Second Verse, Same as the First...

Today was Ryan's second day of school. It was just as hard to drop him off this morning as it was on Tuesday. In fact, almost harder, because he seemed a little more anxious. I left him at the cafeteria to walk back to his classroom with his teacher. After I walked away I realized a few of the parents were walking back to the class with the kids. I wanted to run back over and join the group, but we'd already said our goodbyes. The teacher mentioned that we should just be dropping them off by tomorrow and not getting out of the car with them, but I don't think either of us are ready for that. I'll be getting out and walking him in until he's ready to just be dropped off. I'm trying not to be overprotective, but my mama bear is coming out! I had no idea this would be so hard. Now I anxiously await picking him up at 2:30 and hearing how great his day was.

One other note, Ryan was adamant that he wasn't ready for bed last night. We're trying to move his bedtime up at least half an hour because he has to get up earlier. Anyway, last night he kept coming out of his room. Wayne finally took him back in and told him to count sheep. Apparently they counted together and Wayne told him to imagine the sheep in his head. Well, when I woke Ryan up this morning the first words out of his mouth were "Mom, Dad told me about sheep in my head last night, but I didn't get it". He even included an eye roll in his little tale. Five year old eye rolls are hilarious.

School Days!

Yesterday was Ryan's first day of big boy school. He's in the Kindergarten Readiness program at the elementary school. By the time he starts Kindergarten next year, he'll be a pro at this school thing! He loved everything about it. There are two kids from his preschool class in the program, he has his own LOCKER!, he gets to walk into the school by himself (as soon as mom is willing to let him do so), he gets a choice for type of milk...chocolate or regular. This whole school thing is pretty cool, if you ask him. Not a tear was shed yesterday, well...not by Ryan. I cried like a baby, but at least I held it together until I got to my car. When I picked him up a few hours later, he was full of excitement about what they did and couldn't wait to go back. Tomorrow starts full days, 7:30 to 2:30! Seems like a long day to me but I think he's up for the challenge. Times...they are a changin'.

Sugar and Spice

No, I'm not talking about one of "those" parties.

The rumors are correct! It's a GIRL!!! Wayne didn't seem very excited as we were at the ultrasound, come to find out, he was already thinking 16 years into the future. Karma! We didn't find out what Ryan was and had a lot of fun trying to guess. At about this time in his pregnancy I had a dream where I wrote in big black letters "IT'S A BOY!" This time around, I've thought it was a girl from the beginning. Early heart rates and thinking I saw girly bits at the 12 week ultrasound helped. Ryan wanted a brother, but is coming around to the idea of having a sister, I'm thrilled, and Wayne is trying hard not to think about the teenage years and just enjoy the moment. Now the name talks begin in earnest, I might have to buy a flak jacket. Life is good.

Numbers of interest, etc.

Now that we're home, here's a little bit more about our trip...

Number of states we travelled through - 11
Number of times we hit road construction on I40 during the trip home - 15
Number of Happy Meals Ryan ate - 4
Number of family members we saw - 38
Number of times I peed outside - 2
Number of the anniversary we celebrated while on the road - 13
Number of miles put on the car - 3873
Number of times Wayne asked Ryan to stop pushing on the seat - countless
Number of times Ryan watched Alladin - 4
Number of times we had to listen to Ryan's 3 favorite songs - also countless
Number of outlet malls we stopped at - 2
Number of rounds of golf played - 3 for Wayne, 1 for Ryan and I. The one we played was mini golf and Uncle Pete got the only hole in one.
Number of motels we stopped at our first night on the road, trying to find a vacancy - 8
Number of motels we left because of cleanliness - 1
Number of pillows left in said motel - 2
Number of miles typically driven over the speed limit - depended on who was driving but somewhere between 5 and 10
Number of speeding tickets - ZERO!

Other interesting tidbits...
Most expensive gas - $3.29 - Cline Corner, New Mexico
Cheapest gas - $2.89 - Somewhere in Arkansas
Favorite Game at Rest Areas - Phlat Ball Soccer
Strangest accident siting - A semi crushed a sports car between it and the concrete dividing wall in Oklahoma City. Looked like everyone was ok.
Darwin Award - A group of young guys went flying by us on motorcycles, one of whom was on one wheel for at least 150 yards, which means no brakes. Colfax street often offers a view of some of Denver's "finest".
Nicest Rest area - Just East of Shamrock Texas. There was a playground for Ryan, walking path for adults, computer terminals with internet access, and a whole lot of historical tidbits about Route 66. We spent some time at that one.

All in all, it was a great trip! We really enjoyed all our time with family, and our time driving too. Ryan did really well in the car and didn't get irritated with it until the last day somewhere around Memphis. That said, we're glad to be home and settling back in.

I'll play

Snippits from Colorado

We're in Colorado and I finally have a few minutes on the internet! I can't believe we decided to make this drive, having done it before and knowing how long it takes. That being said, we've had a nice trip so far. We drove to somewhere in Missouri on Friday night, and then into Denver Saturday night about 8 pm. While in Denver we saw two friends from college, spent some time with my Grandmother, and stayed with my stepbrother. It was a busy couple days. Yesterday we made the drive to the southwest part of the state. While we were driving through the mountains enjoying the view and 70 degree weather with no humidity, I was talking to a friend in TN who was telling me with the heat index it was 106! It made me enjoy our drive even more. Last night we had dinner with my mom, stepdad and sister in law and today we're headed to Mesa Verde so Ryan can get his first view of Cliff palace and Balcony House. Look for pictures when we get home. Speaking of pictures, anyone use photobucket or flickr and know of any other photo sharing sites that are compatible with blogger?

Thanks for all the comments on the last post. It's great to know that so many are cheering us on from the wings :) Julie E, how'd you find me?! Glad you stopped in to say hello!

Well, the family is waiting for me to get off the computer so we can start our day of fun.

The Ghosts of Infertility

I had my 16 week appointment this morning. Even though things have gone pretty well with this pregnancy, I'm always nervous going into the doctor. As I was showering and getting ready, I couldn't help but think about the "what ifs". What if the baby's heart has stopped? What if I have to have another D&C? We leave for our trip tomorrow, when could I get in for the surgery? It's so sad that those were my thoughts. I wish I could go into an appointment and not think worst case scenario, but after all we've been through I guess that isn't possible.

On the brightside, my appointment went well. My BP was great and I gained a pound. I was able to see Dr. Helpful instead of The Rookie which made me happy. We talked about his delivery practices, the triple screen test and amnio, scheduled my Level II Ultrasound, and got to hear the baby's heartbeat...with a few kicks thrown in for good measure! Ryan went with me and was disappointed that we only got to hear the baby and not see it. Truth be told, that was disappointing for me too. Hard to believe we'll find out the gender of this little one in a few weeks!

Walk down memory lane...

Ryan Patrick ~ About 24 Hours Old
First Birthday! I love Cake!
I'm TWO!
I'm three and can blow out my candles all by myself!

I'm FOUR and I got $4. Woohoo!
Fifth Birthday photos soon to come.

FIVE!

Ryan turns 5 today at 1:48 pm. Since yesterday I've been thinking about where I was 5 years ago. My labor with Ryan was about 31 hours long, and I can still remember the feelings of anticipation and excitement mixed with anxiety and fear. I thought I'd cry when he finally arrived, but instead I just looked at him in awe. Ryan's daddy, on the other hand, cried his eyes out. Ryan was 7 lbs 3 oz and 20 inches long when he was born. He had the sweetest little cry, was so alert and he appeared to be thinking and processing everything as much as we were. I remember watching the sun rise through the hospital window the following morning, Ryan was awake in my arms and his daddy was asleep a few feet away. As Ryan and I shared his first sunrise, the tears of joy finally came for me. Instantly our lives had changed and now I knew what everyone meant when they told me things would never be the same.

Ryan got up this morning and said "Mom, I'm bigger! Look at my arms, they're all muscled up. Look at my legs, they're even longer and better for running. I'm FIVE now, today is the best day of my life!!!" What Ryan doesn't know is that he makes every day the best day of my life.

I can hardly believe how quickly the years have passed. I can't wait to see what lies ahead, but also want to slow things down. I've been so lucky to be able to stay home with Ryan since his birth. I hope he's enjoyed the time with me as much as I've enjoyed every day with him.

Happy birthday little man!

A New Direction

As you can probably infer from my blogs name, I initally planned to focus on infertility, our struggle to reach parenthood, and this pregnancy. However, now that I'm on my way out of the depths of infertility I still feel the need to document the journey, but realize it's only a portion of my life. So even though the name remains, you'll find the rest of our life here as well. I'm looking forward to using this forum to keep family and friends informed about what's happening with us!

Not the World Cup, but...

I signed Ryan up for Soccer today. It will be his first time playing a team sport and I'm so excited for him. I can't wait for the first game on September 9th. I hope he enjoys it. Although, how could he not? He'll be running around with a bunch of other kids and a ball...sounds like his version of Heaven on Earth if you ask me.

We interrupt this life...

This post will contain the saga of our journey to baby number two. However, it's quite a long saga, so it's in draft stage currently. Details will follow but for now the basics...IVF #1 with a chemical pregnancy, IVF/ICSI #2 Blighted Ovum with D&C...and another D&C...lucky me, IVF/ICSI #3 pregnant with twins, lost one but one is healthy and growing as we enter the second trimester!

Primary Infertility

March of 1996...Project Babymaking begins.

We stopped all methods of birth control and anticipated a fairly quick pregnancy. My cycle hadn't been regular, so we knew it may take a few months, but we weren't too concerned. After eight months I headed to my OB/GYN, Dr. Old School, because I'd been spotting for a couple weeks. My mom thought I might be pregnant because that's how she discovered she was, when she had me. Unfortunately, that was not the case. Dr. Old School started me on Clomid which I took for more cycles than I care to discuss. Each month he'd have me come in for a blood test on the 21st day of my cycle to see if I'd ovulated, and according to him, each month I had. No pregnancy, however, to show for it. We continued with that almost a year and then I switched to a new OB/GYN.

The new doctor, Dr. Realist, was great and at least started some infertility testing and moved on to medicated IUI's. With him, it appears I ovulated every other cycle, and we discovered a few strange hormonal things. We tried 4 IUI's with him, before he told us it was time to move on to a Reproductive Endocrinologist. We'd been in the game about 2.5 years by this point and were still getting an "unexplained infertility" diagnosis.

On to Dr. Big Guns who was with a highly rated infertility clinic, and had a six month wait for an appt. He took one look at my ovaries and diagnosed me with PCOS, even though I didn't appear to have any of the classic symptoms, other than polycystic ovaries. He suggested moving on to IVF and told us that was really our only option. WHAT??? We went from unexplained to PCOS and IVF with very inhibitive costs. We decided to give ourselves some time to think and start saving.

The next year brought lots of tears, saving our penny's, Resolve Meetings, and I took a fertility class. It included lots of meditation, yoga, support, fitness, some counseling and sisterhood with women who were experiencing what I was...FINALLY! It was great to find people who knew how I felt without me even having to say anything. We finally felt ready to make an appointment with another RE.

Dr. Compassionate was wonderful. She listened to our concerns about how we wanted to proceed and felt comfortable with doing one more IUI before going all out with IVF. She planned to do a few more tests and did an ultrasound before we left that day. The night she called to say I was ovulating, crazy since it was only day 12 of my usually 34-36 day cycle. What happened next was nothing short of a miracle...a natural pregnancy!

Nine months later our son was born. He was 4 days overdue, made me go through 31 hours of labor and scared us with a true knot in his umbilical cord, but he was beautiful and perfect and still is!

And so it begins...

Well it really started almost ten years ago.

Ten years ago, my husband and I decided it was time to start a family. We had both finished college and were in our first jobs, we'd been married for almost 3 years and felt like it was the next step. With much anticipation, I finished my last pack of birth control pills...and we moved on to UNPROTECTED SEX! We were young and sure that I would be pregnant quickly. The story that follows proves that unprotected sex doesn't guartantee anything when you're fertilely challenged.