Dear Jenna,
Barbara, Jacy all the kids and I went to Toot's for fried pickles today. I'd promised you them on your last birthday and sadly never had a chance to pay up since I was out of town. I wish you and your kids were with us today as we toasted you with pickles and got funny looks from neighboring tables. Even more, I wish we were headed out on a party bus this weekend. Last year we were so sure we'd celebrate your health this year by getting that party bus you'd always talked about and partying our butts off downtown. Instead we had fried pickles and thought about you a lot today. Happy Birthday my friend, I miss you so much and love you.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
It's what you think it is!
Sorry the pictures are a little blurry, but that second one shows an ultrasound I had on Tuesday. In it is a little embryo measuring 7weeks2days, having grown exactly as it should have from my ultrasound 2 weeks ago and with a little heart beating at 162 bpm.
Now I'll answer the questions that I know are on the tip of your tongues...
-No, we did not use our frozen embryos. We were still debating what to do when I found out I was pregnant.
-Yes, it was a spontaneous pregnancy and yes God has a sense of humor.
-No, we weren't trying, but we weren't taking any precautions either. With our history, we didn't see any reason too.
In our house the joke is that I take a pregnancy test to make my period start. That's been the case many times over the last 10 years. I'd been cramping for a week or so and was ready for it to start already so I headed to the Dollar Store and bought a test. You can imagine my surprise when two lines popped up.
After 3 weeks, we're still in shock, but also very excited. Thanks for all of your congratulations on my last post. It's the first time I've been able to do something like that and I couldn't resist.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
School's Out For Summer
Yesterday was Ry’s last real day of school. We have to go in Wednesday to pick up his report card, but he won’t be staying. I’d planned to start singing “School’s Out For Summer” the minute he got in the car and suggest we go get ice cream, but one look at his face told me he wouldn’t be interested. Before he’d even buckled, he’d burst into tears, crying harder than I’d seen him cry in a long time. He’d been so excited about the end of the year and approaching summer that I was surprised by the tears. When he was able to talk, I discovered he was crying because he was going to miss his teachers…not his friends. I’d found myself tearing up earlier in the week about the same thing.
Both of Ryan’s teachers were great this year. He learned so much and really developed a love a school. He still had a few days where he didn’t want to go, but I could count those on one hand. Both teachers were kind, enthusiastic, motivating, loving. One of them did Ry’s first Kindergarten test. He passed academically, but she suggested that socially he might benefit from the Kindergarten Readiness program. You may recall, I’d already done research and been thinking along those lines, but I am so thankful she encouraged that. It’s hard to feel like you’re holding your kid back, or like your kid isn’t good enough, so I may have second-guessed that decision a bit more without her encouragement.
As a SAHM, I often feel like R and I are looked down upon because he doesn’t attend the local magnet school. I get the impression people are wondering why he couldn’t get in. After lots of discussion we’d decided public school was best for R, in my heart I think he’d have gotten in though. M arrived just before the application and testing period, so I sometimes wonder if I just didn’t have my act together or if it really was the best decision for R to attend public school.
The two teachers he had this past year, help with that second guessing as well. He learned so much and came away from the year with a positive attitude. He was challenged with new and harder work when he got bored and was doing 1st grade workbook pages and reading at a 1st grade level by the end of the year. Our public school did right by my kid and I really believe his teachers helped start the foundation for a life of success for my sweet boy.
Schools out for summer, but I can’t wait to see what next year brings!
Both of Ryan’s teachers were great this year. He learned so much and really developed a love a school. He still had a few days where he didn’t want to go, but I could count those on one hand. Both teachers were kind, enthusiastic, motivating, loving. One of them did Ry’s first Kindergarten test. He passed academically, but she suggested that socially he might benefit from the Kindergarten Readiness program. You may recall, I’d already done research and been thinking along those lines, but I am so thankful she encouraged that. It’s hard to feel like you’re holding your kid back, or like your kid isn’t good enough, so I may have second-guessed that decision a bit more without her encouragement.
As a SAHM, I often feel like R and I are looked down upon because he doesn’t attend the local magnet school. I get the impression people are wondering why he couldn’t get in. After lots of discussion we’d decided public school was best for R, in my heart I think he’d have gotten in though. M arrived just before the application and testing period, so I sometimes wonder if I just didn’t have my act together or if it really was the best decision for R to attend public school.
The two teachers he had this past year, help with that second guessing as well. He learned so much and came away from the year with a positive attitude. He was challenged with new and harder work when he got bored and was doing 1st grade workbook pages and reading at a 1st grade level by the end of the year. Our public school did right by my kid and I really believe his teachers helped start the foundation for a life of success for my sweet boy.
Schools out for summer, but I can’t wait to see what next year brings!
Thursday, April 03, 2008
The Others
It’s that time. Time to write the check that keeps our totsicles on ice for another year. Hard to believe two years have passed since they were frozen. Hard to believe we’ve arrived at what we deemed the decision making time. Unfortunately, we’ve reached this time without the decision being obvious. I don’t think I’m ready.
DM is ready. Ready with a capital R. He loves our children, and is content with the two we have. But that’s another post…
Storage isn’t cheap, however, spending another $650 is better than making a decision that I’m not happy with. Currently our options include destroying our embryos, donating them to science, donating them to infertile couples, adopting them out or keeping them frozen for another year.
In theory, we should donate them to an infertile couple. After all we’ve been through, wouldn’t that be the “thing” to do? On the other hand, it took transferring 11 embryos for us to get ONE live baby. I hate the thought of putting another couple through that, especially considering PCOS and inferior egg quality go hand in hand. In the game of IVF and FET there are no guarantees.
Another option is to destroy our embryos. I.Just.Can’t. M is here because other people donated their embryos to science. She’s here because of the generosity of people I’ll never be able to thank. She’s here because scientists were given the ability to test their theories. She’s here and I can’t fathom life without her. I can’t destroy those embryos.
Finally, we come to embryo adoption. This sounds pretty appealing, since embryo adoption follows the same laws and guidelines as domestic adoption. There are even home studies prior to placement and ongoing updates following the birth. Sounds good right? Absolutely…until I think about the possibility of a child showing up on my doorstep in 20 years. A child who wants to know why their father and I gave them up for adoption, a child who wants to know their brother and sister, a child who could have issue with our decisions. To my knowledge, there is only one organization doing embryo adoption right now and they encourage open adoptions. We would know when a child was born. We’d see pictures and hear about the child’s development. I’m not sure, but I think the knowledge of my biological child growing up with other parents might destroy me from the inside. It’s selfish, I know.
Some would say we should have thought about these issues before doing IVF. Some might be right, but some haven’t experienced the desire to have another child. Some haven’t experienced the desire to provide their child with a sibling, the desire to experience the joy of adding to their family. Some haven’t had to face that a desired pregnancy isn’t a given just because you want it.
Having to make this decision sucks, but having M in our life is so amazing we’d do it all again. But…what do we with our embryos?
DM is ready. Ready with a capital R. He loves our children, and is content with the two we have. But that’s another post…
Storage isn’t cheap, however, spending another $650 is better than making a decision that I’m not happy with. Currently our options include destroying our embryos, donating them to science, donating them to infertile couples, adopting them out or keeping them frozen for another year.
In theory, we should donate them to an infertile couple. After all we’ve been through, wouldn’t that be the “thing” to do? On the other hand, it took transferring 11 embryos for us to get ONE live baby. I hate the thought of putting another couple through that, especially considering PCOS and inferior egg quality go hand in hand. In the game of IVF and FET there are no guarantees.
Another option is to destroy our embryos. I.Just.Can’t. M is here because other people donated their embryos to science. She’s here because of the generosity of people I’ll never be able to thank. She’s here because scientists were given the ability to test their theories. She’s here and I can’t fathom life without her. I can’t destroy those embryos.
Finally, we come to embryo adoption. This sounds pretty appealing, since embryo adoption follows the same laws and guidelines as domestic adoption. There are even home studies prior to placement and ongoing updates following the birth. Sounds good right? Absolutely…until I think about the possibility of a child showing up on my doorstep in 20 years. A child who wants to know why their father and I gave them up for adoption, a child who wants to know their brother and sister, a child who could have issue with our decisions. To my knowledge, there is only one organization doing embryo adoption right now and they encourage open adoptions. We would know when a child was born. We’d see pictures and hear about the child’s development. I’m not sure, but I think the knowledge of my biological child growing up with other parents might destroy me from the inside. It’s selfish, I know.
Some would say we should have thought about these issues before doing IVF. Some might be right, but some haven’t experienced the desire to have another child. Some haven’t experienced the desire to provide their child with a sibling, the desire to experience the joy of adding to their family. Some haven’t had to face that a desired pregnancy isn’t a given just because you want it.
Having to make this decision sucks, but having M in our life is so amazing we’d do it all again. But…what do we with our embryos?
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Spontaneity
Girls, you may think you have the best husband, but you can't possibly, because I do. Want to know why? Because last week he came home and said "Honey, pack your bags, we're going to IKEA!" Ok, maybe that wasn't exactly what he said. I think it was more like "Pack your bags we're leaving for a fun family weekend after I get off work tomorrow. We'll hit the aquarium and you can go to IKEA". Whatever, what I heard was IKEA!!!! I love that store for so many reasons, inexpensive, reasonable quality furniture, storage solutions, decorative items, free childcare, the cafe...and the list goes on and on.
We packed up and were on our way. The drive took a couple hours and was a nice time for DM and I to chat about our plans for the weekend, while R was entertained by a movie and M slept. We arrived at our hotel, to find that it was better than we'd hoped and M slept in her pack-n-play...miracle of miracles. The next day we got up and headed to IKEA for breakfast and some shopping. I spent the entire day there and enjoyed every minute. DM and the kids took off for a bit to play mini golf and enjoy the pretty spring weather. After a quick stop for dinner we went back to the hotel and spent the evening in the pool. Saturday was spent at the aquarium. We started the day in a 3D movie where puffs of air shot out from under seats and water sprinkled from the ceiling. I was surprised at how well M did and R loved it! Then onto the whale shark exhibit which was the size of a football field. We were able to walk around and through it and the last stop was a huge glass wall. We stayed there long enough to catch a docents speech. In another exhibit sea lions were playing "King of the Hill", that was R's favorite. I was intrigued by the sea dragons, they looked like something out of a Dr. Seuss book and were really fun to watch. DM's favorite were the beluga whales. We all enjoyed their grace and beauty, M even waved and babbled at them. After leaving we ended the day with another stop at IKEA and some take out from PF Changs...yum! Sunday was spent at IKEA again, we finally purchased a few things and then spent time trying to figure out how to get it home. Thankfully they have twine in the parking lot so we were able to tie a big box to the roof. We had a wonderful, relaxing weekend and it was nice to get away.
That being said, there was still plenty of fun to be had the following weekend when we redid our bedroom, and put together our furniture purchases. The room still needs some finishing touches, but I LOVE how it turned out. I've included a few before and after pictures for the curious.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
100!
This is my 100th post! Hard to believe I've had that much to write about and yet that doesn't seem like much when I think about how much my kids are changing on a daily basis. On that note...
Baby M is officially walking! She started a couple days ago and hasn't stopped since. She's even run across the room a couple times! All of this is amazing, since she's been sick since Tuesday. Time to get the video camera out. Now that she's walking more than a few steps at a time, I should be able to get some good footage. On Wednesday, at the pediatrician's office, M weighed in at 25lbs 12 oz, fully clothed with jacket and sneakers. No wonder my biceps are starting to look cut.
In other news, the plague has descended upon our house. M started running a fever Tuesday night, it hit DM Wednesday, Ry-guy has a juicy cough and I finally succumbed yesterday. I had plans to hang out with the girls last night, but instead I fell asleep on the couch at 7:30 and slept until 8 this morning when the kids got up. I'm disappointed I missed my girls night, but apparently sleep was neccessary.
Enjoy your Sunday!
Baby M is officially walking! She started a couple days ago and hasn't stopped since. She's even run across the room a couple times! All of this is amazing, since she's been sick since Tuesday. Time to get the video camera out. Now that she's walking more than a few steps at a time, I should be able to get some good footage. On Wednesday, at the pediatrician's office, M weighed in at 25lbs 12 oz, fully clothed with jacket and sneakers. No wonder my biceps are starting to look cut.
In other news, the plague has descended upon our house. M started running a fever Tuesday night, it hit DM Wednesday, Ry-guy has a juicy cough and I finally succumbed yesterday. I had plans to hang out with the girls last night, but instead I fell asleep on the couch at 7:30 and slept until 8 this morning when the kids got up. I'm disappointed I missed my girls night, but apparently sleep was neccessary.
Enjoy your Sunday!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
And so it begins
Ryan got his first phone call yesterday.
I answered the phone. A sweet little voice asked for Ryan. I passed the phone to Ryan who was grinning like a Cheshire cat. He was thrilled at first, but then his face dropped when he realized it was a GIRL and not his buddy C. Once they worked through who was calling, Ryan couldn't wait to get off the phone. Rather than hang up after he finished talking, he just said bye and continued on about how he didn't like the girl that called because she's the one who chases him at recess. The little girl and possibly her mom heard the whole thing.
As a mom, sometimes we forget that we have to teach things that are second nature to us, like hanging up a phone at the end of a conversation. And sometimes we forget just how exciting the world is in the eyes of our children. Ryan didn't get a call from the person he wanted to, but yesterday was a big day.
He got his first phone call.
I answered the phone. A sweet little voice asked for Ryan. I passed the phone to Ryan who was grinning like a Cheshire cat. He was thrilled at first, but then his face dropped when he realized it was a GIRL and not his buddy C. Once they worked through who was calling, Ryan couldn't wait to get off the phone. Rather than hang up after he finished talking, he just said bye and continued on about how he didn't like the girl that called because she's the one who chases him at recess. The little girl and possibly her mom heard the whole thing.
As a mom, sometimes we forget that we have to teach things that are second nature to us, like hanging up a phone at the end of a conversation. And sometimes we forget just how exciting the world is in the eyes of our children. Ryan didn't get a call from the person he wanted to, but yesterday was a big day.
He got his first phone call.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
One Week
The life span of a luna moth and a fruit fly are about one week. Unfortunately the life span for sleeping through the night in my house is about the same.
Last week there were nights were M went to bed late, woke up before we were in bed, or got up early, but she SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT all week long! Meaning, I never had to get out of bed to get up with her during the night. It was pure bliss. Now she's teething again and has been up for hours...literally hours...during the night.
She has 10 teeth now and two more on the way. She won't teeth forever, right?
Last week there were nights were M went to bed late, woke up before we were in bed, or got up early, but she SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT all week long! Meaning, I never had to get out of bed to get up with her during the night. It was pure bliss. Now she's teething again and has been up for hours...literally hours...during the night.
She has 10 teeth now and two more on the way. She won't teeth forever, right?
Monday, February 11, 2008
Juno
I went to see Juno yesterday. In case you don't know, it's a movie about a teenage girl who gets pregnant and finds an infertile couple to adopt the baby.
It was a cute movie. The main character, Juno, is smart, witty, flippant, cute, but completely unbelievable. It's not her acting that's unbelievable, it's the character. You only see her cry twice. If I'd found out at 16 that I was pregnant, I think I would have done nothing but cry. And then to come to the end of a pregnancy and give a baby away; it's such a selfless act and an incredible gift for a family, but I'd imagine it to be so difficult for the biological mother. That being said, at 35 I wish I could be as self assured as the character is; I wish I could feel as sure of major decisions as she does.
The parents, were funny and likeable, but also unbelievable. They didn't cry, yell or blame when they found out their daughter was pregnant, they just made lists about what needed to be done. The stepmom came to her daughters defense when an ultrasound tech gave her grief and at the end the dad tells Juno that she'll be in the hospital having a baby again but it will be on her terms. I felt like those were the only moments where the relationship felt very "real".
The infertile woman fit the stereotype. A type A personality who's anxious and focusing on paint colors so she doesn't have to constantly stress and fret about whether the adoption will go through. At one point she runs into Juno at the mall, she drops down onto her knees to talk to the baby and try to feel it kick. When it does, her reaction is perfect. Spoiler alert....the couple's divorce fits the stereotype too, unfortunately.
I enjoyed the movie because of the witty dialogue, but found myself crying through parts where others were laughing. Truth be told, I cried through most of it and left feeling drained and out of sorts.
I've had a hard time changing my blogs name. Maybe that's because my emotions about infertility still run deep. My tears yesterday are just another reminder of that.
It was a cute movie. The main character, Juno, is smart, witty, flippant, cute, but completely unbelievable. It's not her acting that's unbelievable, it's the character. You only see her cry twice. If I'd found out at 16 that I was pregnant, I think I would have done nothing but cry. And then to come to the end of a pregnancy and give a baby away; it's such a selfless act and an incredible gift for a family, but I'd imagine it to be so difficult for the biological mother. That being said, at 35 I wish I could be as self assured as the character is; I wish I could feel as sure of major decisions as she does.
The parents, were funny and likeable, but also unbelievable. They didn't cry, yell or blame when they found out their daughter was pregnant, they just made lists about what needed to be done. The stepmom came to her daughters defense when an ultrasound tech gave her grief and at the end the dad tells Juno that she'll be in the hospital having a baby again but it will be on her terms. I felt like those were the only moments where the relationship felt very "real".
The infertile woman fit the stereotype. A type A personality who's anxious and focusing on paint colors so she doesn't have to constantly stress and fret about whether the adoption will go through. At one point she runs into Juno at the mall, she drops down onto her knees to talk to the baby and try to feel it kick. When it does, her reaction is perfect. Spoiler alert....the couple's divorce fits the stereotype too, unfortunately.
I enjoyed the movie because of the witty dialogue, but found myself crying through parts where others were laughing. Truth be told, I cried through most of it and left feeling drained and out of sorts.
I've had a hard time changing my blogs name. Maybe that's because my emotions about infertility still run deep. My tears yesterday are just another reminder of that.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
A little about a lot
I haven’t had much to write about lately. Ryan’s doing well in school, seems content, has a group of friends, is learning a lot, and runs from the girls who try to kiss him at recess. He’s proud to say they haven’t caught him for a kiss even once. Makenna got two new teeth last month, is still walking on her knees with moments of walking on her feet and is starting to exhibit an opinion. Sleeping is still hit or miss, but now that those teeth have popped though the last week has been better. The DM continues to be busy at work. There are lay offs and hiring freezes, so it’s a bit stressful.
It seems that there’s nothing else worth mentioning, yet I remember my friend Jenna’s blog posts were often just a stream of consciousness. At the time, they seemed like nothing important, now they’re final words from her. I’ve enjoyed going back through her blog and reading about how she spent her days and being reminded of things we did together. Through those words she constantly reminds me to live in the moment. To cherish my family and friends and the moments I have with them.
In true Jenna fashion, I’ll conclude with my own stream of consciousness. Today we went to a Valentine’s playdate after school; about a quarter of my moms group attended which meant we had 15 kids and 8 moms. We decorated cookies, exchanged valentines and the kids played while the moms chatted. We had a great time. Prior to that Makenna and I had lunch with a friend and her daughter, ran a few errands and spent some time in Target searching for gifts for my secret valentine. Ryan and DM started the day together; it was Donuts with Dad day at school. Ryan jumped out of bed the minute his light was turned on; he was so excited to bring his daddy to school. If only I could get him to do that every day.
Look at that, nothing to write about turned into three paragraphs.
It seems that there’s nothing else worth mentioning, yet I remember my friend Jenna’s blog posts were often just a stream of consciousness. At the time, they seemed like nothing important, now they’re final words from her. I’ve enjoyed going back through her blog and reading about how she spent her days and being reminded of things we did together. Through those words she constantly reminds me to live in the moment. To cherish my family and friends and the moments I have with them.
In true Jenna fashion, I’ll conclude with my own stream of consciousness. Today we went to a Valentine’s playdate after school; about a quarter of my moms group attended which meant we had 15 kids and 8 moms. We decorated cookies, exchanged valentines and the kids played while the moms chatted. We had a great time. Prior to that Makenna and I had lunch with a friend and her daughter, ran a few errands and spent some time in Target searching for gifts for my secret valentine. Ryan and DM started the day together; it was Donuts with Dad day at school. Ryan jumped out of bed the minute his light was turned on; he was so excited to bring his daddy to school. If only I could get him to do that every day.
Look at that, nothing to write about turned into three paragraphs.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Another PSA
I was watching Good Morning America this morning and during one of the segments they said that 40 million water bottles are used every day and only 15% are recycled...the rest sit in landfills. They also said that bottled water is monitored by the FDA and tap water is monitored by the EPA. Guess what, the EPA has stricter standards! So, get yourself a reusable water bottle, and use it! Oh, and don't forget to check the recycle number if you go with a plastic bottle.
Monday, January 28, 2008
On and on and on....
I'm still working on a name for my blog. "Imperfect Perfection" and "Vanilla with a Dash of Sass" tied in my poll. Other thoughts have been "Green is the new Black", "Becoming" and "In the Moment". It's silly that this matters to me, but it does. The name debate continues.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Better Late than Never
Tuesday was the 35th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, not sure how I missed that. Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m Pro-Choice. That doesn’t mean I’m Pro Abortion, it means I’m Pro-Choice. When you think about it, really think about, who in their right mind is pro abortion? No one thinks about their future and jumps up and down with anticipation over the possibility of getting an abortion. No one wants to make that choice. Some people, based on circumstances beyond their control, or within their control, have to make it. You might find this odd, coming from someone who worked so hard to achieve pregnancy and children, but the thing is safe abortions save the lives of a lot of women. Think about the women who are pregnant and experiencing medical issues that could take their lives and the lives of their unborn children. Think about the women who are pregnant and don’t want to be, who in other times would take matters into their own hands and perform a DIY abortion. Because of these reasons and many others, hundreds of blogs took part in Bloggers for Choice day Tuesday, explaining why they vote Pro-Choice.
http://www.prochoiceamerica.org/choice-action-center/bfc08-home.html
http://www.prochoiceamerica.org/choice-action-center/bfc08-home.html
* I vote Pro-Choice because I believe each woman should be able to decide what occurs within her body.
* I vote Pro-Choice because I believe there are women who shouldn’t be forced to carry a pregnancy, ie pregnancy due to rape, women who find out their child will have an illness that will cause the child to just live a couple hours or days, women who’s own health is in jepardy because of a pregnancy.
*I vote Pro-Choice because I believe that if abortion is made illegal it opens the door for other things to be made illegal, such as emergency contraception, comprehensive sex education, and certain forms of birth control.
*I vote Pro-Choice because if a woman doesn’t want a baby and is forced to carry one, who knows what she might eat, drink, smoke, inject in hopes of causing harm to the child and therefore causing a miscarriage. Think about the disabilities that child could have if it survived.
*I vote Pro-Choice because I vote for women’s rights in a day when most of our government is still male dominated.
* I vote Pro-Choice because I believe there are women who shouldn’t be forced to carry a pregnancy, ie pregnancy due to rape, women who find out their child will have an illness that will cause the child to just live a couple hours or days, women who’s own health is in jepardy because of a pregnancy.
*I vote Pro-Choice because I believe that if abortion is made illegal it opens the door for other things to be made illegal, such as emergency contraception, comprehensive sex education, and certain forms of birth control.
*I vote Pro-Choice because if a woman doesn’t want a baby and is forced to carry one, who knows what she might eat, drink, smoke, inject in hopes of causing harm to the child and therefore causing a miscarriage. Think about the disabilities that child could have if it survived.
*I vote Pro-Choice because I vote for women’s rights in a day when most of our government is still male dominated.
*I vote Pro-Choice….always have, always will. I’m thankful I’ve never had to make that choice, and thankful that the choice is mine.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Funk
I’ve been in a bit of a post holiday funk. The weeks leading up to the holidays were full, busy, a little stressful and filled with fun events. Then we were traveling and enjoying great visits with each of our families. After arriving home, we celebrated New Year’s Eve with some of our best friends, and then celebrated M’s first birthday. Thanksgiving through early January was one big fun celebration with people who are important to us.
Now we’re home, it’s cold, nothing fun to look forward to, no plans for the upcoming months. I like to have plans, I like seeing our families, I like to have things to look forward to. When there’s nothing “in the works” I get grumpy. The bad thing is, when mommy’s in a funk the whole family is in a funk.
Recognizing it was time to pull myself out of my gloom, I started thinking about school again. I did some research, talked to some schools, and lo and behold I started feeling happy again. Excited. Alive. It’s not so much school that excites me, but the end result of a second degree, which in hindsight should have been my first.
I love my children and I love my life, but in a few years both kids will be in school and then what? I need to prepare now for that time. I struggle with feeling selfish. I don’t want to add bills to our family, I don’t want to miss out on family time, and I don’t want to put more of a burden on my already stressed husband. But, I really want to be an Interior Designer. My heart swells when I think about creating spaces where people will feel warm and happy. My fingers itch to create. My head thinks about global warming and how I could make a small difference through green design. My family is my passion, but so is design. As a mother, I feel guilty about that. As a woman, I feel blessed. I’m lucky to have such a great family and lucky that I’ve figured out, at a relatively young age, what I want to be when I grow up.
Now I just need to make it happen.
Now we’re home, it’s cold, nothing fun to look forward to, no plans for the upcoming months. I like to have plans, I like seeing our families, I like to have things to look forward to. When there’s nothing “in the works” I get grumpy. The bad thing is, when mommy’s in a funk the whole family is in a funk.
Recognizing it was time to pull myself out of my gloom, I started thinking about school again. I did some research, talked to some schools, and lo and behold I started feeling happy again. Excited. Alive. It’s not so much school that excites me, but the end result of a second degree, which in hindsight should have been my first.
I love my children and I love my life, but in a few years both kids will be in school and then what? I need to prepare now for that time. I struggle with feeling selfish. I don’t want to add bills to our family, I don’t want to miss out on family time, and I don’t want to put more of a burden on my already stressed husband. But, I really want to be an Interior Designer. My heart swells when I think about creating spaces where people will feel warm and happy. My fingers itch to create. My head thinks about global warming and how I could make a small difference through green design. My family is my passion, but so is design. As a mother, I feel guilty about that. As a woman, I feel blessed. I’m lucky to have such a great family and lucky that I’ve figured out, at a relatively young age, what I want to be when I grow up.
Now I just need to make it happen.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Saw this on Heather's Blog, thought I'd play along.
Looking for the perfect Bergdorf Goodman dishes to match your impeccable kitchen? Shopping at Tiffany's for a new string of pearls? Fantasizing about the perfect job as a New York City art gallery owner? Maybe not exactly, but when it comes to a refined taste and a sweetness like no other, you're just like Charlotte!
Of course you aren't all sugar; you've definitely got a tough heart under that pretty cashmere sweater, but you are probably happiest when you are surrounded by supportive relationships and a great romance (you only get two, you know!) So live it up, because you deserve nothing but the best in life, whether it's fine china or true love. Now that's some good taste!
Questions from a 6 year old
A recent conversation between Ry-guy, DM and I.
R: Mom, why did you feed my sister like a cow?
DM & Me: Laughter...and lots of it
R: Why are you laughing at me?
Me: Sorry. I fed M because I'm a mammal and mammals feed their babies with milk their body produces.
R: So...can I do it?
Me: Ummm, No.
R: Why not???
DM: Because you're a boy.
After a few moments of intense thought...
R: Maybe I should try it.
No response because DM and I had dissolved into laughter again.
R: Mom, why did you feed my sister like a cow?
DM & Me: Laughter...and lots of it
R: Why are you laughing at me?
Me: Sorry. I fed M because I'm a mammal and mammals feed their babies with milk their body produces.
R: So...can I do it?
Me: Ummm, No.
R: Why not???
DM: Because you're a boy.
After a few moments of intense thought...
R: Maybe I should try it.
No response because DM and I had dissolved into laughter again.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
What's in a name...
The name debate continues. My mom and stepdad read my blog and called to talk about the name change last night. My stepdad wanted to retract his vote because he feels like all the names are static. He said I should consider something that will continue to grow and change along with my life. My mom said I should include something about creativity, because that's what inspires me. Interestingly, I looked creative up in the thesauraus and a related word is fertility. Who knew? All along I thought I was fertilely challenged, but I guess I was just partially fertilely challenged.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Reduce, Reuse, Recycle
Did you know...Using reusable shopping bags can save the average American 300 to 700 plastic shopping bags per year, which will save 3 to 7 gallons of crude oil. A population of 100,000 can save up to 14,000 barrels of oil per year using reusable bags.
~Taken from ChicoBag, a maker of reusable bags.
Another bonus, reusable bags are generally easier to carry and can hold more which makes for fewer trips in from the car when unloading.
~Taken from my experience...:)
~Taken from ChicoBag, a maker of reusable bags.
Another bonus, reusable bags are generally easier to carry and can hold more which makes for fewer trips in from the car when unloading.
~Taken from my experience...:)
Cool Change...
Is The Little River Band song running through your head after that title? Just wait, you'll have a few more songs in your head by the end of this post.
It's time for a change. A new name to be exact. Fertilely challenged, while still fitting, isn't the focus of my world anymore. Thank goodness! The problem is, I've been thinking about this for months and can't seem to come up with a new name. Not that it should matter, not many people read this and the ones that do probably don't care about the title of this blog. It matters to me though.
When I think about my life song titles tend to run through my head, These are the Days" by Van Morrison, "Better Together" by Jack Johnson, "Better Days" by the Goo Goo Dolls. All would be appropriate names but not unique. Remember how I stressed about choosing a unique name for Makenna? Well, here we go again.
So, I've come up with three titles and I'm going to let you guys weigh in, or comment and make suggestions of something better!
Here's what I've come up with:
Imperfect Perfection
Vanilla with a dash of Sass
Girly Granola
Imperfect Perfection. I've always been a people pleaser and a bit of a perfectionist, but no matter how hard I try I'll never be perfect. Infertility taught me that gem. That being said, my life is perfect...for me. I have a husband that loves me, two awesome kids, a great circle of family and friends, and all the material possessions I need. Sure there are things I want, things that bug me, things that I'd change, but that's why it's Imperfect Perfection.
Vanilla with a dash of Sass. For the most part, this blog is pretty vanilla, the language isn't too bad, the content isn't too crazy. But every once in awhile, a little sass comes out. I think that's pretty true for me in life too.
Girly Granola. I'm fairly girly with Granola/Crunchy/Hippie tendencies. 'Nuff said.
If you're so inclined, take the poll and give me your opinion.
It's time for a change. A new name to be exact. Fertilely challenged, while still fitting, isn't the focus of my world anymore. Thank goodness! The problem is, I've been thinking about this for months and can't seem to come up with a new name. Not that it should matter, not many people read this and the ones that do probably don't care about the title of this blog. It matters to me though.
When I think about my life song titles tend to run through my head, These are the Days" by Van Morrison, "Better Together" by Jack Johnson, "Better Days" by the Goo Goo Dolls. All would be appropriate names but not unique. Remember how I stressed about choosing a unique name for Makenna? Well, here we go again.
So, I've come up with three titles and I'm going to let you guys weigh in, or comment and make suggestions of something better!
Here's what I've come up with:
Imperfect Perfection
Vanilla with a dash of Sass
Girly Granola
Imperfect Perfection. I've always been a people pleaser and a bit of a perfectionist, but no matter how hard I try I'll never be perfect. Infertility taught me that gem. That being said, my life is perfect...for me. I have a husband that loves me, two awesome kids, a great circle of family and friends, and all the material possessions I need. Sure there are things I want, things that bug me, things that I'd change, but that's why it's Imperfect Perfection.
Vanilla with a dash of Sass. For the most part, this blog is pretty vanilla, the language isn't too bad, the content isn't too crazy. But every once in awhile, a little sass comes out. I think that's pretty true for me in life too.
Girly Granola. I'm fairly girly with Granola/Crunchy/Hippie tendencies. 'Nuff said.
If you're so inclined, take the poll and give me your opinion.
Friday, January 04, 2008
They Say It's Your Birthday!!!
Dear Makenna,
Happy Birthday, you’re a year old now!!! Your birthday was spent like most of our days. Ry-guy was back at school, DM was back at work and you and I spent the day playing, grocery shopping and making a cake. We’ve been gone for the majority of the last couple weeks, so it was nice to be home and just hang out. When the boys got home from school and work we had dinner and watched you devour your cake. I can’t even guess at how many times you were sang to during the course of the day and each rendition of “Happy Birthday to You” made you smile and clap. You had a birthday party in Colorado with a number of family members in attendance; you picked at your store bought cake and enjoyed the attention. Ryan was right there when it was time to open your gifts. It’s a good thing he was willing to help, since you were enthralled by a piece of tissue paper. Now that we’re home, we’ll probably have a little gathering with a couple close friends. It’s been an exciting couple of weeks for you!
As for the final month of your first year, we spent much of it traveling. We drove, approximately 27 hours across the country so that we could spend time with lots of our family. The trip included time in Flagstaff, AZ where you met your Gramps and Grammy for the first time, as well as your Great Grandpa Craig and Great Grandma Mimi. You loved the dogs at Gramps and Grammy’s house and felt comfortable enough that G&G were even able to hold you. You also got to see and touch snow for the first time! Ryan was quite proud of this due to his serious fascination with snow. After a couple days in AZ we traveled to CO for the rest of our visit. The first couple days were spent with your Daddy’s family, all of your uncles, aunts and most of your cousins were there, along with Grandma and Grandpa. We counted 31 people! You met most of them for the first time and they all loved you. Separation anxiety still made an appearance but you let your cousin Britnay hold you and had fun playing with her daughter Ivy. Your uncles Gene and Allen tried and tried to pick you up but you stuck close to Mom and Dad the rest of the time. Then on to visit with Nana and Papa, uncle Colin, Andrea and Kenya Dog joining us again. (They were in Flagstaff too) You were a little overwhelmed by the whole present thing, but by the third go round you’d started to figure it out. Which was good because you got A LOT of presents this year. I was concerned you might be attracted to the wood burning stove at their house, but you barely looked its way. Instead you enjoyed lots of attention, plenty of toys and barely had time to find any mischief. The trip home was uneventful and loooooong. We were all so ready to be home that we barely stopped and made it home in 24 hours. I suppose I should mention that your dad and I both like to speed. I’ll deny that fact when you’re learning to drive.
We were home for a day and then packed up again so that we could spend New Year’s Eve with our closest friends. We all enjoyed ringing in the New Year together, you and Gracie enjoyed playing, and she was nice enough to let you sleep in her crib, allowing you to actually sleep while the ball dropped and the fireworks began. You woke up later, but we didn’t mind as we cuddled with you and welcomed another year.
It’s been an incredible month and year baby girl. I’m looking forward to all the things the year ahead will bring, walking, talking, sleeping through the night, maybe, playing, dancing, singing, fighting with your brother. Well, maybe not the fighting with your brother. I feel like I’ll never forget these days but just today I remembered something about your early months I’d already forgotten. When you were tiny, I’d hold you in my arms at night and you’d suck on my arm to fall asleep. I don’t think I’ve ever written that down. At the time it didn’t seem noteworthy, but now it’s a sweet memory. A couple more things, you were an amazing traveler during our cross-country trek, so much better than when we returned from Florida! You slept and played and didn’t fuss very much. You and Ryan made our trip so much better than I’d anticipated. Also, you haven’t started walking yet, but you “walk” on your knees and bounce up and down. I don’t think I’ve ever seen another baby do this. Your hair is coming in quickly now and it’s curly! Much to my delight! I hope I can teach you how to work with it so you don’t hate it as much as I hated mine. As an adult I love my curly hair, I hope you’ll appreciate yours much sooner.
Your one-year appt is Monday; I look forward to finding out how tall you are and how much you weigh. You’re firmly in 18-24 month clothes so I’d guess that you remain at the top of the charts.
Happy Birthday Baby Girl! I love you always!
Mommy
*Picture and measurements to follow after doctor's appt.
Happy Birthday, you’re a year old now!!! Your birthday was spent like most of our days. Ry-guy was back at school, DM was back at work and you and I spent the day playing, grocery shopping and making a cake. We’ve been gone for the majority of the last couple weeks, so it was nice to be home and just hang out. When the boys got home from school and work we had dinner and watched you devour your cake. I can’t even guess at how many times you were sang to during the course of the day and each rendition of “Happy Birthday to You” made you smile and clap. You had a birthday party in Colorado with a number of family members in attendance; you picked at your store bought cake and enjoyed the attention. Ryan was right there when it was time to open your gifts. It’s a good thing he was willing to help, since you were enthralled by a piece of tissue paper. Now that we’re home, we’ll probably have a little gathering with a couple close friends. It’s been an exciting couple of weeks for you!
As for the final month of your first year, we spent much of it traveling. We drove, approximately 27 hours across the country so that we could spend time with lots of our family. The trip included time in Flagstaff, AZ where you met your Gramps and Grammy for the first time, as well as your Great Grandpa Craig and Great Grandma Mimi. You loved the dogs at Gramps and Grammy’s house and felt comfortable enough that G&G were even able to hold you. You also got to see and touch snow for the first time! Ryan was quite proud of this due to his serious fascination with snow. After a couple days in AZ we traveled to CO for the rest of our visit. The first couple days were spent with your Daddy’s family, all of your uncles, aunts and most of your cousins were there, along with Grandma and Grandpa. We counted 31 people! You met most of them for the first time and they all loved you. Separation anxiety still made an appearance but you let your cousin Britnay hold you and had fun playing with her daughter Ivy. Your uncles Gene and Allen tried and tried to pick you up but you stuck close to Mom and Dad the rest of the time. Then on to visit with Nana and Papa, uncle Colin, Andrea and Kenya Dog joining us again. (They were in Flagstaff too) You were a little overwhelmed by the whole present thing, but by the third go round you’d started to figure it out. Which was good because you got A LOT of presents this year. I was concerned you might be attracted to the wood burning stove at their house, but you barely looked its way. Instead you enjoyed lots of attention, plenty of toys and barely had time to find any mischief. The trip home was uneventful and loooooong. We were all so ready to be home that we barely stopped and made it home in 24 hours. I suppose I should mention that your dad and I both like to speed. I’ll deny that fact when you’re learning to drive.
We were home for a day and then packed up again so that we could spend New Year’s Eve with our closest friends. We all enjoyed ringing in the New Year together, you and Gracie enjoyed playing, and she was nice enough to let you sleep in her crib, allowing you to actually sleep while the ball dropped and the fireworks began. You woke up later, but we didn’t mind as we cuddled with you and welcomed another year.
It’s been an incredible month and year baby girl. I’m looking forward to all the things the year ahead will bring, walking, talking, sleeping through the night, maybe, playing, dancing, singing, fighting with your brother. Well, maybe not the fighting with your brother. I feel like I’ll never forget these days but just today I remembered something about your early months I’d already forgotten. When you were tiny, I’d hold you in my arms at night and you’d suck on my arm to fall asleep. I don’t think I’ve ever written that down. At the time it didn’t seem noteworthy, but now it’s a sweet memory. A couple more things, you were an amazing traveler during our cross-country trek, so much better than when we returned from Florida! You slept and played and didn’t fuss very much. You and Ryan made our trip so much better than I’d anticipated. Also, you haven’t started walking yet, but you “walk” on your knees and bounce up and down. I don’t think I’ve ever seen another baby do this. Your hair is coming in quickly now and it’s curly! Much to my delight! I hope I can teach you how to work with it so you don’t hate it as much as I hated mine. As an adult I love my curly hair, I hope you’ll appreciate yours much sooner.
Your one-year appt is Monday; I look forward to finding out how tall you are and how much you weigh. You’re firmly in 18-24 month clothes so I’d guess that you remain at the top of the charts.
Happy Birthday Baby Girl! I love you always!
Mommy
*Picture and measurements to follow after doctor's appt.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
11 Months - Only two weeks late...
Dear Makenna,
Month 11 has come and gone and with holiday travel and festivities I’m just now getting to your 11 month post. A small case of mommy guilt comes with my procrastination.
This month had just a couple firsts worth mentioning. In no particular order, you started waving, you had your first near death experience and you met your Great Grandma.
The waving started one day and has yet to stop. You’re so proud of your new skill you wave to everything, whether it waves back or not. We all love it and encourage you to practice, practice, practice.
You met your Great Grandma during the Thanksgiving holiday. We converged upon her house in IL, along with all three of your uncles and their spouses/significant others, your Nana & Papa, and Papa’s sister’s family. GiGi (Great Grandma) was so busy with all the entertaining, cooking, cleaning etc, that you weren’t able to spend much time with each other, but she loved every minute of your time together. You, on the other hand, did well the first day but by the second you were a bit clingy with your daddy and I. While your separation anxiety can sometimes be difficult to deal with, there’s a part of me that cherishes this time because I know the day will come when you won’t want to be with us.
The rest of the month was fairly uneventful, other than the daily cuddles and kisses that always make my heart soar. You are such a cuddle bug and love to be held. You continue to initiate bunny kisses and now we even get the open mouthed kiss on a regular basis. You’re still crawling, however we can see you developing your sense of balance and you’re getting more daring. Amazingly enough, I think you made it through the entire month without teething! You’re at 8 teeth…and holding…however I think your eyeteeth will start causing some issues soon. I can feel your gums starting to swell.
As for your near death experience, well, I can be a little dramatic. You did have a pretty close call though. We’d been at a friend’s house and you managed to get hold of a little star sticker and put it in your mouth without me realizing. As we walked to the car, to pick Ryan up from school, I realized you were gasping and not getting any air. I swept your mouth, did the Heimlich maneuver and then you started throwing up. You probably threw up 20 or 30 times and finally the star came out. By the time it was over, we were both covered in puke and tears. I’m not sure if the tears on me were yours or mine. Either way, I know I hugged you extra tight for quite awhile after it was over.
You have been such a joy over the last month. I love watching you grow and change but I’m enjoying this stage so much that I hate that it’s passing so quickly. It’s hard to believe you’ll be turning ONE in just a few short weeks.
I love you Makenna,
Mama
Month 11 has come and gone and with holiday travel and festivities I’m just now getting to your 11 month post. A small case of mommy guilt comes with my procrastination.
This month had just a couple firsts worth mentioning. In no particular order, you started waving, you had your first near death experience and you met your Great Grandma.
The waving started one day and has yet to stop. You’re so proud of your new skill you wave to everything, whether it waves back or not. We all love it and encourage you to practice, practice, practice.
You met your Great Grandma during the Thanksgiving holiday. We converged upon her house in IL, along with all three of your uncles and their spouses/significant others, your Nana & Papa, and Papa’s sister’s family. GiGi (Great Grandma) was so busy with all the entertaining, cooking, cleaning etc, that you weren’t able to spend much time with each other, but she loved every minute of your time together. You, on the other hand, did well the first day but by the second you were a bit clingy with your daddy and I. While your separation anxiety can sometimes be difficult to deal with, there’s a part of me that cherishes this time because I know the day will come when you won’t want to be with us.
The rest of the month was fairly uneventful, other than the daily cuddles and kisses that always make my heart soar. You are such a cuddle bug and love to be held. You continue to initiate bunny kisses and now we even get the open mouthed kiss on a regular basis. You’re still crawling, however we can see you developing your sense of balance and you’re getting more daring. Amazingly enough, I think you made it through the entire month without teething! You’re at 8 teeth…and holding…however I think your eyeteeth will start causing some issues soon. I can feel your gums starting to swell.
As for your near death experience, well, I can be a little dramatic. You did have a pretty close call though. We’d been at a friend’s house and you managed to get hold of a little star sticker and put it in your mouth without me realizing. As we walked to the car, to pick Ryan up from school, I realized you were gasping and not getting any air. I swept your mouth, did the Heimlich maneuver and then you started throwing up. You probably threw up 20 or 30 times and finally the star came out. By the time it was over, we were both covered in puke and tears. I’m not sure if the tears on me were yours or mine. Either way, I know I hugged you extra tight for quite awhile after it was over.
You have been such a joy over the last month. I love watching you grow and change but I’m enjoying this stage so much that I hate that it’s passing so quickly. It’s hard to believe you’ll be turning ONE in just a few short weeks.
I love you Makenna,
Mama
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Thankful
*I'm thankful for my husband. He's such a loving, caring, committed partner and an incredible dad. There are times that he can get through to Ryan after I've thrown up my hands in frustration. Not once has he made me feel unattractive or like I'm not good enough. He makes me feel like I can accomplish anything I set my mind too, and fully supports my career decisions. We kind of grew up together and I am so impressed by the man he's become.
*I'm thankful for my children. I can't imagine life without them and am so glad we had the strength emotionally, physically and financially to work so hard for them.
*I’m thankful for our family and their never ending support, listening ears, and shoulders to cry on during the “Year of the IVF”.
*I’m thankful for the infertility insurance package that my hubby’s employer provided that meant we were able to do 3 IVF’s in a year.
*I'm thankful for my family. Some of my best friends are family members.
*I'm thankful for my health and the health of my family.
*I'm thankful for my friends. I have a lot of really great friends, some I’ve known for 25 years, others for just a couple, but all of them are awesome.
*I'm thankful for my lifestyle and that my hubby works so hard so that I can stay home with our kids right now.
*I'm thankful for my IPOD. Music speaks to me and gets me through tough times, I love that I have so much music on such a little gadget.
*I'm thankful for my mom’s group. It's introduced me to people and things I might not have been exposed to. It encourages me to use my brain occasionally. I enjoy the humor and tears we share and I always appreciate the community for myself and my kids.
*I’m thankful that after literally years of searching, I’ve finally found a church I love. It’s awesome to spend a couple hours Sunday morning thinking of the big picture in a new way.
*I’m thankful to be alive and healthy and able to enjoy this day with my family
*I'm THANKFUL!!!
*I'm thankful for my children. I can't imagine life without them and am so glad we had the strength emotionally, physically and financially to work so hard for them.
*I’m thankful for our family and their never ending support, listening ears, and shoulders to cry on during the “Year of the IVF”.
*I’m thankful for the infertility insurance package that my hubby’s employer provided that meant we were able to do 3 IVF’s in a year.
*I'm thankful for my family. Some of my best friends are family members.
*I'm thankful for my health and the health of my family.
*I'm thankful for my friends. I have a lot of really great friends, some I’ve known for 25 years, others for just a couple, but all of them are awesome.
*I'm thankful for my lifestyle and that my hubby works so hard so that I can stay home with our kids right now.
*I'm thankful for my IPOD. Music speaks to me and gets me through tough times, I love that I have so much music on such a little gadget.
*I'm thankful for my mom’s group. It's introduced me to people and things I might not have been exposed to. It encourages me to use my brain occasionally. I enjoy the humor and tears we share and I always appreciate the community for myself and my kids.
*I’m thankful that after literally years of searching, I’ve finally found a church I love. It’s awesome to spend a couple hours Sunday morning thinking of the big picture in a new way.
*I’m thankful to be alive and healthy and able to enjoy this day with my family
*I'm THANKFUL!!!
Monday, November 12, 2007
NaBloPoMo
What’s that you’re wondering? It’s a promise, of sorts, in the Land ‘O Blog, a promise to write a post each day during the month of November for National Blog Posting Month. I briefly considered it. I’ve been a bad bad blogger lately. I thought signing up for NaBloPoMo might kick start my blogging juices and remind me that memories are good, no matter how big or small. I’ve had things on my mind that I wanted to write about and haven’t made the time. The thing is, writing is cathartic. It helps me remember things I don’t want to forget. It helps me feel closer to my family. It helps me think about things objectively. It helps me appreciate the joy in a moment a second time as I write about it. Besides, I enjoy it. So, bear with me as I try to get back into this blogging thing.
http://nablopomo.ning.com/ didn’t get my promise this year…maybe next year.
http://nablopomo.ning.com/ didn’t get my promise this year…maybe next year.
Friday, November 09, 2007
An Action Figure or a Rock Star
Often during our morning drive to school, Ryan picks a song that we listen to over and over. But we don't just listen, we seat dance, we sing along, we play "air instruments", we jam.
This mornings song was "I Like the Way You Move" by the Bodyrockers. Ryan pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his head, threw on some shades and rocked his air guitar. I sang along in the front seat, sneaking peeks at Ryan in the rearview mirror and grinning from the joy of the moment. When the song was over he said "Mom, when I get big I want to go to a concert with you". Apparently that Wiggles "concert" he went to a couple years ago was quite the experience because he can't wait to go again. I said "You bet. I'm going to hold you to that." So here it is...in writing...when Ryan is big, we're going to a concert together. I can't wait!
We played the song again and at the end of it Ryan said "When I grow up I want to be a Rock Star. A Rock Star or an Action Figure." I wanted to say "You're my Rock Star little man. You put on awesome concerts in the back seat and make my heart swell with adoration." Instead I said "Rock on with your bad self." At six, that's quite a compliment. For the record, I managed to hold the laughter in, about him wanting to be an action figure, until he got out of the car.
Ryan then went on to say that his daddy was a Rock Star before he played in the music band* and he wants to be just like his daddy. The Daddy Man didn't get invited to the concert**, but his son wants to be just like him. In my opinion, Ryan couldn't have picked a better person to be like. Again with the swelling heart.
Life is good.
*The Daddy Man played the trumpet growing up and recently got some videos and tapes of his high school band performing. Ryan has watched them and thinks they rock.
**DM didn't get invited because he likes hair bands, while Ryan and I have a much more distinguished taste in music.
This mornings song was "I Like the Way You Move" by the Bodyrockers. Ryan pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his head, threw on some shades and rocked his air guitar. I sang along in the front seat, sneaking peeks at Ryan in the rearview mirror and grinning from the joy of the moment. When the song was over he said "Mom, when I get big I want to go to a concert with you". Apparently that Wiggles "concert" he went to a couple years ago was quite the experience because he can't wait to go again. I said "You bet. I'm going to hold you to that." So here it is...in writing...when Ryan is big, we're going to a concert together. I can't wait!
We played the song again and at the end of it Ryan said "When I grow up I want to be a Rock Star. A Rock Star or an Action Figure." I wanted to say "You're my Rock Star little man. You put on awesome concerts in the back seat and make my heart swell with adoration." Instead I said "Rock on with your bad self." At six, that's quite a compliment. For the record, I managed to hold the laughter in, about him wanting to be an action figure, until he got out of the car.
Ryan then went on to say that his daddy was a Rock Star before he played in the music band* and he wants to be just like his daddy. The Daddy Man didn't get invited to the concert**, but his son wants to be just like him. In my opinion, Ryan couldn't have picked a better person to be like. Again with the swelling heart.
Life is good.
*The Daddy Man played the trumpet growing up and recently got some videos and tapes of his high school band performing. Ryan has watched them and thinks they rock.
**DM didn't get invited because he likes hair bands, while Ryan and I have a much more distinguished taste in music.
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Letters to Baby - 10 Months!
Dear Makenna,
Another month has already passed. As usual, I can't believe how quickly you're growing and changing. I love watching you grow, but it's a little bittersweet watching you go from tiny baby to a 10 month old in what seems like the blink of an eye.
Your favorite pastimes are playing with paper or magazines and tearing them into tiny pieces, which you then try to put in your mouth and chew up. (Have I mentioned that EVERYTHING goes into your mouth?) You also love to blow spit bubbles. It’s so funny to watch you as you open and close your mouth and make bubbles between your lips. Dancing has come naturally to you. We’ve spent numerous evenings dancing in the kitchen as a family. It’s so fun to watch you bounce to the beat while Ryan is next to you trying to breakdance or working on his “moves”.
Your temper is a bit more obvious when you’re upset with your daddy and I. Your cry is louder now and much more demanding and you make a squeaking noise when you disapprove of something that’s occurring. It’s pretty easy to pull you out of that though. You love cuddles and kisses, tickles and laughter and you love interaction with Ryan, your daddy and I.
You got your 8th tooth at the end of this month. I thought it would never pop through your gums and it took over a month to finally make its appearance. Along with that tooth, came a fever of 104 degrees. You felt terrible for a couple days, we were so glad when you started feeling better.
You are very proud of your ability to say mamama and dadadadada. You usually say those words over and over in the morning as your waking up. The time change has not been kind to me, as you now wake up around 5:45 am. Since we leave the house at 7 to take Ryan to school, this isn’t horrible, but it’s not ideal on the weekends. You also began using a little of the sign language I’ve been teaching you. We’re still working on eat, drink and bottle, but more seems to have taken hold. It almost looked like hand flapping so at first I wasn’t sure what you were doing, but you use it at the right times so we figured that’s your interpretation of the sign.
You are happiest when you are outside. You love people watching and seem to really enjoy the fresh air, the feel of the breeze on your face, a butterfly as it floats by, etc. You don’t, however, appreciate grass. Ryan was the same way. It took him awhile before he didn’t mind that grass can sometimes be a little prickly. You had your first ride in a swing this month. You giggled and grinned your way through it and didn’t want to get out when it was time to leave the park. We now have a baby swing in the backyard on the swingset, so you get to swing quite often.
I think it’s possible that your separation anxiety is starting to fade! You’ve spent time with both Barbara and Jacy (friends of mine) and you didn’t cry! The other day at the grocery store you didn’t cry when the bagger wheeled the cart out. I normally pick you up because you instantly start to fuss, but that day you enjoyed the woman who was talking to you and you just sat and smiled at her. I’ve probably jinxed it all now by talking about it, but I’m thrilled to see you smiling at people and not crying the minute someone besides me holds you.
I'm so thankful that your daddy works hard so that I can stay home with you and Ryan. I never thought being a stay at home mom would be my choice, but it has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. As the saying goes, there are but two things you can give a child, one is roots and the other is wings. We're working on your roots right now little one so that your wings will always bring you home.
I love you always Makenna.
Mom
Another month has already passed. As usual, I can't believe how quickly you're growing and changing. I love watching you grow, but it's a little bittersweet watching you go from tiny baby to a 10 month old in what seems like the blink of an eye.
Your favorite pastimes are playing with paper or magazines and tearing them into tiny pieces, which you then try to put in your mouth and chew up. (Have I mentioned that EVERYTHING goes into your mouth?) You also love to blow spit bubbles. It’s so funny to watch you as you open and close your mouth and make bubbles between your lips. Dancing has come naturally to you. We’ve spent numerous evenings dancing in the kitchen as a family. It’s so fun to watch you bounce to the beat while Ryan is next to you trying to breakdance or working on his “moves”.
Your temper is a bit more obvious when you’re upset with your daddy and I. Your cry is louder now and much more demanding and you make a squeaking noise when you disapprove of something that’s occurring. It’s pretty easy to pull you out of that though. You love cuddles and kisses, tickles and laughter and you love interaction with Ryan, your daddy and I.
You got your 8th tooth at the end of this month. I thought it would never pop through your gums and it took over a month to finally make its appearance. Along with that tooth, came a fever of 104 degrees. You felt terrible for a couple days, we were so glad when you started feeling better.
You are very proud of your ability to say mamama and dadadadada. You usually say those words over and over in the morning as your waking up. The time change has not been kind to me, as you now wake up around 5:45 am. Since we leave the house at 7 to take Ryan to school, this isn’t horrible, but it’s not ideal on the weekends. You also began using a little of the sign language I’ve been teaching you. We’re still working on eat, drink and bottle, but more seems to have taken hold. It almost looked like hand flapping so at first I wasn’t sure what you were doing, but you use it at the right times so we figured that’s your interpretation of the sign.
You are happiest when you are outside. You love people watching and seem to really enjoy the fresh air, the feel of the breeze on your face, a butterfly as it floats by, etc. You don’t, however, appreciate grass. Ryan was the same way. It took him awhile before he didn’t mind that grass can sometimes be a little prickly. You had your first ride in a swing this month. You giggled and grinned your way through it and didn’t want to get out when it was time to leave the park. We now have a baby swing in the backyard on the swingset, so you get to swing quite often.
I think it’s possible that your separation anxiety is starting to fade! You’ve spent time with both Barbara and Jacy (friends of mine) and you didn’t cry! The other day at the grocery store you didn’t cry when the bagger wheeled the cart out. I normally pick you up because you instantly start to fuss, but that day you enjoyed the woman who was talking to you and you just sat and smiled at her. I’ve probably jinxed it all now by talking about it, but I’m thrilled to see you smiling at people and not crying the minute someone besides me holds you.
I'm so thankful that your daddy works hard so that I can stay home with you and Ryan. I never thought being a stay at home mom would be my choice, but it has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. As the saying goes, there are but two things you can give a child, one is roots and the other is wings. We're working on your roots right now little one so that your wings will always bring you home.
I love you always Makenna.
Mom
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
9 Months! (posted a week late)
Dear Makenna,
You're 9 months old! It's hard to believe you've been out of my tummy as long as you were in it. Even harder to remember what life was like 18 months ago before the promise of you and all that you would bring to our family.
The last month has been a big one for you developmentally. The highlights are that you started crawling, pulling up, standing and even standing for a few seconds without holding onto anything. You'll be walking before we know it! I'm not ready for that, you're only 9 months old!
You starting clapping when you're happy or when you see one of us or you see a toy you like...or....the list goes on and on. You love to clap and we love it when you do! You got three more teeth and have been working on a fourth for a couple weeks now. With 7 teeth (almost 8) you're really enjoying chewing new foods. While you like just about anything we put in your mouth, you particularly enjoy it when you get food off our plates. Favorites include real bananas, tiny apple pieces, plain pancakes, brown rice and wheat pasta, and recently avacado and tomato. Your beginning to pinch when you feed yourself, but even minus the raking motion, you still put your whole fist in your mouth when you're trying to eat. You've figured out the sippy cup with a spout and now I'm trying a sippy cup with straw. The straw has been a bit harder to master, but I think you'll get it soon. Apparently straw cups are better for language development so I'd like you to use a staw cup at least some of the time. Speaking of language development, you've yet to use any of the signs I've been teaching you. Ryan still throws one out periodically, I'm hopeful that you'll start using a few of them too.
Early in the month you fussed a lot as you were trying to figure out how to crawl. Now you're a happy baby, constantly on the move and checking out your surroundings. You go from toy to toy, stopping to look at a piece of lint on the floor which means it usually ends up in your mouth. We realized that you were giving kisses at the beginning of the month. I think you'd been doing it for awhile, we just didn't realize that when you lunged at us with an open mouth that you were giving us a kiss and not trying to eat our face. The other day you spent about twenty minutes kissing your reflection in the mirror and "talking" to yourself. So cute. Unfortunately some of your favorite places to play are the fireplace and some of the floor plants. Thankfully the fireplace just holds candles and you mostly play with the wire mesh. The plants are a different story, apparently saliva makes really good mud pies and your clothes are a good canvas for mud painting.
For reasons I can't figure out, you're still getting up a couple of times a week during the night. This wouldn't bother me too much, except that when you wake, you're then up for hours. I'll get you back to sleep with a bottle, rocking or patting your back, but the minute I try to put you back in your crib, or remove my hand from your back you start crying again. It often takes a couple of hours before you're soundly back to sleep. This is rough on Mommy, could you work on that for me?
You started saying Dada (daddy) with intention this month. Apparently it's a universal term for both your Daddy and I and sometimes Ryan. I keep trying to get you to say Mama but everytime I say Mama you say Dada. Sigh. Actually, it's really cute. You get the biggest smile when we play that game and an even bigger smile when your Daddy gets home at the end of each day.
At your 9 month check up you weighed in at 22 lbs 8 oz, 95% for your age and gender, and you were 29.5 inches which is 97%. We can't believe how tall you are and hope you aren't taller than your brother. I'm not sure he'd like that. Your convertable carseat has been ordered because you are close to growing out of your second infant carseat...crazy! Thankfully we were able to borrow the second infant seat from your friend Gracie.
You are at such a fun age right now. Learning lots of new things, exploring, generally happy and content. I'm looking forward to what the month ahead holds.
I love you Makenna benna benna bear. (Not sure how that nickname developed, but it seems to have stuck for now.)
Love,
Mom
You're 9 months old! It's hard to believe you've been out of my tummy as long as you were in it. Even harder to remember what life was like 18 months ago before the promise of you and all that you would bring to our family.
The last month has been a big one for you developmentally. The highlights are that you started crawling, pulling up, standing and even standing for a few seconds without holding onto anything. You'll be walking before we know it! I'm not ready for that, you're only 9 months old!
You starting clapping when you're happy or when you see one of us or you see a toy you like...or....the list goes on and on. You love to clap and we love it when you do! You got three more teeth and have been working on a fourth for a couple weeks now. With 7 teeth (almost 8) you're really enjoying chewing new foods. While you like just about anything we put in your mouth, you particularly enjoy it when you get food off our plates. Favorites include real bananas, tiny apple pieces, plain pancakes, brown rice and wheat pasta, and recently avacado and tomato. Your beginning to pinch when you feed yourself, but even minus the raking motion, you still put your whole fist in your mouth when you're trying to eat. You've figured out the sippy cup with a spout and now I'm trying a sippy cup with straw. The straw has been a bit harder to master, but I think you'll get it soon. Apparently straw cups are better for language development so I'd like you to use a staw cup at least some of the time. Speaking of language development, you've yet to use any of the signs I've been teaching you. Ryan still throws one out periodically, I'm hopeful that you'll start using a few of them too.
Early in the month you fussed a lot as you were trying to figure out how to crawl. Now you're a happy baby, constantly on the move and checking out your surroundings. You go from toy to toy, stopping to look at a piece of lint on the floor which means it usually ends up in your mouth. We realized that you were giving kisses at the beginning of the month. I think you'd been doing it for awhile, we just didn't realize that when you lunged at us with an open mouth that you were giving us a kiss and not trying to eat our face. The other day you spent about twenty minutes kissing your reflection in the mirror and "talking" to yourself. So cute. Unfortunately some of your favorite places to play are the fireplace and some of the floor plants. Thankfully the fireplace just holds candles and you mostly play with the wire mesh. The plants are a different story, apparently saliva makes really good mud pies and your clothes are a good canvas for mud painting.
For reasons I can't figure out, you're still getting up a couple of times a week during the night. This wouldn't bother me too much, except that when you wake, you're then up for hours. I'll get you back to sleep with a bottle, rocking or patting your back, but the minute I try to put you back in your crib, or remove my hand from your back you start crying again. It often takes a couple of hours before you're soundly back to sleep. This is rough on Mommy, could you work on that for me?
You started saying Dada (daddy) with intention this month. Apparently it's a universal term for both your Daddy and I and sometimes Ryan. I keep trying to get you to say Mama but everytime I say Mama you say Dada. Sigh. Actually, it's really cute. You get the biggest smile when we play that game and an even bigger smile when your Daddy gets home at the end of each day.
At your 9 month check up you weighed in at 22 lbs 8 oz, 95% for your age and gender, and you were 29.5 inches which is 97%. We can't believe how tall you are and hope you aren't taller than your brother. I'm not sure he'd like that. Your convertable carseat has been ordered because you are close to growing out of your second infant carseat...crazy! Thankfully we were able to borrow the second infant seat from your friend Gracie.
You are at such a fun age right now. Learning lots of new things, exploring, generally happy and content. I'm looking forward to what the month ahead holds.
I love you Makenna benna benna bear. (Not sure how that nickname developed, but it seems to have stuck for now.)
Love,
Mom
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Light The Night - part two
I surpassed my fundraising goal for Light The Night today! I set a pretty hefty goal because it's a cause so close to my heart and am thrilled my family and friends have been so supportive and donated so generously. That said, I hope a few more donations come in before the walk on the 18th.
I wish this fundraising was "In Honor" of Jenna instead of "In Memory" of her but the reality is that it's my honor to walk in her memory. I try to be thankful that I can do something on her behalf and that money raised will make a difference for others.
I love you Jenna and miss you every day.
I wish this fundraising was "In Honor" of Jenna instead of "In Memory" of her but the reality is that it's my honor to walk in her memory. I try to be thankful that I can do something on her behalf and that money raised will make a difference for others.
I love you Jenna and miss you every day.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Me and My Gang
Ryan really enjoys music. When he hears a new song he almost instantly develops an opinion about it. His current song of choice is "Me and My Gang" by Rascal Flatts. It's a good thing I enjoy this song too because we listen to it numerous times during each car ride. Yesterday we were listening to it, singing along while we drove. I was dancing in my seat, Ryan was playing some sweet air guitar, and then Makenna piped in. She started "singing" too. It was awesome! One of those perfect moments you hope to always remember. Man I love my kids!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Parenthood. The cure for Infertility?
There was a time in my life when I thought “If I can just get pregnant I won’t remember or be effected by the pain of infertility”. That was before I had Ryan. We spent 4.5 years working towards bringing him into this world. It was a difficult time filled with Resolve meetings, doctor’s visits, second opinions, ultrasounds, fertility drugs, and a twelve-week wellness class focused on achieving pregnancy. Finally, we were blessed with a little boy. All was right with the world. He was wonderful, beautiful, enchanting, all consuming.
In fact, he was so wonderful that we wanted more just like him. The black beast of infertility reared its head again. I can’t say which was worse. The despair of thinking we’d never have a child or the knowledge of how great my child was and knowing that we might not be able to have another and provide him with a sibling.
The second time around we had better insurance and less time. We focused and attacked. We went straight to IVF and after three tries we were able to bring home a baby girl. All was right with the world. She was wonderful, beautiful, enchanting, all consuming.
We had two children, both of whom were perfect in our eyes. We weren’t sure if we wanted any more, but we had options. We had a few totsicles in storage.
With all that in mind, I wonder why baby showers are still hard for me. Why I still sometimes look at pregnant women and get teary. Why I'm still bitter when I hear of those who got pregnant their first month trying, or weren’t even trying and yet are pregnant. Why I’m jealous when I hear about people who don’t have a care in the world and announce a pregnancy to everyone they know within minutes of taking a test.
I know these thoughts are my issues and have nothing to do with the people they involve. I try to keep the negative thoughts at bay. I try to revel in the joy that surrounds pregnancy. I try to think about how sweet babies are and how blessed the parents will be. I try to focus on the two children I have and be thankful for them each and every day.
But in case you were wondering…Parenthood is not the cure for Infertility. I’m like an alcoholic, in recovery but definitely not cured.
In fact, he was so wonderful that we wanted more just like him. The black beast of infertility reared its head again. I can’t say which was worse. The despair of thinking we’d never have a child or the knowledge of how great my child was and knowing that we might not be able to have another and provide him with a sibling.
The second time around we had better insurance and less time. We focused and attacked. We went straight to IVF and after three tries we were able to bring home a baby girl. All was right with the world. She was wonderful, beautiful, enchanting, all consuming.
We had two children, both of whom were perfect in our eyes. We weren’t sure if we wanted any more, but we had options. We had a few totsicles in storage.
With all that in mind, I wonder why baby showers are still hard for me. Why I still sometimes look at pregnant women and get teary. Why I'm still bitter when I hear of those who got pregnant their first month trying, or weren’t even trying and yet are pregnant. Why I’m jealous when I hear about people who don’t have a care in the world and announce a pregnancy to everyone they know within minutes of taking a test.
I know these thoughts are my issues and have nothing to do with the people they involve. I try to keep the negative thoughts at bay. I try to revel in the joy that surrounds pregnancy. I try to think about how sweet babies are and how blessed the parents will be. I try to focus on the two children I have and be thankful for them each and every day.
But in case you were wondering…Parenthood is not the cure for Infertility. I’m like an alcoholic, in recovery but definitely not cured.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Two for Tuesday!
Borrowed from Tara...
Two names you go by
1. Momma
2. Raye
Two things you are wearing right now
1. comfy pants
2. March of Dimes T-Shirt
Two things you would want (or have) in a relationship
1. Effective Communication
2. Humor
Two things you like to do
1. Spend time with family and friends
2. Read
Two things you want very badly at the moment
1. A degree in Interior Design
2. Two healthy kids
Two things you did last night
1. Made dinner
2. Gave the kids a bath
Two things you ate today
1. Salad
2. Oatmeal
Two people you last talked to
1. Ryan, while he said good night and told me I was his favorite mom :)
2. Hubby
Two things you're doing tomorrow
1. Taking Ryan to the pediatrician for a follow up appt.
2. Running on my treadmill
Two favorite holidays
1. Christmas Eve...Good memories, Midnight Candlelight Service, Opening one gift, The anticipation, Family.
2. St. Patty's Day, I'm a good Irish girl
Two favorite beverages
1. Diet Coke
2. Wine
Two jobs I have had in my life
1. Resident Assistant in College
2. Teen & Family Program Director at the Y
Two movies I would watch over and over
1. Under the Tuscan Sun
2. Hunt for Red October
Two places I have lived
1. Colorado
2. Germany
Two of my favorite foods
1. Pizza
2. Mexican
Two places I'd rather be right now
1. The Beach
2. Rico, Colorado...hanging out with my Mom and Stepdad
Two names you go by
1. Momma
2. Raye
Two things you are wearing right now
1. comfy pants
2. March of Dimes T-Shirt
Two things you would want (or have) in a relationship
1. Effective Communication
2. Humor
Two things you like to do
1. Spend time with family and friends
2. Read
Two things you want very badly at the moment
1. A degree in Interior Design
2. Two healthy kids
Two things you did last night
1. Made dinner
2. Gave the kids a bath
Two things you ate today
1. Salad
2. Oatmeal
Two people you last talked to
1. Ryan, while he said good night and told me I was his favorite mom :)
2. Hubby
Two things you're doing tomorrow
1. Taking Ryan to the pediatrician for a follow up appt.
2. Running on my treadmill
Two favorite holidays
1. Christmas Eve...Good memories, Midnight Candlelight Service, Opening one gift, The anticipation, Family.
2. St. Patty's Day, I'm a good Irish girl
Two favorite beverages
1. Diet Coke
2. Wine
Two jobs I have had in my life
1. Resident Assistant in College
2. Teen & Family Program Director at the Y
Two movies I would watch over and over
1. Under the Tuscan Sun
2. Hunt for Red October
Two places I have lived
1. Colorado
2. Germany
Two of my favorite foods
1. Pizza
2. Mexican
Two places I'd rather be right now
1. The Beach
2. Rico, Colorado...hanging out with my Mom and Stepdad
Monday, September 17, 2007
Deja Vu
Friday morning we headed to the pediatrician since Ryan was having some trouble breathing. Three breathing treatments and a dose of steriods later, Ryan was on his way to the local Children's Hospital ER via ambulance. He wasn't really wheezing but his chest was very tight. His pediatrician expected he'd be diagnosed with Pneumonia after a chest xray was completed.
Once we arrived, Ryan was placed on a continuous breathing treatment for two hours, had a chest xray, an IV and another dose of steriods. Thankfully the chest xray came back negative for Pnuemonia, the throat swab was negative for Strep and the IV was nothing compared to last year. He even said after it was done "Wow, that's it? It didn't even hurt." A few more breathing treatments and 9 hours after our arrival, Ryan was admitted to the hospital. Ryan and I spent the night, which he was thrilled about. He remembered the pancakes and bacon he had during his last stay and wanted them again. What?? It's odd the things that kids focus on.
Ryan responded really well to the meds and we were sent home the following afternoon... with an entire pharmacy. Now we'll spend the next couple days trying to lay low and encourage a kid who's bored and wound up from the meds to be mellow and not eat everything in sight. Didn't we just do this a year ago? Seasonal allergies and Reactive Airway Disease can bite me.
Once we arrived, Ryan was placed on a continuous breathing treatment for two hours, had a chest xray, an IV and another dose of steriods. Thankfully the chest xray came back negative for Pnuemonia, the throat swab was negative for Strep and the IV was nothing compared to last year. He even said after it was done "Wow, that's it? It didn't even hurt." A few more breathing treatments and 9 hours after our arrival, Ryan was admitted to the hospital. Ryan and I spent the night, which he was thrilled about. He remembered the pancakes and bacon he had during his last stay and wanted them again. What?? It's odd the things that kids focus on.
Ryan responded really well to the meds and we were sent home the following afternoon... with an entire pharmacy. Now we'll spend the next couple days trying to lay low and encourage a kid who's bored and wound up from the meds to be mellow and not eat everything in sight. Didn't we just do this a year ago? Seasonal allergies and Reactive Airway Disease can bite me.
Friday, September 14, 2007
He Takes After Me
You know how, when you're having a child, you think about all the traits you wish they'd get, and those you hope they don't.
"I hope she has my hair."
"I hope he gets my musical ear."
"Fingers crossed that he doesn't get my teeth."
You get the point.
Well, I've discovered a new trait that Ryan seems to have gotten from me. As a child, I was often sick for holidays, special events, vacations, etc. It appears that my boy is following in his mother's footsteps. He's already missed numerous fun events and parties at school and he's been sick during a couple vacations. Today is the Eagle Stomp at his school. It's a Fun Run and a big carnival. Inflatable Obstacle Courses, face painting, dunking booths, temporary tattoos, snow cones, serious fun for kids, Ryan has been so excited. He got his pledges, turned in his sheet and was ready to run laps for money for the school. Unfortunately, he's home sick. Yet again, a cold has turned into something more overnight. We're headed to the doctor in a couple minutes. I'm hoping he'll just get a breathing treatment or two and won't have to go to the hospital again. The poor kid feels horrible, but you want to know what he's sad about? You guessed it, not being able to go to school today.
"I hope she has my hair."
"I hope he gets my musical ear."
"Fingers crossed that he doesn't get my teeth."
You get the point.
Well, I've discovered a new trait that Ryan seems to have gotten from me. As a child, I was often sick for holidays, special events, vacations, etc. It appears that my boy is following in his mother's footsteps. He's already missed numerous fun events and parties at school and he's been sick during a couple vacations. Today is the Eagle Stomp at his school. It's a Fun Run and a big carnival. Inflatable Obstacle Courses, face painting, dunking booths, temporary tattoos, snow cones, serious fun for kids, Ryan has been so excited. He got his pledges, turned in his sheet and was ready to run laps for money for the school. Unfortunately, he's home sick. Yet again, a cold has turned into something more overnight. We're headed to the doctor in a couple minutes. I'm hoping he'll just get a breathing treatment or two and won't have to go to the hospital again. The poor kid feels horrible, but you want to know what he's sad about? You guessed it, not being able to go to school today.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Nuggets of Grace, Part Two
My Nuggets of Grace post stirred up a bit of controversy and brought a few lurkers out of the woodwork...Yay! I love comments.
I replied to the comments in the comment section of that post, but wanted to do so here as well, in case people didn't check the comments section again. Clear as mud?
Anyhow, I wasn't sure if I should leave the post up because I didn't know if people would be offended.
That said, I wanted the post to focus on Grace and instead it seemed to focus on hypocrisy, or at least that's what many of you got from it. In regards to that, many of the people that I know that are very religious, very involved in their churches, etc. are wonderful. They unabashedly stand behind what they believe in through word and action. I guess the hypocrisy statement was meant to be more of a general thought about "organized" religions. Not so much about the Christians that are in my life currently.
Infertility caused me to question God and myself and caused me to feel unworthy. The sermon about Grace helped me to feel a little better about my religious walk as of late. That is what I meant for the post to be about, I guess I didn't quite hit the mark.
Thanks again for the comments. Have I mentioned that I love comments?!
I replied to the comments in the comment section of that post, but wanted to do so here as well, in case people didn't check the comments section again. Clear as mud?
Anyhow, I wasn't sure if I should leave the post up because I didn't know if people would be offended.
That said, I wanted the post to focus on Grace and instead it seemed to focus on hypocrisy, or at least that's what many of you got from it. In regards to that, many of the people that I know that are very religious, very involved in their churches, etc. are wonderful. They unabashedly stand behind what they believe in through word and action. I guess the hypocrisy statement was meant to be more of a general thought about "organized" religions. Not so much about the Christians that are in my life currently.
Infertility caused me to question God and myself and caused me to feel unworthy. The sermon about Grace helped me to feel a little better about my religious walk as of late. That is what I meant for the post to be about, I guess I didn't quite hit the mark.
Thanks again for the comments. Have I mentioned that I love comments?!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
First Day of Kindergarten
I know Ryan's first day of Kindergarten was weeks ago. I'm Lame!
Ryan was thrilled to start school this year, especially when he found out he'd be in the same class as his best friend, Connor, and would have the teacher's we'd hoped for. His teachers job share, meaning that they work two days a week and then alternate fridays. They are both awesome and really have a love of teaching. I'm so happy he got into this class and I think it's going to be a great year!
Here are a few pictures from his first day. Ryan was very proud of his rolling spiderman backpack and was wearing a heart sticker as a reminder of "The Kissing Hand". His teachers read us that book at parent's night and then gave us stickers for the kids so that when they read the book to the kids on the first day they'd have their heart stickers. It was so sweet and the kids appreciated it as much as the parents. Notice Ryan's huge smiles! He's such a great kid!
Ryan was thrilled to start school this year, especially when he found out he'd be in the same class as his best friend, Connor, and would have the teacher's we'd hoped for. His teachers job share, meaning that they work two days a week and then alternate fridays. They are both awesome and really have a love of teaching. I'm so happy he got into this class and I think it's going to be a great year!
Here are a few pictures from his first day. Ryan was very proud of his rolling spiderman backpack and was wearing a heart sticker as a reminder of "The Kissing Hand". His teachers read us that book at parent's night and then gave us stickers for the kids so that when they read the book to the kids on the first day they'd have their heart stickers. It was so sweet and the kids appreciated it as much as the parents. Notice Ryan's huge smiles! He's such a great kid!
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Nuggets of Grace
"People shouldn't be good because they want God to grant them Grace. They should be Godly in their actions because they've already received Grace."
Those are words that were spoken by my pastor this morning during a message about Grace. They spoke to me in a way that a sermon hasn't spoken to me in a long time. In theory it's a pretty simple statement. My emotions, upon hearing that statement, were anything but simple.
I've struggled with organized religion lately, for numerous reasons. One of my biggest issues with it is the hypocrites that preach and judge in the name of God.** I'm a true liberal and don't feel like it's my place to judge others behavior or lifestyle. Granted, no one is perfect and I have judged, but I try not to and I try to value the person even though I may not value the behavior. I also am a firm believer in "God is a loving God". I am a sinner, just like everyone else, but my belief system allows me to still feel loved by God. Since leaving high school and the minister who helped me to know God, I haven't found a church where I felt like my beliefs were in line with everyone else’s. I haven't found a minister/pastor/priest who could deliver messages that drew me in, spoke to me, made me question my beliefs and behaviors and also made me feel good about myself. I almost didn't try this church because I held some stereotypes about the religion. I judged. Thanks to messages like the one shared today, this church and its Pastor has reminded me to live my beliefs and let my actions speak for me. It's also reminded me how valuable keeping an open mind is.
No one would ever mistake me for a happy clapper (read religious zealot) however I'm hopeful that people find at least some of my actions to be Godly. I'm a work in progress and I'm thankful to once again know that I've received Grace.
**There are a few women I know who might read this and feel like I'm referring to them. I'm not.
Those are words that were spoken by my pastor this morning during a message about Grace. They spoke to me in a way that a sermon hasn't spoken to me in a long time. In theory it's a pretty simple statement. My emotions, upon hearing that statement, were anything but simple.
I've struggled with organized religion lately, for numerous reasons. One of my biggest issues with it is the hypocrites that preach and judge in the name of God.** I'm a true liberal and don't feel like it's my place to judge others behavior or lifestyle. Granted, no one is perfect and I have judged, but I try not to and I try to value the person even though I may not value the behavior. I also am a firm believer in "God is a loving God". I am a sinner, just like everyone else, but my belief system allows me to still feel loved by God. Since leaving high school and the minister who helped me to know God, I haven't found a church where I felt like my beliefs were in line with everyone else’s. I haven't found a minister/pastor/priest who could deliver messages that drew me in, spoke to me, made me question my beliefs and behaviors and also made me feel good about myself. I almost didn't try this church because I held some stereotypes about the religion. I judged. Thanks to messages like the one shared today, this church and its Pastor has reminded me to live my beliefs and let my actions speak for me. It's also reminded me how valuable keeping an open mind is.
No one would ever mistake me for a happy clapper (read religious zealot) however I'm hopeful that people find at least some of my actions to be Godly. I'm a work in progress and I'm thankful to once again know that I've received Grace.
**There are a few women I know who might read this and feel like I'm referring to them. I'm not.
8 Months...a few days late.
Dear Makenna,
Another month has come and gone. This past month seemed to go a little slower than the previous month, but I'm still in shock at how quickly you are growing and changing.
The beginning of this month found you pushing up from tummy time and starting to rock on all fours. I thought you'd be crawling by months end, but you'd get so frustrated that your progress was a bit slower than I'd anticipated. As the month came to close you were starting to scoot around and you figured out how to change directions. It won't be long before you're keeping up with me while on your hands and knees. You don't like it when I set you down and go to another room to get something so I think you'll be really happy when you're a bit more mobile.
You like being on the go. I'm wondering if that's your personality or if it's been conditioned since we don't spend much time at home. You really enjoy shopping with mom these days, especially if you get to sit in the front of the cart. You like being up high without a stroller or car seat blocking your view. You get a lot of compliments and people talking to you lately which you fully enjoy, as evidenced by the huge smiles and dimple you display. You also enjoy spending time outside at the pool and at your brother's baseball games.
Around the middle of the month you got two more teeth, within a couple days of each other. You've bitten yourself a couple times, and me too, as you've tried to figure out what those things in your mouth are for. You also grind them together which makes my skin crawl but causes you all sorts of enjoyment. You're also enjoying all the new food you can crunch with those teeth. Little bits of grilled cheese sandwiches are a huge favorite right now. In fact, if one of us have one and aren't sharing you scream at the top of your lungs. Speaking of, have I mentioned your temper???
Yes, you're a bit of a diva. I've already had to tell you "No" numerous times because you'll scream for things and continue to scream if I'm not getting them quickly enough. Your daddy and I just hang our heads and feel thankful that you and your brother can't gang up on us yet. Although we realize it's only a matter of time before that happens.
You have the cutest belly laughs and are so ticklish on your tummy and under your arms. I need to get it on camera before your little giggle changes.
You used to love playing in your jumper or exersaucer but lately you prefer hanging out on the floor surrounded by toys. Once you stopped constantly falling backwards I was thrilled to let you do so. You are so interested in how things work, as well as textures and sounds. You'll spend quite a bit of time examining toys and trying to figure out what they do. It's so fun to watch you learn and figure things out.
Just a few tidbits of info:
# of Bottles a day - 4 or 5, depends on if you're up during the night
# of naps a day - 2 or 3, depends how long they are.
Size clothes you're wearing - Anywhere from 6-12 month up to 18 month items. You're wearing some of your brothers old pj's that he was wearing when he turned 2!
Favorite Game - Patty Cake or Who's that Baby
Paci's - only to chew on if you're bored
Blanket - You're starting to look for your blanket when you lay down for a nap. I think it's so cute and love that you and your brother both love the blankets your Nana made for you.
Sippy Cup - You've just begun drinking out of one. You tend to get as much water on your top as in your mouth but you're enjoying holding the cup yourself.
Separation Anxiety - You've got it and bad. It got a bit better for about a week, but then you fell right back into it. You loooove your mommy right now. Can't say that I mind even though it can be a little frustrating when I have something to do or somewhere to go. That said, I love seeing your little eyes light up when I walk into a room. I also appreciate that just picking you up makes everything right with your world. I know that won't always be the case so I'm trying to remember to enjoy that while it lasts.
One final note, you like to be held A LOT. We love that you're such a cuddlebug, but you make it very hard to get things done around the house. You spend time in the backpack almost every day while your dad or I are folding laundry, cooking, doing dishes, etc. Thankfully you really enjoy it, I, however, wish you didn't pull my hair so much while you were up there.
I'm guessing that next months post will include some new skills for you. While I'm looking forward to those, I'd also like to be able to stop time and keep you where you're at for just a little longer. You are so sweet, so loving and so much fun to be with. As corny as this sounds, you and your brother complete the lives of your dad and I. You make us strive to be better people, you make us question our beliefs, you make us think, you make us love more and you make us learn on a daily basis. Thank you for making us better people than we would have been.
I love you Makenna Brette!
Mom
Another month has come and gone. This past month seemed to go a little slower than the previous month, but I'm still in shock at how quickly you are growing and changing.
The beginning of this month found you pushing up from tummy time and starting to rock on all fours. I thought you'd be crawling by months end, but you'd get so frustrated that your progress was a bit slower than I'd anticipated. As the month came to close you were starting to scoot around and you figured out how to change directions. It won't be long before you're keeping up with me while on your hands and knees. You don't like it when I set you down and go to another room to get something so I think you'll be really happy when you're a bit more mobile.
You like being on the go. I'm wondering if that's your personality or if it's been conditioned since we don't spend much time at home. You really enjoy shopping with mom these days, especially if you get to sit in the front of the cart. You like being up high without a stroller or car seat blocking your view. You get a lot of compliments and people talking to you lately which you fully enjoy, as evidenced by the huge smiles and dimple you display. You also enjoy spending time outside at the pool and at your brother's baseball games.
Around the middle of the month you got two more teeth, within a couple days of each other. You've bitten yourself a couple times, and me too, as you've tried to figure out what those things in your mouth are for. You also grind them together which makes my skin crawl but causes you all sorts of enjoyment. You're also enjoying all the new food you can crunch with those teeth. Little bits of grilled cheese sandwiches are a huge favorite right now. In fact, if one of us have one and aren't sharing you scream at the top of your lungs. Speaking of, have I mentioned your temper???
Yes, you're a bit of a diva. I've already had to tell you "No" numerous times because you'll scream for things and continue to scream if I'm not getting them quickly enough. Your daddy and I just hang our heads and feel thankful that you and your brother can't gang up on us yet. Although we realize it's only a matter of time before that happens.
You have the cutest belly laughs and are so ticklish on your tummy and under your arms. I need to get it on camera before your little giggle changes.
You used to love playing in your jumper or exersaucer but lately you prefer hanging out on the floor surrounded by toys. Once you stopped constantly falling backwards I was thrilled to let you do so. You are so interested in how things work, as well as textures and sounds. You'll spend quite a bit of time examining toys and trying to figure out what they do. It's so fun to watch you learn and figure things out.
Just a few tidbits of info:
# of Bottles a day - 4 or 5, depends on if you're up during the night
# of naps a day - 2 or 3, depends how long they are.
Size clothes you're wearing - Anywhere from 6-12 month up to 18 month items. You're wearing some of your brothers old pj's that he was wearing when he turned 2!
Favorite Game - Patty Cake or Who's that Baby
Paci's - only to chew on if you're bored
Blanket - You're starting to look for your blanket when you lay down for a nap. I think it's so cute and love that you and your brother both love the blankets your Nana made for you.
Sippy Cup - You've just begun drinking out of one. You tend to get as much water on your top as in your mouth but you're enjoying holding the cup yourself.
Separation Anxiety - You've got it and bad. It got a bit better for about a week, but then you fell right back into it. You loooove your mommy right now. Can't say that I mind even though it can be a little frustrating when I have something to do or somewhere to go. That said, I love seeing your little eyes light up when I walk into a room. I also appreciate that just picking you up makes everything right with your world. I know that won't always be the case so I'm trying to remember to enjoy that while it lasts.
One final note, you like to be held A LOT. We love that you're such a cuddlebug, but you make it very hard to get things done around the house. You spend time in the backpack almost every day while your dad or I are folding laundry, cooking, doing dishes, etc. Thankfully you really enjoy it, I, however, wish you didn't pull my hair so much while you were up there.
I'm guessing that next months post will include some new skills for you. While I'm looking forward to those, I'd also like to be able to stop time and keep you where you're at for just a little longer. You are so sweet, so loving and so much fun to be with. As corny as this sounds, you and your brother complete the lives of your dad and I. You make us strive to be better people, you make us question our beliefs, you make us think, you make us love more and you make us learn on a daily basis. Thank you for making us better people than we would have been.
I love you Makenna Brette!
Mom
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Anniversaries
July 24th was the anniversary of the birth of my son. July 27th was the one month anniversary of a close friend's death. August 7th was the 14th anniversary of my wedding day.
As those three dates approached, I felt the need to do something to remember and commemorate each of them. An opportunity came our way through a cousin and his "summer" job. A summer job at Disneyworld! A summer job that would allow us to take a quick vacation for a realitively small amount. A summer job that would allow us to fufill a dream for Ryan. A summer job that would allow us to run away from reality and reconnect for a few short days.
So, I shopped for snack food and drinks, filled our cooler, made sandwiches, packed our bags and off we went. Two glorious days at the beach and two very busy and very long days at Disneyworld. It was wonderful! We left after work on Thursday and ended up driving through the night. Wayne took the first shift and drove until 2:30 am! We had planned to stop somewhere along the way, but I'd gotten some sleep so I decided to drive the rest of the way. We hit Clearwater Beach just after the sun came up. After a stop for breakfast it was on to our hotel, which already had our room available much to our surprise. We were suited up, fully covered in sunscreen and on the beach by 10 am. We proceeded to spend the next two days playing in the sand and surf, collecting seashells and fully enjoying two very lazy days. The Mister and I even found our way to the poolside bar where a few fruity drinks were consumed. There's nothing like a fruity umbrella drink to make me think vacation.
After that, we were on our way to Disney. We arrived around 1 and after a quick stop at the hotel to check in, we met my cousin at the gates of Disneyworld's Magic Kingdom! I think I was more excited than Ryan. Our first stops were to see Goofy and get Ryan a visor. Unfortunately, his face got a bit too much sun at the beach so some damage control was in order. We hit a number of rides, saw the show at the castle, and snuck into one of the shops to cool down and have some ice cream. That night we met my cousin at his second job and had a yummy dinner before heading back to the hotel. The next day included much of the same. We started with a character breakfast where we met the Mad Hatter (a friend of my cousin's), Alice in Wonderland, Mary Poppins, Tigger and Winnie the Pooh. Ryan got star treatment and, much to my dismay, spent a few minutes chasing Tigger around the restaurant trying to retrieve his hat. Bad Tigger! Ryan met the Power Rangers and got autographs from two of them, I think that was the highlight of his day. Well, that and his ride on Thunder Mountain. Have I mentioned that Ryan LOVES roller coasters. This made his daddy very happy. We wrapped up the day as the parade made it's way down Main Street. Rather and sit...or stand...and watch it go by, we made our way to the front gates and still saw the entire thing. By the time we feel into bed that night we'd had our fill of Disney and were ready to head home. We only made it to the Magic Kingdom and MGM Studio's so I'm sure another visit will be in our future when Makenna's a bit older.
The trip home was a bit more difficult than the drive to Florida, but only because we dropped Wayne at the airport in Orlando so he could head to NYC. The kids were great and slept through most of Florida, however, Georgia was an entirely different story. Even with stops, Makenna had enough traveling by the time we hit Tennesse so we ended up stopping in Chattanooga for the night. The final two hours were easy and enjoyable.
All in all, it was a successful family vacation. Many memories made. Lots of fun and relaxation. A few souveniers purchased along the way. Good times...good times.
As those three dates approached, I felt the need to do something to remember and commemorate each of them. An opportunity came our way through a cousin and his "summer" job. A summer job at Disneyworld! A summer job that would allow us to take a quick vacation for a realitively small amount. A summer job that would allow us to fufill a dream for Ryan. A summer job that would allow us to run away from reality and reconnect for a few short days.
So, I shopped for snack food and drinks, filled our cooler, made sandwiches, packed our bags and off we went. Two glorious days at the beach and two very busy and very long days at Disneyworld. It was wonderful! We left after work on Thursday and ended up driving through the night. Wayne took the first shift and drove until 2:30 am! We had planned to stop somewhere along the way, but I'd gotten some sleep so I decided to drive the rest of the way. We hit Clearwater Beach just after the sun came up. After a stop for breakfast it was on to our hotel, which already had our room available much to our surprise. We were suited up, fully covered in sunscreen and on the beach by 10 am. We proceeded to spend the next two days playing in the sand and surf, collecting seashells and fully enjoying two very lazy days. The Mister and I even found our way to the poolside bar where a few fruity drinks were consumed. There's nothing like a fruity umbrella drink to make me think vacation.
After that, we were on our way to Disney. We arrived around 1 and after a quick stop at the hotel to check in, we met my cousin at the gates of Disneyworld's Magic Kingdom! I think I was more excited than Ryan. Our first stops were to see Goofy and get Ryan a visor. Unfortunately, his face got a bit too much sun at the beach so some damage control was in order. We hit a number of rides, saw the show at the castle, and snuck into one of the shops to cool down and have some ice cream. That night we met my cousin at his second job and had a yummy dinner before heading back to the hotel. The next day included much of the same. We started with a character breakfast where we met the Mad Hatter (a friend of my cousin's), Alice in Wonderland, Mary Poppins, Tigger and Winnie the Pooh. Ryan got star treatment and, much to my dismay, spent a few minutes chasing Tigger around the restaurant trying to retrieve his hat. Bad Tigger! Ryan met the Power Rangers and got autographs from two of them, I think that was the highlight of his day. Well, that and his ride on Thunder Mountain. Have I mentioned that Ryan LOVES roller coasters. This made his daddy very happy. We wrapped up the day as the parade made it's way down Main Street. Rather and sit...or stand...and watch it go by, we made our way to the front gates and still saw the entire thing. By the time we feel into bed that night we'd had our fill of Disney and were ready to head home. We only made it to the Magic Kingdom and MGM Studio's so I'm sure another visit will be in our future when Makenna's a bit older.
The trip home was a bit more difficult than the drive to Florida, but only because we dropped Wayne at the airport in Orlando so he could head to NYC. The kids were great and slept through most of Florida, however, Georgia was an entirely different story. Even with stops, Makenna had enough traveling by the time we hit Tennesse so we ended up stopping in Chattanooga for the night. The final two hours were easy and enjoyable.
All in all, it was a successful family vacation. Many memories made. Lots of fun and relaxation. A few souveniers purchased along the way. Good times...good times.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Hi
Remember me? I used to write stuff and post it to this web address. Um...yeah.
So I've had a brief blogging hiatus. I've been feeling a bit raw since Jenna passed away. Guarding my emotions and sanity has been a priority and since I tend to lay those on the line when I blog, well I think you get the point. That said, scroll down. You'll find a few posts that I've been composing in snippits over the last month.
So I've had a brief blogging hiatus. I've been feeling a bit raw since Jenna passed away. Guarding my emotions and sanity has been a priority and since I tend to lay those on the line when I blog, well I think you get the point. That said, scroll down. You'll find a few posts that I've been composing in snippits over the last month.
7 months
Dear Makenna,
Your sixth month passed in the blink of an eye. In fact, it passed so quickly that I'm late getting to this months letter.
This month brought another trip to Chicago for my cousin's wedding. The day went off without a hitch, my cousin was a beautiful bride and you danced with your Papa on the dance floor during most of the reception. My cousin's girlfriends told me how cute and sweet you were numerous times, which made me swell with love and pride. You looked so cute in your dress, I wish I had a picture. Unfortunately my camera stopped working so I'm hoping the photographer got a picture of you.
We also took a trip to Disney world and the beach. You were a trooper and took naps on a lounge chair or in your stroller or backpack. You were wonderful during the day, however the nights were a different story...until I put you in bed with your daddy and I. Then you slept for the rest of the night without a peep. I hope you don't expect that to continue. You may have slept well, but we sure didn't.
You've begun eating more and more foods and seem to love everything I put in your mouth. You do really well with texture so you've even gotten a bit of table food already. Summer Veggies and Winter Squash rank as current favorites, as well as the little pieces of wheat noodles I've shared off my plate.
At the end of the month you started to develop a little seperation anxiety. I'm guessing it's going to get worse before it gets better, but I hope it's short lived!
You continue to have your brother wrapped around your little finger. He can't get enough of you and always comes running if he hears you fussing. The two of you play together a lot during the day, I'm not sure what you're going to think when he goes back to school.
You are still teething! I hope those two top teeth pop through soon. Thankfully Highland's Teething tablets help. Although I'm not sure if they really help or if the excitement of eating them distracts you from the pain. Either way, they stop you from fussing for a bit which is good for my sanity.
You are developing all sorts of new skills. You actually stood up, by yourself, in your tub at the end of the month. Your dad called me in to see, but I missed it. I can't believe you were able to do that already! You've begun pulling your knees under you and trying to push up on your hands. You aren't there just yet but I bet you'll be crawling before we know it. You've become much more interested in your toys and world around you. You're constantly checking things out and trying to reach things that are close to you. I guess your dad and I should think about child proofing pretty soon.
It's been a great, albeit busy and quick month. While I'm sad the baby days seems to be going so quickly, I love watching you grow and change. I wonder what next month's letter will hold!
We love you Makenna!
Love,
Mom
Your sixth month passed in the blink of an eye. In fact, it passed so quickly that I'm late getting to this months letter.
This month brought another trip to Chicago for my cousin's wedding. The day went off without a hitch, my cousin was a beautiful bride and you danced with your Papa on the dance floor during most of the reception. My cousin's girlfriends told me how cute and sweet you were numerous times, which made me swell with love and pride. You looked so cute in your dress, I wish I had a picture. Unfortunately my camera stopped working so I'm hoping the photographer got a picture of you.
We also took a trip to Disney world and the beach. You were a trooper and took naps on a lounge chair or in your stroller or backpack. You were wonderful during the day, however the nights were a different story...until I put you in bed with your daddy and I. Then you slept for the rest of the night without a peep. I hope you don't expect that to continue. You may have slept well, but we sure didn't.
You've begun eating more and more foods and seem to love everything I put in your mouth. You do really well with texture so you've even gotten a bit of table food already. Summer Veggies and Winter Squash rank as current favorites, as well as the little pieces of wheat noodles I've shared off my plate.
At the end of the month you started to develop a little seperation anxiety. I'm guessing it's going to get worse before it gets better, but I hope it's short lived!
You continue to have your brother wrapped around your little finger. He can't get enough of you and always comes running if he hears you fussing. The two of you play together a lot during the day, I'm not sure what you're going to think when he goes back to school.
You are still teething! I hope those two top teeth pop through soon. Thankfully Highland's Teething tablets help. Although I'm not sure if they really help or if the excitement of eating them distracts you from the pain. Either way, they stop you from fussing for a bit which is good for my sanity.
You are developing all sorts of new skills. You actually stood up, by yourself, in your tub at the end of the month. Your dad called me in to see, but I missed it. I can't believe you were able to do that already! You've begun pulling your knees under you and trying to push up on your hands. You aren't there just yet but I bet you'll be crawling before we know it. You've become much more interested in your toys and world around you. You're constantly checking things out and trying to reach things that are close to you. I guess your dad and I should think about child proofing pretty soon.
It's been a great, albeit busy and quick month. While I'm sad the baby days seems to be going so quickly, I love watching you grow and change. I wonder what next month's letter will hold!
We love you Makenna!
Love,
Mom
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Light The Night
Light The Night is an annual American Cancer Society event to raise funds for cures. It’s the nation’s night to pay tribute and bring hope to thousands of patients and their families.
Funds raised through Light The Night Walk support the work of hundreds of the world’s best and brightest researchers in their search for better therapies and cures for leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma.
I'll be walking in this years Light The Night walk in Memory of Jenna Jurgens and Brian Wood. If you'd like to donate please follow the link.
http://www.active.com/donate/ltnNashvi/2024_chandraharrison
If you'd prefer to order a magazine instead of sponser me as a walker, you can do so at the following link. Fourty percent of the subscription price will go to our walk team.
http://www.magfundraising.com/walkforjenna
If you'd like to find a chapter near you and walk in memory or honor of someone follow this link.
http://www.lightthenight.org/
The Mother's Group that I'm in will also working on a fundraiser for the family of Jenna over the next few months. We hope to raise enough to establish memorial funds for her three children as well as help with bills that accrued due to Jenna's fight with Leukemia. If you'd like to support that cause please let me know and I can tell you how to do so.
With the recent passing of my friend Jenna, this walk is close to my heart. We knew about the walk last year, we found out about it soon after Jenna was diagnosed. A group of us considered walking, but decided that our money and time would be better spent helping her and her family. With that in mind, we decided we'd all walk this year, Jenna included. Jenna will be with us this year, but not the way we'd planned. She'll be with us in heart and spirit and mind. She'll be with us as we pass the luminario with her name on it. She'll be with us as we look at the flames of the candles that all the walkers will be holding. She'll be with us as we put on our team hats or shirts that let people know we're walking in her memory. She'll be with us in the stories and tears that I'm sure will be shared and shed that night. It won't be nearly enough, but it's what we've got.
Funds raised through Light The Night Walk support the work of hundreds of the world’s best and brightest researchers in their search for better therapies and cures for leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma.
I'll be walking in this years Light The Night walk in Memory of Jenna Jurgens and Brian Wood. If you'd like to donate please follow the link.
http://www.active.com/donate/ltnNashvi/2024_chandraharrison
If you'd prefer to order a magazine instead of sponser me as a walker, you can do so at the following link. Fourty percent of the subscription price will go to our walk team.
http://www.magfundraising.com/walkforjenna
If you'd like to find a chapter near you and walk in memory or honor of someone follow this link.
http://www.lightthenight.org/
The Mother's Group that I'm in will also working on a fundraiser for the family of Jenna over the next few months. We hope to raise enough to establish memorial funds for her three children as well as help with bills that accrued due to Jenna's fight with Leukemia. If you'd like to support that cause please let me know and I can tell you how to do so.
With the recent passing of my friend Jenna, this walk is close to my heart. We knew about the walk last year, we found out about it soon after Jenna was diagnosed. A group of us considered walking, but decided that our money and time would be better spent helping her and her family. With that in mind, we decided we'd all walk this year, Jenna included. Jenna will be with us this year, but not the way we'd planned. She'll be with us in heart and spirit and mind. She'll be with us as we pass the luminario with her name on it. She'll be with us as we look at the flames of the candles that all the walkers will be holding. She'll be with us as we put on our team hats or shirts that let people know we're walking in her memory. She'll be with us in the stories and tears that I'm sure will be shared and shed that night. It won't be nearly enough, but it's what we've got.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
You're s-s-s-six!!!
Dear Ryan,
Happy 6th Birthday!
First, I have to apologize. I've been doing monthly birthday letters for your sister, but am only doing a yearly one for you. Unfortunately I didn't think of doing monthly letters for you when you were a baby, however I'm thrilled to be starting the tradition now.
There are so many things I want to tell you about the 5 year old you that I don't even know where to begin.
This past year has been an amazing one for you. You started kindergarten readiness and really excelled in the program. Your dad and I couldn't have been happier. I spent hours researching K readiness programs vs kindergarten for young 5 yr olds. After talking to child psychologists, elementary, middle school and high school teachers, men who started school early and those who didn't, I felt like K readiness might be the way to go and was thrilled that the school we're zoned for offered a program. You tested well academically but socially were still a bit egocentric so the K teachers agreed with my assessment. You were one of the stars of your class. Your teacher, Mrs. Schott, said you were such a joy to teach and awarded you the citizenship award at the end of the year. Academically you learned in leaps and bounds and by the end of the year you were reading! You also loved talking about letters and patterns and began working on minor addition problems.
You had two "firsts" this past year that we didn't enjoy. They included your first ambulance ride, emergency room visit and hospital stay and your first broken bone. The hospital visit was due to a case of viral and bacterial pneumonia which brought with it a bout of reactive airway disease. The doctors were calling it asthma but you've had limited breathing issues since then. We believe that when you get a cold your allergies sometimes cause it to progress quickly. Your first broken bone came about a month later, and in the middle of your first season of Soccer. You were playing on the swingset in the backyard, hanging upside down, and fell onto your elbow. You fractured the tip of it and wore a cast for about a month.
As I just mentioned, you played an organized sport for the first time this past year. You played both fall and spring Soccer. You loved your coach and enjoyed all the boys on your team, however your dad and I aren't sure Soccer is the sport for you. Your eye/hand coordination is really good and you've been expressing a desire to play baseball, so that will probably be your team sport this fall.
You became a big brother this year! I know I'm biased, but you're the best big brother ever. You are so caring with your sister, constantly checking on her, playing with her, asking to help feed or hold her. She loves you so much and you love her right back. You've now begun asking when we're going to have another baby. We think you should wait to ask that question until your sister starts moving and getting into your stuff. You might not be so thrilled about the idea then.
You learned to ride your bike without training wheels this past spring. You'd tried to do it while Nana was still here, after Makenna was born, but one big hill and your inability to stop changed your mind. Daddy put the training wheels back on, but at a higher level, so you were pretty much riding without them except when you turned. That did the trick and soon you were "4 wheeling" across the front yard minus training wheels.
You still suck your first finger, much to my dismay. It's yet to cause any harm to your teeth or mouth that we know of, however you have a rather large gap between your two front teeth. Speaking of teeth, you are so good at brushing your teeth. No cavities to date. Daddy and I are thrilled!
I'm going to end this with some of your favorites:
Type of Sandwich: Peanut Butter and Jelly, although you enjoy Turkey too
Vegetable: Carrots with Ranch Dressing or Salad
Board Game: Zingo or Hullabaloo
Activity: Riding your bike, playing in the pool or playing video games with your dad
Superhero: Tie between the Power Rangers, Superman and Spiderman
Flavor of Yogurt: French Vanilla
Friend: Connor. He was in your class at school.
Food: Anything sweet. Cereal, Pizza, Salad, Pancakes, Spaghetti and Tuna Bagels rank in the list of foods you'll always eat.
Saying: "too" It's your response when we say "I love you". You started with "I love you too" but it gradually became "too"
Name for your Dad: Dude
Color: Green, Blue, and Yellow usually top the list. You said it was yellow until you were about 4.
Ryan, you are such a great kid! You have your moments where you test your Dad and I, but overall you are such a joy. We are so thankful you're a part of our family and so excited to watch you grow and mature. We are so proud of you and I know we'll continue to be able to say that as you get older. We love you!
Love,
Mom
Happy 6th Birthday!
First, I have to apologize. I've been doing monthly birthday letters for your sister, but am only doing a yearly one for you. Unfortunately I didn't think of doing monthly letters for you when you were a baby, however I'm thrilled to be starting the tradition now.
There are so many things I want to tell you about the 5 year old you that I don't even know where to begin.
This past year has been an amazing one for you. You started kindergarten readiness and really excelled in the program. Your dad and I couldn't have been happier. I spent hours researching K readiness programs vs kindergarten for young 5 yr olds. After talking to child psychologists, elementary, middle school and high school teachers, men who started school early and those who didn't, I felt like K readiness might be the way to go and was thrilled that the school we're zoned for offered a program. You tested well academically but socially were still a bit egocentric so the K teachers agreed with my assessment. You were one of the stars of your class. Your teacher, Mrs. Schott, said you were such a joy to teach and awarded you the citizenship award at the end of the year. Academically you learned in leaps and bounds and by the end of the year you were reading! You also loved talking about letters and patterns and began working on minor addition problems.
You had two "firsts" this past year that we didn't enjoy. They included your first ambulance ride, emergency room visit and hospital stay and your first broken bone. The hospital visit was due to a case of viral and bacterial pneumonia which brought with it a bout of reactive airway disease. The doctors were calling it asthma but you've had limited breathing issues since then. We believe that when you get a cold your allergies sometimes cause it to progress quickly. Your first broken bone came about a month later, and in the middle of your first season of Soccer. You were playing on the swingset in the backyard, hanging upside down, and fell onto your elbow. You fractured the tip of it and wore a cast for about a month.
As I just mentioned, you played an organized sport for the first time this past year. You played both fall and spring Soccer. You loved your coach and enjoyed all the boys on your team, however your dad and I aren't sure Soccer is the sport for you. Your eye/hand coordination is really good and you've been expressing a desire to play baseball, so that will probably be your team sport this fall.
You became a big brother this year! I know I'm biased, but you're the best big brother ever. You are so caring with your sister, constantly checking on her, playing with her, asking to help feed or hold her. She loves you so much and you love her right back. You've now begun asking when we're going to have another baby. We think you should wait to ask that question until your sister starts moving and getting into your stuff. You might not be so thrilled about the idea then.
You learned to ride your bike without training wheels this past spring. You'd tried to do it while Nana was still here, after Makenna was born, but one big hill and your inability to stop changed your mind. Daddy put the training wheels back on, but at a higher level, so you were pretty much riding without them except when you turned. That did the trick and soon you were "4 wheeling" across the front yard minus training wheels.
You still suck your first finger, much to my dismay. It's yet to cause any harm to your teeth or mouth that we know of, however you have a rather large gap between your two front teeth. Speaking of teeth, you are so good at brushing your teeth. No cavities to date. Daddy and I are thrilled!
I'm going to end this with some of your favorites:
Type of Sandwich: Peanut Butter and Jelly, although you enjoy Turkey too
Vegetable: Carrots with Ranch Dressing or Salad
Board Game: Zingo or Hullabaloo
Activity: Riding your bike, playing in the pool or playing video games with your dad
Superhero: Tie between the Power Rangers, Superman and Spiderman
Flavor of Yogurt: French Vanilla
Friend: Connor. He was in your class at school.
Food: Anything sweet. Cereal, Pizza, Salad, Pancakes, Spaghetti and Tuna Bagels rank in the list of foods you'll always eat.
Saying: "too" It's your response when we say "I love you". You started with "I love you too" but it gradually became "too"
Name for your Dad: Dude
Color: Green, Blue, and Yellow usually top the list. You said it was yellow until you were about 4.
Ryan, you are such a great kid! You have your moments where you test your Dad and I, but overall you are such a joy. We are so thankful you're a part of our family and so excited to watch you grow and mature. We are so proud of you and I know we'll continue to be able to say that as you get older. We love you!
Love,
Mom
Friday, July 06, 2007
Grief
I've led a pretty charmed life. My exposure to loss and grief has been fairly minimal. With that in mind I wondered how I would feel as I worked through the emotions of Jenna's passing. I must say I've been knocked over by the intensity of it.
Prior to this, the height of emotion surrounding a death occurred at the funerals I've attended or at the time of the phone call giving me the news that someone I knew and loved had passed away. I certainly experienced lingering periods of sadness and spent plenty of time thinking about memories I shared with that person. I cried off and on over a period of time, but as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. As time passed, it really did get easier to think of my loved one with a smile instead of tears.
My most intense visits with grief have been with people I didn't spend much time with. A friends' 9 year old daughter who, coincidentally, died of Leukemia, a friends’ dad who passed away unexpectedly at a young age, my husbands’ 14 year old nephew who committed suicide.
Each of those funerals was incredibly difficult.
Jenna's funeral was incredibly difficult.
Based on history, I expected her wake and funeral to be the hardest moments of dealing with the loss of such a wonderful friend. I was so naive. I had yet to understand just how difficult life would be without her. I've spent hours in the middle of the night tossing and turning, thinking of Jenna and trying to stay in a dream that she was a part of. (Interestingly enough, she's had long hair in my dreams each night. I can't help but think it's because she's free from cancer now.) I've had moments where I wanted to tell her something and after I hit her number on speed dial or commit it to memory so I can tell her at a later time, I remember...I can't tell her. I break into tears over nothing. Then I start thinking about the fun times we had, about the funny stories we shared, about the beautiful children she left behind and what a legacy she left them with her blog and love of pictures.
There are moments of peace, knowing that Jenna and Will are together in Heaven along with the two babies she miscarried. There are moments of anger because Ashlee, Kait and Jake are much too young to have lost the mother who dedicated her life to them. There is intense sadness for the husband she shared a great love with, the brother who was prepared to save his sister's life, the sister who lost her mentor, the mother who lost not only a daughter but a friend, the dad who spent days next to his daughter's hospital bed in the midst of his own health issues, the mother in law that loved her like a daughter not a daughter in law, the sister in law that lost a friend and a constant cheerleader. The list could go on and on because Jenna touched so many people. She was better than anyone I know at keeping in touch with those she cared about and she really cared about most people she knew.
As I try to wrap my head and my heart around her loss, I feel myself withdrawing. It's hard to talk with people that didn't know Jenna because I feel like my grief radiates from me. It's hard to talk with friends that are as grief stricken as I, because that much grief is painfully intense. It's hard to talk about the daily minutia because it seems so inconsequential. It's hard to think about the monumental loss that Jenna's family and friends are dealing with. To put it bluntly, grief sucks.
I've done this withdrawl thing once before in my life. Our numerous IVF's and miscarriages had me raw, antisocial and physically and emotionally exhausted. Jenna was such a great friend during that time. (Just for the record, she was always a great friend, but especially so during that time.) She constantly called and invited me to things and rarely took no for an answer. She offered to watch Ryan so Wayne and I could have time together. She, and a couple others, listened to my endless talk of shots, embryos, sperm samples, follicles, ICSI, insurance and betas. Between her constant calls and invites, and some much needed time with my mom, I slowly started to live in the moment again.
So here's my question...with Jenna gone, how do I remember to live in the moment?
I guess the answer to that is in the moments of laughter I share with friends as we reminisce about our times with Jenna. It's in the belly laughs my son lets out when he's done something funny. It's in the bunny kisses my daugher initiates numerous times each day. It's in the kisses from my husband and conversations with those I love. I know Jenna wouldn't want people to be sad, well at least not for long, but I also know it's human nature to mourn. Living in the moment will be back, but for now I grieve the loss of my friend and try to remember to appreciate the little things.
Prior to this, the height of emotion surrounding a death occurred at the funerals I've attended or at the time of the phone call giving me the news that someone I knew and loved had passed away. I certainly experienced lingering periods of sadness and spent plenty of time thinking about memories I shared with that person. I cried off and on over a period of time, but as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. As time passed, it really did get easier to think of my loved one with a smile instead of tears.
My most intense visits with grief have been with people I didn't spend much time with. A friends' 9 year old daughter who, coincidentally, died of Leukemia, a friends’ dad who passed away unexpectedly at a young age, my husbands’ 14 year old nephew who committed suicide.
Each of those funerals was incredibly difficult.
Jenna's funeral was incredibly difficult.
Based on history, I expected her wake and funeral to be the hardest moments of dealing with the loss of such a wonderful friend. I was so naive. I had yet to understand just how difficult life would be without her. I've spent hours in the middle of the night tossing and turning, thinking of Jenna and trying to stay in a dream that she was a part of. (Interestingly enough, she's had long hair in my dreams each night. I can't help but think it's because she's free from cancer now.) I've had moments where I wanted to tell her something and after I hit her number on speed dial or commit it to memory so I can tell her at a later time, I remember...I can't tell her. I break into tears over nothing. Then I start thinking about the fun times we had, about the funny stories we shared, about the beautiful children she left behind and what a legacy she left them with her blog and love of pictures.
There are moments of peace, knowing that Jenna and Will are together in Heaven along with the two babies she miscarried. There are moments of anger because Ashlee, Kait and Jake are much too young to have lost the mother who dedicated her life to them. There is intense sadness for the husband she shared a great love with, the brother who was prepared to save his sister's life, the sister who lost her mentor, the mother who lost not only a daughter but a friend, the dad who spent days next to his daughter's hospital bed in the midst of his own health issues, the mother in law that loved her like a daughter not a daughter in law, the sister in law that lost a friend and a constant cheerleader. The list could go on and on because Jenna touched so many people. She was better than anyone I know at keeping in touch with those she cared about and she really cared about most people she knew.
As I try to wrap my head and my heart around her loss, I feel myself withdrawing. It's hard to talk with people that didn't know Jenna because I feel like my grief radiates from me. It's hard to talk with friends that are as grief stricken as I, because that much grief is painfully intense. It's hard to talk about the daily minutia because it seems so inconsequential. It's hard to think about the monumental loss that Jenna's family and friends are dealing with. To put it bluntly, grief sucks.
I've done this withdrawl thing once before in my life. Our numerous IVF's and miscarriages had me raw, antisocial and physically and emotionally exhausted. Jenna was such a great friend during that time. (Just for the record, she was always a great friend, but especially so during that time.) She constantly called and invited me to things and rarely took no for an answer. She offered to watch Ryan so Wayne and I could have time together. She, and a couple others, listened to my endless talk of shots, embryos, sperm samples, follicles, ICSI, insurance and betas. Between her constant calls and invites, and some much needed time with my mom, I slowly started to live in the moment again.
So here's my question...with Jenna gone, how do I remember to live in the moment?
I guess the answer to that is in the moments of laughter I share with friends as we reminisce about our times with Jenna. It's in the belly laughs my son lets out when he's done something funny. It's in the bunny kisses my daugher initiates numerous times each day. It's in the kisses from my husband and conversations with those I love. I know Jenna wouldn't want people to be sad, well at least not for long, but I also know it's human nature to mourn. Living in the moment will be back, but for now I grieve the loss of my friend and try to remember to appreciate the little things.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
One Week
A week ago, at this time, I was talking to Jenna on the phone. We laughed about how she was slurring her words just a bit due to being morphine drunk and I sent her pictures of me in a dress I'm considering wearing to my cousin's wedding. It's rather low cut, so I wasn't sure about it. Jenna loved a good cleavage shot, so I asked her opinion. She talked about all the things she wanted for her room so that it would be colorful and full of pictures and life. She especially wanted the calendar Jacy made for her during her first "jail" stay. She was so excited for her visit with her girls and mom later in the day and trying to decide what to have for lunch. A friend was coming to visit and Jenna was hoping she'd bring take out. We talked about her trip to the beach and how much she loved that time with her family even though she was in so much pain from her leg.
I was watching a friends kids at the time and Jenna wanted to call her friend that was going to visit, so we cut the conversation short. I said I'd call her later that day or the next morning. I wasn't able to call back that afternoon and when I called the next morning her phone just rang.
That final conversation included lots of things that Jenna and I often chatted about...family, friends, food, fashion. We giggled a number of times. I'm glad I didn't know it would be our last conversation. I would have been too sad to just enjoy the chat and our friendship. On the other hand I wish I knew I wouldn't talk to her again, there's so much more I would have said.
I was watching a friends kids at the time and Jenna wanted to call her friend that was going to visit, so we cut the conversation short. I said I'd call her later that day or the next morning. I wasn't able to call back that afternoon and when I called the next morning her phone just rang.
That final conversation included lots of things that Jenna and I often chatted about...family, friends, food, fashion. We giggled a number of times. I'm glad I didn't know it would be our last conversation. I would have been too sad to just enjoy the chat and our friendship. On the other hand I wish I knew I wouldn't talk to her again, there's so much more I would have said.
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