I'm an Aunt!!!

And not by marriage this time. Well, thinking about it, kind of by marriage.

My Sister-in-Law and Stepbrother had their first child yesterday afternoon! His name is Sebastian Roy. (Roy was our Grandfathers name) I've only seen one picture and I'm already in love, he's so cute! I can't wait to meet the little guy in person and I'm thrilled to finally have some other kids on my side of the family.

The word is my SIL didn't even need an IV. I knew she was amazing as she climbed mountians and traveled through South America during early pregnancy and then proceeded to keep up with my super active stepbrother the whole time. She's a strong woman and I've said many a time that my stepbrother married the right person. They make a great couple and I think will be awesome parents that introduce Sebastion to all the wonders the world has to offer.

The only disappointment is that I'm not sure when we'll get to meet him. These are the times when it's hard to live across the country. Hopefully we'll take a trip to Colorado in the near future. I want to hold their little man!

Congratulations Stefan and Sheryl and welcome to the world Sebastian!!!

Seven! (No it's not a name we're considering)

Sienfeld reference over and now on to the important stuff...


Dear Ryan,

It’s your 7th Birthday! I can’t believe you’re seven and still remember so much about the day you were born. I’ve written about it before, and what a special day it was. This day is special too and will be spent doing things that you enjoy right now. First of all we’re headed to Chuck E Cheese with some friends. You’ve been asking to go all summer, so even though it isn’t your official birthday party, we’ll enjoy playing games and dancing the afternoon away. After DM gets home, you’ve requested dinner at Cracker Barrel, I think you like being able to order pancakes for dinner with no veggies in sight. Before heading out to eat, you’ll open presents from the family.

Tomorrow we’ll be picking up two of your friends from school for a trip the Sounds game and a sleepover and Saturday you’ll be having a combined party with Kele and Adeline. All of your birthdays are close and it’s so nice that they include you in their family birthday party.

With so many birthday events, this year instead of a birth day celebration, as your GG would say, you’ll be having a birthday festival.

Your sixth year was filled with new and exciting things. We started the year with a trip to the beach and Disney world where you had a fabulous time. Then school started soon after we got home and you had two of the best teachers. You really enjoyed school and got a citizenship award during each of the six grading periods. We’re so proud of how well behaved you were at school. You played baseball during fall and spring seasons and your spring team made it all the way through the season undefeated. You lost the championship during the last game of the tournament, by one point, but you didn’t care…you got still got a trophy and a medal. You showed us time and time again what a great big brother you are. You are so proud of your sister and loved that your teachers called her your class mascot. You learned how to ride a bike without training wheels. You started looking older this past year. Your face thinned out, you got a few more freckles across your nose, and you started running and walking like you’re older. We enjoyed watching that transition, but it’s a little bittersweet to watch you growing up so quickly!
Welcome to 7, kiddo, and another year of adventures and fun! We love you!

The Terrible Two's...

...have begun in our house and my dear sweet daughter is only 18 months old. She's started yelling my name over and over when she isn't happy and is practicing throwing herself on the floor and kicking her legs. On top of that she just picked up a plastic yellow chair we have and literally threw it because she was annoyed by it. I always thought this little one would give me a run for my money, now I know it's true.

No Way!

New Kids On the Block had the number 1 song on the count down this morning. There's something wrong when a boy band from 10 years ago has a new song out....that's not any good, I might add...and hits number 1. Whatever!

18 Months

Makenna had her 18 month appt this past week. She is so fun right now, I love seeing her little personality develop. She weighed in at 27.5 lbs and 33 inches which put her in the 84% for weight and 86% for height. I don't remember what her head circumference was but it was 97%. Our girl has a lot of brains in that head of hers.

Makenna is saying lots of words now, with a couple 2 word phrases, and still saying a few in sign language. She climbs on everything and especially loves to climb up and down stairs. She started sleeping through the night at 15 months, after we made her CIO for two nights, thankfully the trend continues. She loves to play with purses and dolls and anything in her brother's bedroom. Peek-A-Boo is still a favorite game and she won't go to bed without kissing us goodnight. She thinks her brother walks on water, but will let us and him know when he's annoying her. She calmly sits in time out when she gets in trouble, swinging her legs and just waiting for me to let her up. Like her brother, she already loves music. She can rock out with the rest of us and has been trying to snap for months. She loves the pool, but gets frustrated that she can't swim by herself. She's so brave she'll jump off the ladder and expect us to catch her. She constantly gets compliments on her little mop of curly hair. I, of course, love it. She's working on singing the ABC's and can count to 3 sometimes 4. She loves going bye-bye, just saying the words will stop any fussing or fit, and she loves to play outside. She thinks it's really funny to grab my glasses, I, however, do not. She screams at her daddy when he gets home at night because she's so excited to see him. She'll eat anything in the dairy, fruit and carb families and is getting better about trying new things. Her favorite dinners are spaghetti and stir fry and she hates eggs with a passion. It doesn't matter how they're cooked, she spits them out. She likes having bows put in her hair and likes ripping them out just as much. She gets a huge kick out of wearing sunglasses and having us call her a "cool chick". She's very ticklish and loves to be tickled. She'll come up and show her belly saying "Tick, Tick".

All ages have their pros and cons, but this is a really fun age with Makenna. She brings so much joy to our lives. She makes us laugh every day. She makes us fall in love with her all over each time she kisses us or interacts with us. I know all parents say this, but she's really smart and very loving. Three IVF's were hard to go through, but I'd go it all again 10 times over to have this sweet girl in our family. Thanks for chosing us to be your parents, Makenna!

Sleeping Babes

I've always wondered how people were able to carry their sleeping kids through the store without that child waking up. Ryan would sleep through stores as a baby in his carseat and at times he slept in his stroller, but I never would have been able to carry him on my shoulder, without him waking up, when he got older.

Today Makenna slept her way through Target. She fell asleep in the car 5 minutes before we got to the store. I thought she'd wake up when we got inside and I'd be able to put her in a cart. Nope. I ended up ditching my idea of doing some grocery shopping and just picked up a gallon of much needed milk. Toddler in one arm, milk in the other and a fussing almost 7 year old tugging on my shirt because he wanted a cookie/gum/yo yo, etc.

I had to giggle a couple times during that short walk through Target, I was doing the thing I'd seen other mom's do and been so impressed by. I felt like Supermom...just for a minute...or until I got home and was reminded of the groceries I'd needed so I could make my kids lunch.

Tagged!

I've been tagged by http://thebeasleyfamily.blogspot.com/ . Thanks Rachel!


Here are the rules:

a. Link to the person who tagged you

b. Post the rules on your blog.

c. Write six random things about yourself.

d. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blog.

e. Let each person know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment at their blog.

f. Let your tagger know when your entry is up..



Hmmm, 6 random things about myself...



1. I really love photography and even took a class when I was younger. I rarely get a good picture though, I blame it on my point and shoot digital camera and my lack of editing skills and software. In reality, it's probably because I usually forget to bring my camera.


2. I never thought I'd be a SAHM, but wanting to be home and take care of my kids won out over all my other desires. I guess I've decided there will be time for me later. I struggle with not contributing to our family financial goals and not feeling like I've accomplished much. But I usually only have to look at my two great kids and I realize we've made the best choice for our family.



3. I am a horrible gardener, but I keep trying. Maybe one day my brown thumb will turn green.



4. If it's not on a list, it doesn't get done. Having kids has made me forgetful or maybe it's just that I focus on other things. I have to make lists for the details or I'd never accomplish anything. It's obvious when I haven't been making lists...bday cards are late, phone calls aren't made, meals aren't planned, ect.



5. I have a list of things to do before I die. (Again with the lists...) Here are a few things that are on it: Learn another language so that I'm somewhat fluent and then travel and use that language, drink a Mint Julip, run a half marathon, go to Italy, start my own business, take a sewing class, take my kids camping. Some are big, some are small, some might be done over and over. It's my own "Bucket List".



6. I really miss our family, but I'm horrible about keeping in touch. Due to differences in time and schedule, it's rarely a good time to call and because we live so far apart our trips home are much less frequent than I'd like. I'd love for my kids to grow up surrounded by family, but I guess when you move across the country you limit the chances of that happening.



There are my 6 things. Now I tag

http://mama2drama.blogspot.com/ , http://tanya-tanyasthoughts.blogspot.com/ , http://babythorny.blogspot.com/ , http://littlemanandriblet.blogspot.com/ , http://bourquepartyoffive.blogspot.com/ , http://www.egankids.blogspot.com/



For some reason Blogger wouldn't let me rename the links. That, or I'm a moron. Anyway, I tag Jacy, Tanya, Tamra, Shannon, Barbara and Tara. Have fun girls!

Boo Boo's

We stopped at a friend's house yesterday after the fire station tour. While there Makenna decided to get up close and personal with their wood floor. Here she is a few hours after her faceplant. Notice the fat lip? At least her nap stopped her tears. And we wonder how she chipped her tooth.

Back to Reality

We had such a nice weekend. The Daddy Man had 4 days off work and I had a friend from college in town. I haven't seen her in so long, it was a short busy trip, but so great to spend time together. She'll be back next year because she an Irish Dancer and the national competition is held here...Yay!

The weekend also included a BBQ on the 4th with some friends, a few fireworks with neighbors, lots of time in the pool, flooring shopping and a fair amount of yardwork. I love our front yard during the summer months. Lots of greenery and pretty flowering things. I wish it stayed that pretty all year and I wish our backyard was as enjoyable. Maybe next summer we'll figure out how to get some shade back there and we'll plant a few more bushes and some flowers and enlarge the patio. I say that, but I've been saying that for a couple years now. Something else always comes up and next year there will be another one in diapers. :)

I was lazy and skipped church. The series that he's been doing since Easter doesn't appeal to me at all, so I've barely been since then. I wish we all could go, I think we're getting closer to that point, M is doing better with new people all the time so I have hopes she'll stay in the childcare before she's 16.

Now it's back to reality and we have a busy week ahead. We're attending a firestation tour with our playgroup today and then I'm going to Staples because they have some school supplies for a penny each. We have lots of options for the rest of the week, but I'm trying to keep expenses and gas consumption down, so we'll see if R's boredom beats my desire to not spend money. One thing I do know is that I'll be hanging out with some girlfriends saturday night. I'm looking forward to it!

Oh, one last thing, we discovered yesterday that M has chipped one of her front teeth. It's a small chip but neither of us know when it happened or how. Bad parents!!! Guess it's time to call the dentist and make sure we don't need to do anything about it.

A Year Later

Today is one of those days for me. One of the days where something terrible happened and you remember everything about it. I only have a few of those times in my life where I remember where I was, what I was doing, who I was with, etc.

Some of them include:
The Challenger exploding – I was in Earth Science class. Sitting at a table next to my friend Cheryl. It was announced over the loud speaker and suddenly you could hear a pin drop in a school filled with kids. I remember the tears in Mr. Whited’s eyes as he tried to explain what had happened.
Princess Diana’s death – We were in Pennsylvania. We’d attended the wedding of friends the evening before and had woken up in our hotel room and turned on the news. Instantly we saw footage of the crash and I was glued to the TV for at least half an hour.
The Death of my Grandmother – She was my first grandparent to pass away. I’d been at an Ashley McIssac concert the night before and stayed with my friend Molly. I’d come home to change before heading to work and there was a message from my mom on our answering machine. I remember dropping to my knees and crying and then finally calling my mom.
On this day a year ago I was preparing spinach lasagna for our dinner that night. Ryan was watching cartoons and Makenna was taking her morning nap. I was wearing pink sweats and a blue mellow mushroom shirt and listening to Dave Matthews Band. The phone rang and it was Janna (Jenna’s mom), telling me Jenna wasn’t doing well and the doctors had called and asked the family to come. Janna wondered if I could come over and watch the kids so she could go to the hospital. I grabbed a bottle for M, threw food in the fridge, pulled Makenna out of her crib, Ryan grabbed the diaper bag and we were on our way. I called Barbara to see if she could watch the kids, so I could drive Janna to the hospital. She got there just in time. By the time I’d made it back to Jenna’s house, Barbara was coming out of the house to tell me that Jenna and William had passed away. I was on the phone with Jacy so the three of us sat there and cried for a few minutes and then Barbara and I had to suck it up, reign in the tears and go inside with all of our kids. I remember waiting for Janna and Mark to come back and I remember the look on Ashlee and Kaity’s faces. We had planned to get happy meals and the girls were upset that they wouldn’t be getting one. I think they knew the minute their dad walked in the door, but didn’t want to face it.

I can’t believe it’s been a year since that day. It’s been a rough year and much harder than I’d anticipated. I think for the first few months my grief was an open wound and every day brought new tears and more sadness. Just as things were starting to get easier, Christmas arrived and I couldn’t help but think about how much Jenna loved that holiday and how sad I was that her kids would be spending their first Christmas without her. The changing seasons’s led to Jake’s birthday, Ashlee’s birthday, Mother’s Day, Jenna’s Birthday, Jenna and Mark’s anniversary and finally today…Jenna’s deathiversary. Each of those days brought new sadness, but the days in between were easier than they’d been months before. Now, a year later, I find that my grief is more personal, like a scar that’s still red and angry but will one day be barely visible and only noticeable to me. I still can’t believe that my friend died and took her spirit, infectious laughter and fun loving attitude with her. I still think about her every day and wish I could spend more time with her kids in a comfortable and fun setting. If I have any regret surrounding Jenna’s death, it’s that I haven’t been able to maintain the contact with her kids that I’d hoped for. I haven’t wanted to impose and haven’t felt like it’s something that’s comfortable for Mark.

Today is a sad day for me, but I’m looking forward to the remembrance. A number of us are getting together tonight at La Siesta. Most will be drinking a margarita, I’ll be eating my fill of queso and salsa with chips. Jenna loved that restaurant and I have lots of good memories of sharing a meal with her there and memories of a few drunk love calls that came after she drank one of their margarita’s. I’m looking forward to a night filled with love and laughter and lots of stories. I know she’ll be with us, not in the way we’d like, but she’ll be there.

Today is just one of those days…one of those days that will live in my memory banks forever.

Baby Steps

Morning sickness and exhaustion is kicking my butt. I have no patience, no motivation, no energy and I spend a fair amount of time feeling hung over and wondering when the party was. When I forget I'm feeling sorry for myself, I feel really sorry for my husband and kids.

That said, today was a good day. I only had two tasks that had to be done. I needed to get a new tire for my car, since we got a flat on Saturday that wasn't patchable, and I needed to find my contractor's calculator so I could accurately figure square footage and how much flooring we need to buy. The first was done with a minimal amount of time and expense, surprising since the tire is apparently an odd size. We have a local place I've gone to a number of times now. It doesn't look like much out front, but they do good, quick, inexpensive work. The second, after a couple hours spent cleaning my closet and looking through all my school stuff this weekend, ended up being quick and easy as well. It occurred to me that I didn't search the backpack I carried, so I stepped into the garage, opened the front pocket and there was my yellow calculator. Done and Done...Yay!

On top of that, I ran across a good deal on shoes and ended up getting Ryan sneakers for the new school year and Makenna got a pair of much needed sandles since she is about to grow out of every other pair of shoes she owns. Both were on sale, and when I got to the register they let me know the shoes were buy one get one half off...SWEET!

M is napping now, R just finished his lesson for camp tonight and I just finished dishes and am getting ready to make Zucchini bread. This day has been filled with smiles and absolutely no fussing or whining from kidlets or mommy! Double Yay!

Week in Review

Wow, what a week.

Ryan had VBS at our church each morning last week and he LOVED it! He can’t wait to go back next year. Most of what he talked about was the music. R loves music as much as DM and I do and he enjoyed all the dance moves too. This week he’s going to another VBS called Mega Sports Camp. He chose basketball and Hip Hop. I’ll be interested to see what he thinks of it.

On top of that, we went to a playdate, 3 birthday parties, a lunch with our playgroup, and M and I hit up kids gym and lunch with a friend. The biggest event of the week was Ryan’s first sleepover! He had a great time and came home exhausted. I think the boys were up most of the night, but that’s what sleepovers are for. Wayne and I took advantage of only having one kid and decided to go out to dinner. I’ve been craving Chinese since this pregnancy began so we went to a new restaurant that opened nearby and then walked down the block for ice cream. Makenna was so good and we all really enjoyed our night out.

Outside of that, I had a difficult week with pregnancy hormones. I normally am pretty level headed and even tempered, but I don’t think that was the case last week. I had a small argument with a man at Mcdonald’s. He later came over and apologized and explained why he’d acted the way he did. I had to apologize too though, because I’d been much more short-tempered than I normally am. I also had something occur with a friend that really upset me. I’m not sure if my response to the situation would have been as intense if not for the raging hormones. I guess we all have our days...or weeks.

What a week!

The birds and the bees at age 6

Ryan: Mom, what are these things under my penis?

Me: What things?

Ryan: The round things.

Me: Your testicles.

Ryan: Oh…what do they do, hold my pee?

Me: Ummm, no. They hold sperm.

Ryan: Sperd, what’s sperd?

Me: No, it’s sperm and it’s used to make a baby.

Ryan: How does it make a baby?

Me: It joins with an egg and then the baby grows.

Ryan: Where does the egg come from and how do they meet?

Me: The egg comes from a mommy and they meet when a mommy and daddy love each other.

Ryan: Hmmmm…ok. That’s kind of hard to understand.

Me: Yep…


Where was his father when this conversation was occurring???

Happy Birthday

Dear Jenna,

Barbara, Jacy all the kids and I went to Toot's for fried pickles today. I'd promised you them on your last birthday and sadly never had a chance to pay up since I was out of town. I wish you and your kids were with us today as we toasted you with pickles and got funny looks from neighboring tables. Even more, I wish we were headed out on a party bus this weekend. Last year we were so sure we'd celebrate your health this year by getting that party bus you'd always talked about and partying our butts off downtown. Instead we had fried pickles and thought about you a lot today. Happy Birthday my friend, I miss you so much and love you.

It's what you think it is!

Sorry the pictures are a little blurry, but that second one shows an ultrasound I had on Tuesday. In it is a little embryo measuring 7weeks2days, having grown exactly as it should have from my ultrasound 2 weeks ago and with a little heart beating at 162 bpm.

Now I'll answer the questions that I know are on the tip of your tongues...

-No, we did not use our frozen embryos. We were still debating what to do when I found out I was pregnant.

-Yes, it was a spontaneous pregnancy and yes God has a sense of humor.

-No, we weren't trying, but we weren't taking any precautions either. With our history, we didn't see any reason too.

In our house the joke is that I take a pregnancy test to make my period start. That's been the case many times over the last 10 years. I'd been cramping for a week or so and was ready for it to start already so I headed to the Dollar Store and bought a test. You can imagine my surprise when two lines popped up.

After 3 weeks, we're still in shock, but also very excited. Thanks for all of your congratulations on my last post. It's the first time I've been able to do something like that and I couldn't resist.

Wordless Wednesday

School's Out For Summer

Yesterday was Ry’s last real day of school. We have to go in Wednesday to pick up his report card, but he won’t be staying. I’d planned to start singing “School’s Out For Summer” the minute he got in the car and suggest we go get ice cream, but one look at his face told me he wouldn’t be interested. Before he’d even buckled, he’d burst into tears, crying harder than I’d seen him cry in a long time. He’d been so excited about the end of the year and approaching summer that I was surprised by the tears. When he was able to talk, I discovered he was crying because he was going to miss his teachers…not his friends. I’d found myself tearing up earlier in the week about the same thing.

Both of Ryan’s teachers were great this year. He learned so much and really developed a love a school. He still had a few days where he didn’t want to go, but I could count those on one hand. Both teachers were kind, enthusiastic, motivating, loving. One of them did Ry’s first Kindergarten test. He passed academically, but she suggested that socially he might benefit from the Kindergarten Readiness program. You may recall, I’d already done research and been thinking along those lines, but I am so thankful she encouraged that. It’s hard to feel like you’re holding your kid back, or like your kid isn’t good enough, so I may have second-guessed that decision a bit more without her encouragement.

As a SAHM, I often feel like R and I are looked down upon because he doesn’t attend the local magnet school. I get the impression people are wondering why he couldn’t get in. After lots of discussion we’d decided public school was best for R, in my heart I think he’d have gotten in though. M arrived just before the application and testing period, so I sometimes wonder if I just didn’t have my act together or if it really was the best decision for R to attend public school.

The two teachers he had this past year, help with that second guessing as well. He learned so much and came away from the year with a positive attitude. He was challenged with new and harder work when he got bored and was doing 1st grade workbook pages and reading at a 1st grade level by the end of the year. Our public school did right by my kid and I really believe his teachers helped start the foundation for a life of success for my sweet boy.

Schools out for summer, but I can’t wait to see what next year brings!

The Others

It’s that time. Time to write the check that keeps our totsicles on ice for another year. Hard to believe two years have passed since they were frozen. Hard to believe we’ve arrived at what we deemed the decision making time. Unfortunately, we’ve reached this time without the decision being obvious. I don’t think I’m ready.

DM is ready. Ready with a capital R. He loves our children, and is content with the two we have. But that’s another post…

Storage isn’t cheap, however, spending another $650 is better than making a decision that I’m not happy with. Currently our options include destroying our embryos, donating them to science, donating them to infertile couples, adopting them out or keeping them frozen for another year.

In theory, we should donate them to an infertile couple. After all we’ve been through, wouldn’t that be the “thing” to do? On the other hand, it took transferring 11 embryos for us to get ONE live baby. I hate the thought of putting another couple through that, especially considering PCOS and inferior egg quality go hand in hand. In the game of IVF and FET there are no guarantees.

Another option is to destroy our embryos. I.Just.Can’t. M is here because other people donated their embryos to science. She’s here because of the generosity of people I’ll never be able to thank. She’s here because scientists were given the ability to test their theories. She’s here and I can’t fathom life without her. I can’t destroy those embryos.

Finally, we come to embryo adoption. This sounds pretty appealing, since embryo adoption follows the same laws and guidelines as domestic adoption. There are even home studies prior to placement and ongoing updates following the birth. Sounds good right? Absolutely…until I think about the possibility of a child showing up on my doorstep in 20 years. A child who wants to know why their father and I gave them up for adoption, a child who wants to know their brother and sister, a child who could have issue with our decisions. To my knowledge, there is only one organization doing embryo adoption right now and they encourage open adoptions. We would know when a child was born. We’d see pictures and hear about the child’s development. I’m not sure, but I think the knowledge of my biological child growing up with other parents might destroy me from the inside. It’s selfish, I know.

Some would say we should have thought about these issues before doing IVF. Some might be right, but some haven’t experienced the desire to have another child. Some haven’t experienced the desire to provide their child with a sibling, the desire to experience the joy of adding to their family. Some haven’t had to face that a desired pregnancy isn’t a given just because you want it.

Having to make this decision sucks, but having M in our life is so amazing we’d do it all again. But…what do we with our embryos?