until I realized I couldn't move or lift my head. That was concerning to the Epi Guy as well, and he reduced the medicine I was getting. With me laying down and the monitors back on we discovered that changing position and oxygen weren't helping the decels.
Dr. Aboveandbeyond arrived as Epi Guy was wrapping up and after checking me and watching the monitors he mentioned that I might be looking at a C-Section. He let me labor through a few contractions and then had me push to see what would happen. At that point, I was an 8 and +1 station. My contractions were still about 2 minutes apart but not as strong thanks to the Terbutaline. Decelerations were down to 60 beats lasting 2 minutes. The pushing didn't cause any change, so the decision was made for a c-section. I was sad to have gotten so close to fully dialated and not be able to deliver Makenna, but ultimately what mattered was a healthy baby. After the decision was made the move to the operating room was quick. I don't remember much at this point, due to all the medications. I drifted in and out during the preparation and surgery and didn't even realize it when Makenna let out her first cry. I remember Wayne trying to stand up and a nurse kept making him sit down. Then Wayne saying "Did you hear that, that was our baby!" I looked over to the warming table to see a very blue and floppy baby, but she let out a few cries pretty quickly. Apgars were 7/9 and it was 3 minutes from the first cut to the time she was delivered. She had a small cut on her shoulder from the surgery, but it healed pretty quickly. I got to see her for just a quick kiss and then she was whisked off to the nursery with Wayne.
The rest of that day is kind of a blur. I was really sick and had some complications from the meds. Any time I opened my eyes I would throw up, so I spent most of the day sleeping with a cold cloth on my head. I wasn't able to move my legs for almost 4 hours after the surgery, I guess it's usually about half an hour, and I missed Ryan's first visit to meet his sister because I couldn't keep my eyes open. I breastfed her once with the help of a nurse soon after surgery, but wasn't able to for the rest of the day. I'm sad that I missed her first day, but so glad that so many family members were here to meet her! Finally around 9 that night I decided to try to breast feed again. I still didn't feel very well, but I wanted to hold my daughter! Amazingly enough, once I had her in my arms, I started to feel better. The nausea subsided enough for me to feed her and hold her and really get a good look at her. Wayne had left for a bit and arrived just after I'd finished feeding her. He said it was amazing how different her face looked. It had been "scrunchy" all day, but she finally looked relaxed and her face was smooth. He said she just needed her mommy. Those words still make me tear up. It was a long two days, but well worth it all for my sweet baby girl!
Just for the record, my physical recovery had gone really well. I expected surgery and recovery to be so much worse than it's been. I did, however, get the spinal headache that Epi Guy mentioned. I ended up having to go back to the hospital for a blood patch, basically another epidural with my own blood instead of medication. A spinal headache is created when spinal fluid leaks from a hole created by a spinal tap or missed Epidural, so the blood seals the hole in the spinal column which makes the headache go away. I was amazed at how quickly it worked and shocked to realize how much pain I'd been in.
After about an hour of sleep my nurse came in to check on me and start the Cytotec again. I barely noticed since the ambien had kicked in full force. I was still having contractions which were irregular but very frequent and seemed to be getting stronger as the night progressed.
My mom got up about 1:15 when she heard my nurse talking with me about decels in the baby's heartrate. My nurse had me trying different positions to see if they'd improve and I was put on oxygen about this time. For awhile the decels seemed better when I was on my right side, but within a couple hours they had gotten longer and more frequent. By 4 am I had gotten very restless and was breathing through contractions. The first two Cytotecs stopped my contractions, but the third seemed to have pushed me into labor! Finally! I was chatting with my mom about how happy I was that labor had finally really begun when suddenly my cervix really hurt. It felt like Makenna was trying to scratch or punch her way out. My mom thought she was probably moving into the birth canal, but I swear I felt fingers scratching. Five minutes later my water broke. I told my mom I thought I was bleeding or had wet the bed, that still makes me shake my head. It's funny how clueless you can be in situations like that. It was just a bit of water and not the gush I'd had with Ryan, so I guess I didn't think that's what it could be. My nurse checked me and I was 2 cm, 75% effaced.
As soon as my water broke the contractions began in earnest. They were 1 1/2 -2 minutes apart and I barely had time to recover from one when the next began. Wayne woke up about this time and got me a cold cloth for my head. For some reason that really helped, until he put his hand on my head over the cloth and that drove me crazy because it warmed up the cloth. I remember pushing his hand away, but I didn't have the energy to tell him why. Poor guy. Dr. Aboveandbeyond was called in and feeling like things were suddenly moving super fast, I wondered if he'd make it. By 5 am there were even more decels and the Epi Guy was called. My nurse had to ask me if I wanted him to come, I was so intent on just getting through each contraction, I'd completely forgotten about an epidural. Fifteen minutes later I finally asked if I could move. I'd been laying on my right side the whole time, and couldn't take it anymore. My mom says I didn't even wait for the nurse to respond before I was up on my hands and knees. Right before I moved the nurse had checked me and I was a 3-4 and the nausea had kicked in. I was waiting for this, since I threw up throughout most of my labor with Ryan. Once I'd moved I went through a couple contractions and then I was pushing involuntarily. My mom and nurse instantly had me on my back again for another check, I was 6-7, and I was given a shot of Terbutaline to slow down my contractions. Decels were still getting worse but variability remained good and the Epi Guy finally arrived.
I was thrilled to see him, and couldn't wait to hunch over that pillow and start feeling better. My mom was asked to leave the room, I'm guessing that was one of the longest hours of her life. My nurse was in front of me continually trying to find the baby's heartrate with a monitor and Wayne was feeding me ice chips. He says I said thank you after each bite and he and the nurse thought that was really funny. As I hunched over the pillow my water fully broke and came pouring out. It was like a waterfall and got all over my nurses feet. Wayne grabbed a couple full size towels to help soak it all up and my poor nurse needed a change of clothes when it was over. I managed to laugh because it was so crazy. The first attempt at the epi went into my spinal column. It made my left leg tingle and numbed that side of my body. The second attempt didn't work at all. Finally the third attempt made it into the right spot and I had some relief. I was told that I'd possibly get a spinal headache but that was the least of my concerns at the time. Instead my thoughts were "Epidurals Rock!", at least until I realized I couldn't move or lift my head. That was concerning to the Epi Guy as well, and he reduced the medicine I was getting. With me laying down and the monitors back on we discovered that changing position and oxygen weren't helping the decels.
Dr. Aboveandbeyond arrived as Epi Guy was wrapping up and after checking me and watching the monitors he mentioned that I might be looking at a C-Section. He let me labor through a few contractions and then had me push to see what would happen. At that point, I was an 8 and +1 station. My contractions were still about 2 minutes apart but not as strong thanks to the Terbutaline. Decelerations were down to 60 beats lasting 2 minutes. The pushing didn't cause any change, so the decision was made for a c-section. I was sad to have gotten so close to fully dialated and not be able to deliver Makenna, but ultimately what mattered was a healthy baby. After the decision was made the move to the operating room was quick. I don't remember much at this point, due to all the medications. I drifted in and out during the preparation and surgery and didn't even realize it when Makenna let out her first cry. I remember Wayne trying to stand up and a nurse kept making him sit down. Then Wayne saying "Did you hear that, that was our baby!" I looked over to the warming table to see a very blue and floppy baby, but she let out a few cries pretty quickly. Apgars were 7/9 and it was 3 minutes from the first cut to the time she was delivered. She had a small cut on her shoulder from the surgery, but it healed pretty quickly. I got to see her for just a quick kiss and then she was whisked off to the nursery with Wayne.
The rest of that day is kind of a blur. I was really sick and had some complications from the meds. Any time I opened my eyes I would throw up, so I spent most of the day sleeping with a cold cloth on my head. I wasn't able to move my legs for almost 4 hours after the surgery, I guess it's usually about half an hour, and I missed Ryan's first visit to meet his sister because I couldn't keep my eyes open. I breastfed her once with the help of a nurse soon after surgery, but wasn't able to for the rest of the day. I'm sad that I missed her first day, but so glad that so many family members were here to meet her! Finally around 9 that night I decided to try to breast feed again. I still didn't feel very well, but I wanted to hold my daughter! Amazingly enough, once I had her in my arms, I started to feel better. The nausea subsided enough for me to feed her and hold her and really get a good look at her. Wayne had left for a bit and arrived just after I'd finished feeding her. He said it was amazing how different her face looked. It had been "scrunchy" all day, but she finally looked relaxed and her face was smooth. He said she just needed her mommy. Those words still make me tear up. It was a long two days, but well worth it all for my sweet baby girl!
Just for the record, my physical recovery had gone really well. I expected surgery and recovery to be so much worse than it's been. I did, however, get the spinal headache that Epi Guy mentioned. I ended up having to go back to the hospital for a blood patch, basically another epidural with my own blood instead of medication. A spinal headache is created when spinal fluid leaks from a hole created by a spinal tap or missed Epidural, so the blood seals the hole in the spinal column which makes the headache go away. I was amazed at how quickly it worked and shocked to realize how much pain I'd been in.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Birth Story - Part One
After having a small glass of milk and a piece of Irish Soda Bread for luck, I headed into the hospital at 6 am. Induction is so much different than going into labor naturally. I barely slept the night before because of anticipation and nerves. My mom's alarm failed to go off, but I woke her up and she got ready in record time so she could go with us.
After checking in, we headed up to Labor and Delivery. The room was ready and waiting for me, however I had a long wait ahead. A 31 week abruption had come in right before me, along with 2 other inductions and a c-section. Needless to say, the nurses were busy. I changed into my hospital gown, robe and pink fuzzy slippers and waited. Wayne made a few phone calls for work, I tried to take a nap and my mom worked on the cross stitch she was making for Makenna. I poked my head out of the room at one point and looked for a nurse, because I was sure they'd forgotten us. Finally, around 9:15 am a nurse came in to get my history, set up the fetal and contraction monitors, start an IV and explain the process. We were going to begin with Pitocin, which I questioned because Dr. Aboveandbeyond had mentioned starting with Cytotec to ripen my cervix since I was only 1 cm and 50% at my last appt. The nurse assured me that he wanted to start with Pitocin so that began at 9:30 am, after a quick check to determine that I was still 1 cm, 50% and -3 station. I was shocked to find out that they would increase the dose every half hour and once it got to a certain point I wouldn't be able to get out of bed. I spent hours of my labor with Ryan walking the halls, and had assumed I'd be doing some of that this time as well. After the pitocin was rolling the anesthesiologist came in and we went through medical history again and I assured him that I wanted an epidural as soon as my water broke.
Around 10:15 Ryan came in for a short visit. Contractions had begun, but were still very mild, so I wasn't concerned about him being there. That said, he left about 20 minutes later so he could play with friends. (Thanks Jenna and Jacy!) For the next two hours we hung out, I managed to get in two Sudoku puzzles and everyone else took shifts for lunch. We also took some pictures, the most notable being a few that featured the size of my ankles and the swelling in my feet. Around 12:15 Pitocin was stopped. The nurse had called my doc, and found out that in fact she was supposed to start with Cytotec. It took all my energy not to yell "I told you so". Unfortunately contractions stopped when Pitocin stopped and Cytotec #1 was given at 12:45. Over the next 3 hours I had a visit from Kele, we played a hand of Rummy and contractions picked up again. By 3:30 they were every 2-3 minutes apart and looking pretty good on the monitor. At 4:45 Cytotec #2 was administered and contractions stopped again. I had my first ice chips of the day, after I asked, the nurse never offered me any. During my whole stay, she was the only nurse I didn't like, and I was glad to see her go that evening.
Ryan arrived back at the hospital and we all chatted for about an hour. He went home with my brother and stepdad around 6 and Wayne left not long after to get a shower and spend a little time with Ryan. Dr. Aboveandbeyond showed up about 7:15. He checked me and found that I'd barely made any progress that day. 2 cm, 50% effaced and -3 station. He said I should eat dinner, shower get some rest and they'd start Cytotec again at midnight. He also suggested some Ambien to help me rest through the night. Hmmm, this was beginning to sound very similar to my labor with Ryan. My mom went out and got us a light dinner and we watched a little TV. Shannon came in to visit, hoping to see a baby. Of course there wasn't one, but we had a nice visit anyway. I was having minor contractions this whole time, but nothing that led me to believe I was making any progress. Wayne came back and my mom ran home for a shower and change of clothes while I showered. Ambien and sleep arrived about 10 or 10:30.
To be continued...
After checking in, we headed up to Labor and Delivery. The room was ready and waiting for me, however I had a long wait ahead. A 31 week abruption had come in right before me, along with 2 other inductions and a c-section. Needless to say, the nurses were busy. I changed into my hospital gown, robe and pink fuzzy slippers and waited. Wayne made a few phone calls for work, I tried to take a nap and my mom worked on the cross stitch she was making for Makenna. I poked my head out of the room at one point and looked for a nurse, because I was sure they'd forgotten us. Finally, around 9:15 am a nurse came in to get my history, set up the fetal and contraction monitors, start an IV and explain the process. We were going to begin with Pitocin, which I questioned because Dr. Aboveandbeyond had mentioned starting with Cytotec to ripen my cervix since I was only 1 cm and 50% at my last appt. The nurse assured me that he wanted to start with Pitocin so that began at 9:30 am, after a quick check to determine that I was still 1 cm, 50% and -3 station. I was shocked to find out that they would increase the dose every half hour and once it got to a certain point I wouldn't be able to get out of bed. I spent hours of my labor with Ryan walking the halls, and had assumed I'd be doing some of that this time as well. After the pitocin was rolling the anesthesiologist came in and we went through medical history again and I assured him that I wanted an epidural as soon as my water broke.
Around 10:15 Ryan came in for a short visit. Contractions had begun, but were still very mild, so I wasn't concerned about him being there. That said, he left about 20 minutes later so he could play with friends. (Thanks Jenna and Jacy!) For the next two hours we hung out, I managed to get in two Sudoku puzzles and everyone else took shifts for lunch. We also took some pictures, the most notable being a few that featured the size of my ankles and the swelling in my feet. Around 12:15 Pitocin was stopped. The nurse had called my doc, and found out that in fact she was supposed to start with Cytotec. It took all my energy not to yell "I told you so". Unfortunately contractions stopped when Pitocin stopped and Cytotec #1 was given at 12:45. Over the next 3 hours I had a visit from Kele, we played a hand of Rummy and contractions picked up again. By 3:30 they were every 2-3 minutes apart and looking pretty good on the monitor. At 4:45 Cytotec #2 was administered and contractions stopped again. I had my first ice chips of the day, after I asked, the nurse never offered me any. During my whole stay, she was the only nurse I didn't like, and I was glad to see her go that evening.
Ryan arrived back at the hospital and we all chatted for about an hour. He went home with my brother and stepdad around 6 and Wayne left not long after to get a shower and spend a little time with Ryan. Dr. Aboveandbeyond showed up about 7:15. He checked me and found that I'd barely made any progress that day. 2 cm, 50% effaced and -3 station. He said I should eat dinner, shower get some rest and they'd start Cytotec again at midnight. He also suggested some Ambien to help me rest through the night. Hmmm, this was beginning to sound very similar to my labor with Ryan. My mom went out and got us a light dinner and we watched a little TV. Shannon came in to visit, hoping to see a baby. Of course there wasn't one, but we had a nice visit anyway. I was having minor contractions this whole time, but nothing that led me to believe I was making any progress. Wayne came back and my mom ran home for a shower and change of clothes while I showered. Ambien and sleep arrived about 10 or 10:30.
To be continued...
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Introducing...
Makenna Brette6lbs 13 oz
20 Inches long
born at 7:28 am on January 3, 2007
We're all doing well, just settling into being a family of four and having a new baby in the house. Ryan is a proud big brother and Makenna is really easy going. She eats and sleeps really well and rarely fusses unless she's getting her diaper changed.
Look for more photos and a birth story to follow!
Thursday, December 28, 2006
It's the Final Countdown...
Yea, I grew up in the 80's...
Doctor's appt this week:
I went in on Tuesday which was 37 weeks 2 days, I've made it to full term! Blood pressure was still elevated 144/88, but Dr. Aboveandbeyond said all my labs from the previous week were fine, which means it's pregnancy induced Hypertension and not yet Pre-Eclampsia. (The longer I'm pregnant the more chance I have of this becoming Pre-Eclampsia.) He did an internal and found me to be 1-2 centimeters dialated, 50% effaced, but my cervix was still high. He then checked for heartbeat and position, based on what he was feeling and where the heartbeat was, he thought it possible she was breech again. So off to Labor and Delivery for another Non-Stress Test and an ultrasound to check fetal lie. Thankfully, ultrasound showed her to be head down and NST was reactive. With good news in hand Dr. Aboveandbeyond came smiling into the triage room and asked if I was ready to schedule an induction. We'd talked about this previously, but I've been worried about inducing if my body isn't ready, don't want to have a c-section if I can help it. Plus, my parents aren't here yet! That said, my BP is elevated and it's best to induce before other complications arise. So...drum roll please...Induction is scheduled for Tuesday, Jan 2! My mom should be arriving tomorrow afternoon and my stepdad should be here no later than Monday afternoon. Less than a week from now we'll be holding baby Makenna! My mom will be here to help me through the delivery and stepdad will be here for Ryan. I'm so thankful for them and all they do for us and so very thankful to be at this place finally. Two years ago at this time, we were contemplating our first IVF. Last year at this time, I was newly pregnant from my second IVF. This year, after our third IVF, I get to have a baby! Modern Science and Miracles all rolled into one precious bundle of sweet baby girl.
Doctor's appt this week:
I went in on Tuesday which was 37 weeks 2 days, I've made it to full term! Blood pressure was still elevated 144/88, but Dr. Aboveandbeyond said all my labs from the previous week were fine, which means it's pregnancy induced Hypertension and not yet Pre-Eclampsia. (The longer I'm pregnant the more chance I have of this becoming Pre-Eclampsia.) He did an internal and found me to be 1-2 centimeters dialated, 50% effaced, but my cervix was still high. He then checked for heartbeat and position, based on what he was feeling and where the heartbeat was, he thought it possible she was breech again. So off to Labor and Delivery for another Non-Stress Test and an ultrasound to check fetal lie. Thankfully, ultrasound showed her to be head down and NST was reactive. With good news in hand Dr. Aboveandbeyond came smiling into the triage room and asked if I was ready to schedule an induction. We'd talked about this previously, but I've been worried about inducing if my body isn't ready, don't want to have a c-section if I can help it. Plus, my parents aren't here yet! That said, my BP is elevated and it's best to induce before other complications arise. So...drum roll please...Induction is scheduled for Tuesday, Jan 2! My mom should be arriving tomorrow afternoon and my stepdad should be here no later than Monday afternoon. Less than a week from now we'll be holding baby Makenna! My mom will be here to help me through the delivery and stepdad will be here for Ryan. I'm so thankful for them and all they do for us and so very thankful to be at this place finally. Two years ago at this time, we were contemplating our first IVF. Last year at this time, I was newly pregnant from my second IVF. This year, after our third IVF, I get to have a baby! Modern Science and Miracles all rolled into one precious bundle of sweet baby girl.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
36 weeks 2 days and counting!
Two posts in one day, can you believe it?
I can't believe this pregancy is almost over! In some respects it seems like I've been pregnant forever, yet I still remember getting the calls with my betas like they were yesterday. Less than 4 weeks from now, and maybe much sooner, our daughter will be in our arms!!!
A brief update:
I had a doctor's appt today. My blood pressure was quite high for me, 143/88. This caused a bit of concern so Dr. Aboveandbeyond decided to check me. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on circumstance, my cervix is still high. He also called for a blood draw and 24 hour urine collection. After that was done I was sent to Labor and Delivery for a Non Stress Test. Once there and all hooked up my BP was even higher, 153/80, and the swelling in my legs had become even more noticable. Thankfully, when I laid on my left side my BP decreased a bit, 136/78 at the lowest reading. Baby girl was moving all over the place and had hiccups twice while I was hooked up to the monitors and I had a number of contractions, only a couple of which I felt. After about an hour of some serious heartburn and some minor boredom I was released and told to bring my "jug 'o pee" to my doctors office tomorrow afternoon. For some reason my husband finds mass amounts of humor in the fact that I now have a "jug 'o pee" in the fridge...on ice, no less. Biggest reality check of the day...when the nurse asked if I had a car seat and I had to say no. Guess I'd better get one of those!
I can't believe this pregancy is almost over! In some respects it seems like I've been pregnant forever, yet I still remember getting the calls with my betas like they were yesterday. Less than 4 weeks from now, and maybe much sooner, our daughter will be in our arms!!!
A brief update:
I had a doctor's appt today. My blood pressure was quite high for me, 143/88. This caused a bit of concern so Dr. Aboveandbeyond decided to check me. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on circumstance, my cervix is still high. He also called for a blood draw and 24 hour urine collection. After that was done I was sent to Labor and Delivery for a Non Stress Test. Once there and all hooked up my BP was even higher, 153/80, and the swelling in my legs had become even more noticable. Thankfully, when I laid on my left side my BP decreased a bit, 136/78 at the lowest reading. Baby girl was moving all over the place and had hiccups twice while I was hooked up to the monitors and I had a number of contractions, only a couple of which I felt. After about an hour of some serious heartburn and some minor boredom I was released and told to bring my "jug 'o pee" to my doctors office tomorrow afternoon. For some reason my husband finds mass amounts of humor in the fact that I now have a "jug 'o pee" in the fridge...on ice, no less. Biggest reality check of the day...when the nurse asked if I had a car seat and I had to say no. Guess I'd better get one of those!
Outfits and blankets and diaper champs...oh my!
This past weekend was my babyshower. It was such a special day and one I never thought we'd get to celebrate. Three great friends hosted it and everything was beautiful and oh so girly. There were even personalized party favors, Hershey Bars with mine and the baby's name and all sorts of cute little girly things. I felt so blessed to have a number of close family in attendance, they came from Colorado and Illinois to help me celebrate. There were also a number of girls from my Mom's group and some local friends and "family" as well. The time flew by as we chatted and played games and it ended with lots of laughter and tears as a "wish blanket" was passed around. After I got home I showed Wayne all the gifts and both of us sat and stared at the pile in awe. Our baby girl is so loved and she isn't even here yet!
Thank you again to Jenna, Jacy and Barbara for hosting such a special day and thank to all of those that were there in person and spirit. I had a wonderful time and couldn't have asked for a better day!
Thank you again to Jenna, Jacy and Barbara for hosting such a special day and thank to all of those that were there in person and spirit. I had a wonderful time and couldn't have asked for a better day!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
I'm a Big Brother!!!
A quote we've heard from Ryan constantly since Saturday. Why? We took him to the Big Brother/Big Sister class at a local Hospital. It was fabulous! The kids got a chance to diaper their "babies", learned how to hold them the right way, talked about physical development of newborns and how much they cry. They also got to tour the birthing rooms, view the babies in the nursery, pick out a shirt that says "I'm a Big Brother!", and take a picture of themselves for the new babies bassinet. Ryan loved the class, and we loved how into it he was.
Parents got a handout that talks about adjustment for the older sibling. We had quite the chuckle as we checked off each of the behaviors that Ryan is currently exhibiting and frustrating us with. At least we know he's normal.
Less than five weeks until my due date. Braxton Hicks are picking up in intensity and frequency. Heartburn and Acid Reflux are kicking my butt and making sleeping quite difficult. I currently spend most of each night sleeping sitting up on the couch. Joy! I'm tired, I get nosebleeds constantly, I've got some sweet "cankles" which seem to get bigger by the day, and the pelvic pressure, ouch! But...this has been such an amazing time. We've been through so much to have another child, it's hard to believe we'll be holding her in just a few short weeks. I feel so incredibly blessed and lucky right now.
Parents got a handout that talks about adjustment for the older sibling. We had quite the chuckle as we checked off each of the behaviors that Ryan is currently exhibiting and frustrating us with. At least we know he's normal.
Less than five weeks until my due date. Braxton Hicks are picking up in intensity and frequency. Heartburn and Acid Reflux are kicking my butt and making sleeping quite difficult. I currently spend most of each night sleeping sitting up on the couch. Joy! I'm tired, I get nosebleeds constantly, I've got some sweet "cankles" which seem to get bigger by the day, and the pelvic pressure, ouch! But...this has been such an amazing time. We've been through so much to have another child, it's hard to believe we'll be holding her in just a few short weeks. I feel so incredibly blessed and lucky right now.
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