The Others

It’s that time. Time to write the check that keeps our totsicles on ice for another year. Hard to believe two years have passed since they were frozen. Hard to believe we’ve arrived at what we deemed the decision making time. Unfortunately, we’ve reached this time without the decision being obvious. I don’t think I’m ready.

DM is ready. Ready with a capital R. He loves our children, and is content with the two we have. But that’s another post…

Storage isn’t cheap, however, spending another $650 is better than making a decision that I’m not happy with. Currently our options include destroying our embryos, donating them to science, donating them to infertile couples, adopting them out or keeping them frozen for another year.

In theory, we should donate them to an infertile couple. After all we’ve been through, wouldn’t that be the “thing” to do? On the other hand, it took transferring 11 embryos for us to get ONE live baby. I hate the thought of putting another couple through that, especially considering PCOS and inferior egg quality go hand in hand. In the game of IVF and FET there are no guarantees.

Another option is to destroy our embryos. I.Just.Can’t. M is here because other people donated their embryos to science. She’s here because of the generosity of people I’ll never be able to thank. She’s here because scientists were given the ability to test their theories. She’s here and I can’t fathom life without her. I can’t destroy those embryos.

Finally, we come to embryo adoption. This sounds pretty appealing, since embryo adoption follows the same laws and guidelines as domestic adoption. There are even home studies prior to placement and ongoing updates following the birth. Sounds good right? Absolutely…until I think about the possibility of a child showing up on my doorstep in 20 years. A child who wants to know why their father and I gave them up for adoption, a child who wants to know their brother and sister, a child who could have issue with our decisions. To my knowledge, there is only one organization doing embryo adoption right now and they encourage open adoptions. We would know when a child was born. We’d see pictures and hear about the child’s development. I’m not sure, but I think the knowledge of my biological child growing up with other parents might destroy me from the inside. It’s selfish, I know.

Some would say we should have thought about these issues before doing IVF. Some might be right, but some haven’t experienced the desire to have another child. Some haven’t experienced the desire to provide their child with a sibling, the desire to experience the joy of adding to their family. Some haven’t had to face that a desired pregnancy isn’t a given just because you want it.

Having to make this decision sucks, but having M in our life is so amazing we’d do it all again. But…what do we with our embryos?